


Resilience of the Heart

by tragicalanne



Category: Anne with an E
Genre: ANGST!!, Angst, Banter, Canon, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gen, Gilbert and Diana are siblings (more or less), Lots of tears, Love, Modern AU, Multi, Shirbert, Slow Burn, True Love, and sad ones sometimes, annewithane, but cute moments too, but empowering too, gilbert is so sweet I wanna cry, loving, smart babies, their minds match so well, very emotional
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 93,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tragicalanne/pseuds/tragicalanne
Summary: “I love you with each bone of my body, each string of my heart and each inch of my soul” he whispered, and it took one second for Anne’s eyes to fill with tears. Yet, she chuckled a little.“That’s a very doctor-ish thing to say. Even though I must let you know that, as far as I believe, the soul is not measurable in inches because it expands infinitely.”Gilbert stared at her for a moment, eyes switching between hers, before speaking again.“That’s why I love you with each inch of it.”When Anne and Gilbert somehow end up sharing their own complicated universes and finding solace in each other, they realize being together won’t be that easy. But strength is stronger than fear, love is bigger than hate. It will take sacrifice, but it will be worth it.[set in modern times]
Relationships: Anne Shirley/Gilbert Blythe, Anne and Gilbert - Relationship, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Ruby Gillis & Moody Spurgeon MacPherson, Shirbert - Relationship
Comments: 36
Kudos: 114





	1. Introduction

Eugenics literally means “good creation” (from Greek εὐ- "good" and γενής "come into being, growing"). The ancient greek philosopher Plato may have been the first person to promote this idea. In one of his main works, The Republic, he wrote about creating a superior society by procreating high-class people together and discouraging coupling between the lower classes. He also suggested a variety of mating rules to help create an optimal society. For instance, men should only have relationships with women when arranged by their ruler.

This is how the society works now. You receive a letter - you can’t receive it after you reach 40 years old; if you didn’t, then you are ‘bound’ to be alone - with the person you’ve been associated to, and then you must respect it. It’s better not to break the rules: those who did, for love or for rebellion, have been exiled or tortured. And they were forbidden to see their loved ones, forever. But strength is stronger than fear, love is bigger than hate. It will take sacrifice, but it will be worth it.

_But_

_if each day,_

_each hour,_

_you feel that you are destined for me_

_with implacable sweetness,_

_if each day a flower_

_climbs up to your lips to seek me,_

_ah my love, ah my own,_

_in me all that fire is repeated,_

_in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,_

_my love feeds on your love, beloved,_

_and as long as you live it will be in your arms_

_without leaving mine._

Pablo Neruda


	2. Suffocating

Not the sun leaving the galaxy, not the world ending, not the universe collapsing could have convinced Gilbert Blythe that his life wasn’t a mess. People laughed when he showed the deep inner laceration he felt since he was a child: he was wealthy, physically healthy and smart. What could he want more? Life. Gilbert wanted a life and he wanted to breathe. Seeing all your certainties being destroyed is not an experience that deserves to be lived, but people refused to believe he had the right to suffer. The Barry’s didn’t have the right to suffer. They had everything they wanted, from power to strength, up to the ability of convincing the close minded population of Prince Edward Island that what they were doing was right. It had been a family tradition, if you can call such a disgusting practice ‘tradition’. You want your society to be the apex of perfection? Hit people in their hearts.

The Barry’s had had the government in their hands for the past four generations, and the main aim was still the same: relationship and procreation were controlled, so that the members of the population could be the symbol of beauty and strength. But people seemed blind and Gilbert realized it as soon as no one intervened when his parents were divided and exiled. He was just four years old, but he still remembered the look his mother had in her face. The look of guilt for bringing a child to this world and raising him up secretly from the whole society. The look of fear for leaving him. The look of love, unconditional love she gave to Gilbert and John Blythe as soon as they got separated. Gilbert never found out where his parents were brought, if they were still alive. He just knew his life was ruined as soon as he got left to the Barry’s. Lily Blythe and Eliza Barry had been best friends once; so it may have seemed an act of grace to let Gilbert stay with them, to a poorly careful eye. Nobody knew it was Eliza herself, blinded by power, who found out about the forbidden relationship between Lily and John, and the birth of a baby, and decided to put an end to such a rebellion. But obviously no one ever found out about this: everyone saw Eliza as the savior of an innocent and unlucky child.

But Gilbert knew, and he never forgot. He had to get used to live with the Barry’s and accept their absurd craziness. Only their first child, Diana, was the reason why he still hadn’t exploded with anger in front of them every evening at dinner. He was disgusted by the pomp of their mansion, by the rare food they ate, by them. But he remembered the prayer his dad yelled at him before being carried away. _Listen to them, Gilbert! Don’t rebel!_ He knew his father wanted to protect him, he wanted Gilbert to have a good life. But he couldn’t breathe anymore. The walls of his big bedroom were suffocating him, he couldn’t even swallow the delicious meals which were on the table every day.

He felt _nauseous_.

————————————————————-  
  


_Mrs Anne Shirley Cuthbert,_

_We are extremely joyful to inform you that you have been eventually matched with your future partner and father of yourchildren. As you surely know, rules must be respected, as the law orders in art. 67. Any form of rebellion against the government or the person you have been destined to will be punished severely._

_Here is the information you need to know about your partner._

_Name: Adam Ernest_

_Surname: Glesby_

_Age: 23_

_Phone number: 354 687 0401_

_Nationality: Canadian_

_Location: Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island_

_Address: 154 Queen Street_

_You should have the necessary amount of pieces of information. You must meet your partner within the next 30 days and, as you’re certainly aware of, Mr Glesby will not be the one to visit you if you don’t reach him first._

_Thank you for your fidelity to the government. You can know build your family._

_Distinctly,_

_House of the Lynx_

Anne Shirley Cuthbert had never felt her hands shaking so violently. Was it for joy? Was it for despair? Was it for anger? She couldn’t distinguish which feeling was dominant in her trembling insides. What she knew, though, is that on that cold winter day her whole life had been decided and, so, had finished. She had always believed that life was not a normal process: it was expectations, it was desire, hope, fear, and a million other feelings, both good and bad ones. But life wasn’t certainly a decided path, in her opinion. So, as soon as she read that letter, she felt her stomach closing itself and its acid running towards her throat. She swallowed, trying to push down the feelings of oppression and nausea along, but it was hardly helpful.

“What an incredible day is it! I cannot believe your letter is already here my dear, I was beginning to fear it would have never arrived!” said Marilla Cuthbert, serving a huge portion of  _ celebration cake  _ as she liked to call it, even though it was an ordinary chocolate plum cake. 

“Well now, it would have arrived eventually, she still had more that twenty years of hope, she is just nineteen” replied Matthew, his voice a bit down and raspy, both for the cold weather and for the compassion he felt towards Anne. He could hardly imagine what she must have felt like, since he was between those who never got to receive a letter. He certainly knew what it meant to hurt because of the impossibility to be with a loved one, that’s for sure, he had had a secret sweetheart for a while in his young days. But he had never been one to rebel, so he had to do what the government said. And his letter never arrived. While on the other hand, Marilla didn’t want the topic to be brought up when it came to her. She always said her partner had died at a very young age, but she never mentioned any detail.

“Maybe it is better not to receive a letter. I mean, at least there would be room for fantasizing about a lover. Right, Matthew? Isn’t it better than to be  forced  with someone?” Anne asked, trying not to care about the anxiety she was feeling.

“Oh, fiddlesticks! Anne, you have just been  blessed  with this letter, we all have been! You will make a wonderful wife and your life will be..lived with dignity. Now eat the cake dear one, tomorrow we’ll visit Mr Glesby and-”

“What?! Tomorrow? But tomorrow I must visit Diana Barry, remember? She invited me for tea, I cannot lose this chance!” Anne exclaimed, raising slightly her voice. Truth be told, she had been waiting to meet Diana Barry for the past month, when the beautiful daughter of the governors wrote to Anne, asking for a meeting since, apparently, their parents used to know each other very well. Bertha and Walter Shirley were such lovely people - or at least that’s what Anne got from what she had been allowed to know about her young parents, who died when she was four years old or so - and they had the chance to be Diana’s private teachers for about one year. Diana was just as old as Anne, but they had never got to meet each other since Bertha and Walter weren’t allowed to bring their child at the lessons. So when they died, the Barry’s simply stopped having relationships with any member of the Shirley family, which led Anne to be adopted by the Cuthbert’s and Diana grew up with very fragile memories of two adorable teachers, who treated her like a second daughter, before being replaced with the harsh Mrs Andrews.

When Diana found out about the Shirley’s and got to know that their daughter,a girl of her age, was living on the island, she immediately tried to approach her by inviting her to tea. She had always been a very smart and kindhearted girl, two traits which didn’t seem to be shared in the Barry’s household. 

“Well”, said Marilla, sipping some tea “you’ll be visiting Mr Glesby at eleven am, and then you can attend Miss Diana’s tea time, alright?”

Anne nodded, unaware of the fact that the following day would have been just as crazy as the present one, if not more.

————————————————————-

On the other hand, Diana Barry was just as excited as her soon-to-arrive guest, but obviously someone else in the household definitely wasn’t. 

“Gilbert. You don’t need to become her friend, you don’t need to TALK to her, alright? Just say good morning and then off you go. It’s just fine, she is coming to have tea with me, not with you or with mom or with Minnie May, yes? So shut up for once”

“I still cannot get where your manners go when you’re not in front of your parents, little Di” said Gilbert, smiling to his sister. Well,  _ sister  _ is how he liked to call her; the bond they built up during the past seventeen years was the only sure and beautiful thing in that family, probably. Diana was two years old when Gilbert was taken by the Barry’s, and even if it took a while for her to conquer his heart, even Gilbert couldn’t resist those big sweet brown eyes. He still couldn’t understand how such a clever and adorable girl could come from such a... rigid  family, but he was definitely glad to have Diana in the house everyday. Otherwise he would have probably already left the mansion and broken his father’s promise. 

“Don’t call me like that. And  you  are the one who make my manners leave. You are insufferable, Gilbert” Diana said, smiling back at him. “So, will you say hi and then leave please? Just for formality. Father and mother wouldn’t forgive us if we were not polite with a guest.”

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. “Who is this  guest , Diana? It seems like we are inviting the Queen of Good Manners” he said, ironically. He used to like visits once; he believed someone would have told him that his parents had returned. When he grew up enough to realize it was impossible, he started hating those stupid meetings with “important” people, who actually had nothing important if not their money.

“Well, I must say I don’t know a lot more than you do, Gil. She’s called Anne Shirley Cuthbert and she is the daughter of those who used to be my teachers. Remember?”

“I do remember those who were teaching to you, but I wonder how can  you  remember, Diana. You were so little” replied Gilbert. He remembered these two adult figures spending time with his sister while he wondered around the mansion, spying everyone in order to spend the day. You don’t even know what to do with your life anymore when you’re surrounded by so many useless things. But he did remember a tall woman, with bright hair - maybe red or blonde, he couldn’t recall - and a warm smile on her face. She almost looked like an angel.

“I do have a great memory, my dear. Well, I must go get ready, Anne will be here this afternoon. Please, make yourself presentable at least. Two pm downstairs!” Diana exclaimed, leaving Gilbert’s room and him with nothing but his memories and a very annoying afternoon in front of him.


	3. Hopes

The sun was warm and comforting on Anne’s skin, but it was still winter after all, and she had never been able to face the stinging cold freezing her lungs and face. And her green velvet short dress didn’t really help at all.

  
“Marilla, please slow down, would you? I don’t have the most comfortable shoes here. It seems like I’m about to meet the King..” muttered Anne, her eyes full of tiredness and annoyance. She truly didn’t want to be there, to meet Adam. She just wanted to be at home and ignore the fact that her whole life had already been decided.

  
“C’mon Anne, here we are. What a lovely mansion isn’t it? This may be your home one day!”

  
Anne couldn’t deny it was a lovely mansion, maybe a bit too big for someone who loved cottages and small houses like her. A short pathway led to the entrance door, where Marilla knocked, forcing out the most natural smile. Anne didn’t even pretend she was excited, she just stayed there, waiting and hoping nobody answered the door. But her hopes were crushed as soon as she heard footsteps and two figures showed up.

  
A small lady, she must have been around her fifties, dressed elegantly and neatly, with a warm smile on her face, opened the door. Besides her, a tall young man, whom Anne immediately imagined could have been Adam. He seemed very nervous, almost..sweaty? His hair had the color of straw and his eyes were huge and green. He looked pretty innocent, almost a bit scared, which is something that in a certain sense comforted Anne: she couldn’t have handled a presumptuous or brazen guy.

  
“You must be Marilla Cuthbert and you..with red hair..must be Anne” said the woman, her smile losing a bit of its truth as she expressed those words while looking at Anne. Is my hair what matters to this woman? she thought, still not understanding how could hair have such a preponderant role in her life.

  
“Yes ma’am, I’m Anne Shirley Cuthbert. I received my letter yesterday and, um, I wanted to meet Adam Ernest” the girl said, trying to seem confident and sure of herself.

  
“Miss Anne, I-I’m Adam. Adam Ernest Glesby, it’s such a wonderful pleasure to meet ya-”

  
“Adam!” exclaimed Mrs Glesby, scolding her son. “How many times did I tell you not to use your accent?! I’m sorry, we are from New York, and at twenty three years old he still hasn’t learned how to speak properly in front of some ladies without using such a dirty slang. But, please come in”.

  
The rest of the meeting was quite..embarrassing. Marilla and Fiona Glesby already talked about marriage and dowry, while Anne and Adam tried to make conversation, but the attempt ended unsuccessfully. She tried to get to know him a bit and she found out he had lived with his parents for all his life; he had a girl once, Olga, but she left him when she went to study in Boston; he played the piano, but couldn’t cook a thing for heaven’s sake. Anne almost felt sad for him: she was sure his parents never let him experience new things or be in danger in any way, and this may have atrophied his brain and personality. But she also felt sorry for herself. She couldn’t see why she got paired up with him and she couldn’t even imagine a life spent cooking for a man and closed in a house, as lovely as it may have been. She wanted to be free.

  
“So..Adam is adorable, isn’t he?” Marilla murmured, trying to convince herself more than Anne.

  
“Please Marilla, we both know you couldn’t stand Fiona. She talked for two hours without breathing for a second! And Adam..he’s not bad, he’s just not for me. And I don’t think I’d make a good wife for him, you know? If the government thinks our physical traits would make a good match then they definitely got it wrong with our personalities. Being with him would mean killing my soul and substituting it with a fake one. I can pretend to be happy with him Marilla, but I can’t suffocate who I am for a man, or for the government. I cannot do that” said Anne, tears at the edge of falling down her cheeks. Marilla wanted to answer, but truth be told she didn’t even know what to say. Of course she wanted Anne to be happy, but she didn’t want to go against the rules, she couldn’t.

  
“What about this: now you go and meet Diana Barry, and then we’ll talk about this all tomorrow morning in front of a very rich breakfast, alright? You need to let your mind breathe a bit. But please, be careful at the Barry’s: remember they are-“

  
“The governors, I know. Thank you Marilla, I love you” said Anne, finding her smile again and running towards the building she had been admiring for all her life: the Barry’s Mansion.

Anne was speechless, but it definitely wasn’t the first time she found herself in front of the beautiful palace as she liked to call it. The Barry’s Mansion was more than splendid: its walls had the color of pearls and there was a wonderful garden right at the entrance, with beeches, poplars, oaks and flowers she recognized as daisies, geraniums and - oh how she loved these last ones - peonies. She had to admit it: it was a bit odd for a girl of almost twenty years old to be obsessed with flowers of all kinds but she had always thought she was born in the wrong century. People didn’t appreciate small and truly beautiful things anymore.

  
She walked slowly, trying to take in the view and the smell of jasmine flowers, her mind rushing through the leaves and dancing along with the wind.

  
“Good day Miss. You must be Miss Anne Shirley Cuthbert. Please let me accompany you to Miss Barry and her family” a kind voice said, waking her up from her daydream. Anne followed the man, wondering how such a lovely place could have been the venue of such a badly managed government. But she had to leave politics aside for at least one afternoon: she was so excited to meet a girl of her age, and most of all the former pupil of her parents. She could have got so much information about Bertha and Walter Shirley, whom Anne loved as she could actually remember them perfectly.

  
She was led into a huge hall, with enormous windows which kindly filtered the rays of sunshine which were spreading into the room. Anne felt like she was surrounded by an ethereal atmosphere, until a voice brought her back on Earth.

  
“Miss Shirley Cuthbert, welcome into our mansion. I’m William Barry, this is my wife Eliza. We are very pleased to welcome you into our house, make yourself comfortable. We are very busy today so we won’t be able to join your tea time, but I’ll leave you in Diana’s hands” said Mr Barry, as Eliza watched Anne without uttering a word. Mrs Barry seemed puzzled, and for a fraction of a second there was a hint of..compassion in her eyes? But Anne couldn’t quite tell, since Eliza left immediately after that moment with her husband. Anne’s curious nature would have liked to know more about the reason behind Mrs Barry’s behavior, but her attention was stolen by the beautiful girl in front of her. She was everything Anne would have wanted to be: shiny dark hair, chocolate eyes and a warm smile.

  
“May I call you Anne? You can call me Diana” said the girl, smiling kindly.

  
“Yes, oh for sure! Diana, it’s such a huge pleasure to meet you, finally. I am the happiest in this very moment” replied Anne, her heart filling with joy.

  
“It’s a pleasure for me too. Before heading to our tea time, I would introduce you to my sibling. This is my sister, Minnie May-“

  
“Hi I like your hair you look like Ariel the princess” exclaimed a small girl with long blonde hair and very mischievous eyes.

  
“Minnie May! Sorry Anne, my sister still hasn’t learned how to control her excitement” said Diana, her cheeks coloring themselves with a light pink shade, like she had just been caught in a terrible action.

  
“Oh, it’s not a problem at all. She is so sweet” answered Anne, who had just in that moment noticed another presence next to Minnie May. A tall young man, with dark and slightly curly hair who seemed as excited to be there as she was while meeting Adam Ernest.

  
“And this is my adoptive brother, Gilbert”.

  
“Miss Shirley Cuthbert, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance” he said, but Anne couldn’t get if he was serious or just forcing himself to let those words out. She had the feeling of having been accepted and welcomed only by half of that family, and she didn’t know why.

  
“The pleasure is mine” Anne replied for politeness, before following Diana into a lovely place which seemed made exactly for having tea.

  
“Won’t your siblings join us?” asked Anne, admiring the table full of delicious cakes and rich sandwiches. “How will we be able to finish all of this?”

  
Diana laughed sweetly. “Oh Anne, don’t worry, Minnie May will finish everything later, she loves to eat desserts and any kind of food, really. And Gilbert..well he is peculiar. But he’s so adorable, Anne, and very protective. He’s just hard to understand sometimes”.

  
“Then I think you will be disappointed with me as well. People say I’m a conundrum, but I think I’m just...different. Not necessarily in a positive way, I don’t want you to think I’m vain or something. But I have never been really ordinary” said Anne smiling.

  
“I can tell, you know? From the moment I saw you, I could notice you had something special. Well, I am supposed to be the emblem of ordinariness, so I can’t say the same” Diana replied, her voice breathing a hint of sadness. “But well, it is lovely to have such a different friend for once”.

  
“Oh Diana, if you are ordinary then you are the most lovely ordinariness I’ve ever seen. And the fact that you consider me a friend shows how much love you have in your heart” said Anne, almost getting emotional. Diana was left speechless, starstruck by the warmhearted nature of the girl in front of her.

  
The afternoon proceeded so amazingly, that Anne completely forgot about the meeting with Adam, the fear, the disappointment. Actually, Diana didn’t tell her much about Bertha and Walter Shirley, if not a bit about their looks and their sweetness, but obviously she couldn’t remember too much. But just those pieces of information made her smile and almost tremble with joy.

  
“Anne, it was so nice to spend time with you. I would like you to come here again and meet my friends on Friday. Would you? I’m having a small party in here” asked Diana, her eyes full of hope.

  
“Of course I would! Thank you so much Diana, I-“

  
“Diana! I broke mom’s vase, help me please” yelled Minnie May, running with fear towards her sister. “Diana please! Mom will punish me!”

  
“I’m so sorry Anne, I must intervene. Wait here, I’ll send Gilbert to lead you out. See you on Friday!” exclaimed Diana, following Minnie May, who grabbed her by the wrist.

  
Anne waited there, smiling to herself for the lovely afternoon she had just spent. Diana felt so familiar in some ways, and Anne could easily see them spending more time together. She couldn’t wait for Cole and Ruby, her best friends, to meet her too one day! She cherished friendship so much, she always did. Friends are the cure to every kind of pain, whether it’s a broken heart or the loss of someone or just a boring afternoon.

  
“Miss?”

  
Anne gulped, scared by the voice who had just interrupted her stream of thoughts.

  
Gilbert Blythe-Barry was standing there, looking at Anne as she was the strangest person he had ever met. Well maybe she was, but Gilbert didn’t find her annoying for what he could tell. But obviously Anne didn’t know this, so she just assumed Gilbert would have never become a close friend. She actually wanted to know more about his adoption and the reason behind it; after all, they were both orphans, right?

  
“I’ll lead you to the exit” he said, looking at her and daring to raise a small smile.

  
“Thank you” replied Anne, following him. “Your house is absolutely gorgeous. I would love to live in here” she attempted, trying to start a conversation.

  
“Oh trust me, you wouldn’t. It may seem pompous and great, but what’s inside would truly disgust anyone with a bit of brain” Gilbert replied, not with a bad tone but surely with annoyance. Anne didn’t dare to say more, puzzled by the answer she received.

  
“Here you go. Miss Shirley-“

  
“Call me Anne”

  
Gilbert raised an eyebrow, then nodded. “Well, Anne, have a good evening”.

  
“You too” replied Anne, making her way out of that house of dreams..but she wasn’t so sure about that either.

On the following day, Anne woke up with a pleasing feeling in her stomach and in her heart. She had completely forgot to talk about her experience at the Barry’s to Ruby and Cole, but she was so ecstatic about having found another kindred spirit, as she liked to say, even though she certainly didn’t expect to find it in the family of the governors. She liked to think she had only a few kindred spirits: Ruby was the first one. They had met each other when they were around 6 years old and they actually couldn’t stand each other at first: Ruby was ‘too much’ for Anne and Anne was ‘not enough’ for Ruby. When they grew up and realized how poorly founded those assumptions had been, they started talking and now they were very close, almost like sisters. The second one was Cole: he arrived only later in Anne’s life, when they were already fifteen years old, but Anne was so fascinated by his art that she couldn’t not know who was the artist. Cole wasn’t famous, but some people on Prince Edward Island knew and bought his works, since he liked to paint in the streets and make portraits of people just living. He wasn’t looking for money, he just wanted to represent life with art, and Anne loved both life and art. So they immediately clicked and Anne became the main protagonist of many of Cole’s masterpieces. She was his muse.

  
Now, Anne knew that Diana was a kindred spirit too: it was hard not to notice how they got along perfectly after a couple of minutes the previous day, and Anne wanted nothing but to spend more time with Diana too. She was smiling to herself after waking up that morning; she had even forgot about-

  
“Anne. We need to talk” said Marilla, entering the room. That’s exactly what Anne had forgotten about.

  
“Marilla, please. You already know what my idea is. I-“

  
“Listen, Anne. The point is..I get you. But you cannot have your own idea about this matter, you know you can’t. I don’t want you to be exiled or tortured or what else. You need to follow the rules, everyone does!”

  
Anne cleared her voice. “Well, not everyone. Ruby told me that once there was a couple, a girl and a boy, who were so in love with each other. But they weren’t destined to be together and they had both already received their letters. So they hid for years, Marilla, and they had a baby! A lovely baby born from pure love. What can be wrong with this?”

  
Marilla’s lips made the most thin and severe line. Anne was obviously not understanding.

  
“You are not making the rules here, Anne. Did you hear me? There is no way you are going to rebel to what has been the law for decades! I don’t care if you’re in love with someone else, I don’t care if you think you’re different and want to make a change. You can’t, Anne. Do you know what happened to that couple? They were separated and exiled in different places. Nobody knows if they are even alive, Anne, and their baby remained alone and unhappy” said Marilla, anger filling her voice. Anne had tears in her eyes and her mouth was agape. She immediately felt humiliated for thinking like a child, for having hopes.

  
“And-and now? Where is the baby?” she said, her voice trembling. “Where was he left?”

  
“Only a few people know about this, Anne, so you mustn’t talk about it with anyone, did you hear me?” asked Marilla, lowering her voice. When Anne nodded, she continued “He was left with the Barry’s. His parents were close friends with them apparently, so after their exile Eliza and William Barry decided to take the child with them. This means he must have been there yesterday when you met Diana Barry. He should be called Gilbert”.

  
Anne was shocked. She had so many questions, yet she was scared to ask them.

  
“So, Anne, my conclusion is: you must accept Adam as your partner. No ifs no buts” and with that, Marilla left the room.

  
Honestly, Adam Ernest was the last thing Anne was thinking about in that very moment. How could it be possibile that Gilbert was accepted into a family which actually made the rules that decided the exile of his parents? How could it be that Eliza and William Barry voluntarily chose to separate that lovely family if they actually were friends with them? Anne didn’t know what to think. She knew it wasn’t her place to ask or wonder, but she couldn’t help it. She knew Gilbert Blythe-Barry was a peculiar figure as soon as she had seen him. Now she could understand his introverted appearance, maybe he didn’t feel comfortable in that house.  
It may seem pompous and great, but what’s inside would truly disgust anyone had been his words about his house. Now Anne understood something was wrong and she was determined to know more about it.

As the day went on, she called Ruby and Cole to tell them about the meeting with Diana Barry and they seemed just as amazed as she was. Actually, Anne received a call during that afternoon and she was truky surprised to find out that the voice on the phone belonged exactly to Diana.

  
“Anne, good afternoon! I’m sorry to call you out of the blue, but I forgot to mention that you can invite your friends too on Friday. I mean, the friends you told me about. I thought you may have felt uncomfortable just with my friends, so just know that you have the permission if you’d like” said Diana, her voice bright and clear as a shining river.

  
“Oh Diana, you have no idea how incredibly joyful they will be! Thank you so much, truly. I’m looking forward to seeing you again!” replied Anne, and proceeded to inform Ruby and Cole of the news, provoking panic in the blonde girl – I have nothing proper to wear, Anne, how can I handle this?! – and interest in Cole. Truth be told, the society in which they lived didn’t allow people to spend too much time together and all the activities were severely controlled, so having a free night with the chance of meeting new friends was a chance that couldn’t be lost.

Friday came with the rush of the cold winter wind of January. Anne, Cole and Ruby walked quickly, excited and eager to get to the Barry’s mansion.

  
“I cannot stay still. I am way too excited! We are about to enter the Barry’s Household, everyone’s house of dreams” said Ruby, her big blue eyes traveling up and down the building. Her pink tulle dress gave her the aspect of a lovely bonbonnière: Anne always compared her to a porcelain doll for her delicate traits and her rosie cheeks, and actually had desired to have even half of her beauty many times, but she never told anyone about it. She didn’t want to think about her looks too much and she knew there were many more qualities she aspired to in her life, but sometimes she couldn’t help thinking about all her insecurities. _It takes time, strenght and even some tears to accept yourself totally; you’ll always find something wrong about yourself if you compare your looks to others. But, Anne, your heart is made of gold and your soul is a fountain of fire and light. You will never lose this, and it is what makes you exceptional_. These were the words Matthew told her once, after a moment of weakness and fragility; Matthew had never been talkative, but the few words he pronounced that day had been deeper than a whole poem.

  
“Calm down, please I want to maintain a certain decor. I want Diana to feel comfortable with us” replied Anne, who was actually the most nervous of them all. Sure, she had already met Diana and Gilbert, but she felt like she wasn’t welcomed from the whole family. She still felt a bit odd, but for one night she wanted to forget about reality. About the fact that she would have had another meeting with Adam the next day. She straightened her green velvet dress and looked up at the sky, trying to find a bit of solace in the big blue.

  
“I am actually so very happy. I’ve been wanting to dress up a bit for weeks now” exclaimed Cole, laughing. “And you guys look extraordinary. I feel like people won’t distinguish you from the actual upper classes in the house”.

  
They reached the entrance of the house and were met by the same man who had led Anne in some days earlier. The girl immediately spotted Diana’s long brown hair from the main door.

  
“Anne! Come in, I am so glad to see you” exclaimed Diana, welcoming the guests. She hardly let it out, but these little moments of freedom were like fresh air for her.

Diana had always been considered the perfect daughter: responsible, hardworking, smart, beautiful and talented too. She had to keep expectations up and she couldn’t let anyone down; people believed her life was golden, surrounded by opulence and wealth, but as always there were two sides of the same coin. Nobody cared to think about the pressure, the obligations, the responsibilities which were suffocating a nineteen-year-old girl who grew up with strict parents and who actually had to learn how to have empathy by herself. Gilbert knew it and he admired her for this. Diana had a power that Gilbert felt he didn’t have; he may have been more resilient, more of a rebel, but he wasn’t as strong as Diana. And he was actually proud of that.

  
“These must be your friends! It’s such a pleasure to have you here. I’m Diana” said the girl, as Ruby and Cole smiled with all the strength they had in their bodies.

  
“They are Cole Mackenzie and Ruby Gillis. They are my best friends, I promise they are reliable and absolutely adorable” said Anne, eyeing a bunch of people at the end of the hall. Her eyes got captured by Gilbert Blythe-Barry and she was brought back to the question which had been on her mind for days: how could he have been adopted by the Barry’s? Anne’s curiosity had never been a tool which was very appreciated, but now she knew that she had to handle it with caution.

  
“Come on in, I’d love to introduce you to my friends. This is Josie Pye. I’ve known her for all my lifetime. Jo, this is Anne, and these are Ruby and Cole”.

  
A tall, angelic blonde girl caught Anne’s attention, as she was asking herself how could it be that powerful people were also extremely gorgeous. She never believed in the equation which identified power with beauty, but she was beginning to convince herself of the fact that the Barry’s Household made everyone more beautiful. Maybe unhappier too, though.

  
“This is Jane Andrews, the daughter of my teachers. I mean, the ones who came after your parents, Anne”.

  
“Hi! It’s a pleasure to meet you. You can call me J” said the girl, who had such sweet hazel eyes that Anne’s love for metaphors and similes immediately compared to the color of the sunset, or almonds, she couldn’t quite decide.

  
“And these is Moody Spurgeon Macpherson, my brother’s best friend. And well, you already know Gilbert” concluded Diana, quite proud of her role as ‘friends-maker’.

  
“Hello again, Anne. And it’s a pleasure to meet you, Cole and..Ruby?” asked Gilbert, getting closer to them. Ruby had no idea how to speak in that very moment, as she believed she had just met the love of her life. On the other hand, Moody had never been so silent in his own life, as his attention had been lost into the eyes of a certain blonde young woman.

  
Anne and Gilbert looked in each other’s eyes: they had both understood what was going on between their friends, and they tried not to laugh in front of them, but the sparkle in their gazes were the exact representation of hilarity.

  
“Well” said Josie, interrupting the moment “Shall we proceed with the party? I don’t know about you all, but I’m starving and Tillie made the most inviting sandwiches ever”.

  
Diana nodded, approaching the guests. “Tillie is our cook, but actually she is so much more than that to me. She is an angel, Anne, you would love her”.

  
The redhead felt thrills all over her body at the idea of spending a night with friends. Maybe it was the lights, maybe the smell of chocolate and sweets, or maybe just the heart-filling sensation of a good company.


	4. To look deeper into you

Three hours never passed as quickly as during that winter night. They ate, laughed and got to know each other a bit. Anne found out a bunch of things about Diana’s friends: Josie wanted to be a fashion journalist, as she had always loved to study looks and write about tendencies; Moody had no idea what to do with his life, but he wanted to travel as much as he could and buy a house in Amalfi, Italy - I also deeply love pasta he cared to add a couple of times. Jane wanted to be a photographer, a profession which Anne absolutely adored, and they talked for fifty minutes about the perfect angles to portray deers - catching Gilbert’s attention and a couple of eyebrows raised - and landscapes. She didn’t get to know anything about Gilbert at all, if not that he had a passion for lemon tarts and that he had a very good sense of humor despite his apparent introverted personality. Oh, and of course the undeniable protection and love he had for Diana. Anne had always wanted to have an elder brother, or just someone to go to when in need. She had grown up with Marilla and Matthew, two wonderful people whom Anne adored immensely, but well..they still couldn’t understand all of what what’s going on in a certain redhead’s mind and heart. So she had learned to have herself as her protector and confidant. But that night, watching how Gilbert lovingly joked about Diana almost made her tear up.

“Oh my! I forgot to tell you! I received my letter this morning. My partner is called Andrew De Laurence. Isn’t it a romantic name? I’m meeting him tomorrow and I am ecstatic!” exclaimed Josie. Everyone made their congratulations, except for Gilbert, who simply nodded and added nothing. Anne now knew that he didn’t approve his family’s way of handling power at all.

“I’m still waiting. Mother and father want to choose the best one. Minnie May already has her match. Gilbert is waiting too” replied Diana, her eyes hiding a bit of sadness, but Anne couldn’t understand if she shared the same ideals as her brother or if she was impatient to know her partner. “At least Jane has hers already”.

Jane shrugged. “He’s certainly wealthy and cute. But I don’t know, he’s a bit boring. But hey, what about you guys?” she added, turning her attention to Ruby, Cole and Anne.

“I’m still waiting! But mother says it should arrive soon” said Ruby, her eyes turning hopefully towards Moody.

“Oh Ruby, you are too gorgeous, you’ll surely receive yours soon! Imagine not receiving a letter and remaining alone all your life” Josie replied, words slipping out of her tongue a little bit harshly.

“Well, that’s probably what my future is going to be made of” said Cole. “I don’t think this is the right place to talk about me, though.

Josie raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? You’re not bad, Cole, you’ll receive your letter too”. The boy nodded, his eyes never leaving the floor though. Gilbert looked at him and got a certain impression of his thoughts, which ended up being right and Anne knew it. Cole had liked boys since he was fifteen, or maybe even before when he couldn’t accept it. The fact that it was Gilbert to understand this somehow surprised her, but certainly in a positive way.

“You know what, Cole? You still haven’t received anything, which means you are still free. Trust me, enjoy these moments and spend time with whoever you’d like” he said, smiling to him. Cole raised his gaze and smiled back, his appreciation for Gilbert Blythe-Barry reaching very high levels, contrarily to what had been his first impression. _Never judge a book by its cover_.

“What about you, Anne?” asked Josie. Anne’s eyes opened widely and looked at everyone around her, uncomfortably.

“Um, well, I received my letter some days ago. And I met him, his name is Adam Ernest Glesby. But..” she was about to add something, but she wasn’t sure if - as Cole had said - that was the right place to do that. Not that she didn’t trust Diana or the people in there, but truth be told..how could she trust them all? Even walls listen sometimes, and she certainly didn’t want to complain in front of the sons of those who had decided her future.

“But?”

“Oh, nothing. He’s alright. I’m supposed to meet him again tomorrow. My adoptive mother is very happy."

“Are you?” asked Gilbert out of the blue, and Anne couldn’t help but take that question as invasive and improper. In that very moment, she blessed Minnie May for coming into the hall and catching almost everyone’s attention as she yelled at Diana for the lack of invitation to the party. As the poor dark haired girl tried to solve things, Anne excused herself and headed towards the closest terrace, which she would have had admired for days noticing the little marble angels sculpted in the pillars, the flowery decoration and the amazing garden below, if she hadn’t been so upset about that talk and Gilbert’s poor discretion.

“Did I annoy you?” asked his voice from behind, causing Anne to turn immediately towards him. “Aren’t you freezing?”

“I’m not, thank you” she answered, her breath producing small clouds of condensed air, as was typical of the winter cold weather, contradicting her own words. “And I must say you truly didn’t have to ask that question before.”

“I just asked if you were happy, not to express your love for Adam Esther-“

“Ernest” intervened Anne, trying to repress a smile.

“-Glesby. I’m sorry if I made you upset. But you look like someone who’s not happy with how things are being handled in here and, as much as I can be sorry for you, it makes me feel kind of glad to know that I’m not alone in this” he said, leaning on the balcony and turning his gaze towards the starless sky.

“Gilbert. You are the child of that couple who-“

“Now that’s another thing we shouldn’t talk about in here. I’m sorry I asked you that question before, I hope you understand why I cannot answer yours now” Gilbert interrupted, his voice cold and detached, but not rude.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I was just..curious, that’s a bad trait I cannot shake off. Sorry, I’ll go back inside” said Anne, leaving him alone with the company of the sharp iced Canadian wind.

The night went on sweetly and calmly, certainly with a lot of fun and with the birth of new bonds, even though Anne was still a bit shaken from the conversation with Gilbert. It’s not like she expected him to open up to a stranger or something, but at the same time she wanted to find out more and more about his life, the way he was raised, the difficulties he had to face. Anne had always been described by people as incredibly empathetic and understanding, but also as a bit too forward sometimes; the point was that her heart was hungry for stories and experiences, she wanted to appreciate beautiful lives and admire hard ones. She had an incredible thirst for life and she wanted to _help and share_ , as she always loved to say. It wasn’t her intention to be annoying, but people couldn’t understand that. Not all of them, at least.

When it was time to leave, a bitter taste pervaded Anne’s mouth with the consciousness of the fact that the rarefied atmosphere in which she found a bit of joy and happiness was soon to be destroyed by the rawness of real life, obligations and lack of freedom.

“Anne, you are one of a kind. Please come back whenever you want, we need to spend more time together again! When you are free from dates, of course” said Diana maliciously, not aware of what was actually going through her new friend’s mind.

“Yes, you guys are lovely. We could visit The Valley all together soon maybe?” proposed Jane.

“The Valley?” asked Cole, Ruby and Anne at the same time.

“It takes about three hours of hiking to get there, but when you do, it leaves you breathless. We could organize for the next week?”

They all agreed, glad to be able to meet again. Truth be told, people weren’t allowed to have so much free time during their daily life. Their activities were pretty much decided by the government, which introduced many restrictions and limitations in order to prevent people from rebelling. Women weren’t even allowed to meet between each other publicly, they could just hang out with _their_ man or meet up with other women in their houses for one hour maximum. Maybe that was why Anne’s friendship with Cole and Ruby was so strong: they couldn’t spend real time together if not in small and rare occasions, which gained such an important value for them. They tried to be straightforward and make the best out of those precious moments; it was hard, but it made them understand the importance of time and people. Obviously meetings with Diana didn’t have to last just one hour, since she could pretty much decide who to invite, but Mr and Mrs Barry always made sure to take a look to what was going on...

“See you soon my dear Diana, thank you so much” said Anne, followed by her best friends who emulated her acts with all the people in there. She turned once again to say goodbye to Gilbert, only to find his spot empty. He wasn’t there.

The following day was an up and down of following events. Anne had the _extraordinary_ chance to have breakfast with Adam Ernest. He certainly seemed innocent and embarrassed, but he managed to get some words out about his passions and habits, and about his plans for the future.

“After our marriage, whenever that will be, I would love to buy a house in California, what do you think? I already found a bunch of them to show you, since I need your honest opinion about the largeness of the courtyard. Our children will need space to-"

“Woah, wait a minute, marriage? Children? Aren’t you rushing a little, Adam?”

He shrugged. “Well, Anne, it has to happen sooner or later. We have been matched for a reason, not to..hang out every once in a while and talk about our routines, right?” he asked rhetorically.

“I received the letter not even two weeks ago; getting to know our routines is _exactly_ what we should be doing. Wouldn’t you despise being married with someone you don’t even know anything about?”

“As long as it’s the government who says so, then no. It’s okay for me. I just want to settle” answered Adam, swallowing another biscuit.

Anne felt nauseous to say the least. She thought about all the reasons why she should have stayed there in that very moment and the only valid one was to make Marilla and Matthew happy and not to let them worry. She loved them too much. So she resisted for another hour of suffocating atmosphere, before she was set free. She headed to the closest shop she could see and managed to enter it, thirsty for some freedom.

\--

Gilbert loved the winter air. He felt like it was refreshing and a clear reflection of his perpetual mood. He walked in the streets of Charlottetown trying to look subtle, in order not to be recognized; of course being the adoptive son of the governors had its advantages, like being able to go out for a while freely without having to justify every single action he did. He still had the feeling of continuously being watched, so in that cold day he was glad there was a bit of fog and the white sky made the atmosphere too luminous to be clear. He loved Saturdays because he could have the whole day for himself, without obligations or futile topics to talk about with William Barry; despite to what Eliza may have thought, Mr Barry was extremely grateful to have a man in his house apart from himself. He certainly loved Diana and Minnie May, but his mind was still stuck in the idea that women couldn’t actually have access and competence to talk about matters such as politics, money or heredity. He knew that Diana, as his firstborn, would have been the heiress of the power, but he was still dedicating his free time to increase Gilbert’s knowledge about it - and honestly, Gilbert already had his ideas about politics and the world in which he lived, so those lessons where pretty much the perfect way of losing time. He knew Diana would have certainly handled the situation better than both Mr Barry and Gilbert himself.

Anyways, during that Saturday he ended up doing nothing of what he had planned. He got into his favorite bookshop, the only one in Charlottetown actually - _knowledge is not always a good thing_ was one of Eliza Barry’s favorite sentences, getting as a consequence Gilbert’s disgust - and he started wandering between the shelves, looking in the most hidden places to find some new books to keep his mind far - at least for a bit - from the inner pain he was forced to live with constantly.

He had been inside for about half a hour when he heard the door’s bell ringing and the door itself closing a bit too noisily. He got distracted for half a second before going back to his books, until he heard someone muttering and murmuring.

“I can’t do this. He is crazy” this voice said, a bit heavily as it was trying to catch its breath back. As soon as Gilbert saw a glimpse of red hair, he understood who was the owner of all that noise.

“Anne?”

The girl turned towards him, her big green eyes widening and showing a pool of fear, annoyance and light. She had snowflakes all over her hair, and a tender redness on her cheeks and nose for the icy weather.

“Gilbert. Hi, um, hi, what are you doing here?” she asked, still trying to catch her breath.

“I could ask you the same thing? Weren’t you supposed to have a date with your..Adam?”

Anne rolled her eyes. “Please don’t call him _my Adam_ , I cannot handle this too. I said goodbye and left after breakfast, and tried to find somewhere to...”

“To hide into?” said Gilbert, raising an eyebrow and smiling a little.

“Yes, kind of. Your turn, what are you doing here? Are you even allowed to be here?”

“I am, on Saturdays. I needed some books” Gilbert replied, showing her a couple of volumes he had in his hands.

“Oh, _In search of lost time_. I love Proust” Anne said, feeling a bit awkward and noticing just then her messy look. They stayed in front of each other without saying anything for a couple of seconds, before Gilbert spoke up.

“Well, since we are here I wanted to apologize”

“Apologize?” asked Anne, trying to fix her hair a little in the meantime.

“For my behavior in the past days. I think we got off on the wrong foot, right?”

Anne nodded. “We did, you’re right. But you seemed so..detached and- I don’t know, I didn’t know how to make a good impression on your family and Diana seemed the only one who did not look at me like an inconvenient guest”.

“I didn’t mean to give this impression to you, I’m sorry. It’s the last thing I want, to be compared to Eliza and William. I’m not like them, Anne, at all. The reason why I behaved a bit..weirdly to you was that I wanted to understand if you were like them too. Living in my family means dealing with fake people all the time, and I was unsure of how you were” said Gilbert, as if the words were spilling out of him without inhibitions.

“Did you change your mind?” asked Anne, looking directly in his eyes. She was hoping they could be friends, he seemed interesting and maybe they had something in common.

“I did, even though I still don’t know much about you. But I guess it’s the same for you, right? It’s not like we have been really friendly towards each other” replied Gilbert, smiling. Anne smiled back, her heart finding a bit of solace knowing that she wasn’t despised by another member of the Barry’s household.

“Hey, do you want to..have a coffee or something? It’s cold outside” tried Gilbert, both for kindness and interest.

“I would love to, but..isn’t it dangerous for us both? I mean, I shouldn’t be seen with the Barry’s son after a date - if we can call it a date - with my _future partner_ , and I don’t think you would be considered positively if people saw you hanging out with..well, me” said Anne, the words ‘future partner’ pronounced as they were acid on her tongue.

“Well, as you said, I’m the Barry’s ‘son’, I can justify you for being with me. We can say you were about to visit Diana or something, it’s going to be okay. Plus, I honestly don’t care about what people think. I’m extremely tired of judgment” answered Gilbert, leading her out of the bookshop after having paid.

“I am too. I’ve never really understood why people here talk and talk and talk, without ever listening. It’s like they pretend to be open to the truth, to what’s real, but actually they believe what they want to believe. They’ll never change. It must be hard for you and Diana, to handle all the pressure of the roles you have” said Anne, as they walked on the snow-covered streets. Luckily, people seemed to be enjoying the warmth of their houses and there wasn’t chaos in Charlottetown.

“Diana never shows it, but she hurts a lot. Unlike me, she is not just forced to be in a family that never showed true love, but she also has to keep up with her future role as heiress and she can’t disappoint the public opinion, you see? This is what sucks of this whole situation, and that’s why the first time you came at the mansion I told you that my house is really not a dream at all” replied Gilbert.

They remained in silence for a bit, both reflecting on their own about the same topic.

“Gilbert” murmured Anne, lowering her voice “Have you ever thought about..leaving? I mean, you didn’t decide to be adopted by them, right? You and Diana could leave and..I don’t know, find somewhere else to be, far from here”.

Gilbert smiled bitterly. “I thought about it so many times since I could understand how was the situation evolving. But I-I can’t, it’s an absolute utopia, Anne. I made..I made a promise, and I cannot let it down. Plus how could I leave my friends, Minnie May..I don’t know. It’s just too much. Everything is too much. And sometimes I feel like I’m stuck inside a block of ice and I cannot breathe and nobody hears me yelling for help. It’s unbearable, but necessary” he concluded, interrupting his walk. She was looking at him as she had just found the exact words to express how she felt.

“I feel that way too. It seems like there’s no way out. But at least you still haven’t received your letter, right? Maybe you can still have a certain influence on Mr and Mrs Barry and all the government, and you can get the person you want, or even no one at all. Isn’t it a good thing?” asked Anne.

“They would never let me have such an important role in my own future. They..they were the ones who separated my actual parents, Anne, and made people believe they were my _saviors_. And Eliza and my mother were best friends. It makes me want to throw up… how disgusting and humiliating is must have been for my parents. I don’t even know..I don’t even know if they are _alive_ ” answered Gilbert, his voice breaking a little at the thought, but tears never falling down. He didn’t want to show his weakness, as if the power of evil people could destroy him. Out of words, Anne impulsively grabbed his gloved hand for a moment, to show empathy, understanding and identity with his words. He tightened it for a second before they both let it go.

As soon as they got into a café, Anne’s mind came up with a hundred questions to ask him but she had no idea how not to sound crazy while asking them. Gilbert probably noticed her uncertainty, which was actually very clear since she was staring at him as she was in a state of trance. Actually, he didn’t know what she expected from him too, so the smell of coffee and tea leaves of that cafeteria was accompanied by some minutes of silence, broken only by the arrival of what they had ordered. Anne took a sip of her cappuccino, Gilbert did the same with his espresso.

“This is clearly not going right” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “You don’t..you don’t have to behave like I’m a man of power, Anne. I definitely am not”.

Anne rolled her eyes and looked down. “I do not behave like this with _men of power_ , I just don’t know if there are boundaries and I’m afraid I’ll get us into trouble.”

“Okay, let’s start from the basics, shall we? I’ll ask you one question and we both answer, then you do the same and we both answer again. I only know you are very peculiar and that you enjoy spending time with your friends, but I feel like it’s not something too specific about you” Gilbert said, and Anne raised an eyebrow.

“True, but what does you are _peculiar_ mean? I’m not..peculiar, I’m just..me” Anne replied, unsure if that adjective could truly be positive or not.

“Well, peculiar as in _never seen before_. I’ve met many young ladies in my years here - daughters of rich people or politics - and trust me, no one got invested in the walls of my house or in photographing _deers_ as much as you did” he answered, laughing lightly. Anne couldn’t find a way to deny his words.

“Well, I’ll start with the first question then. Why do you like lemon tarts so much?”

“What question is this? I-I don’t know, I just do, they are sour and sweet at the same time. Why?” Anne shrugged. “Since you noticed how invested I got in Jane’s photography with deers I also noticed you were invested into lemon tarts. Okay, I’ll change my question. What-“

“Hey hey hey there, it’s my turn” Gilbert said interrupting her. “What would be the thing you would do if you had to spend your last day on Earth tomorrow?”

Anne was a little struck by that question. “This is so sad, Gilbert. But I guess..I guess I would walk through the places in which important events in my life have taken place. Green Gables - the place in which I live at the moment - and its perfumed hidden corners, the school, the Lake of Shining Waters, the Lover’s Lane. And I’d tell all I have in my mind and heart to the people I love. And then I would lay in a lavender field in front of the sea and just breathe and breathe, without talking. I do plenty of that every day already” concluded Anne.

Gilbert stared at her, impressed by her words and her passion as she spoke about her life. “What are those places you mentioned?” he asked. Anne smiled and replied: “Well, you must answer your own question first, right? You said we both have to answer them”. Gilbert nodded, smiling back.

“Right. If I were to spend the last day on Earth, I’d leave the mansion and bring Diana and Minnie May with me, and I’d take them to The Valley. I would just sit there and admire the infinity in front of me. There was a poet, an Italian poet, who said “ _The most solid pleasure in this life is the empty pleasure of illusion_ ”. I think I would just imagine to be free and careless of what is currently oppressing me, you know? I would rely on the illusion of being able to live like I want for one last day” replied Gilbert, playing with the cup of coffee in front of him. Anne stood there, unable to say a thing.

“So, those places you mentioned? Lover’s Lane and so on?” asked Gilbert, clearing Anne’s foggy mind.

“Uh, yes, well, they’re names I’ve given them when I was younger. They were such amazing places and they needed a proper name which could really express their beauty. So now I talk about them with those names” she answered.

“Then you’ll certainly find one for The Valley as well when you’ll see it” Gilbert said, smiling. “I’m sure you’ll like it”.

“From the way you’re all talking about it, it seems to be heaven on Earth. All your friends are lovely by the way, they are all different and..easy to be with. It doesn’t often happen to me” said Anne, smiling. Gilbert nodded and sighed.

“Well, actually not all of them were like they are now at first, and some of our friendships are forced. For example, Josie was _insufferable_ at first: she is the daughter of a famous couple of politics, Mr Leonard Pye and Mrs Gloria Pye, who wanted to gain an arranged marriage for Josie with..me. But the government – and Eliza and William had a major role in this – didn’t want that to happen. Now Josie and I are friends, but you should have seen how she behaved at first; of course it wasn’t her fault, I’m pretty sure her parents forced her to do that” replied he, looking at the snow falling slowly upon the streets.

“But why did your parents prevent the marriage from happening? Don’t they want you to settle or something?” Anne asked, almost feeling like a reporter discovering new and fundamental material.

“They certainly do, but..Anne, you know how eugenics works. Some scientists work for the government every day, without stopping, and they study people’s genetic features in order to match the right man and woman to form a " _strong and perfect generation"_ for the future. So my parents, before deciding what to do with Josie, made them study our genetic features and ended up saying we couldn’t be matched” concluded Gilbert. Anne was speechless, disgusted and thirsty for more information at the same time. Of course she knew what eugenics was, but she didn’t know _all_ of this.

“Then why did they match me with Adam? I mean, he doesn’t have specific qualities and I cannot see how being with someone you don’t love can create a strong generation. It will be a _problematic_ generation, kids will have parents who don’t like each other and this will destroy their own lives. It’s..shameful” almost exclaimed Anne.

“I agree with you. From what I can tell, they matched you with him also because you have..well, a _fiery temper_ and you are very smart, while he is more passive and less…keen, maybe?” attempted Gilbert, with a hint of hilarity in his voice.

“He’s certainly not keen, but definitely not innocent at all. This morning at breakfast he was already talking about children and house courtyards and I-I was honestly about to throw up. Not for the idea of having a married life but for the idea of having it with _him_ anytime soon” said Anne, unsure of why she was telling all of that to Gilbert Blythe-Barry. “The thing you said to Cole yesterday, take that advice as yours as well. You still haven’t received your letter, enjoy these moments as much as you can.”

Gilbert’s expression became serious and slightly bitter. “I try, but it’s hard to do that when Eliza and William talk about that literally _every evening_. It’s like we are all reduced to objects for scientific purposes, you know? If I ever reach high levels in the medical field, I’ll do my best to change this.”

Anne tilted her head a bit. “You want to be a doctor?”

He nodded. “I’ve been studying medicine for about..three years now. It’s what I’d love to do, and even though William would want to see me in the politics field, they don’t completely despise my ambitions at least” said Gilbert, before looking at her. “What about you? What are you studying?”

“I’ve studied alone for all my life, actually” answered Anne, a bit insecure but also proud of herself. “My house is a bit far from Charlottetown – I always take the train to come here – and since schools are here it was difficult to come everyday. So I studied alone and this year I’ll probably move here to study literature. I don’t know which career I’d like to pursue honestly..I wanted to be a teacher once. But teachers have to take an oath of loyalty towards the government and they can only teach specific topics and subjects so..I don’t know. I don’t want to do that.”

Gilbert nodded, fascinated by the self-taught mind of the young woman in front of him. She had a smart tongue and an intricated mind, how could she have learned everything by herself?

“Your parents were Diana’s teachers. I don’t remember much about them, even if I was older than Di. But I guess one of the reasons why Eliza sent them away was their brilliant and _different_ way of teaching. That’s probably where Diana subconsciously took her cleverness from” said Gilbert, not immediately noticing the pale color that Anne’s face had got and the disappeared smile.

“Eliza Barry sent my parents away?” she murmured, motionless. “I was told they were substituted when they died, not before.”

Gilbert saw the flash of pain in her eyes as soon as he looked at her. “They died for a sudden illness, that much is true, but I know they were sent away six months before their death. That’s probably when you were adopted too, they may have given you to your adoptive parents because they couldn’t afford some costs anymore” he said, trying to be as gentle as possible with his words, but it was hard to do that with such a crazy amount of pieces of information all at once.

Anne felt her insides burning and her ears ringing. She couldn’t accept the fact that the government had left her parents in the dirt and that they had to leave their own daughter to guarantee a better life for her. She couldn’t believe they probably died because of the conditions in which they had to leave for months, and she was sure that the government didn’t even give them enough money to provide health for them. She didn’t want to believe that no one had told her about all of this.

“I-I must go now, Gilbert” she said, getting up and almost stumbling. Gilbert reached her arms to prevent her from falling or hurting herself, and he was now getting worried about the absence he could see in her face. “Anne, do you need me to take you to Green Gables?”

“No, no, it’s okay, I’m sorry” she said, leaving his gentle hold. “I’ll see you soon, thanks for the coffee and for the talk.” And with that, she walked away as her eyes filled with tears, and his with confusion.


	5. Enchanted

Anne stormed into Green Gables, tears now streaming down her face. She found Marilla in the kitchen, preparing lunch, and Matthew smoking his usual cigar on the couch.

“Why didn’t you tell me about my parents?! Why didn’t you tell me they had to send me away because of the Barry’s? Why did you all _lie_ to me?!” she asked, her voice loud and desperate and hurt. From the eyes of someone who didn’t know Anne or her past, she may have seemed to be overreacting; but the truth is that now she felt not just alone, but robbed of her greatest value, her family. She deeply loved Matthew and Marilla and she was more than grateful to have them, but she also knew that her parents would have loved her just as much if they had been alive. And knowing that they weren’t with her because they had died of for a natural cause was somehow a solace compared to what she had just found out: her parents had been stripped of their job, deprived of all their necessary money and left alone with a child to handle and without the means to do that. And they died with an act of sacrifice towards her, accepting to let her live a better life, even if far from them. It must have been the biggest pain for Bertha and Walter Shirley, and Anne couldn’t believe no one had ever told her the truth

“Anne, calm down please” said Marilla, her eyes worried and somehow guilty. “We can talk about it as we sit here, alright?”

“I don’t want to talk about anything with you. You make me believe I must respect the rules and-and ruin my life with a dumb man I don’t even like, when the Barry’s themselves were the first ones not to respect the rules at all ! Isn’t the government supposed to guarantee a decent life to everyone who serves under the power? My parents did that but they were callously fired and they let them die. How-how can you force me to follow what they want us to do. I’m not a puppet for them to play with” concluded Anne, leaving the living room and finding her shelter in her own bedroom.

She stayed there for hours and ended up falling asleep, tears now dry on her face and her nose a little red. Matthew came into the room in that very moment, sitting next to her bed and sweetly caressing her head. Anne opened her eyes, as she wasn’t actually sleeping, but just processing her pain. “What do you want?” she asked, sitting on the bed and drinking some water he had brought.

“Anne. I don’t want to tell you that what we did was right, or… that you words are not true. But I want you to know that everything we did was made to protect you, not to let you grow up with the feeling of being unwelcome in our family” Matthew murmured, clearing his voice now and then. “But now we know that you were supposed to find it out eventually, and..we are sorry. We didn’t mean to hurt you.” Anne looked at him, remaining unmoved and absent, but she couldn’t in her heart hate the people who had offered a home and so much love to her.

“I just don’t want to live in this place anymore. Not in Green Gables, but…here, on Prince Edward Island. I want to leave and create the life I want and deserve. Wouldn’t you be happy to leave everuthing behind as well? In some countries eugenics doesn’t even _exist_ , Matthew, and everyone is free. Why can’t we?” Anne asked, her voice still broken. Matthew had watery eyes as well, as the consciousness of not being able to give to Anne the life she deserved hit his heart.

“We can’t leave, you know it. I-I am so sorry, Anne, you are too much for this unfair world. I’m sorry we cannot guarantee more for you. Your parents loved you very much, they suffered when they had to leave you. We promised them we would have made you happy but..but I don’t think I can assure that to you, and-and I’m sorry, so sorry, Anne” he said, now crying. Matthew accepted Anne as part of his family as soon as Bertha Shirley brought her into their house, and he didn’t always admit it but he was head over heels to have that tiny and shining creature in his life. Anne took his hand, as she could take a bit of his pain too, as he had done with her from the moment she was adopted. And they remained there, in the silence of pain, in the love they shared as a family.

\--

Diana brushed her hair one last time before styling them into a beautiful ponytail, completing her work with her favourite blue ribbon and smiling at herself in the mirror. She had never been vain, despite all the compliments she constantly received, but she was still proud of the person she was, not just for her face but especially for her brains. She had learned to love her smartness only thanks to Gilbert, who had been the only one who admired her bright mind and not just her pretty face. Speaking of Gilbert, as soon as she heard footsteps outside of her room she got up and opened the door, only to find an upset and confused face in front of her.

“Gil, hi. Did you find your books?” she asked at first, getting as an answer only a nod as Gilbert entered her bedroom. “Are you alright?”

Gilbert turned to her. “I met Anne as I was buying the books. Don’t tell mother and father please, I don’t think many people saw us.”

Diana widened her eyes. “ _Anne_?! You guys are insane! What if someone has seen you and-and..oh my, Gilbert, she has a partner, are you crazy?!” she exclaimed, as she couldn’t believe her ears. One of her flaws was definitely her inability to step out of her comfort zone and of the strict rules she had been tought to follow. “What did you do, was she okay?!”

“Shh, lower your voice, I casually met her and we had a coffee, it was freezing outside. But maybe you want to reach out to her, she seemed a bit puzzled when I mentioned something as we were talking. I wanted to accompany her to her house or at least to the train station, but she just ran away and..I don’t know, maybe you want to know if she is okay” he replied, as Diana looked at him with the same confusion she had seen in his eyes just some moments before.

“Of course I want to know if she is okay, but what happened? What did you mention?” the girl asked, as she reached her phone to call her friend. Gilbert told her about what had happened and Diana got even more worried. It’s hard to believe a bond born in two weeks could be strong, but Diana was just as protective of her loved ones as Gilbert, and she immediately got that Anne was the strongest and most fragile person at the same time. At least she wanted to be there for her, if that could somehow help.

“She is not answering. Okay, I’ll call her later and let you know if I find something out.”

Diana didn’t receive an answer for days; usually she would be bothered – she wasn’t used to people not being immediately there for her – but this time her heart knew it was something more than that. So she contacted Cole and Ruby and, as an answer, she received just the same amount of unknowledge that she had.

“She texted us a couple of days ago saying she wouldn’t have used her phone much. When she does that, it usually means she needs time to think, to restart. We could visit her thought, even if..I’m not sure Diana is allowed to leave Charlottetown?” asked Cole.

“Oh you bet I will receive the permission. Gilbert needs to come with me, in this way they’ll probably accept. I just need to find a valid excuse..” replied Diana, already taking her money and ready to head to the train station. “Gilbert! Come here quick!” she yelled, catching her brother’s attention.

“I’m studying with Moody, D. What’s wrong?” asked Gilbert, entering the hall after some minutes.

“Anne hasn’t answered any of us yet and we are worried. Mother and father will never let me leave Charlottetown..if not with you. You can take Moody too, the more the merrier. Can you make up something to convince them right now?”

Gilbert was taken aback by that piece of information. Not that he had thought about the fire haired girl lately, but his protective nature certainly wasn’t in peace knowing that he was the last person Anne had talked to before practically disappearing. Looking at Diana pleading eyes, he sighed and headed towards Eliza and William Barry’s main office. “I’ll see what I can do. Wait for me and call Moody, he’s still upstairs.”

With this said, he entered the huge room with marble briquettes and an enormous ton of books, documents and shelves, as William and Eliza turned to him.

“Gilbert. Do you need anything?” the woman asked, sitting next to her husband checking more or less one hundred sheets piled in front of them.

“Yes, thank you for letting me in. One of Diana’s old friends..A-Amelia..just lost a relative. She leaves outside Charlottetown and now she would love to have Diana’s support by her side. I am willing to accompany her and bring the both of us back safe and sound within the evening, if you let me” Gilbert said, making the whole story up in that very moment and trusting his strongly convincing rhetoric. Eliza and William looked at each other before William spoke up.

“Do you need a guard to come with you? It’s getting late and- ”

“No! No not at all, Moody is coming with me too so we’ll take good care of her. We’ll take our private train, if you want” said Gilbert, knowing that mentioning the Barry’s opulence and wealth would have certainly found a wider approval. After some concerned – or uncertain – looks, Eliza and William accepted. With that, Gilbert, Diana, Ruby, Moody and Cole made their way to Green Gables.

The Barry’s private train smelled like clean fabric, tobacco – for all the times William Barry had to travel in there – and richness. The usually strong noise made by the railway armament was now barely audible, as the Barry’s had wanted the maximum comfort and silence for their trips to wherever. Ruby Gillis’ eyes were as shiny as the stars for all the journey to Green Gables, impressed by the large dimensions and the extra comfort of that train: you could trust definitely trust her when she said that normal trains where another thing.

On the opposite hand, Cole was quite indifferent to all of that; he truly loved Ruby, but she was way too attracted by exterior wealth to be a sucker for simple things as Cole was. That was why he loved painting and portraying common people in the streets, because he could represent both the rawness of the poor and the indifference of the rich and highlight those small tranches de vie he admired so much.

“You never told us who or what you like to portray in your paintings, Cole” said Gilbert, trying to break the suffocating silence of that wagon and pointing at the folder that Cole alwyas had with him. Truth be told, Gilbert loved art just as much as medicine, he just didn’t want it to evolve into a job for him, but just a passion. He especially adored the currents of Realism and Expressionism: they were raw and real and they hit him right in his stomach.

“Oh, well, I do love to paint bodies, as they move or as they’re still, the tensions in the muscles or the tender curves they assume. Not many people have accepted to be portrayed, also because..well, if someone from the upper power found out about my drawings they wouldn’t probably accept them, so..I don’t even know why I’m telling you this since you belong to the upper power. But I also love to portray faces, the small characteristic details they have and the imperfections, I absolutely adore them. It makes art way more interesting” said Cole, who always brightened up when he could talk about what he loved the most.

“Do you have something to show me?” asked Gilbert, truly interested and involved in what the boy was telling him. Cole nodded, taking his folder and showing a pile of – more or less – seven or eight sheets, a bit wrinckled and yellowed, as they held history inside of them. He passed them all to Gilbert, who started analyzing them: there were some sketches of bodies running, some women naked bodies as they slept – _I just imagined the bodies, I didn’t portray them in person_ Cole cared to specify – and also many hands. He smiled, aware of the great talent of someone who looked so frail and so small from the outside, but who actually kept the world inside of his head.

He was about to give the drawings back to his owners, when he noticed one last portraywhich caught his attention more than the others: a young woman was portrayed there, looking like a forest fairy, with foliages of green leaves and thin trunks as a background; the emerald green of her eyes emerged, blending with the nature behind her and contrasting wonderfully with her sunset colored hair, which fell sweetly on her shoulders. The chiaroscuro on her skin was the consequence of Cole’s ability to play with the effect of the light of the sun on her body, and he was able to catch his model in a moment of sunspension, as her breath was forever stuck inside that painting.

“This is Anne” Gilbert managed to say, enchanted by the beauty of that portray and full of all the emotions that Cole was able to imprison into that simple sheet.

“Indeed she is; she’s been my favorite muse for years now, she has the most unique features I’ve ever had the chance to see. And unique to me means exsquisitely beautiful” replied Cole, proud of his work. “Do you like it?”

“Um? Oh, yes, absolutely, you’re an amazing artist, Cole. You’ve got a gift” replied Gilbert, just as soon as the train started to slow down and they were left at Bright River.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://twitter.com/tragicalanne/status/1279037517875023872?s=21 LINK TO SEE THE PORTRAIT


	6. Lighting up a fire

Being a Barry meant having all the comfort someone could ask for, so it was no wonder the group arrived at Green Gables in literally 10 minutes. Cole and Ruby led them all to the house, where they had already been a bunch of times, in those very precious - and secret - moments they could spend together. Honestly, they were all aware of the fact that what they were doing was..well, illegal, and they actually risked a lot. But some inner force told them to go and, for once, ignore the sword hanging over their heads.

Ruby knocked at the door first, Cole besides her, while Diana, Gilbert and Moody stayed behind, not wanting to scared whoever was in that house to death. When Marilla opened the door, her eyes didn’t know where to look at.

“Oh. Good morning Ruby, Cole. What..brings you here?” she asked, looking behind them and slowly recognizing the not so unknown faces. Every single person on Prince Edward Island knew how the Barry’s looked like; they were like trophies exposed to the public view right after their birth - or, in Gilbert’s case, after his adoption. “Miss..Diana Barry?”

Diana nodded. “Good morning Miss Cuthbert, I must apologize for our introduction completely out of the blue. This is my brother-“

“Gilbert Blythe” interrupted Marilla, more shocked than ever. Gilbert nodded, feeling a bit uncomfortable under the eyes of that woman who was definitely trying to understand whether what she was seeing was real or not. For what kind of reasons where the children of the governors in her house?

“Yes, Miss Cuthbert, good afternoon. We are sorry to bother, but we..well, we wanted to know about Anne.”

If Marilla’s face could have been portrayed in that very moment, you would have seen pale skin and lost eyes, in the middle between terrified and confused.

“Anne? Oh Lord, what did she do? Anne, come down right quick!” she yelled, scaring all the group of people in front of her, who were just as confused as she was.

“Oh no Miss Cuthbert, we are _worried_ about Anne. We haven’t had her news for days and we were beginning to fear she was sick or something. She didn’t answer our calls or texts and..well, even Ruby and Cole helped us since they are closer to Anne, but we wanted to check up on her directly. She is an angel, Miss Cuthbert, she didn’t do anything wrong” said Diana, and Marilla was about to answer before someone else’s voice interrupted the craziest moment the woman had ever lived in her life.

“What is it Marilla?” asked Anne, anger and detachment still fresh in her voice even after a week. But the annoyance in her face disappeared as soon as she saw whom Marilla was talking to. Her gaze travelled from Ruby and Cole up to Diana, Moody and Gilbert, getting more and more shocked in that order. “Oh my God. What are you all doing here?”

Ruby and Cole ran towards her, hugging her unexpectedly and leaving her even more breathless. Diana followed them, taking Anne’s hand in hers.

“Oh Anne, we were so worried. We feared something bad had happened to you” Diana said, then lowered her voice. “Gil told me what happened, what you found out, and I’m so sorry about it Anne. I’m terribly ashamed of what my parents did to yours.”

Anne’s eyes momentarily met Gilbert’s, then went back to Diana. “You have no fault in this, Diana. But..you are all crazy coming here! How did your parents let you?”

“Well, Gilbert has a very _convincing_ technique. We lied, so..Miss Cuthbert, I know it’s a lot to ask you, but would you be so kind as not to tell about this to anyone? We can pay you a compensation and-“

“Compensation? No, not at all, absolutely. I’m actually very glad you came, Anne has been.. _absent_ with us too lately” answered Marilla, hiding her worry with a bit of harshness in her voice. Anne rolled her eyes as her cheeks became slightly red. “I’ll go and put up some tea” concluded Marilla, before leaving the room. 

“I’m sorry I worried you all. You didn’t need to come all the way here, I should have just been less selfish and let you know about how I was. I feel terribly ashamed” said Anne, lowering her head a little. Truth was she wasn’t used to people worrying that much about her, if not Ruby and Cole obviously.

“We are glad you are okay, _trouble_ ” said Cole smiling and slightly tickling her, trying to light up the atmosphere a little. “Besides, a short trip in the Barry’s _miraculous_ train was a real must we didn’t know we needed.”

“Oh Anne, you truly have no idea how beautiful it was” said Ruby, and they talked for a bit about their journey. Anne was on and off throughout the time they spent together, as she was still confused _and_ grateful _and_ sorry as well, and she wanted to let everything out but she felt like she should have talked privately to every single one of them. She had never been scared to show her emotions, or reserved when it came to say things in front of people’s faces, but this time she felt like she received unconditional love from people who barely knew her, like the Barry’s, and she found that spark of hope she had lost some days before. It gave comfort to her heart and soul, and she felt nothing but gratitude in that very moment.

When it was time for them to leave the sun was about to leave that side of the Earth with the spectacular gift of the golden light and the orange reflections which warmed even the coldest of hearts. Green Gables was a _vision_ , truly: the leaves weren’t just leaves, they were the words of a poem being written by the last rays of sun; the wind danced through the blossoms, spreading the intense perfume of apples and almonds around the house. It almost felt like heaven on Earth. 

“Miss Cuthbert, would you be so kind as to let me bring Anne to our mansion for some days? One week will be just fine. I would like her to get to know my..um, friends better. Plus I truly need Anne’s help, my brother Gilbert told me she is a very smart girl and she could help my little sister Minnie May. If you allow it to happen, obviously. My parents would be pleased to give her some money too if it’s needed, or..well, I will talk with them myself to assure that they make up at least a little to what they did do Anne’s natural parents” said Diana, just as they were all about to leave Green Gables. Marilla looked at Matthew, who had just entered the kitchen and didn’t even know whom to look at; he simply nodded, knowing that changing air could have been a great benefit for Anne.

“Fine. But..how could your parents accept it? They will certainly ask us explanations and-“

“Don’t worry Miss Cuthbert, I’ll take all the responsibility for this and you won’t be bothered by my parents, I promise. Thank you, truly. Anne?”

Anne smiled sweetly before nodding and heading upstairs to take a bunch of things to bring with her. Marilla followed her, closing the bedroom’s door and breathing in for some moments, almost as if she had been holding her breath for the previous hours. Anne had never left her house for more than half a day, since it wasn’t allowed if not for justified reasons, and she couldn’t help but be worried. How could that family be a benefit for Anne, since those _exact_ people destroyed Anne’s life when she was just a child? Of course, Marilla certainly didn’t expect Diana Barry to be that determined and resilient behind the wall of perfect respectability and politeness, and she didn’t expect a group of young people in her house being so worried for Anne. Not that Anne wasn’t someone who could be easily loved, but well..she never had a lot of friends or people looking for her particularly.

“Be careful, Anne. Bring warm clothes, it’s cold outside despite the sun. And call me everyday. If anything happens, call us, alright? And eat, okay? You are getting thinner, it’s not fine. If they say-“

“I’m going to be okay, Marilla. I promise” Anne said, hugging her tightly despite the unsolved contrast between the two of them born just some days earlier. She couldn’t leave for days without being sincere in her heart with the woman who had raised her since she was a child. “I love you.”

Marilla’s eyes got slightly shiny as her heart secretly bursted with joy every time Anne pronounced those words, because she knew the girl she had raised so lovingly was sincere. Anne never said I love you if she didn’t truly mean it with all her heart; her love was the purest and most precious thing she had and she certainly didn’t want to lie when it came to it. So, as angry as she could be with Marilla, she still knew life was too short to hold grudges.

Anne said goodbye to Matthew as well, and then she parted ways with Ruby and Cole - who lived far from Charlottetown as much as she did, so they wouldn’t have taken the train - before following Diana, Gilbert and Moody. The ride back to the town was silent, as Diana and Moody slept tightly while Anne and Gilbert lived in their own respective worlds. Anne wasn’t shocked when she saw the greatness of that private train: she was way too tired to even _pretend_ to appreciate all that pomposity. She actually loved magnificence when it came to buildings, paintings, even dresses..but she was still too troubled to act like she was in awe of the comfort on that train.

Gilbert was just as silent as she was, uncertain about what to say; he could see she was visibly exhausted and he didn’t want to bring up topics which could have further ruined their barely existent friendship. Not that he longed for a friendship with her, but she was truly one of a kind and she may have shared his ideas. Maybe he wouldn’t have been alone in his thoughts for once.

They got to the Barry’s Household at late evening, after saying goodbye to Moody too, and they found two butlers ready to help them get their coats off and warn their parents - who were still working, even though Gilbert rolled his eyes with annoyance - about their arrival.

“Mr Bernon, would you please let Mr and Mrs Barry know that I invited Anne Shirley Cuthbert to be our guest for some days? Tell them I asked her to stay here myself and I’ll give further explanations tomorrow. Meanwhile, she’ll have her own room on the second floor with us and she won’t be bothered in any way” said Diana, showing her best regal behavior she had clearly learnt since she was a baby, as she did that naturally and easily.

“Immediately, Miss Diana. We’ll prepare Miss Shirley Cuthbert’s room right now, as you have dinner in the dining room” the butler answered, leaving them by themselves.

“Diana, are you sure-“

“Don’t even try, Anne. I want you to be here, plus I truly need your help with Minnie May. We’ll kill two birds with one stone in this way, alright? Do you want to have dinner with us? Tillie certainly made an extraordinary meal and I’m so hungry” replied Diana.

“I actually would rather freshen up a little, if that is okay? I’m not really hungry right now” answered Anne.

Diana nodded, as Gilbert looked at Anne’s pale face. She clearly hadn’t been eating for a while, but he didn’t have the chance to say anything more since the girl was led upstairs by the butler.

“I’ll pass by to wish you goodnight Anne” concluded Diana.

Anne got into the hugest bedroom she had ever imagined: a small terrace offered a lovely view on the Barry’s private lake, while the interior walls were of a delicate baby blue shade with flowery swirls, and at the center of the room a canopy bed and a bordeaux carpet were the clear representation of _amenity_. Anne had a shower and changed her clothes, trying to make herself less miserable than how her friends had found her just some hours before, even though her only job at that moment was to go to sleep. She made her way towards the terrace, as a tender cold wind surrounded her, and she breathed, trying to reconcile her heart and find herself after more than one week of feeling lost and without a clear reference point.

She didn’t remember how long she had been there when someone knocked at her door. She headed towards the door, ready to find Diana outside, but when she opened it she had to raise her eyes a little to look at that person directly.

“Oh. Gilbert” she said, definitely surprised to see him there.

“Hi, I’m sorry to bother, I wasn’t sure you were up. Diana was very tired and she already went to sleep, so I wanted to..well, let you know about this, since maybe you were waiting for her” he replied, hands in his pockets trying to be as discreet as possible. He usually wasn’t this..careful with people, but Anne Shirley Cuthbert looked exactly like a piece of glass: broken, fragile, but dangerous and she needed to be handled with caution.

“Thank you, at least I won’t have to stay up for long now” Anne said, a tiny smile taking its place on her face with a dimple.

“Yeah.”

After a couple of seconds of silence, they both spoke at the same time.

“I should thank you” she said.

“I should apologize” he said.

They laughed, before Gilbert talked again.

“I should apologize for telling about your parents to Diana and all your friends. I just..I didn’t know what to do when you left the cafeteria that day and you looked so upset. I didn’t want you to get in trouble or something, and wasn’t sure you got home safely. But it was your business and I’m sorry.”

Anne shook her head.

“Gilbert, you shouldn’t apologize at all. I got everyone worried when I could have easily texted you all and give you news about me. I behaved like someone who wanted attention and I certainly don’t, really. I should actually thank you for worrying, and for coming to Green Gables. I’m sorry if staying here in the next days will make you uncomfortable, I hope it doesn’t” replied Anne, with all the gratitude and honesty she had in her heart.

“I hope _you_ won’t be uncomfortable. I hope you won’t have the chance to meet my parents again, honestly. And, you know..it’s okay to ask for help sometimes, Anne. You certainly don’t look like someone who’s looking for attention” Gilbert said, smiling slightly. She did the same, a burden she didn’t know she had being lifted up from her stomach.

“Well, even if I don’t stumble upon your parents I’ll certainly have to give explanation to Adam and his mother. God knows what she could say if she knew I am staying here for days” added Anne, leaning against the door frame.

Gilbert laughed a little. “She’ll have to face Diana then, today she looked _stiff_. You made quite the impression, didn’t you.. _trouble_?” he said, quoting how Cole had called her that afternoon.

Anne laughed back, then tried to turn serious again. “Quite the impression to whom? Diana?”

“To us all” concluded Gilbert, lowering his voice. “Oh, I almost forgot” he added, giving her a little package made with a simple tissue. “It’s a biscuit. You should eat something, or you’ll wake up tonight with a terrible hunger, I can assure you.”

Anne raised an eyebrow. “Doctor suggestion?”

“Also. But general friendly suggestion” he answered, as she took the package. “I’ll leave you now, you must be tired. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure. Thank you again, Gilbert. Goodnight” Anne said, smiling once again before closing her door. 

As she turned back to her room, she found all the curtains dancing animatedly without stopping. She had completely forgotten to close the windows.

When Anne woke up the following day, she felt _refreshed_ to say the least. She was positive things would have got better, she felt hopeful and glad. Maybe it was the snow falling outside making her heart burst with admiration or maybe it was the beginning of a new day giving her the feeling of possibility. It was weird not to have something to do that day; she usually helped Marilla at Green Gables, or studied all day until her eyes burned and her head hurt - she knew it wasn’t the exact definition of _health_ , but she was studying alone and she usually tried to follow rigid schedules of stuff to do, except for when she got lost in her thoughts and her mind started to travel backwards and forward in the incredible paths of her imagination. But that day, she would have just taken care of herself, for once. Anne never had the chance to truly get in harmony with her body and soul, she never had real time to think about herself completely. But this time she would have finally accepted and enjoyed that _far far far_ wish she never had the time to fulfill: relax.

“Good morning sleeping beauty! Can I come in?” asked Diana’s bright voice, as her head popped up from the door.

“Of course, this is not even my room” said Anne, getting up and opening her windows, provoking Diana’s expression to get visibly weirded out. “I know it’s cold, but I like to breathe in the icy air of the winter sunrise as soon as I wake up every morning. It makes me want to enjoy life more” added Anne, smiling slightly.

Diana laughed, before taking her friend’s hand and hugging her tightly.

“I’m glad you are okay, Anne. You are the first person I meet who seems to understand me without speaking, apart from Gilbert of course” she said, as Anne watched her tenderly. “Come downstairs, you need to eat or you’ll faint, my dear. Oh, and..um, there’s someone waiting for you.”

Anne raised an eyebrow. “For me?”

Diana nodded, her eyes uncertain and a bit skeptical, before leaving her room. Anne got ready as quickly as she could, before heading downstairs only to find someone she certainly didn’t expect.

“Oh Lord. Adam, what are you doing here?!”

Adam Ernest was dressed as formally as he could, and he looked completely cleaned up and elegant. Anne could not say he wasn’t good looking, because he was; but his eyes had the same depth of a plain wall and his words were as profound as that of a railroader. Next to him, Diana looked at her as to say sorry with her eyes, and Gilbert was holding Minnie May in his arms.

“Anne” began Diana, “Mother and father wanted to be here to welcome you but they are..busy. Anyhow, they invited Mr Glesby for breakfast since they thought you would have, uhm, found it pleasing.”

Anne’s face was the clear representation of _shock_ , as she couldn’t find words to say.

“Anne, good morning. It’s nice to see you after so much time” said Adam.

“We saw each other last week” Anne managed to say, looking for signs of help, only to find Gilbert trying to suppress a laughter. “Good morning, Gilbert” she added, eyeing him with annoyance.

“Anne, hope you had a nice night of sleep. Shall we head for breakfast?” he said, leaving Minnie May and rising an eyebrow in Anne’s direction.

When they sat down and started eating, not a word was spoken for at least five whole minutes. Then, Gilbert took the matter into his own hands.

“So, Adam..How is life proceeding?”

“Very well, thank you Gilbert. I wish I could spend more time with Anne, but lately it seems like she’s been very busy. Gilbert, does your future wife behaves like this with you as well? Not that Anne is behaving badly, but she is-“

“Can you stop talking about me as if I wasn’t here? I haven’t been feeling good lately, not that you care _obviously_. You could have simply called my family to know about me” said Anne, trying to keep her tone low. Surely her beautiful morning had just been ruined by that event.

“Oh but Anne, the _wife_ should reach out to the _husband_ , you know how the rules work” answered Adam. “Right, Gilbert?”

“Well, I don’t have my..future partner decided yet, but-“ tried to say Gilbert, only to be interrupted my Anne’s annoyed voice, which spilled irritation.

“I’m not your wife, Adam” muttered Anne, her stomach burning with anger.

“Not _yet_ ” concluded Adam, before swallowing a piece of cake.

Diana had no idea what to say after that back-and-forth between her guests, so she cleared her voice before speaking up.

“Adam, Anne is going to be there for some days. If you want to visit her, please let us know at least twenty four hours before. Next month my parents are going to host a gala evening for all Charlottetown, so you’ll certainly be invited.”

Adam nodded and smiled, before they all continued their breakfast silently. 

When they were done, Adam was led to the main exit, and he asked Anne to follow him.

“Anne. Maybe we didn’t start on the right foot, and even though I want us to have a good and pacific life together, my mother says you cannot hold this temper anymore. Maybe it’s not the life you dreamed, but it can still be good, right? Just..accept the fact that you can change things” Adam said, before kissing her hand and leaving.

Anne got from his voice that he wasn’t trying to be ironic or mean, and he was actually right. But accepting things she didn’t approve had never been her strength, and she couldn’t help but feel like the kiss he had left on her hand was as stingy as fire on her skin, as poisonous as absinthe.

“He’s not that bad” said a voice behind her, his tone filled with irony and hilarity.

“Gilbert. Thank you very much for your help” Anne replied harshly. “You made fun of me the whole time, you. Mister _this-society-sucks-and-I-hate-everything_.”

The boy laughed. “I wasn’t making fun of you, I just found him really exhilarating. He seems to be deeply attached to you.”

Anne offered him a glance which had nothing of kind in it.

“He just does what his mother tells him to do. I’m sure your parents called him to control me” she whispered, still bothered and trying to find her calm again. 

Gilbert lost his smile as he turned more serious. “Yes, probably. As I told you, they hardly allow breaking the rules. But hey, don’t worry, my parents rarely get out of their departments, so they shouldn’t bother you anymore. Want to visit the garden?”

Anne sighed and nodded, following him.


	7. The spark that lights up the flame

The garden, covered by snowflakes and white crystals, was a sight for sore eyes. It seemed to be the reign of a queen, or the mysterious forest of mythological creatures… certainly not the garden of the richest family of the whole island. Anne found a small spark of solace for her heart in that view, not caring about the snow falling on her hair.

“This really is a magical place. Sorry Gilbert, but as much as you dislike the atmosphere in your household, I don’t get how such a wonderful location cannot be a shelter for you” she said, lowering her voice a little in case someone was there.

Gilbert’s mouth curled up into a smile, which manifested his curiosity towards that girl’s intricated mind processes and beliefs.

“It’s hard to even see the flowers, Anne, the snow is covering everything, including us” he replied, even though he certainly wasn’t hating the whole atmosphere.

“ _His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead_ ” whispered Anne, walking slowly through the trees and the blackberry bushes.

“James Joyce. I have to admit, Anne Shirley, to be a self-taught you indeed have great memory skills. Is there anything you cannot do?”

Anne turned to him, as the snowflakes became less and less intense.

“Well, I cannot draw _at all._ When I see Cole’s works I am truly shocked because I don’t even understand _how_ a human being can actually do such a..masterpiece and make _me_ look decent. And I can’t bake, really – I can cook basic meals, but I don’t have great experiences with cakes, so when Minnie May celebrates her birthday, please don’t rely on me” she said.

Gilbert grinned and nodded. “Well, I must say I never had to chance to challenge my inner Tillie Boulter in the kitchen, but I can agree with you from the artistic skills point of view. I think we both prefer reading, am I right?”

“Oh, certainly. But unlike you, Gilbert Blythe, I am deeply fascinated with unknown things, notions or people, even when it comes to a garden covered in snow. I think things that have multiple layers, even if harder to reach, are way more interesting” Anne stated, the hem of her skirt touching the blanket of snow under her boots.

“What makes you think I’m not fascinated by that?” Gilbert asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, you like lemon tarts, Gilbert, and you looked at me like I was a woman with three heads when I said I like to photograph deers. I think that explains it all” she replied, smiling knowingly, and Gilbert laughed out loud.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t know deers were such an interesting subject to capture in a photograph. And why are you so against lemon tarts? Shall I remind you of the fact that when we went to the coffee shop the first thing you asked me is why I liked lemon tarts so much?”

Anne laughed back, her dimples popping up immediately and sweetly. “Okay that was unexpected, I know, I just didn’t know what to ask first since I had to many questions for you, and that was the first thing that came into my mind. That’s another thing I cannot do: clear and make order in my head before I start talking, and I often end up saying things I don’t mean.”

Gilbert looked at her with a mixture of interest, curiosity and suspiciousness in his eyes, as he couldn’t quite read her completely. He got why she loved mysterious and unknown things so much – because she was one of them _herself._

“Even though I must recognize you didn’t seem guilty at all when you said those things to Adam Glesby earlier at breakfast” he replied.

“That’s because I did mean them. Don’t misunderstand my words, I absolutely know what to say when I get angry or someone comes against me; the thing I can’t do is making order in my mind when I find myself in unexpected situations” she answered, while they walked back to the building. A shy ray of sunshine was now making its way in between the cotton-like clouds, brightening up the atmosphere and shining against the white streets of the whole city.

“We all have our Achille’s heel. The important factor is aknowledging it and being aware of it” Gilbert said, turning to her. “I think I have way too many _Achille’s_ _heels_.”

Anne glanced at him briefly, before she spoke again. “Not true, you do seem to have many qualities. You saved me from fainting in my sleep with that biscuit yesterday, for instance.”

Gilbert smiled openly, looking at the young woman right back as they reached the entrance.

“Wow, that makes me so proud, I can add it to the list of my successes. _I saved Anne Shirley-Cuthbert from a terrible and hungry night of sleep_ ” he said, his voice filled with innocent sarcasm.

“See? I can be considered your first medical patient. I feel so very honoured” Anne replied, smiling just as much. They were now in front of each other, and in some ways they both didn’t really want that conversation to end, not for…specific reasons or anything, but because for once they were aware of being more similar than they thought.

“Gil! I was looking for- oh, Anne, you’re here too. Why are you all covered in snow? My Lord, Gilbert, I cannot let you alone with a guest for a second that you make a mess” interrupted Diana, watching them with surprise. “Come on, Anne, I’ll help you change that skirt. And Gilbert, next time I’ll leave you in the snow.”

“I was just showing her around, Di, you keep disappearing. Plus, Anne enjoyed the talk, didn’t you?”

Anne grinned at him. “I did enjoy the garden, not so much talking to you” she said jokingly, before following Diana and leaving the young man with more questions than answers.

“We have some more guests. Oh how I love inviting people over” exclaimed Diana as the two girls headed towards her room, where Josie and Jane where sitting on Diana’s thick silvery bed.

“Anne! How nice to see you again- What did you do to your clothes?” asked Josie, laughing and getting up as soon as she saw all the snow on the girl.

“Gilbert decided it was the perfect day for a stroll in the garden for Anne and they ended up looking like snowballs. You should have seen Gil’s hair, he was _hilarious_ ” replied Diana, as she looked for a new dress for Anne to borrow. “So, Jo, how is your partner?”

“Oh, Andrew De Laurence is _divine_. I think I got lucky, he truly seems to be my soulmate, and he wants to bring me to Paris for the honeymoon” answered Josie, a proud smile on her angelic face.

“Oh the honeymoon, the only time we are allowed to leave the island. I cannot wait to get married just for that” said Jane as she ate one of the chocolate candies which were constantly on Diana’s bedside table. “Caleb said he’ll take me to French Polynesia. He hardly says smart things but when he had this idea I couldn’t not agree.”

Anne sighed as she put on the new dress Diana landed her. Not that she wasn’t happy for Josie and Jane, in fact she was glad they seemed to get along – or, in any case, accept the partner they had – but two main questions were plucking her insides, making her doubtful and even more uncertain of her own future. How could Jane accept to be with someone whom she _knew_ was boring and plain and whom she didn’t even like? And was _she_ the one making a mistake? Was she being whimsical and ungrateful? Anne didn’t know what to think, what to believe. But she certainly knew one thing: she never believed in the necessity of having a husband, she was too caught up with her own mentality and with the outside world to even _think_ she wouldn’t have been complete without a man. If someone had to be her lifemate, her companion, her partner..then she would have known it.

“Anne? Earth calls Anne” said Josie, waving a hand in front of the redhead’s face. “Are you here?”

“Yes! Sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked if Adam is taking you anywhere after your marriage, whenever that will be.”

“I-I don’t know, we haven’t discussed that yet. I feel like we still need to get to know each other better before jumping to conclusions, right?” Anne asked rethorically, still dubious.

“Well, I just had the best idea! Remember when we mentioned that trip to The Valley? What if we brought our intended ones too?” proposed Josie. “I want you all to meet Andrew and I’m so looking forward to get to know Adam and Caleb. Ruby and Cole could come too, even if they still don’t have their partner. It will be fun! Plus, if we go the day after tomorrow the snow will be melted and we won’t have troubles.”

Anne’s stomach sinked. “I don’t know if this is the best idea.”

“Oh, but it is! In this way I won’t have to lie to my parents and they will interpret this little trip as a way to form stronger bonds between partners. Josie, you are a genius. I’ll let Gilbert and Moody know, you guys call your intended. And Anne, make sure Ruby and Cole come” Diana concluded, and the friends kept chatting and laughing, while the dress’ corset wasn’t the only thing not preventing Anne from breathing.

The following days went on as straight and mainly eventless as ever. Anne actually spent a lovely time at the Barry’s: she spent most of the time with Diana, who made sure she was comfortable twentyfour-seven, but she learnt to understand that Anne wasn’t particularly pretentious or puntilious. She had been raised in the country, which certainly wasn’t the most luxurious and elegant venue in the world, so she was used to a life made of inconveniences and effort. Anne often felt useless when she spent time with Diana just relaxing or taking long walks, but she knew she deserved it, and moreover Diana was as adorable as a cherry pie. She still helped Minnie May, as she was supposed to do, so that Eliza and William Barry didn’t suspect she was there just to clear her foggy mind. But Anne’s favourite part of the day was the sunrise: she was used to getting up early in the morning, as tired as she could be, and she kept waking up at six in the morning everyday to enjoy the ascent of the first rays of sunshine which spread through the mansion. There was a specific place which she adored to visit each morning: she called it _the waterfalls_ – because of a little cascade of water - but it was actually just a small private lake which stood behind the house. The surroundings were slightly ruined, with untamed plants and grass, but she found it adorable and she was deeply fascinated by the brittle thin coat of ice on the lake. Of course, a certain someone who was couldn’t sleep just as much as Anne herself found that place appealing to let the mind wonder – and to cry, sometimes – and, after some moments of uncertainty – _Gilbert I came here first, how can I reflet when you are here?_ _Anne it’s my house, I have all the rights to be here?_ – they learnt to be alone together, and it was actually comforting to have someone there without them being oppressive or intrusive.

Until _the_ day of the trip to The Valley came and Anne decided she could have easily showed her _oh so incredible_ acting skills and pretend she was sick. She certainly didn’t want to spend a whole day hiking with Adam Ernest, while people like Diana, Gilbert, Ruby and Cole could easily have fun without a partner.

“Anne, you’re not sick. Get up” said Diana as she entered her friend’s room very early that morning. “We’re going to be late if you don’t go have breakfast now and get changed.”

“I _am_ sick. I feel nauseous! And shaky too. And I also have cough. I can stay here and help Minnie May-”

“Your cheeks are as rosy as peaches and you look just fine” replied Diana, rolling her eyes. “Listen Anne. I know this isn’t the most exciting adventure you’ll have to live, but it’s a great opportunity to get closer to Adam outside of the usual context. Maybe, far from the city and the sight of the public opinion he’ll be different. Moreover, I’ll be here, as Ruby, Cole and all the others. We won’t leave you alone all the time with him, alright? You can face this and more. Now get up and get dressed, and be quick” Diana said, kissing Anne on the cheek and leaving the room.

Diana’s worlds somehow gave her a tiny spark of willpower and she got ready, meeting Diana, Moody and Gilbert at the entrance of the mansion. They would have met the other friends at the beginning of the _September forest_ – and this time Anne didn’t change the name of the place.

“Your face looks as bright as a stormy day, Anne S-C” said Gilbert joking, as Anne rolled her eyes but smiled almost imperceptibly.

“Leave me be, Gilbert, or the storm will come your way” she replied, as Diana and Moody chuckled and kept walking, leaving Anne and Gilbert behind. “I couldn’t even go to the waterfalls this morning. Did you go?”

“Not at all, I was sleeping. We were supposed to wake up at six, Anne, I’m an early bird but _not_ this much. Besides, I feel like that’s not what is bothering you right now, isn’t it?” Gilbert asked knowingly, raising an eyebrow and getting a scolding glance as an answer.

“I swear Gilbert, if you make fun of me in front of Adam or if you make me laugh when I’m _not_ supposed to, I’ll punch you.”

Gilbert laughed, adjusting his backpack on one shoulder as they walked.

“You’ll be fine – and yes, I won’t bother” he answered, then added murmuring “Not too much”, and Anne nudged him before putting on her best smile as they approached the others.

“Here you are!” exclaimed Cole, before greeting everyone and hugging Anne tightly, followed by Ruby. Anne’s heart breathed a little: she hadn’t been spending much time with her best friends and she had missed them, despite the new world to which she was introduced.

“I find you lovely, trouble. We missed you” Cole added. Ruby hugged Anne once again, as tears made their way in her eyes.

“It’s so lonely without our secret _rendez-vous_ ” she added, and Anne caressed her cheek sweetly before turning to all the other people.

“Everyone, please a bit of attention. This is my intented one, Andrew De Laurence, and..this is Caleb Fields, Jane’s one. Andrew, Caleb..all my friends” Josie announced.

Andrew was a tall guy, well structured and with the eyes of a high intellectual of that time. Josie truly seemed to be head over heels for him, and in some way it made Anne joyful, knowing that sometimes this cruel practice of putting people together without their consent ended up being something good. Caleb, on the other hand, was just as tall as Anne, with small hazel eyes and tiny glasses; he definitely looked way older than Jane, but he seemed very shy and probably a decent match for Jane’s stubborn temper.

Then, it was Adam Ernest’s turn to be introduced, _obviously._

“Anne! So _this_ is your Adam, right?” exclaimed Josie, smirking slightly as she greeted him.

“Yes..he is indeed” she murmured, before Adam introduced himself to everyone who still didn’t know him. Josie got close to her and whispered “He is lovely, Anne. So handsome”, and Anne truly had no idea on how to reply, since she was too afraid of catching everyone’s attention if she said something wrong. So she just nodded and held Ruby’s hand tightly. Then, Diana spoke up.

“Well, my dears, it’s time to take our new guests – Anne, Ruby and Cole included – to our special place. It’s probably going to take a couple of hours to get there, but we have plenty of things to talk about. So..let’s go” she said, and they all started walking.

The journey to The Valley was certainly not silent. Anne got to catch up with Cole and Ruby, and she found a bit of solace in her best friends’ words and in the tales of the events of the previous days. At the same time, Gilbert and Diana had the chance to know Caleb a little more, as Jane walked next to them complaining about the cold weather. Andrew and Josie spent most of the time on their own, while Adam and Moody talked a little about the latest golf match. So, at first, the walk was enjoyable, and Anne found herself at ease with the enormous oaks and poplars which surrounded them, majestic and towering, and with the delicate sound of the snow melting with small drops from the leaves.

They made a small break as they reached the halfway point. Moody and Gilbert approached Anne’s group, and Ruby immediately stopped her effervescent chat as soon as they got closer.

“So, um, enjoying the walk?” asked Moody, scratching his head and looking especially into a certain blonde girl’s eyes.

“Oh, absolutely. I-I especially love the fresh air and..and the trees, even though I can’t recognize their species” replied Ruby, her cheeks becoming as roseate as pink strawberries.

“Moody is very passionate about trees, right man?” said Gilbert, trying not to smile as he looked at his best friend’s lost eyes. “Why don’t you lead Ruby and explain her all the species you see?”

Moody looked at Gilbert briefly, his mouth opening without making any sound. Anne and Cole were definitely about to laugh in front of them, before Moody nodded and started walking along with Ruby.

“Cole, come quick! I need a suggestion for a photograph” exclaimed Jane, and Cole reached her, leaving Anne and Gilbert by themselves.

“Moody is nutsy about Ruby” said Gilbert, as he drank some water. “He has been eyeing her since they met the first time.”

“Oh trust me, Ruby is _certainly_ not passionate about tree species. She hates walking too, so I really don’t understand where this..new _passion_ for nature comes from. She is very good at looking innocent and helpless to catch a boy’s heart, but this time I’m pretty sure she is the one whose heart got caught” Anne replied, as she turned her gaze towards the sky. “I just don’t know if it’s right to help them getting closer when they still haven’t received their letters. What if they end up getting hurt?”

Gilbert looked at her for a moment, before sighing. “Life is one, they need to make the best out of the free moments they still have now before they can’t.”

“You are right. Truth is I envy them, when I shouldn’t. I don’t want to be selfish..Hey, how is Andrew? I saw you were talking to him earlier” Anne said, changing topic quickly.

“He’s not bad. I’m glad he likes Josie as much as she likes him. They truly got lucky, didn’t they?”

“They certainly did. I’m happy for them” Anne replied. Gilbert watched her carefully, as she admired her surroundings with great interest and a hint of sadness. She was beautiful, that’s what he thought involuntarily, before another voice came and disrupted the peaceful silence between them.

“Hey guys, may I join you? We should start walking again or we’ll reach The Valley at night” said Adam laughing. “Anne, do you wanna have a stroll? Sorry bud, but I have a difficult woman here to handle.”

Anne looked at Gilbert with pleading eyes, begging him to stay with her expression. Gilbert didn’t know what to do, so he simply nodded and left them alone. Anne watched him disdainfully, before taking the hand Adam offered her and following the group. They talked for a while, and for the first time Adam let her actually tell about her past and her life without interrupting her, which made Anne reconsider his company, at least a little. She also got to know more about him and his ideas, which she certainly didn’t wholly approve, but at least he had an opinion of his own and not just dictated by his mother.

By the time they reached The Valley, Anne had been walking by herself for about twenty minutes as Adam had started a conversation with Caleb and Andrew. Moody and Ruby were still in their own little corner of the universe, while Gilbert and Cole had been talking continuously. Diana and the other girls were taking some photos, before they stopped walking.

“Here we are. The Valley.”

Anne was some feet behind them all when she saw the view as well, and her breath got caught in the breadth of infinity. It wasn’t a real valley, it was incredibly breathtaking and even Anne herself had no idea of how such a spectacular place could be properly named. The mountains, covered in a brightly white snow, were just the partial background of that location; trees of all forms and shades created a pattern of colours, from the deepest of greens to the warmest of oranges. And all this glorious marvel was enhanced by the water shining in the middle of the view, in which all the elements of The Valley seemed to drown and create a huge teardrop of paint.

“Anne? Are you alright?” asked a voice, which Anne realized belonged to Diana. “Are you crying? Your eyes are shiny.”

Anne woke up from the _limbo_ she had fallen into and quickly dried her eyes, before laughing openly.

“I’m fine. Perfectly fine, I just didn’t expect it to be _this_ beautiful. It’s..sublime” she murmured, before Diana took her hand and led her where their friends were, taking photos together and finally sitting down on rocks.

They spent practically all day long in that heavenly - yet kind of humid and certainly uncomfortable - place, sharing lunch packs and stories and getting to know each other more deeply. Anne had the chance to discover a few things about her friends, weirdly enough both the new ones and the veteran ones of the golden trio, as she liked to say. Ruby had never been more ecstatic - _she looks like a tiny strawberry, she is adorable_ as Josie said - and she developed an _oh_ so deep new knowledge of trees species thanks to Moody, who barely knew how to distinguish between pine trees and poplars. On the other hand, Anne got to know Andrew and Caleb, and she bonded especially with the second one - don’t misunderstand, not in a romantic way at all, Caleb was way too into Jane to pay attention to someone else’s beauty. They had very similar tastes and they were both kind of...odd, in their own personal way. And then there was Adam. Of course there was Adam, and when Anne saw him talking with Gilbert Blythe, she could swear she would have punched Gilbert if she had had the chance to. He perfectly knew how she felt about Adam, yet he was still trying to create a what? A friendship?

“Hey Anne. How come are you so silent?” said Diana, interrupting her stream of thoughts. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh no, not at all. I was just admiring your brother and Adam getting..along, in some ways. Not that I don’t approve it, but well..I don’t know, Diana, I like to keep my friends and my...um, well, Adam, kind of separated. You are gonna think I’m crazy but..well, your parents, I mean-the government..I shouldn’t even talk about this with you, not that I don’t trust you, but well they’re still your parents after all and-“

“Anne” said Diana, lowering her voice to cover her friend’s one. “It’s fine. I don’t expect you to open up to me at all, but I see you are not happy. And I know the problem is not Adam, but the system in general. And I also know I cannot do anything about it. But, just for you to know, Gilbert gets along pretty much with everyone. He can empathize very well, he’s good at that.” Diana’s voice came out a little harsh, as she was in some ways blaming Anne for being childish and not wanting - for some reasons comprehensible only by Anne’s peculiar mind - Gilbert and Adam to become friends.

“Yes, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound childish. It’s so stupid, and- I mean, Adam is just fine, I shouldn’t complain to you. I’m sorry” said Anne, feeling definitely embarrassed to have almost opened up to someone like Diana Barry, daughter of the governors and heiress of the power on the island. “I’ll go get some water” said Anne, heading towards her friends.

“Well, now everyone listen up. To celebrate this moment, despite the cold, some wine is the least we can have. It’s the beginning not only of new friendships, but also of new relationships and bonds. So, a toast to me and Josie, Caleb and Jane, Adam and Anne and to all the others and their future partners!” exclaimed Andrew, taking a couple of cold bottles out of his backpack and popping them. Anne felt like a fish out of water. _You should celebrate, you should be grateful. Some people don’t even have partners for their whole life. You are lucky._ She kept repeating those words to herself, trying to believe firmly in them. Her gaze involuntarily turned to Gilbert, the only person who seemed to understand her struggle, but she found his eyes already on her. He was unhappy, when he should have been grateful to have a family despite everything else, and from this point of view, in their contorted, maybe justified, ingratitude and in the nausea they constantly felt, they found solace in knowing they were feeling the same things.

“Anne! You need to drink, you’re way too serious today. Come on” said Adam, handing her one bottle. Anne placed her lips on the hem of it before taking a sip, and another one, and another one again, as the bitterness of her thoughts seemed to slowly and gradually sink down in her stomach along with the sweetness of the wine, while her fingertips trembled, for the cold, for the alcohol, for fear. She couldn’t quite get which was dominant. A buzz of pleasure and lightness took over her, making her giddy and even more talkative than she usually was. She couldn’t quite recall the last time she had let herself go completely, as in the past weeks she had been dragged into a spiral of plans and confusion she got trapped into. 

The walk back to the Barry’s household and out of the September forest was loud and bubbly. Even Gilbert and Diana had let themselves go, trying to forget for some hours the constant pressure they felt on themselves. Anne didn’t speak to Diana the whole night though, not because she didn’t want to for sure, but she still felt way too uncomfortable after what she had told her in the Valley. When they all reached the end, they said goodbye to each other and Anne hugged Cole and Ruby particularly tightly that evening, pushed not just by the wine but by her heart, which told her to hold her loved one close. Always, no matter what, they would have been together and united.

“Drink some water, okay _trouble_? And let someone take you to your room or otherwise you’ll make a mess, I know you too well. Yeah?” asked Cole, messing Anne’s hair up tenderly, and the girl nodded and chuckled, dizzy and relaxed.

Ruby waved Moody goodbye, in a way which was definitely unlikely of her: she almost seemed quiet, but not on a defensive mode. She seemed to have found her peace. 

Anne, Gilbert and Diana made their way to the mansion, escorted by two tall men who had certainly been sent by William and Eliza Barry, but Diana made them promise not to tell them anything about their _joyful_ state, and let’s be honest...no one wants to deny something to the future heiress. So, as soon as they got into the house, the sneaked silently - not Anne though, who kept laughing after Gilbert told her _isn’t the name Ernest weird? Do you remember the play by Wilde? Imagine it was called The importance of being Ernest instead of Earnest_. _With Adam being the protagonist_ \- into the hall. As Diana made her way to her room, her tipsy condition being overcome by the fear of her parents finding out about her rebellion, Anne hit a small marble statue along the stairs, which luckily made no noise - of course the stairs were covered by a soft, velvet carpet.

“Oh, _shit_!” she exclaimed, still laughing as quietly as she could. Gilbert stood behind her and chuckled as well, placing a hand on her back.

“What a language, Anne S-C, I didn’t expect it from you. Miss _I’m-accepting-your-biscuit-only-if-you-save-me-from-Adam-Ernest_ ” Gilbert said jokingly. “I’m taking you to your room before you break something else, yes?”

“What if you break something instead, Gilbert? I can see in your pretty eyes that you are drunk too, yup” Anne replied, turning to him as they walked.

Gilbert laughed and raised his eyebrows.

“Pretty eyes, huh? And even if you’re right, I can still hold myself better than you, spitfire.”

They entered her bedroom and Anne immediately jumped on her bed.

“Oh wow! This is soooo soft, it seems like a fluffy cake. Oh no, I forgot to call Marilla!”

“You shouldn’t call her in these conditions, Anne, trust me” Gilbert answered, lying down for a moment next to her, face towards the ceiling. “Tiredness is beginning to hit.”

“Tiredness and wine. The brand was probably shitty, right?” muttered Anne, pointing her hands up as she was trying to catch the small angels painted on the ceiling. Gilbert chuckled as he massaged his head slowly.

“Definitely. It was way too sweet to be a good wine for dinners of fresh fish and oysters” he answered.

“Now you’re talking _rich_. I’ve been raised with bread, butter and cherry jam, remember? Not that I complain. Oysters seem..clammy, or jelly. They are quite scary, right Gilbert?”

“I wouldn’t say the are scary, but I don’t love them too. They are for refined taste palates. I prefer chestnuts” Gilbert replies, his eyelids slowly closing and his head beginning to feel heavy. 

“Oh, now this is new. Chestnuts. I’ll add it to the list of Gilbert Blythe’s passions after lemon tarts” Anne said, turning her face to him and staring at his closed eyes, as he was almost asleep. Her smile disappeared, replaced by curiosity and fascination and a researching gaze. She almost felt like a geologist, studying a rare mineral with a mottled surface and a never-seen-before color. He looked relaxed, for once, his jaw not clenched as it usually was and his breathe slow and peaceful. Anne didn’t want to wake him up, and truth be told she felt like she was about to be sweetly brought into the arms of Morpheus, so she just placed her hand on his.

“I know you are not okay. I know you are hurting too. I may find lemon tarts weird and you may find photographing deers odd, but we are the same person, Gilbert Blythe. We are differently the same and I know your pain. I feel it too.”

And with that said, she drifted off to sleep.

_“What in the whole sacred world are you two doing here together?!”_

The loud and harsh female voice thumped into the bedroom, making Anne and Gilbert open their eyes at the same time and jump on the soft mattress which had accommodated them all night long. Gilbert’s hair was a mess, his dark curls disorderly confused on his head as his eyes slowly adjusted to the first lights of the dawn. Anne, on the other hand, had an excruciating headache and her red hair looked more like a burning nest. As soon as they heard that voice, they both turned to the door only to find no one but Eliza Barry herself, hands firm on her hips and the most severe gaze on her face. Her black irides could have easily be traded for gloomy lightnings, and her mouth created a straight thin line ready to let out words of reproach and disgust.

“Eliza. I-I-I was just- I mean yesterday we-we went to the Valley and-and I-“ tried to explain Gilbert, his usually vast vocabulary lacking tremendously in that very moment because of the brutal awake and the fact that _oh no I have slept with a girl who actually has a partner_.

“I don’t want any excuse, Gilbert, this is.. _indecent_ to say the least. You came here yesterday night and you, Anne Shirley, were drunk!” exclaimed Mrs Barry, her body shaking with horror and repulsion.

“Mrs Barry, I can explain, Gilbert has no fault in this. He just made sure I got here safely and then accidentally fell asleep here, but we didn’t do anything, I promise!” said Anne getting up, trying to make herself look at least presentable.

“Doesn’t change a thing, Miss Shirley. You have received your letter weeks ago! You perfectly know the risk of your actions, yet you callously ignore it, dragging my own son to follow your...filthy behavior” yelled Mrs Barry, walking closer to Anne. “If I don’t exile you in this very moment it’s just because you are not married yet and for the sake of the souls of your parents. Now I would like you to leave my mansion within the next hour and never put your feet into this house again until I decide so.”

Anne felt her mouth dry, but she never looked away from the eyes of the woman standing in front of her, as powerful and threatening as she may have looked. She took a step towards her, while Gilbert still tried to justify what had happened.

“I will leave. I am aware of what I did and if I had been more conscious of the consequences it would have brought I wouldn’t have done that, and this is entirely my fault” said Anne, her voice low but firm, strong. “But don’t you dare mentioning my parents, especially not for this. You have no right to do that, Mrs Barry, or do you think I don’t know about the horrible way in which you managed their job when they worked here? Do you think I don’t know about the economical problems they had because of you? About the fact that their death was most certainly brought because of a lack of resources? Shouldn’t the government provide health and sustainment to every citizen here, Mrs Barry?”

Her words came out as bitter and stingy as snake venom, and now it was Eliza Barry’s turn to be speechless. She didn’t know what to say, if not - once again - “You have one hour”, before leaving the bedroom at once. Anne tried to catch her breathe, not that she had yelled or anything. But she felt like the air inside the room was too hot, too little. She turned to Gilbert, only to find him just as silent and shocked as Eliza Barry was some moments before. 

“Anne” he whispered.

“I’m so sorry, Gilbert. I-I put you into a bad situation, and you already had problems with your parents, I...I am terribly sorry. It was so selfish and impolite of me to drink yesterday before coming into a house which is not mine. I am truly ashamed. I’ll pack my things and leave” she said, as she began pacing across the room collecting her few things.

“I’ll explain everything. It was my fault to fall asleep here, and I shouldn’t have drunk to take care of my sister. It was irresponsible of me. I’ll fix this, Anne, and no one will know anything” Gilbert replied, but Anne seemed not to pay attention to what he said as she moved frenetically and threw her clothes messily into her luggage. “Anne!” he said once again, gently grabbing her wrist to stop her from moving. She halted, and looked at him pleadingly, fury and blame rushing and burning into her eyes and cheeks.

“Gilbert, if Adam finds out about this - and he certainly will - my family will definitely be ruined and as much as I don’t like him, Marilla and Matthew do not deserve this. And your reputation will be ruined if I stay. Please tell Diana I’ll call her if I am allowed to. I seriously cannot stay” Anne concluded, before slowly leaving Gilbert’s hand and taking the last things she left in the room and walking out.

That evening, silence dominated into the Barry’s dinner hall. Inconstant jingles produced by the cutlery on the dishes, quiet sighs and Minnie May’s childish voice singing nursery rhymes and cartoons’ songs were the only sounds spreading throughout the table and resonating in the big room.

“Minnie May, please, stop making noises. I’ve had enough of you all today. I need some peace” Eliza Barry stated, and she sipped some soup and looked at her husband in search of approval. Gilbert ironically chuckled, bitterly and bitingly.

“Does something make you laugh, Gilbert?” asked William, taking the situation into his own hands. He usually was pretty much silent, letting his wife take care of the children - apart from when it came to discuss politics and decision making. But this time he felt like he had to intervene directly, as Eliza herself had pushed him to do after the events of that morning.

“Yes, William, it does. What makes me laugh is that you still haven’t realized how hypocritical and selfish you are, and you keep claiming that your own family gets dragged down into this... vortex of nonsense and oppression” Gilbert answered, before turning to Eliza. “You had no idea how to reply to Anne this morning because you are aware of your disgusting behavior. Do you at least admit to be the cause of her parents’ death? Mainly? And now guess what, you send her away when all she did was a normal mistake we _all_ do. And you humiliated her when I was the one who fell asleep there yesterday. How do you justify this, Eliza?”

Diana’s eyes travelled from her brother to her parents, trying to put an end to that conflict. Truth be told, her mind was more confused than ever: she had never seen her brother being so furious and she was sure he had found the strength to have that conversation and say those things from the fact that someone else’s identity - Anne’s, in fact - had been downgraded and unfairly punished by her parents.

“Anne Shirley-Cuthbert is just as..insensate as her parents were. They believed in change, duh, what a stupid word. And Adam Glesby’s mother has directly informed some of my colleagues that Anne is constantly absent, distant and seems to ignore her partner. I do not stand such a behavior, not when all she did was causing trouble as soon as she put her feet into this house. Should I remind you what happens when someone doesn’t respect the rules, Gilbert?” said William Barry, looking directly into his eyes.

“He certainly recalls the end his parents had when-“

“ _Shut up_!” Gilbert yelled, getting up at once, his eyes bursting with anger and on the edge of tears. Diana jumped on her place and even Minnie May stopped singing, dropping the piece of bread she was nibbling. Eliza and William looked at him shockingly; he had never behaved in such a way, not even when he first arrived at the mansion after his parents were taken away. He had always been on his own, angry, bottling tension and fury up inside him, but he had always been respectful and grateful, in some ways, at least towards his real parents, who had sacrificed themselves for him. But now, his heart couldn’t stand it anymore and maybe the events which happened to Anne that morning had only been the final straw. Her resilience, her stubbornness and her unfair punishment had been the spring that pushed him to take action.

She was the spark which started up his flame.

“Wash your mouth before mentioning my parents. And remember that my mother was your best friend, before you callously turned your back to her because of what? Power? Money? Beliefs? You should hate yourself, Eliza, because if you are here now it’s just because you had to drag the people who loved you down to raise yourself up” Gilbert said, before walking away. He reached his room, closed the door behind him and took paper and pen.


	8. I'll save a dance for you

“So you are telling us that they sent you away because you accidentally got drunk and fell asleep with Gilbert Blythe?”

Marilla Cuthbert didn’t know if she was more outraged by Anne’s behavior or shocked by the Barry’s awful way of handling things. She felt split between two mentalities and she didn’t know where to head to.

“Basically..yes. But nothing happened, I swear, I could never be so disrespectful! Yet I cannot reach neither Gilbert nor Diana - it looks like I got blocked and banned by them, but it must have been the Barry’s assistants who have indulged Eliza’s will - and now I’m afraid Adam will get the wrong idea of the whole situation. I’m sorry I caused trouble, again” Anne concluded, mumbling the last words as she wanted to punish herself for what had happened.

“Miss Cuthbert, Anne may have made a mistake, but we were all there. We all drank, Diana included, yet Anne was the only one who got unfairly offended just because Gilbert Blythe fell asleep there. And I bet all you want he is just as mad as we all are now, he suffers more than we can even imagine” said Cole, who got there with Ruby and had dinner with the Cuthbert’s to discuss the situation.

“I-I don’t know what to think. I cannot accept what Eliza Barry said about your parents, Anne, that’s for sure. It was disrespectful and impolite. But your bond with Adam is way too important for your future and your safety, Anne, you know that. We should organize a meeting with Adam and his family to discuss this, maybe they won’t find anything out. I hope so, at least. Now come on, go rest a bit, we’ll think about what to do tomorrow” Marilla replied. She was quite mad at Anne for how she had so weakly lost her good sense and reason in the forest, but if there was something she couldn’t stand, that was threatens towards her family. 

Anne headed with Cole and Ruby into her room, and she couldn’t think of any words through which she could properly express how she felt.

“It wasn’t your fault, Anne. Eliza and William Barry are tyrants” murmured Ruby, gently patting her friend’s back and hugging her comfortingly.

“It’s just...what makes me upset is that I didn’t have the chance to clarify things with Diana, and I feel like my parents would be disappointed with me. And I was so rude to Gilbert before I left, because I was mad, of course, but he..I mean, he gets me, in a certain sense. And thinking about the fact that both Diana and him are going to be forever stuck into that craziness makes me even more infuriated. There is no way I can reach them now, neither with texting nor with letters. They’d certainly track them and I’m afraid of what could be the consequences for Matthew and Marilla, and you all maybe” Anne said, tears beginning to form into her eyes like shiny drops of pain falling on her cheeks. 

“Anne” said Cole, taking her hand. “We’ll find a solution, okay? We always do. There is not a humblest, most caring and supportive person compared to you, and you are strong, right? Nobody can’t take that from you. Not the Barry’s, not the system, not unfair politics, not Adam Glesby.”

When Anne was about to fall asleep later that night, she wished for a second she could take some of her actions back. But not her words, not her strength against Eliza Barry, not her willingness to make things right. 

A week passed, and she still hadn’t heard anything from Diana or Gilbert. Anne felt like sand had covered the past weeks in a second, leaving her alone in a desert of uncertainty and failed hopes. She had spent the previous days mostly with Adam, and his company wouldn’t have been so bad if maybe her mind had been clearer and less intricate. She felt guilt building up into her chest every time she thought about her actions and the consequences they may have caused to her friends, despite her only partial guilt. She went back to her usual routine: waking up early to help Matthew and Marilla, studying alone and giving online exams when necessary, strolls in her garden and tears shredded when things got too overwhelming. Nothing new, apart from Adam’s company practically every other day. When taken alone - without the insufferable presence of his mother - he could also be a good company, obviously unless he brought up matters like marriage and children.

That morning, almost at the end of January, it was raining outside. Anne usually liked storms: they had something _sublime_ in them, with those flashing dark colors spreading through the sky and the random lightnings playing hide and seek between themselves, as the loud thunders played the drums along with the heavy clouds on the heads of everyone and everything on Earth. But she didn’t like boring, plain rain, the one which was almost imperceptible, invisible, but was there, ruining her day and making it grey and nostalgic. As soon as she woke up, though, Marilla’s voice called her from downstairs.

“Anne! Come here right quick!”

She felt like she had lost the ability to understand the tone in Marilla’s voice, so she changed as quickly as she could and left her bedroom, firmly hoping to find good news along with some coffee and butter toasts.

“Good morning. What’s it?”

Marilla was holding an envelope in her hands, and her eyes were analyzing it with curiosity and a bit of fear too, or maybe uncertainty.

“This is from Gilbert Blythe. It was sent one week ago, more or less.”

Anne could swear her heart skipped a beat in that very moment, knowing that she wasn’t despised and that she could finally - perhaps - find peace in her heart. Not for any other reason, of course. Marilla opened the envelope, finding two letters inside. She opened the one which bore the Cuthbert’s name and opened it, reading its content out loud.

_Dear Sirs Cuthbert,_

_You may be surprised to find this letter and see who the sender is. I have already had the chance to make your acquaintance, but I feel like I need to introduce myself properly, even if through a letter. I am Gilbert Blythe, and I was adopted by the Barry’s at a very young age, as you may know. The reason why I’m writing to you is unusual, actually. I would have used technology if I hadn’t been blocked from reaching you all and Anne, so I had to go back to the correspondence tradition. I’ll try not to be prolix. I want to sincerely apologize to you for how I behaved some nights ago, when I accidentally fell asleep into Anne’s guest room in my house. She has no fault in that, and I am sorry she had to pay the consequences of a mistake I made. Secondly, I would like to apologize again for the mistreatment Anne had to face from my adoptive parents. I do not approve anything of their behavior and, as dangerous as my words can be, I want to be clear: I am not like them and I cannot stand unfairness. Anne certainly didn’t let them push her around; she is very resilient and I admire that of her. Inside this package there is another letter, directly for her. If you could give it to her, I would truly be grateful._

_I hope I will be able to apologize to you in person very soon. If not, I will make sure my mistake will not affect your future, nor Anne’s._

_Sincerely,_

_Gilbert Blythe_

Marilla placed the letter on the table and looked at Matthew, who was just as confused as his sister.

“It was kind of him to write to us. And now we know for certain that Anne was innocent, as I believed” he said, winking at the girl who was eager to have her letter. As Marilla began to open it, Anne spoke up.

“Can I..Could I read it on my own, first? Please? Not that there are secrets, at all, but..you know, just because it’s addressed to me” she said, her fingers playing with each other as she could already hold the piece of paper between them. Marilla sighed and raised her eyebrows, before handling the envelope to her. Anne smiled briefly before going back upstairs and closing the door behind herself, sitting next to her window. She opened the letter and read.

_Dear Anne,_

_As much as we both adore classic novels and old habits - like, in fact, sending letters - I wish I didn’t have to write this one to you. If I could talk to you directly, I certainly would, but as you know I was forbidden to do that. However, I want to clarify things with you, in case this is the last time we have the chance to interact - and I hope it won’t be. I am terribly sorry for what happened, and if I could go back, I would. You have no fault in what Eliza said to you and in the actions she did afterwards, that’s all her own fault, and mine too. Having you around for a while and getting to know you better made me find a smart bright person in you, and a mentality more similar to mine than we both think. I am afraid I won’t be able to contact you from now on, at least for a while, so I want to tell you something. Don’t ever lose your uniqueness, Anne. It’s not odd, it’s not bad. It’s what makes you, you. It’s what made me interested in you._

_Here the situation with Eliza and William is not good, and I don’t know how it will evolve, but I have to thank you. For having the same anger I hold inside myself rushing trough your spirit - and through your hair too; there had to be a reason for their fire color, right? - and making me feel less stupid for not wanting what I have and what people think they would be lucky to have._

_Adam is a lucky guy, and I hope he will realize it soon._

_With the hope of meeting you inside a random bookshop again,_

_Gilbert Blythe_

_P.S.: Lemon tarts are still better than you think._

_ A month later _

Thirty-five days had passed since Anne had received Gilbert’s letter. She had desired to send an answer with all her heart and soul, to let him - and Diana - know that she was sorry too and that she wished she hadn’t behaved so childishly. Yet, Gilbert’s letter had made it clear: sending something to the Barry’s household wouldn’t have been a good idea. Certainly enough, Eliza Barry was controlling the letters her family received every single day to make sure Anne wasn’t affecting the _purity_ of the little close-minded world in which she lived. A warm, comfortable shell of presumption, arrogance and repulsion. So, Anne decided not to send a letter, but luckily she still remained in touch with Josie and Jane, who always made sure to inform her of how things were proceeding in the richest house of the island.

In the meantime, the Cuthbert’s and the Glesby’s got closer, and they all thought it would have been wonderful for Adam and Anne to start seeing each other more often. Anne was beginning to make a very good impression on them, especially after she stopped being around the Barry’s and spending time with them. She truly had nothing to do, if not helping at Green Gables and studying by herself - activities which she pretty much preferred, compared to discussing the details of her future house and the heredity she and Adam would have received, sooner or later. So, Marilla and Matthew agreed to let Anne move to Charlottetown to start college, with the economic help of the Glesby’s: she would have studied journalism and humanistic subjects, with a major in English literature. Anne was obviously excited and ecstatic to start a new adventure in her life, even though she always felt some sort of bitterness on her tongue when Mr Gabriel Glesby underlined the fact that _It’s not a problem for my family to help Anne economically; she won’t be a burden, we are glad to help._ She didn’t like to depend on someone, least of all Adam’s family. But as long as she could have granted a better life for Matthew and Marilla, she would have nodded and smiled forever.

Yet, her mind travelled back and forth to the Barry’s every now and then. There was something off with her, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. It was an almost imperceptible feeling of emptiness and thirst, a wish to hold onto a grip of what was making her feel good, maybe understood too. Truth was, she couldn’t accept the way things had ended with Diana and Gilbert and she wanted to make them right. She didn’t like to break a friendship, least of all out of the blue and without making things clear before. But she had no idea how to approach Eliza Barry without being openly and explicitly insulted. She had thought about sneaking into their mansion - _of course_ she had thought about it - but as she walked through the streets of Charlottetown during one of those days, she noticed how the number of controls had increased in the house, plus she would have put her whole family and reputation at risk, with the possibility of even being exiled, and she certainly wasn’t in the position to make such a thing.

Anne Shirley-Cuthbert liked to believe life had been particularly tricky with her - both negatively and positively - and she certainly received the confirm of this idea when the possibility she was looking for presented itself, without her seeking for it.

On the other side of the coin, Gilbert Blythe-Barry swallowed the umpteenth dose of delusion and pain after he sent that letter to the Cutberth’s. He was glad he did apologize to them so quickly, since William and Eliza Barry stated that Diana and him wouldn’t have had any more contacts with Anne and her friends or family indefinitely. They had both protested, pushing on how much Anne had helped Minnie May for the few days in which she had been there, trying to explain that she was a good person, yet their words flew through their parents like a sad silent ghost. Diana was upset about how she had discussed with Anne that day at the Valley, and they never got the chance to clarify things. She wanted Anne to find a friend in her, to trust her, yet once again her family prevented her from having pure and honest people in her life, friends who didn’t necessarily have to come from a rich or influent family. She adored Josie, Jane and the small group of people she had grown up with, but she never got the chance to _choose_ for herself. She was born into a life which had already been built before she even had the chance to speak for herself. And from the first time she had met Anne, she felt a bond with her which went beyond any kind of constructed friendship or fake caring. Diana distinctly remembered Bertha and Walter Shirley as two adults of extreme intelligence and good heart. They treated her like a second child, and without knowing it Anne and Diana had been secretly bonded for all their lives. Maybe that was exactly what made her feel so sad and heartbroken about the whole situation; and the fact that Gilbert was feeling that way too somehow made her more comfortable.

Obviously, Gilbert had never been close to Anne in any way before they met each other. Their lives had been totally different, for the places where they had been raised, for the education they received, for the experiences they lived. Yet, when Gilbert had the chance to dig deeper into Anne’s life and past events as they got closer, he implicitly realized they had both been taken away from their parents - the causes respectively being an illness and a chained love, both derived from a close minded and unfair society - and they had both developed feelings of mistrust, a hint of coldness, a lucidity which was unlikely to be found in people of their age, and a longing for a new life.

He missed having Anne around, he once said to Moody - _Stop making that face, I don’t mean romantically. It has nothing to do with that, it’s just...I feel like we were teaming up, and I felt less stupid for believing in a chance of making things right. She had the strength I don’t have to make a step further, you know? She had that...something, that spark which made Eliza herself struggle to find the words to send her away. She was a good friend too, not easy to approach but comfortable to be with._

Moody liked to joke and make fun of him often, especially when they talked about common topics, like attraction or relationships, yet when Gilbert pronounced those words, he didn’t find anything to laugh about in them. His friend was being sincere and, truth be told, he didn’t despise Anne at all. She was a fun bright person, after all.

_And you miss having Ruby Gillis around too, right?_ Gilbert had replied, lightening up the atmosphere a little. Moody had babbled a confused answer after that, at which Gilbert had smirked and laughed knowingly, before going back to his immunology volumes.

Yet again, fate likes to play with people sometimes, and Gilbert Blythe wouldn’t have ever believed that for once, it was on his side when, on the 28th of February, he met Anne Shirley-Cuthbert inside a furniture store.

It was a Saturday, his so longed day of the week. After two weeks of not being allowed to go out alone even during Saturdays, Eliza and William miraculously woke up on the right side of the bed and decided to let him have his free day. _You’re an adult, after all, and I’m way too busy with the preparation for the gala night to look after you anyway_ had said Eliza, frantically walking through the halls of the mansion giving orders and fixing the most useless details which no one would have ever noticed. People sometimes like to take care of futile details rather than on what they should love.

So Gilbert gained his free day and started walking through the crowded streets of Charlottetown. It was almost March after all, which meant that the snow had disappeared and spring had begun knocking at people’s doors; the weather was now warmer, but it still required to be properly covered.

Spring meant hope, and if there was one thing Gilbert Blythe relied on, it was hope.

He kept walking, still trying to be subtle not to be recognized immediately by too many people. Not that he believed he was a celebrity or anything, and people certainly didn’t stop him in the streets to have his signature, but they loved to spread nonsense rumors just to get attention and, obviously, money. So he headed straight to where he needed to go: Majel’s. It was the biggest furniture store in the town, and the only place in which they sold what he was looking for. Diana’s birthday was coming up, exactly on the day of the gala, and he had watched her dark eyes shining brightly as soon as one day she had laid her eyes on a doll house all made of mahogany wood, with the most precious decorations of laces and notches of flowers. It was part of a collection and Diana had always wanted to have it; she didn’t consider it childish, and after all did she ever have the chance to be a real child? She had grown up too quickly and she deserved to keep that small spark of ingenuity and dreams a little bit longer.

He entered the store, only to find it almost empty. All the families in Charlottetown were busy with the preparation for the big gala event, purchasing gifts for the Barry’s - especially for the future heiress, obviously - and they all usually consisted mainly in jewelry, silverware and dresses. So, luckily for Gilbert, the store was totally accessible and he could have easily find what he was looking for without feeling observed by people incessantly.

He headed towards the section in which he remembered to have seen the little wood house, and as walked through the house furniture section, he came across the one and only redhead who had been once or twice - _maybe more_ \- in his mind in the past weeks. Anne Shirley-Cuthbert herself.

She was bending over to look at a bunch of wall decorations, almost invisible next to the cart filled with two chairs, a carpet, and a big yellow curtain. If he hadn’t seen her, he would have probably thought that cart was abandoned.

“Anne?”

She immediately turned to the voice she heard, and her expression changed in the matter of a few seconds. She was definitely surprised and didn’t expect to meet him of all people in a furniture store. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that Saturday was his free day, she was way too caught up with the moving.

“Gilbert. Hi” she said, looking up at him. Then, her face got worried and her eyes widened. “If they see us I’ll be dead and you’ll be too so I don’t think it’s the best idea” she said quickly, lowering her voice yet looking around to check if people were there. 

“There is no one here. Not many people buy such pillows for decoration” he replied, reaching out to help her getting up. She took his hand and they were finally in front of each other, smiling a bit less confidently compared to how they had started behaving around each other before the _unfortunate_ event.

“They are not a decoration, I’ll use them for my reading spot next to my window” Anne replied, rolling her eyes but chuckling.

“At Green Gables?”

“I’m moving here, in Charlottetown. I’ll start college from the spring session in April, so I’m moving now to start getting used to my new life, kind of.” She sighed, then proceeded. “I’ll study Literature, and journalism.”

Gilbert nodded, but deep down he wanted to know more about the reason behind her decision. Moreover, he was aware of the economic situation of the Cuthbert’s, and paying for college in Charlottetown certainly wasn’t economic. He wanted to ask more and more, but he felt like it would have made her uncomfortable, so he held himself back.

“That’s great. So you’ll definitely beat me with book knowledge now, will you?” he asked, grinning, and she laughed back softly.

“Oh, I already do now.” After some seconds of silence, she spoke up again. “What about you? What brings you here in such a place? I thought your parents were still mad.”

“They are beginning to forget it, yet I better not bring the topic up or else I’d ruin my day and I certainly don’t want that to happen. And I’m here for Diana’s birthday present” Gilbert answered, and as soon as he mention his sister’s name, Anne’s eyes shined.

“Diana’s birthday?! When is it?”

“5th of March, the night of the gala event with the families of Charlottetown. You should come with Adam, right ?”

“Apparently, even if I still don’t live here Adam is allowed to bring me as his..um, intended one, so I guess I don’t really have a choice. I didn’t think the invitation would have arrived honestly, but I guess they’ll make sure I don’t bother you or Diana all evening long” Anne answered, placing the green pillow she had been holding tightly in her hands inside the cart.

“I’m glad you’ll be there. Get ready for the most boring night of your life, Anne S-C. It’s gonna be totally..eventless, people are going to throw themselves on the buffet to suffocate their hidden hate towards my family and everyone is going to make sure Diana is loved and appreciated only to gain favors from her when she’ll have the power.”

Anne raised her eyebrows and nodded. “Sounds appealing. I won’t even have Ruby or Cole since they’re not from Charlottetown. Your parents are going to look at me like a deer to catch and kill probably. It’s truly going to be entertaining” she said.

Gilbert looked into her big green eyes and, somehow, he felt his mind in peace with itself, again after a lot of time.

“I’ll make sure to save a dance for you, even just to see Eliza’s reaction. She would never say anything to me - or to anyone - in front of so many people. Oh no, it would ruin her dignity. She will smile pleasantly, until the night is over. I’m afraid she may truly ban you from the mansion again though” Gilbert said, and Anne laughed.

“I’ll take the risk” she replied. “I’m glad you told me about Diana’s birthday, I’ll make sure to get her something.”

“Oh, you don’t need to-“

“I know, but I want to. If things were normal, we could have celebrated together, but since they are not, I’ll make sure that at least her birthday is not boring and plain” Anne said, as she started moving her cart again, walking next to Gilbert while he looked for the wood doll house.

“Celebrate together?”

Anne nodded. “My birthday is on the 23rd. But it doesn’t matter, I’ll probably spend the day at Green Gables. But I’ll make sure Diana gets her gift, one way or another. I hate how I talked to her that day at the Valley and I need to make things right at least in this way, until I can talk to her properly.”

Diana had told Gilbert a little about the discussion she and Anne had that day, but she didn’t dig into the details of it. When she mentioned her own birthday, the plainness and simplicity of it, as it was less important than Diana’s, he wished he had the right words to say that she deserved to be celebrated just as much as his sister, not less because she wasn’t a Barry. If there was one thing Anne Shirley-Cuthbert wasn’t, that was _plain_.

“She misses you, you know? She’s not mad, at all. Maybe you’ll get to talk to her at the gala” Gilbert said.

“Hopefully” she replied. When she saw him heading towards a peculiar section, she followed him, only to find the prettiest doll house she had ever seen. It almost looked like a real miniature house, a dream one. “Wow. This is perfect for Diana” she stated, just as the house had been made for Diana herself.

“She loved it when she saw it once. My parents would never buy her something from a furniture store, but she adored it from the first moment she laid her eyes on it” Gilbert explained, scratching his head as he usually did when he was nervous, or excited too.

“I get why. It’s lovely, Gilbert, truly. She’ll love it. She’s very lucky to have you” Anne let her mouth pronounce those words from her heart, and he turned to her immediately. Then, she added: “A brother like you.”

He nodded and smiled with gratitude, just as Anne’s phone started ringing.

“Oh no, it’s Cole. He was waiting for me outside, I’m already late” she said, before looking at him, waiting for him to make a move. She usually didn’t have problems when it came to begin something, or to be friendly with people she cared about, yet in that very moment she seemed to have lost all her words.

“I’ll see you at the gala, then. And probably more often, if you’re gonna move here” Gilbert replied, taking a small step towards her. She nodded and smiled sheepishly, mumbling a small _Right_.

She was just about to walk away, when some weird yet undeniable force in the back of her heart pushed her to take another step towards him and to hug him briefly, and she knew she wouldn’t have been in peace with herself if she wasn’t sure everything was right with Gilbert. And Diana, of course.

Anne’s emotions had always been a continuous irrepressible stream of light and fire, and it was hard for her not to express them. Many people wished to have the ability of expressing emotions and feelings so openly and without filters, yet Anne sometimes wished she could _stop_ her emotions from getting the better of her.

Before a moment of hesitation, he circled her with his arms too for some seconds, before she let go. Her cheeks had assumed the soft shade of apricots, and her eyes almost shined with tears, maybe for the sudden burst of emotion she had just lived, or maybe because she knew that at least two of the Barry’s didn’t completely despise her.

“Thank you. See you” she said, before turning her back to him and walking away quickly.


	9. Emotion has no voice

After Gilbert got home with his gift, careful not to be seen by Diana and hiding it into his bedroom, he lied on his bed, as still as an ice cube. Apart from being very empathetic, he recalled to have always been very easygoing when it came to displaying affection to the people he loved. After his parents got taken away though, Diana and Minnie May were the only people he had wanted to show great and deep affection.

Maybe the lack of people to love was what left him awestruck when Anne hugged him so briefly yet so tightly and sincerely that morning. He certainly didn’t expect her to act like that, especially after a month from their last meeting. Anne’s personality was a maze of the rarest kind, certainly neither easy to understand nor immediate to reach. Gaining her trust was hard, but she seemed to have an act of kindness for anyone.

That hug, though, changed his perspective completely.

What was going on into that fire headed nymph? Did she feel alone so much that Gilbert’s presence somehow made her day more comfortable and reassuring? _But she has Cole and Ruby_ he thought, looking distractingly at his ceiling. Or maybe leaving Diana out of the blue and being sent away so harshly by Eliza Barry had made her suffer.

_She doesn’t seem one that gives up so easily though._

Gilbert was truly confused, and his mind kept racing back and forth to the event of that morning: her short breaths of nervousness and uncertainty, the softness of her hair when he brushed his fingers against ana they hugged, her warmth and her trembling hands around his figure. Her green shining eyes with a hint of sky, her delicate freckles like stars and her shaky yet firm voice when she left and ana way.

Gilbert had already studied the circulatory system and how the cardiovascular mechanisms worked, yet he couldn’t explain why he could feel his heart beating almost out of his chest, nor why he felt such a pleasing yet odd warmth at the pit of his stomach. Anatomy was one of his favorite subjects, but maybe there was still much more to know, something that wasn’t written in books or volumes of hundreds of pages. 

“Well, my dear, you do have a magnet for unexpected events, I can’t deny that. How was him?”

Cole was brushing Anne’s hair while she stood seated into her uncompleted apartment, in front of her laptop. Despite its small dimension, Anne liked that place and she could see herself living and growing there, even though she would have missed Green Gables terribly. She had been raised in the countryside after all, with apple blossoms and oaks spreading their perfumes into her room every morning, with the joyful yet quiet presence of her Matthew and the severe but caring one of Marilla. Saying a definite goodbye to her old shelter would have broken her heart, but she knew she had to take a step forward to avoid getting stuck for her whole life.

Her apartment was small but comfortable, with a kitchen - which still needed to be completed, if only Anne stopped wishing for unnecessary decorations - and a bathroom; and, of course, a lovely tiny bedroom with everything she needed: a bed, a desk and a bookshelf. Oh, and a window too, even though she definitely liked the sight of flowers fields more than the crowded streets of Charlottetown.

As Cole braided her hair in a intricate style, she was looking for a present for Diana’s upcoming birthday, but everything seemed superficial and unoriginal. She just wanted Diana to remember her, to know that she cared and that she was sorry.

“What do you mean how was him? He was..himself, Gilbert Blythe-Barry. He looked a bit more tired, but he didn’t seem sad. I found him okay. Properly dressed and-“

“Anne you’re describing him as if he were a marble statue. I’m talking about _Gilbert_! And how was him when you hugged him?” Cole asked, smirking knowingly. Anne rolled her eyes and turned to him.

“Stop it, Cole, really. I don’t know why I did that and in any case it was a friendly act, alright? End of discussion” she replied harshly, not focusing on her laptop anymore. 

“Okay...Since you are too shaken to talk about the Blythe boy” Cole added, and Anne was about to scold him again, “tell me what you are going to wear at the gala”. Anne got up, heading to her closet and taking out a long dress, the only one inside it actually.

“This was Matthew’s gift for me last year. I never had a chance to wear it though, but I always kept it clean and dry, and I guess its time has eventually arrived” Anne said, throwing the package around the dress aside and showing it proudly to her best friend.

It was a long sleeveless dress, which truly looked like it came out of Anne’s most remote dreams. It was golden, made of silk and tulle, and covered with small shiny details which made it look like a bright heavenly sky. Anne had always thought it was definitely out of her league, but when she saw it the first time her eyes couldn’t believe themselves, and Matthew knew he had taken the right choice. 

“Gilbert Blythe is going to faint, you know that right?” Cole said, as he brushed his fingers against the material of it.

“ _Again_?” Anne questioned, and Cole dropped the matter again, knowing it was too risky to bother a nervous Anne Shirley-Cuthbert too much.

“It’s spectacular, Anne, truly. You are going to look phenomenally astonishing” he added, smiling at her, and she replied immediately.

“I don’t think so, but thank you. People won’t certainly look at me, and maybe it’s better like this” Anne said, covering the dress again and putting it into its place.

Cole sighed and looked at his friend. They had created such a strong bond because they both were _unique_ , in their own ways, and even though maybe the didn’t fit into the mainstream of their society, it was okay. Finding each other in dark places and raising to light together is what makes a friendship pure and true, no matter what.

“It doesn’t matter if people don’t look at you, Anne. You will be gorgeous, and you will have fun. You can try and give Adam a chance, you know? He may actually like you a lot, I’ve seen how he looks at you now and then. Plus you deserve to be happy more than anyone I know, _trouble_ , and you cannot find happiness if it doesn’t begin from _you_ ” he said, and Anne smiled tenderly, but slightly sadly. Cole was right, but she was still attempting to manage her feelings, to get to know them, and to understand what she wanted. Not that she had much choices actually, but she liked to believe that she could be free, someday.

“Can’t you come to the gala with me too? How can I handle a whole evening?” she asked, her head on Cole’s shoulder as he chuckled sweetly.

“You can, you totally can. Plus Josie and Jane will be there too, you won’t be alone. I like those two, you know? Especially Jane, she has a weird but cool vibe. I’d rely on her” Cole answered, and Anne laughed, before something came up into her mind all of a sudden.

“Cole! I just had an idea for Diana’s birthday gift. Come here” she exclaimed, and took her laptop.

The 5th of March arrived before they all imagined. Charlottetown was in raptures: people were frantically running through every single shop to buy a proper dress, or a last-minute expensive - and _useless_ \- gift for the heiress. Anne had been spending some days in her apartment there, in order to finish it up and get used to the new rhythm of her life there, and when she woke up she could hear the voices of the citizens walking back and forth along the streets, the smell of hair spray and fresh clothes all over the air making her head spin a little from the moment she woke up. Her excitement was definitely under her feet; the only thing that kept her hopeful and energetic was the gift she had prepared for Diana. She had no idea how she would have managed to sneak into the hallways of the Barry’s mansion to leave the present, but she was positive nobody would have cared much about where she was, so she had high hopes everything would have been okay.

Moreover, Cole was right. Spending the evening with Adam could have strengthened their bond and Josie and Jane would have been great allies to have some fun with; and Caleb would have been there too, which somehow comforted Anne. He was more or less like her, definitely more shy and introverted, but still a good friend to talk to, despite his huge - maybe exaggerated, but still adorable - admiration for Jane Andrews.

Anne made herself some breakfast, knowing that she needed to be well awake and ready for the night, and also because a certain someone had once told her that it wasn’t healthy to go to bed or wake up without food in the stomach. As she spread some butter on her bread, her mind travelled back to that night, when Gilbert Blythe had so casually brought her a biscuit before going to bed. It was the most innocent act Anne had ever received, truly, yet it closed her stomach for a second as she was about to bite her breakfast.

 _I’ll make sure to save a dance for you_ he had said, with the same lightness and complacency that could be used to say _I bought some groceries_ ; nonetheless, though, there was something in his eyes which had reassured Anne of the fact that he was being sincere, and that despite the whole situation with Eliza and William Barry, he would have been by her side during the gala.

_After all, he still hadn’t received his letter, so he wasn’t forced to be with someone, right? We can totally be friends and have a good time at the gala, despite the whole atmosphere._

Anne tried to reassure herself with those thoughts, before her door bell rang and she welcomed an ecstatic Ruby and an excited Cole, both ready to help their favorite redhead with the preparations for the upcoming night.

If drones were flying over the roofs of Charlottetown that day, you could have easily zoomed in to see the Barry’s mansion completely full of people running to finish up the last details for the gala. Eliza Barry couldn’t stay still for crying out loud, her feet moving continuously in and out each room, making sure that everything was perfect, and yelling at the poor Tillie every single meal which had to be completed in the kitchen.

Diana Barry, on the other hand, woke up with the first rays of sunshine on a beautiful spring day, with the perfume of cherry blossoms and tulips through her room and a various mix of smells - from roasted chicken and caviar up to velvet cakes and muffins of the most unusual flavors. She was finally twenty years old, and she almost couldn’t believe it. Despite the great parties and enormous preparations she was gifted with every year for her birthday, though, she sometimes felt a little bit claustrophobic for all the pressure people put on her, trying to gain her favor and her appreciation.

But she wouldn’t have let those thoughts ruin her happiness, especially not when she had people like Gilbert, Jane, Josie, Tillie and...Anne. She missed her company a lot, despite having known her for more or less two months. She was a comfort for the soul, and Diana still felt partially guilty for not having intervened when Anne was sent away from the mansion. She couldn’t even text or write to her, but she knew exactly what she wanted to ask to her parents as her birthday gift, as soon as the gala was over.

“May I interrupt the queen’s morning routine?” a voice said, interrupting Diana’s stream of thoughts with a warm smile. Gilbert, standing at the door, was immediately surpassed by a small jumpy figure who hugged her sister as soon as she reached her.

“ _Happy birthday big sister!!!!!_ ” Minnie May exclaimed, placing a messy kiss on Diana’s cheek and making her laugh. “I got you a chocolate cupcake I stole from Tillie.”

“Why thank you MM, I appreciate this a lot. Wanna share?” Diana asked, splitting the cupcake in a half and letting her sister eat the most of it. Then, she turned to Gilbert, who chuckled warmly and hugged her tightly, raising her up a little and spinning her around.

“My sister is freaking growing up, isn’t she?” he said, smiling widely.

“I’m just two years younger than you, Gil, don’t behave like I’m a baby, huh?” Diana replied, laughing.

“Oh, wait a second” he said, before disappearing for a couple of minutes and coming back with a huge package in his arms, closing the door behind himself. “I wanted to wait until tonight, but I feel like you deserve to have your present now. Happy birthday Di” he announced, waiting for his sister to open it.

“Is there your friend Ariel inside?! I want to see her red hair!” Minnie May exclaimed, making Diana’s smile a little less excitedly at the mention of Anne.

“Even though Anne would probably accept to make such a gift..no, she’s not inside the package, MM. Hey, why don’t you go and check if mom and dad are done with the preparation?” Gilbert softly murmured to Minnie May, who happily got out of the room with chocolate all over her mouth. As they were left alone, he spoke up again.

“Anne was with me when I got you this gift. I met her when I bought it, so I had her…approval too” he softly said, scratching his head at the memory of a certain sudden act of affection he had received from the fire headed young woman. Diana smiled again, and proceeded to open her gift. Slowly, the mahogany wood caught her eye, then the lace curtains and the floral details of the doll house. Her mouth gradually opened in surprise, as she couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Oh, Gilbert. You truly didn’t have to. Mother and father didn’t want- I mean, they didn’t think it was appropriate for me, but it’s...spectacular, so beautiful and exactly how I wanted it. You must have spent a fortune-“

“I only spend my money buying books on Saturdays, so I totally had the right and the possibility to get you this. Do you like it? You can also add pieces to the collection” Gilbert answered, trying to understand if the tears in Diana’s eyes were of happiness or disgust.

“I adore it, Gil. Totally and completely. I don’t know how to thank you” Diana replied, circling her brother again with tenderness. 

“I think you should check your phone, you might want to see a huge amount of messages for you” Gilbert said. “And then you can-“

“Gilbert” a harsh voice, belonging to Eliza Barry, interrupted their conversation. “We need you in our office right now. Come on” she said, before leaving the room again. Diana’s joy got stepped on by the lack of affection and caring of her mother, who didn’t even care to wish her a happy birthday. Yet, she squeezed Gilbert’s hand and smiled, nodding to let him know she would have waited for him. 

Gilbert left the room, a weird sensation sliding into his throat and reaching his stomach. Why would they want him in their office so early and in that exact day? Did they find out about his meeting with Anne? He had no idea what to expect, but he knew from the moment Eliza Barry had stepped so impolitely into Diana’s bedroom that it would have been a troubled discussion. He entered the room and closed the door, only to find William and Eliza waiting for him inside, a bunch of documents on the table in front of them and a suspicious envelope holding the central position. 

“Good morning, son. Sit down” Mr Barry said, smiling widely. “Today is a very special day, and not just for your sister’s twentieth birthday, but especially for another event.”

Gilbert looked at them with confusion and suspect, knowing that something was going on. He had the feeling he had already seen that envelope; not that precise one, but a thousands of others, sent everyday to the citizens of Prince Edward Island from the government itself.

“Open it, Gilbert, and read its content” Eliza said, pointing to the letter.

_Sir Gilbert Blythe-Barry,_

_We are extremely joyful to inform you that you have been eventually matched with your future partner and mother of your children. As you surely know, rules must be respected, as the law orders in art. 67. Any form of rebellion against the government or the person you have been destined to will be punished severely._

_Here is the information you need to know about your partner._

_Name: Winifred_

_Surname: Rose_

_Age: 22_

_Phone number: 355 671 0908_

_Nationality: English_

_Location: Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island_

_Address: 64 Rue of Tallet_

_You should have the necessary amount of pieces of information. You must meet your partner within the next 30 days and, as you’re certainly aware of, Miss Rose will be the one to visit you first._

_Thank you for your fidelity to the government. You can know build your family._

_Distinctly,_

_House of the Lynx_

Gilbert couldn’t even hold the piece of paper longer. He let it fall on the marble table, before swallowing and looking at his adoptive parents.

“You got me a partner” he simply stated, yet it felt more like an incredulous question pronounced with bitterness. “Today, of all days.”

“Exactly, Gilbert. You know we want you and your sisters to have the brightest future. Minnie May already knows she will have to marry George Bell when they’ll both be adults, so you and Diana were left to decide. We were sure Diana would have had a huge amount of suitors - which is actually right - and we wanted to personally and carefully choose her partner first, but considering the way you so easily got involved in... _filthy_ affairs with Miss Shirley-Cuthbert-“

“There was nothing going on, what are you even-“ Gilbert tried to say, only to be ignored and talked over.

“-and considering the failure with Josie Pye some years ago, we decided to take care of your future first. Miss Rose seems to be the most suitable young woman for you, Gilbert. She is the only daughter of Nigel Rose, one of the most powerful English men, and they moved to Prince Edward Island only last year, to collaborate with us. We have been working together for some months, and we had the chance to know Winifred directly, and she is perfect for you, we can assure you this.”

“I don’t doubt it, she may be wonderful, but shouldn’t I have a word in it? Plus, why today?! It’s Diana’s birthday and you barely talked to her-“

“Tonight we’ll focus on that, don’t change the main topic, Gilbert. Luckily enough, Winifred and her parents will join the gala tonight and you’ll spend the evening with her! Isn’t it great? You won’t even have to wait!” William Barry replied, patting Gilbert’s shoulder vigorously and smiling. “It’s a great occasion, Gilbert, and you’ll see how lovely Winifred is.”

“Winifred or her parents’ money?” Gilbert dated to murmur, and Eliza Barry approached him immediately, but slowly.

“Listen carefully, Gilbert. You will behave _flawlessly_ tonight, and treat Miss Rose with politeness and enthusiasm. You won’t say a word against any of us or our system, or I swear to what you hold dearest that you’ll regret it. Did you hear me?” she whispered, brushing her hand against his cheek as she was caressing his face, but to Gilbert it stung more than a viper’s bite. He didn’t nod, he didn’t say a thing, he simply looked at her with disgust and anger, his mouth feeling the taste of blood for how hardly he had bitten his own tongue not to yell at her.

He turned his back to them, but before he had the chance to get out, Mrs Barry talked again.

“Oh, and honey? Anne Shirley-Cuthbert will be here tonight with her partner, and we agreed to let Adam come with her only for _his_ dignity. I think it’s needless to say you won’t talk to her, right?”

Gilbert didn’t even mind answering, and left the room, slamming the door.

Anger was rushing through his veins like some sort of burning fluid, making his heartbeat fast and his mind race frenetically. He should have expected it, obviously, it was supposed to happen sooner or later. He wouldn’t have been privileged, he didn’t have the right to be; every citizen received a letter, whether it was about their future partner or the impossibility to match with someone, so why should he have had a word into the whole matter? Plus Eliza and William Barry would have never let him decide for himself, and now more than ever they seemed convinced that Winifred Rose was the right person for Gilbert.

He had thought about the moment in which he would have received a letter for his whole life, and he never really cared much about it: it was how things were supposed to go, and he had made a promise to his father. He would have never broken that. Yet, right now, as he paced back and forth near The Waterfalls in his house’s backyard, he felt furious, incapable of staying still and just accept what had to be accepted. 

Was it the stream of thoughts his mind was undergoing, the idea of ‘partner’ or the name _waterfalls_ , eventually Anne popped up into his brain. He had always teased her jokingly about her poor ability to stand Adam Glesby, but now more than ever he could understand her frustration. And he was definitely privileged compared to her: at least he had an economic background which allowed him a little more freedom, while Anne had always wanted her adoptive parents to have the life they deserved, without her being an obstacle just because she didn’t want to spend her life with Adam. 

Gilbert felt closer to her more than ever. If they were already linked by a sort of invisible string before, now there was a whole rope keeping them together, somehow. He desperately wanted to confront her, to talk to her like they had once done, the first night she arrived at the mansion or when they talked at the cafeteria, getting to know each other after a...troubled beginning. 

He sat down on the grass, but couldn’t find any kind of solace in the weather or in his surroundings. It was a lovely day, with rays of sunshine announcing the arrival of spring and a gentle wind cuddling the leaves of the trees between its kind arms.

Inside him, though, Gilbert felt a storm unable to explode.

He thought about how Anne had hugged him only some days before, out of the blue, without a clear reason. She was truly a girl of her own kind. He couldn’t have even talked to her the whole night; he didn’t care about what his parents would have told him if he did, but he was genuinely worried Anne would have truly been punished terribly, and now just with a rebuke for sure. Her reputation in the high spheres of the society was already slightly compromised, and he truly didn’t want to make it worse, if there was a chance for them to be friends again and spend time together in front of everyone.

He truly hoped Winifred could be at least a good person to have around. He would have thought about the rest another day; now he had to be strong for Diana, to make her day happy, as much as he could. Loving also means sacrificing your own wellbeing for a bit to let someone else shine, especially Diana, who had totally been ignored by her parents the day of her own birthday.

Gilbert got up and breathed in, then went back inside, welcoming Moody to start getting ready for the gala. It would have been a long night.

When the amber light of the sunset started spreading in the sky like the sweetest honey, illuminating Anne’s apartment with a warm comforting atmosphere, it was time for her to get ready. The dawn precedes the night, just like a warm hug anticipates a bitter goodbye, and Anne felt exactly like she was tasting a necessary, but stinging medicine. Cole and Ruby helped her preparing herself, even though Anne had to refuse Cole’s idea of styling her hair a couple times.

 _I don’t want to gain a lot of attention, it will already be hard enough. Loose hair will be just fine_ she said, but eventually she accepted to let him curl it a little after a bit of insistence. Ruby admired her sheepishly, even though she was totally envious of her possibility to participate to such a pompous gala; plus, she truly wanted to see a certain tall boy again, yet she couldn’t. Anne comforted her, telling her that she would have loved to trade their positions in that moment, and Ruby didn’t hold any grudges towards her best friend, at all. She was just a little down, that’s it.

“Ruby, baby, you will certainly receive your letter soon, don’t doubt it. The government would never lose such a precious beauty like yours, trust me. For tonight, though, you must settle for me and some good red wine, yeah?” Cole said, lifting Ruby’s mood up. “Now, Anne, your turn. Let us see this dress, we are nervous!”

When Anne came out of the bathroom, with her golden dress on, even Ruby smiled of surprise.

“Anne, you look incredible! You are so lovely and elegant” she said, getting up and brushing her hands on the skirt of the dress, as to make sure everything was okay with it. Anne nodded and smiled briefly. She totally adored the dress, yet she felt uncomfortable with the atmosphere in which she would have had to wear it. She thought about Matthew and the sacrifices he always did for her, for her happiness, and she felt totally grateful for him - and for Marilla too - so she took a breathe and put on a brave face.

When the bell rang, she knew it was Adam waiting for her outside, and she felt her own insides trembling. Not for excitement, though. She looked at herself one last time in the mirror, before taking her purse, which was hiding Diana’s gift, and said goodbye to her friends. Oh, how she would have missed them.

“Anne, good evening! You look great. Shall we?” Adam said quickly, nodding his head in the direction of the mansion. Anne didn’t say a word, she simply nodded back and started her path. It would have all been okay.

Hopefully.

When Anne and Adam walked towards the main entrance of the Barry’s mansion, her breathe got taken away by the illustrious decorations and marvelous greatness of pretty much everything she had in front of her eyes. There were lights everywhere, as to make sure even the satellites were aware of the fact that a gala had just begun in Charlottetown; the hall was as rich as ever, with flowers of all species all around it, probably taken directly from the garden Anne had loved so much during that winter day, despite having spent so little time into that place.

Long tables full of any kind of pastry, cake, roasted meat, fruit and vegetables were probably the main characters of the whole night, and Anne could swear she had never seen so much food on just one table in all her existence. She had been raised with potatoes, milk and poor food like that, and seeing such a huge amount of edible stuff at once was kind of...unexpected. How could those guests be so angry and eat all that food? _I hope it doesn’t get wasted, at least. So many lives could be saved out of Charlottetown with one fifth of this meals_ Anne though. There was even a fountain of chocolate, and her childish inner part wished she could truly have something like that everyday for all her life. Not even in her wildest dreams had she imagined to have that place as her room for an evening.

What made Anne hold onto Adam’s arm a little more tightly was the huge amount of people in that hall, occupying every single corner of it: women with the most elegant dresses, nibbling and chatting animatedly, sharing laughters and kisses on the cheeks. It was almost like going back to the last years of the 19th century, at once of those incredible nights in which noble men and women danced and smoked together, as Anne had read in her favorite novels. This time, though, her hands didn’t shake for excitement, but rather for nervousness.

Even Eliza Barry seemed more relaxed than ever, with a smile on her face as she greeted the most illustrious guests. _Maybe all the fake adoration she is receiving will keep her quiet for tonight_ Anne thought, trying not to look at her too much.

“Many people, huh?” Adam asked, looking around himself and smiling happily. He came from a rich family of Charlottetown, of course he had already been to such events, while Anne felt like a fish out of water, and not just because she felt uncomfortable, but also because she could barely breathe. 

“Isn’t there even a window in here?” she replied quietly, not loud enough for Adam to listen to her though. As she walked a little further into the room, gaining a few looks - she didn’t even want to see if they were looks of approval or repulsion, honestly - her eyes got stuck. In the middle of the huge room, receiving guests and amazed looks, Diana Barry stood magnificently, as majestic as the silver statue of the goddess Athena she had once seen somewhere. Diana’s blue dress was long and delicate, with precious turquoise flowers decorated onto her corsage. She looked like a real princess, as beautiful as ever, and her smile was the brightest. 

Diana looked around the hall, only to end up with her eyes on Anne herself. After a moment of uncertainty and hesitation, she smiled, her dimples popping up sweetly, and Anne knew that she had been forgiven and that their friendship was still alive and blossoming. She wanted to approach her, to talk to her and finally explain everything, but she felt like it would have been too much in front of everyone else, and she certainly didn’t want to catch attention in the middle of the greatest hall of the town. She could have found Diana at the end of the night, maybe not in front of Eliza and William Barry, and maybe she could have even given her gift directly, without the need of behaving like some kind of undercover agent.

“Anne! Adam!” she heard someone exclaim, and she turned her gaze away from Diana, to find Josie Pye and her wonderful lilac dress walking towards her, hand in hand with Andrew De Laurence. 

“Josie, you look amazing!” Anne replied, hugging her friend back and doing the same with Andrew. 

“You too, Anne, you are shining. You guys are lovely together, I’m glad you could both come” Josie continued, looking directly at Anne. Of course all of Diana’s and Gilbert’s friend knew about what had happened a month earlier, and as uncomfortable as Anne could feel, she was glad to have someone in that room to talk too. “I’ve been so many times into this house, yet the Barry’s truly outdid themselves this time. It’s so exciting, isn’t it? And I don’t even want to imagine the gifts Diana will receive. Sometimes I’m a bit envious, actually, but no grudges, truly. She deserves this.”

_Envious? All these people here seem envious of the Barry’s, then they’ll go back to their enormous mansions and waste their money in stupidity, while there are so many families dying out of this city. How can they all be so blind?_

Anne felt guilty to even be there, yet she knew she couldn’t live out of the blue and make a fool of herself even more than she already had. So she held herself from speaking up as she would have done in any other kind of situation and nodded.

“Oh, where in the whole world are Jane and Caleb? Those two always end up near the buffet and disappear” Josie continued, before another voice replied behind her.

“I’m hungry, okay? What’s the matter with it? Hello Anne, Adam, I’m so glad you guys are here. I love Josie but I can’t stand her and Andrew’s cheesy exchanges a second more. How are you beauty?” Jane said, kissing Anne’s cheek and smiling knowingly at her. Her yellow dress matched perfectly with her green eyes, and Anne kissed her back, before spotting Caleb and leaving Adam’s arm to hug him too.

“Caleb! My savior, please tell me you’re feeling terribly too. I think I may cry. You are certainly more used than me to this, but I need someone to tell me I’m not the only one” Anne murmured, and Caleb laughed.

“Trust me, I’ll never get used to this. I’m used to attending galas, but not as crowded as this one, truly. I feel like the whole city as moved inside this place. It’s a bit claustrophobic, isn’t it?” he replied, handing Anne a glass of champagne. “Drink some of this, you may feel a little less nervous. But don’t exaggerate, alright?”

“Oh trust me, I won’t. I’ve already experienced Eliza Barry’s behavior after a drunk, and I don’t want to live it again” Anne answered, sipping a bit of her drink slowly, trying to calm down. Caleb’s solidarity made her feel slightly better, at least momentarily. “How is it going with Jane?”

“It’s going greatly. She is becoming even cheesier, even though she would never admit it publicly. She likes to look sassy and kind of a self-made woman, you know? Like she doesn’t approve terrible actions like being cuddled or kissed. But she’s melting a little, and I think she likes me too” he said, smiling sheepishly. “Sometimes I feel like she wants more, you know? Or like she isn’t satisfied with the life I can give her.”

“Of course she is, Caleb, I can see it from the way she looks at you. She just finds it a little hard to tell you openly, but I’m sure she is. Any other girl would be lucky to have someone like you, you know? Especially at the age of twenty. Don’t worry, just give her time. She’ll never want to lose you” Anne said, smiling at him and finally letting herself feel lighter. She was even beginning to feel hungry, which was definitely a sign of the fact that she was getting comfortable with the whole atmosphere.

But obviously, it was never too safe when it came to the Barry’s, and when Caleb greeted someone who was behind Anne, somehow she could understand who that person was without turning. And when she saw him, she realized she had only partially guessed right.

As a matter of fact, Gilbert Blythe was really there, as elegant as ever, with his usual warm smile but with slightly tired eyes. He was a bit pale, maybe he was feeling hot and overwhelmed too inside that hall, but Anne couldn’t quite get it.

However, he wasn’t alone. A tall, lovely figure stood next to him, arm in arm, with eyes bluer than a summer sky and wonderful long curls, the color of a golden sand shining on a warm beach. If summer could have been a person, it would have been that girl, and Anne felt like she had no idea what to say. _Who is she?_

“Gilbert! Nice to see you again” Caleb said, patting his friend on the shoulder and bowing briefly in front of Winifred. “Miss, I’m Caleb Fields. It’s lovely to make your acquaintance.”

“Same goes to you, Mr Field. I’m Winifred Rose, Gilbert’s partner” the young woman said, smiling and showing perfect white teeth, just to complete the representation of a gorgeous Venus. Gilbert looked down as soon as Winifred mentioned herself as his partner, but then he laid his eyes on Anne herself. She expected him to say something, to hug her back maybe or notice her dress, or just to greet her, but her hopes faded when he simply nodded and looked away. 

“You must be Anne Shirley, am I right? I’ve heard a lot about you from the Barry’s. It’s good to see that they let you come, they are so welcoming all the time” Winifred said, her hand in front of her ready to hold Anne’s. Anne herself was speechless, and definitely confused. _Gilbert has a partner? Since when? Has he lied when he said he hadn’t received the letter? And how did Winifred know about the accident? Has Gilbert told her about it? How could he? He’s not like that. He would never. Right?_

Like the domino effect, a thousand of doubts started coming to the surface of Anne’s mind, shaking her and definitely hurting her, despite her resilience.

“Yes, it’s me. The Barry’s let me come because nothing happened, and Diana is my friend. I’m...happy to meet you, Winifred” she replied, trying to keep her voice steady and hide the fact that she was internally screaming, feeling humiliated and angry. She tried to look into Gilbert’s eyes once again, and even though he was already staring at her, she could tell he was absent, and maybe just in a trance. She shook her head, then proceeded. “I’ll go get another drink, have a good evening” she concluded, before walking away as quickly as she could.

As soon as Anne left, Gilbert felt kind of bad for his behavior. Believe it or not, he was totally aware of what he was doing, yet he knew the way he acted towards Anne wasn’t fair, yet he couldn’t do much about it. He would have wanted to greet her properly, to thank her for being strong enough to come to some stupid rich gala event just to be a good friend to Diana; he would have wanted to spend time with her and his friends, to try and convince her of the fact that yes, she would have learnt to love lemon tarts too. 

He would have wanted to tell her how lovely she was, with her halo of golden stars around her and those big eyes, which were as deep as the lake in The Valley. Don’t misunderstand, he wanted to spend time with her as friends, _totally_ , nothing else. She was a bright little thing and a certain affection was growing inside him, and only few people know how protective and caring Gilbert Blythe-Barry can become when he gets fond of someone. 

When the gala begun, it truly only took more or less ten minutes for the hall to get full and crowded, with loud voices wishing the best birthday to Diana and complimenting the Barry’s for their amazing organization and generosity.

_Duh, if this is generosity..._

Gilbert was there from the very beginning, yet he didn’t immediately notice Anne. He was definitely drowning between the _How much you’ve grown, Gilbert!_ and _Have you chosen your career yet?_ from people he didn’t even know, yet he had to pretend he was interested in keeping up with those nonsense conversation which shouldn’t have been anyone’s business but his own.

He laid his eyes on Anne only when he saw Diana smiling sincerely for the first time during the beginning of the night, and as he followed her gaze, he reached the redhead shining on her own in a corner of the room. 

Her presence could light up a firefly and make it burn as brightly as the sun.

But he was brought back on Earth by Winifred’s voice asking him to get some champagne. He had met her for the first time that exact afternoon, when Nigel and Fiona Rose came to the mansion earlier for that very purpose. They seemed to be an unusual couple, but Gilbert couldn’t quite get if it was good or bad. They already knew Gilbert from what his parents had told them, and it made him feel almost naked, bare, without filters to protect his own little world. People liked to pop up out of the blue claiming to know Gilbert more than he knew himself, and it drove him mad.

Nonetheless though, Mrs and Mr Rose were there for a reason. Winifred Rose was as old as Gilbert, with the most elegant bearing and a lively but respectable mouth, which could mainly let out sentences regarding habits, her own teenage years in England, her future aspirations and sporadic mentions of marriage, at which Gilbert swallowed and tried to change the topic. Generally speaking, she didn’t seem a bad person at all, but he felt like he needed time, even though he didn’t have much. And when Winifred talked to Anne mentioning the accident of the previous month, he had wanted to disappear. Anne had looked at him briefly as too denounce a betrayal, but he hadn’t been allowed to talk to her at all in order not to put Anne herself at risk, and he certainly didn’t mean to do that.

Apparently, Winifred’s parents not only knew Gilbert well, but also anything else regarding his acquaintances, which obviously includes that fateful night when he fell asleep with Anne. But of course he had to let Winifred’s words fly like wind through Anne’s heart and crinkle it a little without the ability to say anything else.

He knew he had to do something, but he needed time. For everything. _Time_.

After that awkward moment which left a bittersweet taste on both Anne’s and Gilbert’s tongue, the night proceeded more or less smoothly. For two hours the two of them managed to try and enjoy - partially, at least - the night without feeling guilty or embarrassed around each other. The music was actually pleasing and weirdly enough not too boring for their taste, and they also had the chance to dance a little to the rhythm of it, even though Anne kept feeling Eliza Barry’s eyes on here even when she was out of her view. Don’t blame her though, who wouldn’t be paranoid in such a situation?

Nonetheless, she managed to always be in company, laughing and getting to know each other even more. Anne drank some wine - _rich wine_ , as she said a bit too loudly when her mind began to get slightly foggy - but she also ate more, knowing that drinking without eating automatically meant bad consequences she didn’t want to live again. When the music started getting more lively and the young people in the hall started dancing a bit sheepishly, moving their hips casually - they still had to keep their role and decency, after all - Anne dragged her friends to dance with her, surprising them. She learnt that Adam was actually a good dancer, because he had to take classes since he was very young in order to get ready for these kinds of night.

“I don’t know how to dance to these songs though, I know tango and waltz but that’s pretty much all” Adam said, as Anne moved with Jane and Josie.

“You just need to let the music carry you, you know? I never took a dance class in my whole life, you only have to move randomly and it’ll be fine” she replied, her heart speeding up for the laughters and the moving. Little did she know a pair of eyes was looking at her now and then, chuckling to himself as she unconsciously broke the promise of not catching too much attention; a promise she had never made out loud, actually.

Gilbert, on the other hand, didn’t have the chance to enjoy the night as much as his peculiar one redhead seemed to do. His arm almost got sore from staying around Winifred’s for two hours, and he could swear he found salvation in Minnie May ranting about how good the cream puffs were.

_Better than talking about bank affairs a second more._

He did little talk with Winnie, but maybe she was just as bad as he was at keeping conversations alive and interesting, or maybe it was just him not being in the mood. His tie was too tight and he felt like air was running out inside the room, and his throat was saved from getting too dry only by the white wine he loved so much.

After a while, when the music slowed down and the huge work of art which was the cake for Diana was brought into the hall, he offered to dance with his sister. The atmosphere around him started to get calmer and slower, and an empty space was created in the center of the room exactly for him and Diana to dance, surrounded by many expressions of approval and adoration of such a loving bond between siblings. Diana seemed to be the happiest, for once, and it made him enjoy the night a bit more; they laughed as he spinned her around, the fabric of her dress swinging with her like the softest cloud of magic.

Anne was standing next to Caleb and Jane, and the sight in front of her brought her back to reality, and for once she didn’t feel like it was worse than imagination. The sweetness in Gilbert’s eyes and the sincere smile on Diana’s face made her soft and cleared her mind. She never had the chance to have a sibling, but she could just feel the protection Gilbert had as a priority in his life and the bond they had created, despite the fact that just like Anne herself, he came from another family too. She didn’t even realize a tear had fallen on her cheek silently until Jane turned to her with a worried expression.

“Are you okay, Anne?”

She nodded, before wiping that one tear away, a drop of admiration and tenderness, a precious tear of sincerity and emotion. Anne couldn’t even explain why her emotions seemed to get amplified whenever the Barry’s were around, yet she didn’t despise what she was feeling in that very moment at all. She liked to listen to her heart and let her body show autonomously the consequences of what she felt, just like it happened with that tear. 

As the song came to an end, everyone clapped their hands and Gilbert hugged Diana once again. Anne was determined to move towards him and catch him now that Winifred was around, but once again she was too slow. A bunch of people, including Winifred, approached him and made their congratulations to the two siblings for how close they were and how well they had been raised, and Gilbert politely thanked them, gaining a look of approval from William and Eliza Barry, for once.

Anne wanted to wait until either he or Diana were free from interruptions, so she respectfully kept a bit of distance, close enough to hear spots of the conversation which was taking place though.

“I wish my kids had such a strong bond, they argue all the time and drive me mad!” the man in a couple who was talking to Gilbert said, followed immediately by his wife.

“Even though your parents told us that you, Gilbert, brought some trouble inside the house some time ago. Don’t worry, we won’t say anything to anyone, but we are close to Eliza and William and well…we don’t keep secrets from each other” the woman said, sipping more of her wine with a face which seemed to claim to know everything and everyone, and to have the world at her feet.

Anne, of course, heard everything, and she couldn’t help but take a step closer to listen more carefully.

“But I’m sure it wasn’t your fault, Gilbert, you are so well mannered. Isn’t that girl here tonight? I believe I’ve seen that red hair somewhere. She even had the audacity to step in here. You Barry’s are way too kind” the woman proceeded to say, and Anne’s enthusiasm was totally destroyed in a couple of seconds. She looked to the ground, hoping not to be noticed, then back up, as if she was ready to face that unknown couple who was talking behind her back, literally.

At those words, both Gilbert and Diana spoke up.

“I wanted her to come, she is a wonderful person, so selfless and totally sweet. You should meet her and you would for sure change your mind” Diana said, trying to keep her voice calm and steady, with the fakest smile of her face. How could those people insult Anne without even knowing her and after listen to Eliza Barry’s version of facts? Diana was immediately followed by Gilbert.

“It was all a misunderstanding, I made a mistake, the girl you’re talking about has no fault” he said, a bit more roughly than his sister. “And her name is Anne” he added, before excusing himself and leaving Winifred’s arm, turning around to see Anne herself standing silently near them.

“Anne” he murmured, more out of surprise than anything. She didn’t manage to say a thing, if not “That’s the first thing you’ve told me since I arrived here”; then, she left to look for her friends, who were chatting animatedly. Gilbert felt a weird pang in his heart when he saw the pain in her eyes, those eyes which were usually so full of hope and flames and sweetness. Diana stood right next to him, just as shaken as he was.

“Did she hear everything they said?” she asked.

“Definitely” he replied, anger building up into his chest. “I can’t- I mean, how can someone be so rude and have so much prejudice?”

Diana sighed, trying to find a solution as she always liked to do. She hated seeing people suffering, and she tried to find a way out of any bad situation whenever she could, but it was harder this time. Words can hurt more than actions, and despite Diana’s admiration for Anne’s resilience and good heart, she could see how bad she was feeling even without talking directly to her.

Until an idea popped up into her mind. She murmured something to Gilbert before walking to the little orchestra playing in the background and speaking in the microphone.

“Good evening to everyone, again. I have a special request and I’d like your collaboration and participation. I’d like everyone to change their partners for the next song, in order to share the love I’m feeling tonight to everyone inside this wonderful place! I’d be very grateful if everyone joined, thank you so much” Diana said, smiling confidently and looking directly at Gilbert, who in the meantime was trying to find the right way to ask a certain someone to dance.

As soon as he started walking towards Anne, he felt a hand grabbing his wrist all of a sudden.

“No, Gilbert, don't you dare. I was clear when I told you not to talk to her, you know the consequences-” Eliza Barry whispered, only to be interrupted by him.

“You said I couldn’t talk to her, and I won’t. But you never said I cannot dance with her” he replied, before abruptly freeing himself from her grip and getting closer to where his friends stood, trying to decide how to exchange the couples.

“Easy. I’ll dance with Caleb, Jane will dance with Andrew, and Anne…” Josie said, trying to organize everything as she liked to do all the time. Anne truly just wanted to leave that place as soon as she could, and she was feeling weird and uncomfortable and it was just _too_ crowded.

“Good evening Adam, nice seeing you here. May I steal Anne for this dance?” Gilbert asked, and Anne raised her head immediately and widened her eyes. “You can dance with Miss Rose, right there.”

“What?” she said, wondering which would have been the consequences of a simple dance and totally taken aback by that request.

“Oh, yes, for sure. I’ll go get her” Adam answered calmly, accepting the offer with his oh-so-characteristic passivity. As soon as they were left by themselves and an old slow song began to play, Gilbert gently took Anne’s hand and led her to the center of the hall, as everyone else did with their temporary dance partners. Anne was trying to find the proper words to express her fears and her doubts on what they were doing, but her whole immense and fascinating vocabulary of unusual and peculiar nouns and adjectives got caught up into her throat and she just coulnd’t say a thing which would make sense. When the lyrics of the songs started, Gilbert placed his hands on her waist and invited her to place hers around his neck with his eyes.

🎶 _I don’t know how to talk about love, emotion has no voice_ 🎶

They slowly started moving together, barely making any step, and Anne’s brain was a mess of questions and need to understand and unsolved doubts. She felt a warm sensations spreading through her chest and she forced herself to think it was just a release of tension, but deep down she knew it wasn’t just that.

🎶 _And I can hardly breathe, when you’re here there’s too much light_ 🎶

Gilbert could feel Eliza’s eyes on him, yet he decided to ignore it as he looked down at Anne, who had no idea where to lay her eyes. He could feel her heart beating against his, and the shortness of her breathes on his neck.

🎶 _I’ll always be your friend, though you know I can be jealous, and I know I contradict myself, but to me you are precious_ 🎶

When she looked around herself, she could see some people staring at them and whispering, and she tried to breathe in and deny her surroundings, closing her eyes for a second. Just in that moment, Gilbert gently held her closer, so that her cheek fit in his neck and she could find comfort in his warmth.

🎶 _Two opposite personalities easily catch fire, but if we are distant, we feel lost; we are two souls tied inside by a love which gives us the certainty that we’ll never be apart_ 🎶

He had kept his promise to save a dance for her, yet he wanted to _talk_ to her and justify his behaviour. He knew what to do as soon as Diana gave him the idea, but as they slowly swayed like salty waves caressed by the wind, his plan was the last thing in his mind. He knew she was hurt, and holding her so closely, noticing her breath slowing down and just her presence reassured him of the fact that, at least temporarily, she was okay.

🎶 _Between my arms you’ll sleep serenely, and that’s what matters, you know it, to simply feel what we are_ 🎶

Her hands were now on his chest, warming up like it was a comforting chimney after a winter day. As the song proceeded, Diana smiled sweetly, noticing how calm Anne had gotten, surprisingly enough. When the last notes of violin ended, everyone clapped their hands and laughed, knowing that changing partners was like a one-time game to please the future heiress on her birthday; for someone else, though, it had certainly been more than that.

Anne and Gilbert came back to Earth and took a small step apart from each other. He slightly bowed down to thank her without speaking, and as he still held her hand, he let a little paper note slide into it; when he was sure she had taken it, from the look she had on her face, he let her hand free and walked away, just as Adam approached Anne.

“That Winifred is so funny, you know? Have you met her yet? Wait, I’ll go get us drinks, your cheeks are pinkish from the heat” he said all at once, and for once Anne was grateful for how lightly he took things, lightly enough not to notice her cheeks were coloured for another reason.

As soon as he left, she carefully opened the note Gilbert had left her and read it.

_Not allowed to talk to you. Waterfalls when people start leaving?_

She looked up to find him, and as soon as their eyes met again, she nodded briefly enough not to be noticed by anyone, but him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, hope you are enjoying the story so far! Very important chapter below, but before you begin to read, I just wanted you to know that you will find the lyrics of a song in a certain part of this chapter. The lyrics comes from an Italian song by a famous artist - Adriano Celentano - and it's called L'Emozione non ha voce, which in fact means "Emotion has no voice". The original lyrics is longer and obviously in Italian, so I took part of it and translated it into English to make sure you all understand the wonderful meaning it has. You should totally listen to it tho, it's wonderful!
> 
> Now, you can proceed with the reading. Let me know your thoughts!  
> Lots of love x


	10. Incandescent

After that moment, which had left Anne dealing with mixed emotions and a certain warmth in her chest, Diana started opening gifts and _magnificent_ presents from people she didn’t even know. Nonetheless, though, she seemed satisfied with how the night had evolved and she knew it would have been terribly spoiled and awful of her to complain about anything.

Anne remained in the corner of the hall, chatting now and then with Caleb or Jane and wishing to snuggle under her fluffy covers and just take everything in; first of which was the fact that she had manage to survive a whole night with Eliza Barry being in the same room she was without it ending with a murder. Anne knew the feeling of contrast was mutual, and anyone who knew Anne was well aware of the fact that – despite being polite and well mannered – she wasn’t afraid of arguing with anyone, and the age gap wasn’t a problem for her. Eliza Barry was an adult, and Marilla had raised her with bread and politeness towards adults, yet… had Mrs Barry been respectful towards her parents when she let them die? _I think the heck not_ Anne thought to herself as she watched the crowd of people in front of her almost elbowing each other to see Diana.

 _I should leave my gift for her_ Anne remembered, but she had to wait a bit more to sneak upstairs and leave it in front of Diana’s bedroom door. If you asked Anne if she were a materialist, she would probably answer with a straight _no_ , but deep down she loved it when objects carried a special meaning with them through eternity, even if after all they were, in fact, objects. She hoped her gift for Diana could be not just a pleasing thingy to celebrate a birthday, but the sign of a new beginning. A sort of catharsis, a token of forgiveness and comprehension, a small bright spark which tided their friendship again, and more tightly.

As her mind travelled through the billions of thoughts that had grown into her brain, she got stuck into one in particular, one that made her reflect a bit more deeply. She raised her eyes and caught a glimpse of blonde hair near the center of the hall. Winifred Rose must have been at least Gilbert’s age, otherwise Anne couldn’t have justified neither her incredible elegance and grace, nor her height. She was even a bit taller than Gilbert, as she wore high heels. It was clear that she came from high society even from two miles of distance: from the way she gracefully sipped her champagne – the only drink she had for the whole night – as much as from the halo of light she seemed to carry along with her as she spoke, her voice gentle and delicate.

Anne almost laughed bitterly to herself as she thought about the fact that they definitely were poles apart; there wasn’t even one thing they shared, not that Anne complained about it. She would have never traded the love with which Matthew and Marilla had raised, the flowers which blossomed around Green Gables every day and their comforting perfume, or Ruby’s and Cole’s friendship, for anything in the world. She had to admit, though, that she would have liked to switch places with Winifred Rose for a day to be able to experience how having a comfortable and somehow easy life felt, with a career which had already been established and a partner like Gilbert Blythe beside-

_Wait, what?_

As soon as she realized where her mind had ended up, she blushed to herself, surprised by how bold and… _tricky_ her brain could be. She straightened up her spine and fixed her hair and dress, trying to gain her composure back, as if it could help her deny what had just popped up into her multicolored universe. She had no clue what had just happened to her, but honestly she didn’t want to find out, so she gulped as to swallow the remaining glimpses of comfort and tranquillity she had felt while they were dancing, and she looked at her surroundings to check if someone was looking at her. When she noticed everyone being absorbed in their own conversations, she mentally excused herself for not handling a minute inside that room anymore and she sneaked out of it, exiting from the closest door. She had just spent a short amount of time into the Barry’s mansion, so she didn’t quite know how to find her bearings; but there was one specific place she wanted to reach and she remembered the path by heart. After all, she had gone there for at least three nights in a row, and she had a pretty good memory of beautiful places; plus, she should have gone there anyway to meet Gilbert, so there was no harm in what she was doing. She would have been early, but she truly needed some fresh air or she would have seriously screamed or fainted – or both – in front of everyone.

As she arrived at The Waterfalls – oh how she loved that name – Anne closed the glass door behind her and she walked a bit further, ending up exactly at the shore of the small lake. A reassuring silence surrounded her, and she sat on the green natural pillow under her, careful not to ruin her dress, and took off her heels, feeling the cold touch of the night and the blades of grass caressing and tickling her feet. She was finally somewhere comfortable, where she felt at ease and where her lungs could fill themselves with _actual_ oxygen, and not just a mixture of fried smells, flowers arrangements and fake excitement. Anne could hear the crickets singing their lullabies all around her, and her tired eyes found pleasure, for once, in the darkness in front of her, which made it impossible to distinguish the details of the place, if not the continuous flow and drop of the small waterfall she liked so much.

 _It’s odd how human beings can find pleasure or solace in things which seem to have a whole another function; nothing belonging to nature is made for humans to take advantage of, but maybe it has been created to find the original bond we have with life, and to feel the roots of it all around us_ she thought, as she breathed deeply and rhythmically.

She got lost in a kind of _trance_ state, and she believed she could have easily fallen asleep there, cuddled by the sound of the night, until she was suddenly brought back to Earth and to awareness by a hand on her shoulder. She slightly jumped with a small spasm and an _oh_ coming out of her mouth at once when she felt the touch on her skin, and – with her _usual_ trust in people – she was ready to get up and defend herself if someone was trying to threaten her, but she realized how wrong her reflexes had been when she looked up at the owner of that gentle hand.

“Gilbert, my God, where you trying the scare the freak out of me?!” she managed to say, her eyes still wide and her cheeks tenderly colored with a bit of fright.

Gilbert immediately chuckled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. For half a second I thought you were asleep, but hey, I wouldn’t have blamed you, I was getting bored too. Can I sit?” he asked, and Anne answered with a nod, patting the empty spot next to her.

“I wasn’t sleeping, I was just…engrossed it quietness, see?” she answered, smiling teasingly at him. “It was just _too_ much, inside, and I needed some air.”

“ _Engrossed in quietness_ , a new poem by Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. It has potential” Gilbert replied, only to receive her elbow on his arm along with a _shut up_. “Ouch. But yeah, I get your point, I needed some air too. It was a bit too crowded, and too overwhelming, sometimes.”

She answered with a low _yes_ as her smile dropped gradually, and her fingers started playing with the strands of grass between the two of them. Gilbert was trying to find the right words to explain the reason behind his behaviour that night, but there was just so much to say and so little fairness to what she had to go through because of his parents. After a minute or two of silence, he finally spoke.

“I..I wanted to apologize. For how I had to behave and for what that couple said, and well…for dragging you to dance with me against your will” he said, his hand between his dark curls – an habit which was usual of him when he was tense. Anne turned to him, shaking her head.

“It’s not your fault, you don’t have to apologize-”

“Yes, Anne, I have to, because-”

“You can’t control what people say, Gilbert” Anne replied, raising her voice a little and a big knot growing into her throat.

“I feel like a coward. I couldn’t even talk to you because Eliza and William threatened you and me both, and they came up with the letter this morning and totally caught me off guard, and I had to spend the night with a person I don’t even know” Gilbert blurted out, since he had been holding those words for at least sixteen hours. Anne looked at him with compassion, knowing that he really had no fault in what was going on, and with pain too.

“I’m sorry I got angry at you, earlier, before we danced. But you hadn’t talked to me at all and that couple…You know, I don’t care about what people think of me as long as I’m in peace with my own conscience. But..it still hurts, sometimes, to have a voice and people still don’t want to hear what you have to say. Prejudice defeats everything” she said, looking down at the water in front of them.

“It doesn’t defeat _you_ , though” Gilbert answered softly, staring at her. “Those people don’t know what to do with their lives anymore, Anne, and they have fun making others’ hell. Especially when it comes to someone as unique and unusual as you are.”

Anne tried to suppress a smile forming on her lips. “Unique and unusual. These go with _peculiar_ in the list of adjectives Gilbert Blythe has used to describe me” she said laughing, and he followed her.

“You are also very beautiful” he added, sincerity flowing out of his mouth, and Anne thought her chest was going in flames for how she felt.

“Thank you” she murmured. A few moments of slight awkwardness followed, in which Gilbert found a new _total interest_ in playing with his cufflings, and Anne wished she hadn’t drunk red wine because she felt terribly hot, despite the cold wind.

“You didn’t drag me against my will, by the way. To dance, I mean. It was nice” Anne broke the silence, biting her tongue in order to stop herself from using more detailed adjectives to describe how she had felt while dancing with him; _nice_ wasn’t even close enough.

“It was Diana’s idea to switch partners, you know? I wanted to communicate with you somehow and she gave me the prompt of the note. How did Adam take it?”

“Adam? Oh, he said Winifred is funny. He didn’t seem particularly worried about what was going on, actually. Per usual” Anne said, looking up at the starless sky. “How did _Winifred_ take it?”

“She said Adam is fine, but she looked a bit annoyed. I met her this afternoon, so I still don’t know much about her, if not that her parents collaborate with mine closely and that she used to live in England” Gilbert answered. “Sorry about how she talked to you by the way, I think her parents had already informed her about the..you know, the night when I fell asleep in your room. I didn’t think she knew _everything_ about me. I think they all know myself more than I do, actually.”

“Do they know you are against deer photographies? That detail is fundamental” Anne joked, and he laughed, shaking his head.

“I don’t think they know about that, you are right” he replied. “Hey, have you moved to your apartment yet?”

“Yup, I did. It’s not far from here, actually, more or less a ten minutes walk. I still need to finish up some stuff but I’m already staying here for a while. I want to get used to it before college begins. I’m afraid I’ll mainly _sleep_ in there, since I’m beginning college from the second year” she added, and Gilbert immediately looked at her with admiration, raising an eyebrow to invite her to explain better. “I’ve studied alone until now but I gave the exams, and well..considering the fact that the grades are good and that there were practical reasons why I couldn’t physically attend any kind of school…I’m beginning ahead of a year.”

“Woah. Impressive. That’s the Anne S-C power” he said, and she smiled only for a moment before her expression dropped. “You don’t seem too excited, though.”

“I am, I truly am, totally. But..You see, they wanted me to move here to be closer to Adam and his parents are going to economically sustain at least eighty percent of my studies. So, yes, I feel so grateful, but also kind of..”

“Stuck” he completed the sentence for her, nodding as he pronounced that word which so sadly associated the two of them.

“Exactly” Anne murmured as an answer, looking directly at him with soft shiny eyes and a shaky heart. Gilbert didn’t know if it was a good idea, especially because not everyone likes physical contact as a way of comforting, but he didn’t even think it twice when he took her hand in his and started brushing his thumb up and down her skin. Anne, on the other hand, wasn’t sure of what led her to tighten her grip on his hand a bit more; what she knew was that she was tired of being rational for that night, and she let her body fulfill her wants and needs almost unconsciously. So she leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, way too embarassed to look at his expression. If she _had_ looked up, though, she would have only found adoration in Gilbert’s eyes.

“I was thinking” Gilbert said then, “If you pronounce Anne S-C quickly in a row, it sounds like Hennessy. Like the cognac, you know?”

Anne laughed. “Is this one of Gilbert Blythe’s night reflections? So smart” she teased him and he laughed back, elbowing her gently like she had done when they had started talking.

“I know... _Hennessy_ ” he replied, chuckling, at which Anne jokingly complained at the umpteenth nickname he had just found for her. Then, Anne suddenly lifted her head up and started rummaging through her purse, taking a rolled up cardboard in a blue envelope with a tiny red ribbon on it.

“I just remembered. This is my gift for Diana, and yes, I know it looks weird but it makes sense once you see what’s inside. Could you give it to her? So I won’t have to sneak inside and risk being murdered by Eliza Barry” Anne said, lowering her voice in case someone was around. Gilbert nodded and took the present, looking at it with his eyebrows raised – _does he do this on purpose or is it a natural habit?_ Anne thought for half a second – as if he was trying to get what in the world had Anne Shirley-Cuthbert prepared for his sister.

“It must be something-” Gilbert begun to say, only to be interrupted by a very high pitched voice coming from the glass door.

“Ariel!” Minnie May exclaimed, squeaking and running towards where Anne and Gilbert were seating.

“Shh, MM, lower your voice” Gilbert whispered, glancing worrily at the door, hoping no one had heard her.

“Hi princess” Anne said back, allowing the kid to sit on her lap. “Thank God you call me Ariel, at least it goes more unnoticed.”

“Where have you been all this time? I thought you were inside Gilby’s gift for Di, but he said you were not” Minnie May complained, looking at Anne as if she was very disappointed by her absence.

Anne glanced at Gilbert, who was trying to suppress a laughter.

“Let’s just say I’ve been having some problems with _Ursula_ , and I was forbidden to come here and visit princess Minnie May in her castle. But I managed to defeat the enemy” Anne said, trying to find appropriate words both to justify her absence and not to make Minnie May understand the truth about what had happened.

“Yay! Will you come here more often now that Ursula has lost?” the child said, and Anne and Gilbert exchanged a look of…hope? Fear? Doubt? Maybe all of them.

“I will try to, but I’m still not sure she has lost completely. Meanwhile, tell me, have you been good? Are you doing your homework?”

“Yes, but it’s boring, and I don’t understand when Gilby explains subtractions. He makes stupid examples saying _Imagine you just bought ten apples and then you lose three_ ” Minnie May said, trying to impersonate Gilbert’s voice. “I would never buy ten apples because I prefer peaches, and even if I bought ten I would never lose them. I am not stupid.”

Anne was on the edge of tears for how much she wanted to laugh, and Gilbert was looking at her with an expression of embarass and shock.

“Anne, if you say anything about this-”

“ _Gilby_ , this is incredible, how could you think Minnie May could ever behave like that? I’m honestly surprised by your little ability to make appropriate examples” Anne said seriously, as she was scolding him for real, but her eyes were shining with fun and a hint of malice.

“Well, _Ariel_ , I’m open to suggestions, since you seem to be so good at Maths” he replied, teasing her back.

“I am indeed. Mermaids are known to be very smart creatures, you know?” Anne said, and Gilbert chuckled, aware of the fact that he very much felt like an idiot. A happy one, though.

Before any of them could say anything else, someone else spoke up.

“Well well, if this isn’t the most lovely family picture” Winifred said, smiling in a way which seemed to hide both surprise and bitterness. Anne and Gilbert immediately got up, and Minnie May followed them. “Diana and I were looking for you, Gilbert. Hadn’t your parents forbidden you from…having conversations with Miss Anne?”

Gilbert tried to make up the best excuse to offer her, but it was Anne who actually talked.

“My fault, I was trying to help Gilbert with Minnie May” she said, squeezing the child’s hand gently, hoping that she would not reveal the truth. “And I accidentally had to break what seems to have become an imposition of public knowledge. Well, I’ll take my leave before someone accuses me of having poisoned Mr Blythe or something.”

Winifred didn’t have a comeback for that, so she simply nodded and made room for Anne to leave through the door. Anne bowed down in front of Minnie May, whispering something to her ear which made the kid laugh; then, she turned to Gilbert.

“Gilbert” she said as a dismissal, looking directly into his eyes and whispering a soft _thank you_ , before leaving the yard.

“Shall we go back inside?” Winifred asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“Sure” Gilbert said a bit reluctantly, wishing that the night could be longer and slower, and that moments could be relived for eternity. As Winifred proceeded in front of him, he took Minnie May in his arms and asked her what had Anne whispered to her.

“She said she’s ready for a Maths competition with you Gilby anytime you want. And I get to be the judge!” Minnie May whispered back. And when they headed back in the hall, Gilbert couldn’t help but feel better than how he had been for all the past weeks.

All the guests were finally gone when it was already three in the morning. Usually, the Barry’s would have never allowed their children to go to bed so late, but truth is they didn’t expect the night to be so long and enjoyable as well, at least partially. As butlers and maids carried on cleaning the whole hall all night long, Eliza and William went to bed, along with Minnie May, who had fallen asleep into Gilbert’s arms for how much she was exhausted and joyful after her so awaited meeting with _Ariel._

When Diana and Gilbert were left in the hall, they were both still to active to be able to sleep. The young woman took a couple steps towards her brother and hugged him tightly, smiling.

“Thank you, Gil. For everything, for tonight and for dancing with me, and with Anne, and..for being the best brother I could ever wish for” she said earnestly, and Gilbert couldn’t help but hug her even more.

“Same goes to you, Di. This night could have gone way worstly, yet it wasn’t that bad after all, right?” he asked, recollecting the events of just one hour before. Winifred had already left with her parents, so he could now speak freely and frankly with his sister. “We both managed not to insult anyone.”

“Oh, I almost did with Mr and Mrs Hastling, those who talked about Anne behind her back. I never liked them, but after tonight I believe they will never be welcome here anymore. I was about to yell at them” Diana said, as they both started helping cleaning up a bit of the mess the guests had made.

“Totally. How disgusting” Gilbert replied, shaking his head. “Anne is certainly not one who lets people like _them_ get away with it, but she seemed pretty shaken up. She didn’t deserve any of it.”

“Did you manage to talk to her? I saw you coming back with Winifred earlier, while she was with Adam when they left. Did you guys argue?”

“Not at all. We talked, and she understood. She always does. Then MM somehow found us and started making noise, and out of all the people who could find us, _obviously_ it had to be Winifred. But Anne managed to find a decent excuse and left shortly after that; she was feeling slightly better, I think. Oh, and..” Gilbert said, handing to Diana the cardboard Anne had given to him, “She made you a present. She didn’t know how to give it to you without risking being caught, so she gave it to me.”

Diana took the gift into her hands with a confused, but grateful expression on her face, and she opened and unrolled it carefully. It was, in fact, a laminated cardboard, on which italic words were written and the image of the galaxy worked as a background. Diana read the words out loud.

**_Star certificate_ **

****

_The star with the coordinates_

_RA: 5h41m34.03s. DEC: -1°56’16.8’’_

_was successfully entered into the star-naming registry_

**_DIANA_ **

****

_My dear friend, now even the whole universe has the most shining star into its arms. Even in your darkest and most challenging days, you will shine brightly and anyone looking up at the sky will see you thriving._

_Happy birthday, from Anne_

_ Date _

_ 5th of March 2020 _

_Registry number_

_10039-1937-8558668_

Diana looked up at his brother with tears in her eyes and a hand on her heart.

“We don’t deserve her. We truly don’t” she murmured, and she shifted a little to let Gilbert have a look at the cardboard. “She gave me a star, _literally_.”

Gilbert chuckled, sincerity and affection flowing like a limpid river out of his heart. _Of course_ Anne Shirley-Cuthbert had thought about the most unusual gift for Diana, her mind was the most crazy source of ideas he had ever seen in his whole existence.

“She is quite an incredible person” he managed to say, as his breath got briefly caught into his throat. “Couldn’t this be a way to show Eliza and William that Anne is a good person? You still have your birthday wish to ask them.”

Diana nodded with determination, and nodded vigorously. “Tomorrow, at breakfast. I will try my best to let things go back to how they were and to convince them.”

The two siblings finished helping a little cleaning up, before they were directly sent to bed by the maids, who actually _pleaded_ them to go. “We don’t want to know what would happen if your parents saw you two helping us. They would fire us all. But thank you, dear ones.”

When Gilbert lied down on his bed, at four in the morning by then, he fell asleep with a light heart and a weird but pleasing feeling in his chest and stomach, for once. He felt like all the grudges he usually carried along with him like candies in his pocket were now gone, and all he could think about was how at home he had felt at the waterfalls, and with whom.

When Anne and Adam reached the front porch of her apartment, she quickly turned to him and smiled kindly.

“Great, here I am. Thank you for escorting me and for tonight, it was great. Good night” she said politely, and she was about to turn away from him, when he grabbed her by the wrist and stopped her from leaving.

“Anne, I don’t mean to put any rush into this, but…Isn’t it time we kiss, at least?” Adam asked, with a tone which revealed a slight annoyance and a great impatience.

“Any rush? You were talking about marriage the _first_ time we hung out” she replied, trying to keep a steady voice and a sort of determination which she believed was settled into her heart since she was born. Despite what people – more specifically, Eliza Barry – may have thought, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert had never kissed anyone. Not that it was her fault, of course: she had lived in the countryside for all her life, so she never had the chance to even have a secret sweetheart – and honestly, she didn’t really want to – and, most important detail, the government strictly forbid such displays of affection with non-partners. So maybe to anyone else the perspective of having a first kiss in the front porch, with such a full and pretty moon in the sky and a gentle March breeze could have given chills of excitement and pleasure, but Anne felt her heart in her throat, _literally_ , and she truly didn’t want to give that kiss. At all.

“It’s just a kiss, Anne, what harm can it do? Besides, we’ll have to live together for _years_ , so shouldn’t we start in time?” Adam replied, words filled with complacency and indifference to what her feelings may have been. Anne rolled her eyes, and her thoughts started mixing up and rushing without a real sense.

 _He’ll certainly tell his mother about my behavior and my reputation will be even more besmirched. What do I tell him? Should I fake a sickness or something? He said my face was pinkish earlier, maybe he’ll believe me when I say I caught a fever. No, it doesn’t make any sense. If I kissed him, though, would it be so bad? He’d be satisfied and leave me alone. But he would get used to it and start asking for more, and he’ll think I_ want _to kiss him. But I’m forced to be with him, he’s right, I should get used to it in any case._

As she looked at him with confusion, trying to find the right words, he leaned over her and kissed her lips, and Anne truly had _no idea_ what to do with her whole body; she didn’t know where to place her hands, or if she had to close her eyes – she truly didn’t want to – and what to do with her mouth. She felt his breath on hers and it made her suffocate. She had imagined a gentler kiss to be her first one, while his was constricting and tasted like wine, and she wasn’t sure she could bear another drop of that. She put her palms on his chest to push him away gently, just as he took a step back from her.

“So…was it so terrible?” he asked, with an evident smugness on his eyes and a satisfied smile.

“You could have waited for me to decide if I wanted to” Anne replied, anger rushing through her veins as she tried to keep her voice low and controlled.

“If I had to wait for you, you wouldn’t even hold my hand by now” he answered chuckling, before quickly bowing down in front of her. “I’ll go now, I don’t want to bother you anymore. Have a good night.”

As he walked away with a confidence she had never noticed in him, she felt an unpleasing squeeze into her heart, and she had to wait a moment before regaining herself. She breathed in and took out her keys, getting into her apartment, only to find Cole and Ruby deeply asleep on her couch, a couple of bottles and pizza boxes on the floor. She was happy they were there, so she didn’t have to be completely alone. She enjoyed time by herself, but not when she was feeling upside down like in that very moment. She wished she could wake them up to talk to them, or just find a bit of comfort in their hugs.

As she got under her covers, after washing up and getting changed, she wished she could have frozen a glimpse of that evening, when she had forgotten about all the chains which kept her tied up to a life she didn’t want but had to accept. She wished she could listen to _him_ talking about stupid neurology volumes and weird terms not even _she_ understood, and she wished she could tease him about those disgusting tarts he loved so much for a second more.

So, if on one side of Charlottetown a young man fell asleep with a warm heart and a serene brain, on the other one a young woman felt the heaviest burden on her stomach and chest. What made them both fall asleep that night, though, was the thought of each other.

“Mother, father. I have a request.”

Six words were enough for William and Eliza Barry to raise their eyebrows and put down their forks. Diana hardly made any kind of request out of the blue, and they had never seen her so excited and barely able to eat any of the delicious meals displayed on their table for breakfast. Gilbert seemed a bit…off, too? Or better, _they_ thought he was off but he was actually more radiant than ever, and Diana was sure that hope had never looked better on him.

“A request?”

“My birthday wish. If…I still have that possibility” Diana replied, her smile slowly disappearing, replaced by the fear of not even having the opportunity to ask her _fundamental_ question. William Barry glanced at his wife for a brief moment, before smiling kindly at his daughter.

“Go on, darling.”

Diana found her smile again, and she cleared her voice, finding confidence in her brother’s eyes.

“I know _this person_ may have started on the wrong foot with you, and she may be a bit…unusual, but she has a heart of gold and she-she gave me an insanely incredible gift for my birthday, in spite of your harshness – _justified_ harshness” she was quick to say as soon as she caught the lightnings in Eliza’s eyes, “And yesterday she knew her place and it was _my_ idea to change partners, so she has no fault in that, and she receives unfair hate, while she is lovely, and she-”

“Diana, you are ranting and I don’t understand a thing. Who are you talking about?” Mr Barry asked, but his wife already knew. _Of course_ she did.

“Anne Shirley-Cuthbert” she answered, looking down at her plate, then back up at Diana. “I understand your wish, dear, but-”

“But what?” Gilbert asked, his voice sure and deep. “She gave Diana a star for her birthday. A real freaking star-”

“Language, Gilbert-”

“-while all we did to her was pushing her away for a mistake which was mainly mine. Even Minnie May is attached to her, you can’t just…keep her away from us forever” he stated, his eyes pleading.

“We just want her back as a _friend_ , mom, like Josie and Jane are. Plus, she has Adam and Gilbert has Winifred now, which clearly shows you how nonsense would be thinking that something more than an honest friendship could exist between them. I am _begging_ you” Diana concluded.

Although Gilbert felt like his sister’s last words somehow made his insides twist, he was just as determined as she was, and he supported and sustained her request wholeheartedly. William and Eliza truly didn’t know what to say, and they kept sharing dubious and worried glances. The woman then stood up, placing her napkin orderly on the table before talking.

“We’ll consider it. We will disable all the restrictions of communications with her for now, but I need time to think if she can physically come back here. Just because it’s your birthday request, Diana” she said, before taking her leave, shortly followed by William. When the breakfast room was filled only by the siblings, Diana and Gilbert widely smiled.

“It’s already a beginning. I’ll go call her now!” the girl said, running away to reach her bedroom. Gilbert was left with an unaware Minnie May and with a satisfied smile on his face.

As Diana took her phone into her hands, she immediately looked for Anne’s contact and called her, sparkles in her eyes and excitement in her bones.

“Hello?” a sleepy voice answered, and Diana couldn’t help but let out a happy giggle.

“Anne! I hope you saved my number and recognise me?”

After a moment of silence and hesitation, Anne replied with a much more proper tone of surprise and shock.

“Diana?!”

“A hundred percent! Isn’t it the most beautiful morning ever? My parents may consider forgiving you – depsite the fact that it wasn’t your fault – and for now we can start communicating again!”

As the dark haired girl was pacing back and forth into her room, unable to stay still, Anne was under her covers, with a hint of dark circles under her eyes and a confused brain which was still trying to process and understand the words her friend was saying – loudly – at the phone.

“Oh my- How is this..How did you manage to convince them?”

“My birthday wish. I don’t need anything, Anne, if not your friendship right now. They couldn’t deny it to me, not again” Diana said, and Anne almost felt on the edge of tears.

“Oh Diana, this truly is an amazing day. I hope we’ll be able to meet again soon?”

“Of course, I want to thank my lovely friend in _flesh_ for the most incredible gift ever. A star, Anne. You didn’t have to, you know it” Diana replied, her voice softening.

“I know, but I wanted and needed to do that. I don’t hold any grudges towards you, Diana, truly” Anne said, as she smiled like she could see her friend.

“Neither do I. Oh, mother is calling, I need to go. I will call you again sooner than you think!”

“I’ll be right here” Anne replied, before they both hung up. She sat up on her bed, rubbing her sleepy eyes and looking around herself, only now beginning to notice the instense light coming from the window and the smell of pancakes in her apartment.

 _Cole and Ruby must be awake. It’s already ten_ she thought, ready to get up. She checked her phone once again as to make sure she hadn’t just imagined the call with Diana, only for a more suprised smile to claim its place on her freckled face.

**_Good morning Hennessy :)_**

Anne thought of how incredible it was that, with just one innocent text, Gilbert Blythe could make her eyes roll so much and her lips form the most sincere curve of happiness.

_Okay wait_

_What in the world did you say to your parents?_

He answered almost immediately.

**_Diana did the magic_ **

**_Did she call you_ ** _?_

_Yup but I was sleeping and I’m beginning to connect the dots just now_

_Good morning to you too btw, sorry I get grumpy in the morning :)_

**_As I obviously expected ;)_ **

****

Anne could feel her eyes roll once again – she didn’t have an excuse for that, it was her natural reaction to Gilbert Blythe’s continuous banter and tease – and she chuckled as she typed back an answer.

_We’ve been texting for 3 minutes and you are already mocking me_

_Do you intend to go on like this? I’m ready to respond_

_Gilby ;)_

****

**_You are a competitive individual, that’s for sure yeah?_ **

****

_Yes : )))_

_So I still can’t see you and Di in flesh right?_

**_Eliza wants to consider it_ **

****

_Mhm okay it’s already a step ahead_

**_Totally_ **

**_But at least we can communicate, right?_ **

****

_We are making progress_

**_Indeed we are_** ****

**_Kk I’ll let u wake up properly now, talk to you later?_ **

**_If you want to, of course_ **

****

_Thank you_

_And sure :))_

“Good morning- What’s that smile?” Cole asked, getting into her room with a fork in his hand. Anne looked up from her phone and shaked her head.

“What smile?”

“You had a weird smile on your face. An ecstatic one” Cole replied, looking at his best friend suspiciously as she put on her slippers and started walking past him.

“I just found out about a new ice cream flavour I want to try, that’s it. Good morning” she said noncarelessly, kissing Cole’s cheek as she headed towards the kitchen.

“Cool. Is the flavour called Gilb-”

“ _GOOD MORNING RUBY!_ ” Anne exclaimed, and Cole couldn’t help smiling teasingly.

“I saw all the pictures! How was it? Did you have fun? Did Adam kiss you or something?” Ruby asked while nibbling a pancake. Anne’s stomach dropped as she remembered the event of the previous night, but she smiled confidently.

“It wasn’t that bad, after all. There was good music” she said, biting a soft piece of breakfast. Ruby’s smile slowly disappeared.

“Good music? That’s it?”

“Good food too. Tillie really is amazing. I don’t even know how she managed to prepare all that stuff. A whole town to feed, and she outdid herself. I’d love to get to know her better, she seems so great” Anne ranted, swallowing down some milk.

“Okay, Tillie seems fabulous but you are clearly diverting from the most important details and it’s not fair to someone who waited for you until two in the morning and made you your favourite pancakes” Cole said, leaning against the stove. Anne looked up at him, biting her inner cheek nervously and then shrugging.

“It was better than expected, okay? I had some trouble fitting in at first, but then I met Caleb, Jane and the others and talked to them. Then I met Gilbert and his new partner – a lovely girl – and I managed to dance with Adam a little. After that, Diana wanted to switch partners for a dance, so I danced with Gilbert for one song and then I got to talk to him alone for a while, to solve some...stuff. Then Winifred – his partner – arrived and I left. Satisfied?” Anne babbled, a soft and almost imperceptible blush creeping up her cheeks as she talked. Ruby stared at her with wide eyes and lips parted, and so did Cole, who was actually grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Wait a minute, Anne. So Gilbert Blythe _voluntarily_ asked you to dance?”

“I don’t know, Cole, I guess so. What’s the matter with it? We had to switch partners, it doesn’t mean anything. Besides, Winifred is wonderful. She- _He_ must feel very lucky” she quickly caught herself, as she got up to wash some dishes.

“Oh my God, I wish I had been there to see you two” Cole replied, and Anne abruptly turned to him.

“There was nothing to watch. I am with Adam, Cole, you know it! Don’t misunderstand this for something foolish. It’s not a rom-com, I am doomed to marry a person I do not love and I do not feel anything for. Do you want to support me on this or keep… _fantasizing_ about random stories which will never exist because they just can’t?!” Anne blurted out, before dropping a cup on the floor.

Ruby didn’t know what to say, and Anne simply closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’ll clean up” she murmured, looking for the broom.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you” Cole replied, catching some of the shards which were on the floor.

“I overreacted, I am the one who is sorry” Anne said, trying to keep herself busy as she collected the last potsherds and threw them away. “It was a nice cup.”

“Anne, I do want to support you. But I also support real love, and you do too. I don’t want to encourage something with could lead you towards danger, but on the other hand I know you’re not one who gives up easily on the things she feels something for. Or _people_. You and Gilbert have chemistry, that is clear to anyone who has seen how you two behave around each other for just half a minute” Cole tenderly but surely said. Anne’s eyes betrayed her previous word sas they sparkled with some kind of inner and unconscious hope. She looked at her friend before speaking again.

“Adam kissed me last night. Not that I wanted to, but well…” Anne replied.

“And how was it?”

“Doesn’t matter how it was. I have to get used to it, right?”

“No, you don’t. If you don’t want it, he should understand. He should have waited for you to be okay with it” Cole replied.

“I don’t think I will _ever_ be okay with it” Anne let out with a slightly trembling voice. “I don’t want to _be okay_ with it.”

Cole circled her with his arms, and encouraged Ruby to get up and do so. Three souls held each other together once again, as they always did, as they always will for one another. Being there for someone. As contradictory and trouble as their thoughts can be, always makes a difference. As soon as Cole and Ruby left, some hours later, Anne decided to finish up adjusting the last details into her apartment and take care of herself, for once. She would have visited Matthew and Marilla on the following day, and she _really_ didn’t want to meet Adam that day, so she would have just stayed home and thought about nothing. It was an activity she had just recently started to appreciate and value, especially with the constant presence of people around her from the moment she received her letter. More than two months had passed, yet it felt like so much had changed inside her. In this society, even children were forced to age precociously, let alone _teenagers_ : Anne was almost twenty years old and she felt like she had already lived so much more, for all the pressure she had been put under, for all the expectations she had to face and all the mixing feelings she had to learn and approach. Growing up is difficult enough for usual people, so it is easy to imagine how anyone living on Prince Edward Island had to be raised.

As Anne sat in her bathtub, her hair messily tied up into a bun and tired feet playing with the foamy lather created by the coconut soap she adored so much, her phone buzzed next to her.

“Ugh, who is it now?” she groaned, irritated, before picking up, without checking who the caller was. “Hello?”

“Wow, Anne, didn’t think you’d answer with _such_ enthusiasm” Gilbert answered ironically, and Anne automatically sat up straight, like she had been caught in an inappropriate moment.

“Gilbert” she said, before clearing and lowering her voice, “Hi, sorry, I was… caught up in… a bunch of stuff, you know, in my apartment.”

He chuckled, his voice coming out with the usual depth and warmth Anne had grown accostumed to. “Should I call you later?”

“No! No, don’t worry, I was practically done” Anne replied immediately, squinting her eyes.

“Oh, alright. I just wanted to… you know, check up on you. I mean, not that you need my help or anything, but well. Winifred came here for lunch, and Moody is busy today. And Diana is having her piano lesson. I was taking a break from my immunology study session” Gilbert said.

“Seems like I’m the last available pastime, huh?” Anne replied teasingly, slowly relaxing and letting her body gently lay on the bathtub, her head being the only part of it left outside.

“What? No, I didn’t mean to say that, I just-”

“I know, I was kidding, Gil. Immunology sounds fascinating but if _I_ am a preferable source of words even for Gilbert Blythe, I believe it must not be an easy subject, am I right?”

“It certainly isn’t, but it’s not even half as hard to understand as you, Hennessy” Gilbert replied, his words making something inside Anne’s chest twist a little. “And immunology is in fact fascinating. I’d like to major in it, you know?”

Anne laughed softly. “ _Gilbert Blythe-Barry, new immunologist in town, finds the cure for rare and unknown illness._ Yes, I can totally see that happening” she said, as her head leaned against the border of the tub. Gilbert laughed back.

“One day, hopefully. What about you? Getting ready for college?”

“I still have almost a month to mentally prepare myself, don’t ruin my relax session” Anne jokingly scolded him, hearing another chuckle on the other side on the phone. “I’m actually very excited. Scared, but excited. I was thinking of looking for a part-time job, too, in order to be able to pay college by myself. I… I _hate_ to depend on someone, especially Adam’s family” she said, closing her eyes for a moment.

“I know. But the success you will have and the achievements you’ll collect will make up for it. Besides, they’ll be a sustainment only at the beginning, until you get used to college and can find a job, like you said. Don’t overthink it now, or overwork yourself later just because you are too proud to accept help. _And before you yell at me_ ” he said, and Anne had to stop herself from actually responding, still wondering how in the world did he know that she was about to reply to him, “I don’t mean to say that you are ungrateful. But there’s no harm in accepting help for a bit, especially if we’re talking about _you._ You haven’t even started and you’re already thinking of how you can pay college for yourself. But don’t feel guilty, anyone in your position would not just accept, but also _forget_ about the economical matter, knowing that someone else is taking care of that.”

If Anne had the perfect reply ready just some moments earlier, now she couldn’t think of anything to say. She breathed in, with a close-mouthed smile sitting on her lips.

“If for some kind of bad luck the immunologist career doesn’t work, may I suggest some job which revolves around the use of words of any kind? You’re very good with them” she murmured, and maybe her heart was beaming too. She heard Gilbert laughing back, and answering immediately.

“I think it’s you, sometimes your unawareness gets the best of me” he said, still smiling.

“Hey, what do you mean with _unawareness_?” Anne asked, laughing too but pretending to have a very hurt voice shining through.

“You are totally unaware of the effect you have on people. And of the fire you have inside yourself, and of your ambition and determination which are remarkable for people of our age. I find you… incandescent, Anne” he said, and Anne _knew_ in that very moment that Cole had been right. She had yelled at him to convince herself of the fact that she didn’t have either the possibility or the right to feel anything else if not gratitude towards Adam’s family and a fake affection towards Adam himself. Truth was, though, she felt much more than that, and those words were like a cascade of iced water on her whole body. She felt an immense warmth inside her chest and she knew that Cole had been right all along. He had been right about Gilbert, about her.

“Are you still there?” his voice said, soft and quiet.

“Y-yes, yes, I am here. Thanks, Gil, I… Uh, did your parents make up their minds yet?” she babbled, trying to ignore the way her eyes saw blurry and rippled for the few teardrops hanging in front of them, like parachutists ready to jump down.

“They’ll tell us tomorrow morning, I think. It feels like some like of lottery” Gilbert answered. Anne nodded, forgetting for a minute the fact that he couldn’t see her. “Hey, if their answer is positive, would you… like to go somewhere, tomorrow? I mean, I could come there and take you to Diana, and then, if you want, of course, we could… have a coffee, or something, perhaps?” he asked, sounding a bit uncertain and hesitant.

“Oh, I’d love to, but tomorrow I’m going to Green Gables to visit Matthew and Marilla, I haven’t seen them for a while since I moved here” Anne replied, mentally kicking herself for saying no or finding another solution.

“Right, yes, I totally understand. Great, then enjoy your little visit and… I guess we’ll meet again, someday” he said, his tone neutral, but still polite. Anne wanted to reply, she _desperately_ wanted to reply. And, of course, she did, coming up with an idea she recognised as risky and maybe reckless, but still better than nothing.

“Perhaps you could come with me? The train leaves at seven AM, I know it’s a bit early but… yeah, now that I think of it it’s not the safest idea. Adam is out of town with his father and he wouldn’t be around, but maybe Winifred will be at your mansion and your parents- yes, no, not a great plan” she quickly said, still trying to put an order to her own thoughts, which in all honestly were driving her insane.

“Okay” Anne heard him reply.

“Okay?” she asked, still confused.

“Diana can’t come tomorrow, she has an exam with Mrs Andrews. But I could tell her you’ll come by in the morning to say hi, and then we can leave. Winifred is not coming tomorrow, but maybe I could bring Moody? My parents would probably allow me to spend a day outside with him, and they don’t _have_ to know we’ll go to Green Gables. We must be careful, but we can do it. And he could meet Ruby, he has been ranting about her every now and then” Gilbert answered chuckling, adrenaline filling up his voice.

Anne knew it was terribly risky and wrong, but _oh how_ she wanted that to happen.

“Who knew Gilbert Blythe was the real bride of adventure?” Anne said chuckling, before talking again. “I’m in.” She heard him laughing back, and she could help but do the same.

“Great. I’ll let Moody and my parents know, and I’ll let Diana come to say hi before we leave, without being seen. I’ll come at yours at half past six?”

“You sure you’re willing to wake up so early?” she asked again, but little did she knew the answer would be _yes._

“Should I remind you of the early morning at The Waterfalls when you were staying here?” Gilbert replied teasingly.

“Right, yup. Okay then, it’s settled. If your parents say yes to us meeting again, of course, otherwise we would both risk a serious exile this time” Anne said, more seriously now.

“Yes, totally. Great, so… See you tomorrow, Hennessy.”

“See you tomorrow, Gil” she replied, her voice soft.

“Bye Anne” he said one last time, before hanging up and leaving Anne herself with a pounding heart and excitement all inside her bones.

As she liquefied with the now lukewarm water around her, Gilbert sat on his swivel chair, his immulogy volume on the desk, forgotten for the time he spent at his phone. He animatedly let his fingers play with his fluorescent text marker, as his foot moved up and down excitedly. Anticipation filled his heart with a great wholeness, and he immediately got up, heading towards his sister’s bedroom.

“Diana. I may have good news.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter, I personally loved writing it and can't wait to post more!  
> Lots of love x


	11. The gentlest way of drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff finally happens... sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Before you start reading, here's the link for a Spotify playlist I made for this story. I listen to it as I write and I almost cry every time, especially in this chapter! Hope you enjoy <3
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0FazHCTqXJJf5kvkqUGVek?si=xNHdiZVeQyuZQxmjxlR1ng

When the alarm went off at 5:45am, Anne had already been awake for at least twenty minutes, staring at the ceiling and hearing the gentle tap of the rain on her window. _Of course_ it had to rain on such a thrilling day. She had opened her eyes to the sound of a thunder, which had so suddenly interrupted a weird dream she was having – it must have been something about herself holding a beautiful white dove in her hands, feeling the soft plumage under her fingers, and then finding herself trapped inside a transparent tube, water getting higher and higher as she tried to push herself up to catch her breath. She had then jolted awake, taking a few more breaths in than usual, before checking her clock and realising that for once she was early. So she laid down again, switching the side of the pillow so that her head could rest on a fresh surface, and her mind slowly started focusing on which were the plans for the day. As soon as she remembered everything, she grumbled to herself: why did it have to rain so much in that exact day? It would have made everything messier and it would have ruined the plans she had started building up in her brain the previous night.

Yet, when she heard her phone buzzing once, she already knew who the sender was.

**_Parents are asleep, but Miss Lawrence, the maid, just told me that apparently they stayed up late just talking about you. Funny, isn’t it? ;)_ **

****

Anne rolled her eyes and immediately replied.

_So? What is their verdict?_

As he typed, she was unconscious of her fingers tapping furiously against the back of her phone, and of the excitement crawling up her body.

**_Saturday is my free day, Moody and Ruby, as u told me, are both free… I’ll be there at the established hour ;)_ **

**_Which is in thirty minutes_ ** ****

**_Will you send me your position please?_ **

****

Anne jumped up, whispering a _yes!_ as if there was someone with her in the apartment, before quickly answering him and running to get ready.

_I cannot believe it_

_KK I’ll wait for u and probably be late_

_And stop it with that wink emoji_

**_;)_ **

****

She would have met Diana, properly, and she would have been allowed into the Barry’s mansion again. It almost didn’t feel real to her, she had felt like an exiled individual and she couldn’t even imagine how people who _actually_ got exiled could live, far from their relatives and their loved ones. Like Gilbert’s parents. It made her heart ache for them and for _him_ too, to know that a child had been separated from his parents at such a young age. She tried to push those thoughts away at least for a day, knowing that she could have gifted Gilbert with a deep friendship, which certainly wasn’t the best cure for a heart broken at four years old, but it was still something.

She showered and dressed as quickly as she could, caring to make herself look more presentable than usual just because, to her, it was a special day. When her door bell rang, she had her bag on one shoulder and only one boot on; she opened the door while she was putting the second one on, and Gilbert fleered, raising his eyebrows in an expression of mixed confusion and amusement.

“Hi, I’m ready, just one- okay, here we go” Anne replied, still looking down at her feet as she finally finished getting ready. Then, she raised her eyes towards him and smiled softly. “Good early morning.”

Gilbert laughed, shaking his head. He was holding two cups of coffee in his hands, carrying a backpack on one shoulder. He was drenched from head to toe, without an umbrella and with only the hood of his rain jacket on; the tip of his hair, which emerged from the hood, was dripping a little.

“Good early morning to you. Diana is already up to revise something for her exam today, but she wanted to see you before we leave, so she’ll wait for us at the garden door, which is the only one free from guards. We’ll meet Moody at the station. Ready?”

“As ready as ever. You could have brought an umbrella, though, you’re making me feel guilty for making you come all the way here with this weather” Anne replied, with sparkly – and a bit tired – eyes; she closed the door behind herself and opened an umbrella, covering the two of them. They started walking, setting a slightly quick pace, both of them eager and a bit nervous. After all, they had just been forgiven by Eliza and William Barry, and they were partially swindling them again, in a certain sense. It gave them a bit of a thrill, honestly.

“I brought some coffee, if you want” Gilbert said, handing her one of the cups. “I didn’t really know how you liked your coffee so I got you a cappuccino, since that’s what you had when we met that day at the bookshop, right?”

Anne smiled. “Wow, memory skills are _on fleek_. That’s true, thanks Gil” she said, taking the cup into her hands and relaxing at the warmth spreading on her fingers. After all, even if it was almost spring, it was still half past six in the morning and the sun wasn’t even completely out yet. “Do you happen to have something to eat as well? I am never hungry when I wake up but now I feel like I could eat a tree” she said, and Gilbert laughed out loud.

“How poetic, Anne. And yes, of course I do have something. I happened to sneak into the kitchen while Tillie was making breakfast and I stole a bunch of goods, because out of all people I know, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert is the only one who wakes up with no hunger, then asks for a _tree_ after half an hour” Gilbert replied, and she softly slapped him on the arm, making him chuckle.

“What can I say, I just listen to my stomach, that’s all. And don’t tell me you’re not going to eat it all with me, please. It wouldn’t be as funny” Anne said.

“Funny? Having breakfast with me is funny?” Gilbert asked, still smiling.

“Having breakfast with _anyone_ – well, almost anyone – is funny, because you get to eat together while talking and it’s all more comfortable. Unless the person you are having breakfast with starts talking about marriage and houses and a random bunch of things which honestly makes me very susceptible lately” she concluded, sipping some of her cappuccino as they walked. Gilbert followed her incessant train of thoughts word by word, and of course he knew whom she was talking about.

“Are things going bad with Adam?”

She sighed, looking ahead. The sky had the colour of a plant she loved, the forget-me-not, just slightly darker and surrounded by a halo of melancholy, with an almost imperceptible fog. She shivered under her sweater, mentally swearing at the clouds for carrying so much rain with them in that day. Maybe they were holding some burdens too, like Anne and Gilbert.

“I don’t know if _bad_ is an appropriate word. More like…unmoving and constant, yet continuously oppressing and draining. Does it make sense?” she said, turning to him.

“It does, kind of. Has he told you anything specific to make you feel this way?” Gilbert asked, trying to read through that bright fire’s mind.

“No, not really. I mean, technically _yes_ , but actually no. I…I don’t even know if maybe I’m the one who’s ruining everything and believing in something which is…totally _irrational_ and nonsense” Anne ranted, and Gilbert looked at her, making the umpteenth attempt to dance along the tricky thread of her mind and understand her feelings from her big eyes. “I just…The night of the gala, when he took me home, he kissed me. He didn’t even ask me if I was okay with it, and yes – maybe it’s stupid to want to be _asked_ to do that, but I just didn’t feel ready yet, you know? And I told him, I don’t have problems with saying when I’m not okay with something, but he just…did it anyway, and he was _proud_ of it. Like he had won a prize, and he made me feel stupid and humiliated, even though I _know_ I should get used to it, because _that_ is what my future is gonna look like, and I should just accept it and stop acting like a child as I always do, but I can’t help it. I cannot help it” Anne said, her voice running up and down, getting louder and lower as she slowly lifted her pain from her chest. And he helped her doing that, once again, like she had done for him.

He didn’t even have the right words to comfort her, but oh how he longed for her to know he was right beside her, literally and figuratively, through what she was going through. To the inconvenience of being misunderstood by themselves, to be contradictory, to be _angry_. _How he knew how she felt, how much did he want her to see what was inside him. The same fury she felt._

“Hey, you have all the right to be angry, and upset about it. Your feelings are still your feelings, and he should have at least respected them, no matter law or not law, obligation or not. He doesn’t have the right to behave like that, though, not with you” he blurted out, his lips forming a thin line, as if he was just as mad as she was. Anne scrutinized him closely, feeling goosebumps on her neck – from the cold and from something else – before smiling sadly and with her mouth closed.

“Weren’t you the one on his side the first times we talked?” she asked, to lighten up the atmosphere a little, but she certainly didn’t expect him to reply so seriously.

“I didn’t even know you properly back then. I had no idea of who you truly were, how was your mind…how _you_ were. I wasn’t on anyone’s side, but if there’s one thing I know is that now I’m by yours” he said sincerely, turning to her. Their eyes got lost in each other for maybe two or three seconds, filling themselves up with something which was hard to decipher for the both of them, yet it turned their hearts upside down. When Anne smiled at him, he felt like he was floating.

When they arrived at the Barry’s mansion, it had stopped raining and the first drops of light were spreading like oil pain in the sky. Gilbert led Anne to the garden door, a wood portal of smaller dimensions compared to the other entrances of the house. When he opened it, they didn’t even have time to process what was happening. Diana let out an _Anne!_ And circled her friend with her arms, tigthening the grip when she felt Anne reciprocating the hug.

“I can’t believe this is actually happening. I was so sadly getting used to keeping a certain distance between us, and I really don’t want that to happen again. I’m sorry for how I behaved, you were always so lovely towards me in spite of what my parents did to you” Diana said, holding Anne’s hands between hers. “And the star…Anne, I don’t know how to thank you. If there is one bright person here, it is you.”

Their eyes were shiny, but their smiles were the biggest Gilbert had ever seen. He smiled at the sight in front of him, still keeping an eye out in case someone showed up.

“You don’t need to apologize, Diana. I made a mess and faced the consequences of it” Anne replied, throwing a brief glance at Gilbert. “But I was so sad for how we had left things. I’m so happy right now, and I hope we’ll get to spend time together again soon, now that I’m not a public danger anymore” she said, and Diana laughed while Gilbert rolled his eyes jokingly. “Oh, and good luck with your exams. I wish you could come too today, but I guess I’ll have to deal with your brother all by myself.”

“Hey, I’m right here!” Gilbert exclaimed, and the girls chuckled.

“Take good care of him, and be careful. If my parents ask weird questions, I’ll cover up for you. And Gilbert” Diana said, turning to her brother, “Treat Anne as she deserves.”

Gilbert opened his mouth to answer, only to be interrupted by Anne herself.

“He already does, don’t worry. We’ll keep in touch and be back within the night. We should go now, or we’ll miss the train” she said, kissing Diana on the cheek and hugging her once again.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take our private train?” Diana asked, but Anne shaked her head and beamed.

“I’m taking Gilbert Blythe-Barry on an adventure today. I have seen his everyday places, now he gets to see mine” Anne replied, sending a flying invisible kiss to her friend and walking away, followed by Gilbert, who had just hugged his sister and whispered something in her ear.

Anne and Gilbert walked for more or less twenty minutes to reach the station, and the boy mentally thanked the heavens for the early hour; he had already received a couple of questioning looks from some citizens, he didn’t even want to imagine how people would react if they saw him and Anne at _that_ station later that day. When they approached Moody, who was waiting for them near the railway, it was almost seven and the smell of rain was beginning to fade, replaced by the perfume of baked pastries and the metallic odor of the trains.

“You guys! I was getting nervous, the train is about to leave and you still weren’t here. What are those grins on your faces?” Moody asked, his eyes wide open. He had been Gilbert’s best friend for years, since he was adopted by the Barry’s; they were very close to the Spurgeon Macpherson family, so the two of them practically grew up together. If you asked Moody, he would say that Gilbert’s friendship was a hard one to obtain, and his friend would probably agree. After all, Gilbert had just got out of a terrible separation, and at such a young age his heart was already in pain and tears streamed down his face more often than he liked to say. But Moody, as goofy and stubborn as he could be, was also very determined to gain Gilbert’s friendship, and he eventually did, with a bit of time and gentle insistence. Now they were both studying Medicine, but Moody still wasn’t sure it was the right path he wanted to follow; he had always enjoyed technological studies and engineering, but he didn’t even _dare_ to let his parents know about it, knowing they would have deeply disagreed. So he just followed Gilbert’s passion, relying on the fact that at least he would have had his best friend with him.

“Moody, it’s so nice to see you again” Anne said, hugging the young man briefly and innocently, before letting him go and walking towards the train. “Sorry we are late, we got lost in conversations. Shall we get on?”

As she entered the train, Moody looked at Gilbert with a mixture of confusion and surprise, and his friend couldn’t help but chuckle and shrug.

“She’s very happy to be accepted by my family again, and we know she struggles a little when it comes to keeping her emotions under control” Gilbert said, shaking his head amusingly.

“Well, you seem to enjoy it, huh?” Moody asked teasingly, gently elbowing his best friend, who proceeded to ignore him, getting on the train. “Yeah, ignore me as much as you want Blythe, I adore the sound of _victory_.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Spurgeon. But you should get on the train, I certainly don’t want Ruby Gillis to wait too much at the station for us, right? It would be a shame, wouldn’t it?” Gilbert replied, raising an eyebrow at his friend, whose smile disappeared, replaced by a slightly agape mouth and lightings in his eyes, as if he had just been caught doing something inappropriate.

So he shaked his head and jumped on the train, who started just after a couple of minutes.

The journey was not too long, and not even particularly intense, at first. Let’s be honest, waking up early is no joke, and that’s probably the reason why the three of them contemporarily fell asleep within more or less six minutes. Anne had great plans in her mind, especially _finally_ finishing the novel she had been reading for the previous days – _Persuasion_ by Jane Austen, of course – and she was hungry too, but she couldn’t help falling asleep as soon as the train started his path, even the uncomfortable seat being a good shelter to close her eyes a bit more. Gilbert and Moody followed the girl: Moody fell asleep as soon as he realised he had two seats for himself – and despite being used to travel in private trains, you can tell he didn’t feel the change that much – while Gilbert, taking the spot next to Anne, who _pleaded_ him to be next to the window, didn’t feel very tired at first. He saw Anne taking out the novel and crossing her legs under herself, and he silently smiled at that innocent gesture, watching her as if she were a kid with her first book. He tried to read some sentences of it, looking from above her shoulder, until his eyelids became too heavy to be kept open and he joined his friends in the world of tender sleep.

The first one to wake up was actually Anne, when the corner of the rigid cover of the book started pressing a bit too much against her stomach, where it had landed as soon as she fell asleep. She straightened her spine, looking out of the window to check where they were, and when she realised they must have been at about fifteen minutes from Bright River, she relaxed once again. Her ears captured a gentle snore right over her shoulder, and when she turned to her left she unconsciously smiled at the view.

Gilbert Blythe-Barry was deeply asleep, his neck crooked on his right side and his lips slightly parted; she stared at him for a couple of seconds, realising how _bare_ he looked in that very moment. As he slept so peacefully, he wasn’t Eliza and William Barry’s son, he wasn’t the adoptive brother of the future heiress of Prince Edward Island, he wasn’t the future doctor; he was plainly Gilbert, a young man fallen asleep on a common train heading towards the countryside. All his façades were now off, and there was just one person left: a boy with beautiful hazel eyes, fascinated by the unknown mysteries of human beings, lemon tartes lover and passionate about literature, with his dark curls and a soft sweater on. Anne thought she had never seen his face being so relaxed: when people sleep they are just themselves, the purest and deepest version of who they are, and they are naked in front of anyone.

She slowly moved her hands close to his jaw, delicately straightening his neck so that it wasn’t crooked anymore, and carefully leaning his head against the headrest, barely brushing her fingers against his skin. Moody was still completely lost inside his world, maybe dreaming of a blonde young woman and her freckled cheeks, or her love for pink roses. Anne didn’t stay alone for much though; after a couple of minutes, she heard Gilbert stretching his arms next to her and rubbing his eyes, who soon focused on her figure.

“How long did I sleep?” he mumbled, and Anne chuckled.

“More or less as long as I did. We’ll arrive in ten minutes, I think. Did I wake you up?” Anne replied, fully turning to him.

“Hm? No, why? Did you call me or something?”

Anne briefly smiled with closed mouth, showing off her dimples and shaking her head.

“No, no reason. I woke up shortly before you… Moody is still momentarily gone” she changed topic, eyeing their friend, his figure laid on the two seats in front of them.

“It was _traumatic_ for him to wake up so early. He’s probably the laziest person I know, but he’s a great one to have around. Hey, was it your stomach?” Gilbert asked, hearing some rumbling noises, and Anne patted her belly with complaint.

“Well, I haven’t eaten since last night and I am _hungry_ , Gilbert, blame it on my stomach. We were supposed to eat earlier but we all fell asleep and now I think I could yell at someone for half a cookie” Anne answered, and Gilbert laughed at her words, taking a couple of packages out of his backpack.

“Well, Hennessy, here’s a vast choice of _extremely delicious_ pastries coming directly from the Barry’s kitchen, so don’t be shy and choose your fighter: apricot croissant, cream puffs or apple strudel?”

“Oh wow, I think I could take them all but I should leave something for you guys too, right?”

“Well, I would be grateful if you did” Gilbert joked, as she admired the pastries with craving eyes.

“Alright, which one do you prefer? Be honest, I don’t know which one to choose so I need your help” Anne replied, and Gilbert shaked his head, getting more comfortable on his seat.

“My personal favourite is the apple strudel. It reminds me of my mom” he said, still with a gentle smile. “But since Moody lives for cream puffs, I suggest we split the croissant and the strudel.”

Anne looked at him with sad eyes at the mention of his mother, and she forgot about her growling stomach for a moment. She had always wanted to know more about his parents and his life before the tragic separation from them, but even for a straightforward individual like Anne it was never the right moment to do so.

“I can eat the croissant, you sound so enthusiastic about the apple strudel. You have the right to eat it” she said, and Gilbert beamed, showing off his shining eyes once again.

“It’s not a _trial_ , Anne, we can split them. They’re just pastries” he said, but as soon as he noticed her smile disappearing, replaced by a neutral expression, he bit is tongue.

Anne just wanted to show empathy and kindness towards what she thought was a dear memory to him, and those words – as innocent as they could be – made her feel like she had overestimated his previous mention of his mother. So she nodded, blaming herself both for her excessive caring and her stupidity for taking such a silly matter so seriously. They ate in silence, and if Anne hadn’t been so hungry she would have probably started taking of the multiple layers of flaky pastry of the croissant – a bad habit she didn’t even enjoy, but which was immediate of her when she was reflective.

When they were done, Gilbert tried to bring up the conversation again, but his words got cut off by the sound of the train decelerating and Moody almost falling from his seat.

“Huh-oh-wait…Oh, hey, are we at the station yet?” he asked, his voice drowsy.

“We’ve arrived just now. Are you feeling any better?” Anne replied, getting up to check around herself and outside. The sky was definitely brighter and the sun was shining greatly, without signs of rain in the air. It probably hadn’t poured there, and Anne’s heart filled itself with joy. Home is always home, after all.

“Definitely. Uh, cream puffs, may I?” Moody asked, and Gilbert rolled his eyes at him, handing him the pastries and briefly glancing at Anne too. She seemed okay, not upset, and he grabbed onto that sight, which made him feel a little less guilty. The rays of sunshine through the window made her eyes look like the sky outside, and for a minute he got lost in trying to spot the differences between the two of them, until Anne herself turned to look down at him.

“We’re here. Shall we go?” she asked, and he nodded, waking himself up from his little moment of freeze.

The three friends got off the train and Anne immediately spotted Ruby waiting for them, rosy cheeks and a halo of joy spreading around her like stardust.

“My sweetie! How long you been waiting?” Anne asked, briefly hugging her best friend.

“Ten minutes, more or less. I also stopped a taxi, so we must be quick” Ruby answered, turning then towards the two boys. “Good morning Gilbert. _Moody_ ” she added, slightly tilting her head as the two of them stared at each other maybe for a bit too much. Gilbert replied the greeting politely, and he started walking towards the car with Anne.

“Hi-hello, hi Ruby. You look splendid this morning, as always” Moody said behind them, making the girl chuckle sheepishly.

“Thank you, you look sleepy. But cute too” Ruby replied, unconsciously swaying her feet, before they heard a voice some steps ahead.

“Hey lovebirds, I’d like to get to Green Gables before the night, if possible” Anne said, catching a couple of glances from the people around her. Moody and Ruby nodded, coming back to Earth and following Gilbert and Anne.

They got to Green Gables shortly after that moment, and as soon as they were left in front of the fencing, Anne’s heart was filled with comfort and warmth. She hadn’t been far from her home for long, but _oh_ how had she missed everything about it. Every single corner, every flower, every smell spreading around the house, from Marilla’s baked bread to Matthew’s clothes. She had missed her dearest Snow Queen and her beautiful white blossoms, just as much as her own little room in which she had been hosted when she was just a baby, and then raised.

“You okay?” a voice murmured next to her, and Anne felt a hand on the small of her back. She turned to Gilbert, who was staring at her with worried eyes.

“Yes, yes, sorry. I got lost for a second. Let’s go” she replied, nodding surely and walking towards the main entrance door, knocking twice. As soon as she caught a glimpse of Marilla’s grey hair, she beamed with happiness. The woman opened the door and her arms, smiling too.

“My dearest Anne!” Marilla exclaimed, circling her adoptive daughter with her strong and always busy arms, only then noticing the people standing behind her. “Oh, when you said we would have had guests I would have never imagined to see _this_ ” she added, with surprise. “Mr Blythe, I must admit I didn’t expect to see you anytime soon.”

“Honestly, neither did I, Miss Cuthbert. I’d be glad to explain everything to you as soon as possible. I hope you don’t mind that we are here today” Gilbert replied, with kind eyes.

“Oh, not at all! I hope it’s in good circumstances though, right Anne?”

“I invited them here today. The last time Gilbert and Moody were here was for me, so this time I wanted them to enjoy the beauty of this place properly. And there seem to be no restrictions anymore, so…” Anne answered, glacing towards Gilbert once or twice.

“Sure, sure. You are more than welcome here, please come in. Hi Ruby, how are you?” Marilla asked, chatting with her guests for a while as they all made themselves comfortable inside the house. They all talked for a couple of hours in the small living room, explaining the _whys_ and _whens_ of the situation between Anne and the Barry’s, and Marilla was more than joyful to know that she didn’t have to be in constant worry for the wellbeing of her daughter.

“I’m noticing just now that Miss Diana and Adam are not joining us today” she said, after a moment of comfortable silence. Gilbert certainly expected Anne’s smile to drop, but she smiled even more sincerely.

“Diana had an exam today, unfortunately. And Adam is out of town” the girl quickly replied, ending the conversation with that bunch of words. “We could help you with lunch, Marilla!” she added then, getting up.

“Oh, not at all, I would never do such a thing to my guests. Moreover, I just need to prepare the vegetables, the rest is already in the oven. It’s going to be a very simple lunch, I hope you don’t mind, Mr Blythe and…Mr Spurgeon. Anne and Ruby are used to my kitchen, but you must prefer more sophisticated meals” Marilla said, certainly not hiding a hint of embarass and also disdain in her words. But she was quick to change her mind, when Gilbert rolled his sleeves up and got up from the couch as well.

“Please, Miss Cuthbert, I’d be more than glad to help. It’s the least we can do for your hospitality” he stated, and Moody nodded, agreeing with him – despite the fact that no, he had never cooked half a tomato in his whole life. Marilla reluctantly, but gladly, agreed, and the four friends followed her in the kitchen, where they started chopping onions and radishes, grating carrots in a way which Moody found out was called _julienne_ , while Marilla checked the rest of the meal in the oven. As they helped with the vegetables – and Ruby and Moody did one fifth of the work, getting lost in their own conversations and jokes – Gilbert spoke up.

“You said cooking and baking are not your main abilities, but you seem at ease here. And from the smell I can tell Marilla is a great chef, haven’t you learnt from her?”

“Well, I did…kind of. I just- I don’t know, being stuck in a kitchen and cooking requires a lot of patience, and I don’t think I have much of that. But I do enjoy making cakes, they just end up being disgusting. Once I confused vanilla with liniment and well… to say the least, it was inedible” Anne replied, making him laugh as he chopped another carrot.

“Well, you certainly are the most unusual, aren’t you?” Gilbert replied, and Anne proudly nodded, chuckling back. “Isn’t Matthew here today?” he then asked.

“He’s probably working in the barn, I wanted to make him a surprise. He’ll be here for lunch, and he’ll probably be more confused than ever when he’ll see you here” she answered, momentarily tying her hair in a low ponytail, catching _someone_ ’s attention on her creamy and slightly freckled neck. He looked away as soon as she turned to him once again, almost chopping his own finger with the knife in the process. Nonetheless, vegetables were ready to be cooked and, to Marilla’s great pleasure, they ended up being exquisite.

Lunch was ready after ten minutes, and Matthew entered the kitchen just as they were setting the table. He suddenly stopped walking, looking around himself with confusion and sending glances towards Marilla, until a voice broke the silence and made him smile tenderly.

“My Matthew!” Anne exclaimed, stepping forward to hug him. He squeezed her into his arms, making her laugh and showing the usual affection towards his precious Anne. Then, the girl pointed her fingers at the special guests standing behind her.

“You might want to sit down and start eating, so I can properly tell you everything. But, as you already know, these are Gilbert and Moody. And Ruby, of course, but I don’t think that’s what makes you so confused at the moment” Anne awkwardly said, sitting down at the table along with all the others. Gilbert, though, held his hand out towards Matthew before sitting.

“Good morning Mr Cuthbert, I’m sorry to intrude here today. Thank you for your kindness” he said, and Matthew nodded politely, before they all started eating. After a moment of silence, Marilla was the one to explain everything to Matthew, from the forgiveness of the Barry’s up to the help that Gilbert and Moody offered with the preparation of the lunch.

“The food is delicious, Miss Cuthbert. I don’t get how Anne-”

“Oh, again?! I already told you I _can_ cook” Anne replied, interrupting him and gaining laughters from the others. “Plus, you’ve never tasted anything made by me, so you cannot judge properly. And it’s not like _you_ would be any better, by the way.”

“Definitely not, but I never had someone like Miss Marilla in my life, to teach me how to make edible meals by myself” Gilbert answered, raising an eyebrow at Anne, who rolled her eyes chuckling. Marilla thanked him with a warm smile, which was kind of unusual for her – Anne noticed – and as Moody told Matthew about his passion for horses, she reflected on how _fine_ she was feeling in that very moment. If she could, she would have added a couple more people at that table – starting from Cole and Diana, of course – but nonetheless she felt at home, literally and figuratively.

They all kept chatting for a while, keeping the conversation on light topics – they certainly didn’t want to mention anything regarding the Barry’s government in front of Gilbert – but now and then a halo of heaviness claimed its place between each of them, and luckily enough Marilla was always there to interrupt it with a new meal to taste. After the dessert – which was highly successful – Matthew went back to his farm work, not before being sure of the fact that Anne would have passe by to say goodbye before leaving. The four friends helped Marilla cleaning the kitchen, until they were senta way by the woman herself.

“You have already done more than necessary, and I thank you immensely for that. Now enjoy the warm weather, it feels like a fine spring day this afternoon” she said, dismissing them all.

They walked for some minutes, still talking about the _amazing_ taste of Marilla’s plum puffs – _Anne, your mother’s are way better than the ones Gilbert brough this morning_ Moody had said, before being elbowed by his best friend jokingly. They soon reached the most incredible path that any of them had ever seen, and that Anne knew very well. Before she could speak, though, Gilbert stole her words.

“Let me guess, this must be the Way of delight you had mentioned, right?”

“ _White_ way of delight, yes. Isn’t it breathtaking? All this blossoms create such an explosion of perfumes and forms, that it required a proper name. What do you think about it?” Anne asked him, now letting her hair loose, dancing along with the breeze.

“It’s spectacular, you were right. It makes the atmosphere brighter, too; it’s like an endless summer day in here” Gilbert replied, staring at the view in front of them. Moody and Ruby were already walking along the path, completely oblivious about their friends, until they both turned towards them.

“Hey guys! Is it okay if we keep going for a bit? We don’t want to ignore you two, but…you know” Moody said loudly, as Ruby chuckled next to him.

“Yes, Moody, _we know._ Don’t get lost though, please” Gilbert yelled back, and they watched the two nodding and turning their back to them, continuing their stroll. It almost felt like the Sun was exploding right above them, for all the light they saw around themselves, playing with the first leaves of the trees and with the white petals of the flowers. Anne and Gilbert turned towards each other, trying to read their minds and avoid an embarassing silence. As he scratched his head pensively, she was pushed by some inner spark inside of her to take his hand out of the blue and lead the way for him, turning towards a short unknown trail, murmuring a soft _follow me_. Taken by surprise, Gilbert laughed and did as told, watching Anne’s wavy red hair moving messily and fascinatingly against her back as she quickened her pace. That place seemed to be her natural habit, and he could swear she looked like a woodland fairy walking near those big oaks.

“If you are leading me somewhere far to end me once and for all, please at least tell me, so I can process the fact” he said, but his breath was soon caught by the sight in front of him. The most beautiful drops of light were playing hide and seek on the water of the lake, as the heavenly sound of the wind against the grass touched his soul like fingers on a piano.

“Woah” he quietly whispered, and in that moment not even The Valley could compete. No one was around, if not the two of them, and he hadn’t realised how much he needed silence until that very moment, as she still held his hand while he kept getting lost in what he believed could have been the closest representation of heaven on Earth. “This is unreal.”

Anne smiled. “It really is. I used to come here all the time when I argued with Marilla, or when I was sad, or anytime actually. It just mends your soul without words, and the dew cries along with you. It’s like a safe space, to me” she said, leading him a bit further, in a spot which tied the sunlight and the shadow of the foliage of a bunch of willows. She sat down, bringing her knees towards her chest and closing her eyes. He followed her steps, laying down right next to her, with his hands interwined to create a pillow for the back of his head; in this way, he could look at her and at the sky at the same time.

“Why did you bring me here then? If it’s _your_ safe space, I mean. I don’t want to be an intruder” he said, and she turned towards him, laying down on her side so that she could face him, holding her head with her hand.

“You welcomed me at The Waterfalls, so…it just felt right. Plus, it doesn’t have to be only _my_ safe space. It can be yours too, if you want. If you are okay with sharing it with me” she replied, moving one of her locks out of her face.

“Of course I am” he murmured back, and if you asked him, he would probably say _that_ was when he knew he had fallen in love with Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. As the sun dripped like gold on her body, and he completely spiraled down inside her eyes. It had already happened: he stared at her for a little longer than usual, until one of them looked away quickly, as if neither of them wanted to be caught.

This time, though, none of them drifted their eyes away from each other.

“Nothing bad can happen here” Anne said, her finger playing with the green grass, as the melody of the water created a soundtrack of pure bliss. “It’s like there’s a continuous music, and you can’t be hurt.”

Gilbert smile with his mouth closed, adoration filling his heart and eyes.

“I’ll make sure not to ruin this place, then” he answered, and Anne laughed sweetly. “You know, Hennessy, this really seems to be your home. Minnie May thinks you’re a mermaid, but you’re more like a forest nymph, like in that portray Cole had showed me.”

“When did he show you that?” Anne asked, tilting her head a little.

“The first time we came here, after we met at the cafeteria, remember?” he asked, and when the girl nodded he proceeded. “In the train, I asked him to show me some of his works, and I ended up recognising you in one of them. It was beautiful, truly.”

“Cole is a natural when it comes to art. It’s his life, you know? And he is the most talented person ever. Not when it comes to singing though, he’s terrible at that” Anne said, and Gilbert laughed. “Not that I am any better, actually” she added.

“I hardly think so. But same, actually” Gilbert replied, and Anne looked at him teasingly.

“I don’t believe you. Minnie May once revealed me you still sings to her when she has nightmares. Your voice must be soothing, to say the least” she said, and when he smiled, she spoke again. “Sing something to me.”

“What? You really want to hurt your ears so easily?” he asked, raising his eyebrows, and Anne rolled her eyes jokingly.

“Come on, please. A song which reminds you of me, randomly” Anne replied, as excited as a child in front of a candy. Gilbert couldn’t help chuckling at her request, and he actually had to reflect a couple of seconds before beginning to sing softly, more like speaking, the words of the song.

“ _She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes_ ” he started, his voice low but warm, sometimes slightly off key, but it really didn’t seem to matter to Anne.

“Are they _this_ sharp?” she joked, and he pretended to be hurt by her interruption.

“Stop interrupting me, Anne, I’m trying to be poetic here” he replied, making her laugh. Then he continued, clearing his voice.

“ _And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies, and she only reveals what she wants you to see… She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me_ ” he sang, before humming the following instrumental melody of the song.

Anne’s great excitement was not on her face anymore, but just because it was replaced by sentiment and unexpected emotion. No, not because of his voice – he wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t even a perfect singer either, at all – but because of the weight he put onto the lyrics, giving the most sincere, yet comforting, meaning to the words.

 _“She takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants… She's ahead of her time. She never gives out and she never gives in, she just changes her mind_ ” he added, and he wanted to laugh at himself, but truth be told he was just trying to get what the tears in her shiny eyes meant. “Billy Joel. It’s a…great song” he added with a murmur.

Anne felt like she was floating in a whole another universe, and some kind of weird magnet kept her eyes locked into his, and she swore she could feel her heart literally pounding out of her chest. And she started thinking, incessantly, messily, confusingly as always, of all the reasons why what she wanted to do was wrong, _terribly wrong_ , and scary. It was probably the scariest thing she had ever desired, that was for sure.

But had she ever been one to avoid a risk?

So she let her body take the lead and she moved forwards, bringing her lips against his, holding her weight on her left arm, while she placed the other one on his shoulder. She squeezed her eyes, trying to push out all the guilt which would have eventually come out, until she felt him reciprocating. From being freezed, his mouth started moving along with hers, so gently yet so intensely, and Anne was sure she had no idea what she was doing, but she was in heaven.

He pushed himself up a little, to be more comfortable with his moves, as his hand ended up on her cheek, caressing the softness of her skin as if it were silk. She moved both her arms around his neck, gently pulling him closer and closer, until they were one. He brushed his fingers between her hair, as to make sure they were both still there, and he honestly had no idea of how much he had held the wish of kissing her locked inside himself, like an untouchable dangerous secret.

They didn’t want to break apart, they _really_ didn’t want to do that, but oxygen is still fundamental to survive – although they both felt like that would have been the sweetest way to go. They slowed the kiss down, gently and slowly pulling away, and Gilbert was the last one to open his eyes, almost as if he was trying to keep the taste of that moment on his lips and mind a bit longer. When he opened them though, he was in the ocean. Her blue irids shined with fear and joy and incredulity, and with love. Their hands fell from where they stood, ending up on the grass under the two of them.

“I couldn’t hold it anymore” Anne said in a low voice, swallowing nervously. “If I’ve misunderstood, please tell me”.

Gilbert stared at her in awe, the sweetest sweetness touching his heart. Before any of the billions of words he had in his brain could come out, he went for another kiss, holding himself up properly and wishing to be able to freeze that moment forever, like a marble sculpture of bliss. It was a slower kiss now, although even more intense than the previous, and they were completely oblivious of their surroundings, of their obligations, of their duties, of their lives. They were just there, fully absorbed in what felt like the gentlest way of drowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts please <3


	12. Under the same moon

When their lips parted, Gilbert brushed his nose gently against Anne’s, making her cheeks flush a little. They were both trying to find the right words to say, but words didn’t even feel right in such an immaculate moment. Their eyes kept looking for each other, as if drifting away could mean breaking that eternal instant; Anne could barely believe that she had actually just kissed Gilbert Blythe-Barry, _twice_ , when just a couple of minutes before just the thought of a kiss made her nauseous, at the memory of Adam’s lips on hers. She really didn’t want to be _that_ girl, the one that kisses anyone without meaning it… But she couldn’t hold back the desire which had pushed her to press her lips against Gilbert’s, and she couldn’t quite understand how her reputation of the act of kissing could have changed so quickly from her perspective.

Kissing Gilbert had been an experience which she could assure tasted like the sweetest sugar and felt like the touch of an angel and hit like an heavenly bliss.

“I hope I didn’t just ruin the purity of this sacred place” Gilbert said, brushing one of her strands of hair behind her ear, before leaning against the grass once again, bringing her to do the same so that they were face to face, their hands still intertwined in the small empty space between them.

“I think it’s more like we just made it ours” Anne replied, as her dimples popped up on her cheeks from her smile. “Even though you will hardly come here again.”

His eyes became sadder, and so did hers. There’s no need to lie, they both knew how things stood outside their angelic little universe…It was just hard to accept. Gilbert sighed silently, holding her hand a little tighter; silence spoke for them. After a bit, though, he talked again.

“My mom made the most delicious apple strudels” he said out of the blue, his eyes wandering around himself before landing on Anne again. “They had this crunchy coat of sugar on top, and the most delicious juice dripped from the small cubes of apple hidden inside the pastry. I don’t remember much about my mother, I never got the chance to see photos of her. Eliza took them all. But I do remember her touch, and her hair, so long and so dark, and I remember the apple strudel she made. It was heavenly” he whispered, his voice imperceptibly choking on his last words.

Anne brushed her thumb along the top of his hand, but she felt like it was hardly a comfort. Was there really a comfort for such a tragic event?

“I’m sorry I was a bit rude this morning, after I mentioned my mother. I just…I don’t like to be pitied. Maybe my parents are still alive and it’s stupid to miss them, and to talk about them with _you_ , who have lost yours, but I shouldn’t have replied to you like that” he said.

“Gilbert, you don’t need to apologize for caring so much about the memory you have of them, and for wanting to keep it to yourself. I hardly talk about my parents too, and I was a _baby_ when they died, so I understand what you mean. And it’s not stupid to miss them, at all. It’s _human_. You haven’t had their news in ages, and it’s your right to miss them…and I don’t mind listening to you talking about them. Even if my parents are gone, that doesn’t mean you are not allowed to suffer because you don’t know where and how they are” Anne replied, looking right into his uncertain eyes. She wanted him to trust her, to know that she was there, that she could take a bit of his pain and make it hers, so that he could carry a slightly lighter burden on his heart. “Have you ever tried to search information about them?”

He nodded, laughing bitterly. “I tried many times, but Eliza and William keep everything well hidden and archived, and I would truly risk my life if they saw me sneaking into their office. I’m sure there must be documents somewhere, but I barely know where to begin.”

“I’d like to help you, but I don’t think it’s the safest decision, isn’t it?” she asked, sighing sadly.

“Yeah, it definitely isn’t” he murmured, bringing her hand to his lips and placing a quick kiss of gratitude on it. “But thank you, for everything. If there’s one thing I can thank Eliza and William for, is having kept your parents as Diana’s teacher for a bit. Despite the terrible way they treated them after they sent them away, at least you and Diana had the chance to meet. And I had the chance to certify that Anne Shirley-Cuthbert may have rescued me from the life I was living.”

Anne smiled widely, as her eyes got glassy, before a distant bell rang, reminding them of the fact that Ruby and Moody would have never found them in that lovely hidden shelter. She breathed in deeply, hating the following words which came out of her mouth.

“We should go back to the White way of delight, or they’ll never find us again. As much as I’d love to stay here for the rest of the day” she said, getting up and holding her hands out for him to take. He suspired, taking them and getting onto his feet as well, ending up right in front of her, only millimetres of distance between them.

“It’s the last time we can do this, right?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“It is. For today” she replied, intertwining their fingers once again and looking up at him.

“For today” he whispered back, pressing his lips against hers one last time, taking his time getting absorbed by her accomodating mouth, letting their tongues dance together like the two of them had done that night at the gala. When they parted, he went in for one more quick peck, making her chuckle tenderly. Then, they started heading back, reluctantly walking towards a reality they didn’t want to accept, not leaving each other’s hand until they _had_ to.

They saw Ruby and Moody heading towards Green Gables, and they soon followed them, acting as if their worlds hadn’t just been shaken up in a matter of minutes. They may have been betrayed by their flushed cheeks or by Gilbert’s sligthly pinkish lips, with Anne’s peach lipstick stain on them, but even if someone noticed, they never said anything. When, at the moment of leaving her beloved home, Matthew whispered a sweet but convinced _don’t let anyone drag you down_ in her ear as they hugged, Anne felt her heart in her throat, a know unwilling to leave. She had so many fights to fight to reach small sparks of happiness, but she knew she would have always had her Matthew and Marilla standing right beside her, supporting her when she fell and preaching her when she thrived.

The road back to Charlottetown was quite silent, unlike Anne’s and Gilbert’s minds, which actually raced like insane bees looking for pretty yellow flowers. They left Ruby at Bright River, where her mother came to walk her home. Useless to say Moody’s hands started getting sweaty as soon as that older presence came into view: as tiny as her daughter, but with a mouth twice as sharp and eyes three times as penetrating than Ruby’s sweet and innocent ones. Luckily enough, Mrs Gillis didn’t suspect there was anything more than a superficial aquaintance between the two of them, while she was certainly very pleased to meet _Mr Blythe_ and congratulate him for his recently received letter. It was excruciating for Anne to keep a polite smile on her face when all she wanted to do was to forget about those stupid pieces of paper which claimed to determine one’s future in a bunch of fakely elegant sentences written in rich ink by people she mostly despised.

Gilbert, on the other hand, was just as embarassed as she was, but kept his usual composure and elegance, politely wishing Ruby and her mother a good evening, forcefully dragging Moody along with him. When they took their seats, as the sun started hiding in his shelter on the other side of Earth and the enchanting milky Moon ran after him hopelessly, they didn’t talk for a while.

Moody started fidgeting with anything his hands could find, from Gilbert’s notes on the small table between them up to Anne’s book – he stopped touching that after a one-second-stare received from the redhead, whose eyes flashed with lightings as soon as she perceived the possibility of getting the cover of her book ruined. He soon decided to calm his restlessness with some music, putting his headphones on and turning his gaze to the fields outside the window, desperately wishing to go back to that afternoon, when Ruby kept smiling and he though he was slowly heading to Heaven.

Anne and Gilbert sat next to each other, each of them feeling the other’s presence a _bit_ too intensely, and they hardly looked at each other for quite a bit of time, even after Moody left them to travel through his blonde freckled universe. Anne suddenly thought the feelings Jane Austen had written about in the novel she was reading weren’t even remotely _close_ to how she actually felt.

 _Well, the characters in the story certainly don’t have to deny their feelings because they are forced to marry someone who thinks about marriage after two minutes (see Adam), and they definitely don’t leave in such a domineering society, where it’s impossible to hug a friend without people (see Eliza Barry) assuming there are filthy affairs behind such an action,_ Anne thought, swallowing down the bitterness of having to go back to that reality. If she could have traded Adam’s fortune, an expensive college and Charlottetown’s fuss for a quiet life far from everyone, spending days in sunlight in the middle of baby breaths fields, with her adoptive parents being healthy and happy, and with Gilbert’s presence next to her, she would have. Totally. What her _oh so imaginative_ mind didn’t consider in the whole picture were obligations, laws, oppression and the Barry’s. The elder Barry’s, of course.

“You’re tearing the page apart” Gilbert suddely said, his voice deep and warm awakening her from her own thoughts. Anne looked down at her hands only to find her fingers unvoluntarily playing with the upper edge of a page of the novel, which had a small rift now. Here yes widened as she realised she had just done what she was afraid Moody could have earlier.

“Oh no. No, no, no, no” she said, moving her hands again and breaking another inch of the page as she did so. She dropped the book on the table, leaning her head on the headrest. “Why me?” she blurted out, catching someone’s attention in the train.

Gilbert chuckled, and she turned to him with a scolding glance. “What’s so funny about it? I was afraid Moody would have ruined it, but I guess _I_ am the one to blame now” she muttered, frustration growing inside her, making her cheeks flushed. Gilbert shaked his head, still not believing how a girl could have so many colours at once, so many emotions.

“You should leave this, before it gets destroyed” he said, removing the book from Anne’s nervous hands and taking one of them into his, pretending it could be the only way to save the novel – _what a graceful excuse to hold her hand_.

Anne looked at him, finding comfort in his eyes and touch, and trying to ignore the knot in her throat. Why was it so hard for her to calm down and enjoy the journey?

“Are you alright?” he asked.

She nodded, but she could feel him staring at her and she knew _he knew_ she wasn’t alright.

“I just don’t want to go back there. Charlottetown. I know it’s absurd to desire to have a normal life, one that I could enjoy completely, with the people I truly love. It’s absurd to even be scared of my future, and to wish this train could never get to its destination” she murmured, gently playing with his fingers around her hand.

“It’s not absurd. Or even if it is, there I’m glad to say I’m absurd too” Gilbert replied, and when she turned to him with a closed-lip, but sincere, smile, he believed he could cry. They stared at each other for a while, before he smiled too. “Is this a staring competition?”

“It can be, but beware: I am very competitive” she said, moving on her seat so that her whole body was turned to him.

“So am I, Hennessy” he answered, fixing his eyes on hers.

When Moody finished listening to his whole playlist and he turned to his friends, he had to check a couple times to understand if they were okay. Anne has a serious expression on her face and rosy cheeks, while Gilbert seemed to be in awe of his view, and their hands were still intertwined. Oh, and of course the staring competition was still going on.

“Are you guys…okay?” Moody asked, slightly confused by the sight. Anne and Gilbert almost jumped on their seats, as absorbed as they were in their _incredibly_ smart game.

“Oh, Moody, yes. We were, er…competing. Staring competition” she quickly explained, not finding a valid reason to justify her heart beating out of her chest. If she had known some months before that staring at Gilbert could be so overwhelming, she would have got prepared earlier. On the other hand, Gilbert looked way more sober, but truth be told he felt like he had got drunk with Anne Shirley-Cuthbert’s presence, and it hit more than cheap wine.

They reached Charlottetown when it was evening, and they air had got colder and sharper against their faces. Moody left them at the station to head to his own house, while Anne and Gilbert walked together towards the Barry’s mansion. They had to thank the cold weather, actually, and their scarves, otherwise people would have certainly recognised the two of them together. They barely talked, as if any of their words they could heard even by the streets. When they arrived at the back door where they had left Diana that morning, they stopped, faces only illuminated by the bright artificial lights of the building.

“I would invite you to come inside, but I don’t know if-”

“No, don’t worry. I don’t think I can handle any more emotions for today” she replied, hands in her coat’s pockets to warm herself. “I guess I’ll see you soon, then? Now that I am not _banned_ from your home anymore, I could come more often to help Minnie May”.

He nodded, scratching the back of his head. “Yes, totally. Um, text me when you get home safe, will you?”

If Anne’s heart was already shaky, now it was a puddle of liquid gold.

“Sure” she murmured. However, before she could start walking, the door opened to reveal an elegantly dressed young woman, blonde hair carefully styled in a braid and a polite smile on her face. Winifred Rose was truly beautiful, that’s the first thing Anne thought as she saw her figure coming out of the backyard.

“Gilbert, we were waiting for you. And good evening Miss Shirley, what brings you here?” she asked.

“Good evening to you, Miss Rose. I, ehm, I visited my friend Cole today and I was heading home. I happened to meet Gilbert on the way, he told me he spent the day with his best friend out of town” Anne said, trying to sound as calm as she could.

“What a lovely coincidence! I hope you spent a nice day with you friend, then. Shall we go back inside, Gilbert? Dinner is ready” Winifred say, intertwining her arm with his.

“It’s dark, I should- I mean, it’s not safe for Anne to walk home alone” he said, and he had no idea what he was trying to do. He just knew he didn’t want her to leave.

“This town is the safest ever, please. We could send one of the guards, if you _really_ want” Winifred replied, but Anne soon interrupted her.

“I can walk on my own. I don’t live far from here, and I enjoy time by myself, so don’t worry” she reassured him, smiling kindly. “Have a good night, and say hi to your sisters from me, Gil..bert” Anne said, before looking at him one more time and walking away, determined to ignore the pressing feeling on her chest, as if it was the last time they could truly be themselves. Charlottetown might have been an avantgarde place, modern, crowded and full of opportunities; but it was the city of hidden truths, fake politeness and opulence, of lies and confusion.

Anne walked to her apartment quite quickly, her whole face sore from the cold wind. She texted Gilbert as she had promised, before going to bed, feeling full from the whole day. And when her phone buzzed next to her, displaying his face, she couldn’t help but smile.

“Gilbert?” she answered.

“I know you’re tired, but Winifred just left and I can finally be alone now. Just wanted to wish you goodnight, for real this time” she heard his voice say, and she could perceive his smile too.

“Thanks” she replied, feeling a warm sensation in her chest. “I feel quite exhausted, don’t you?”

“A hundred percent. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep that much tonight” he said. “The moon is particularly full, and there might be too much light in the room.”

Anne looked at the moon outside her window, and she softened.

“I prefer when it shines more. It makes me feel less alone.”

After a moment of silence, in which they could only sense each other’s breaths, he spoke again.

“If you feel alone, remember we’re looking at the same moon. It’s like I’m right there” he murmured, and she placed a hand on her heart because heavens only knew how much she wished he could hold her that night.

“I’ll keep that in mind” she whispered, and she could hardly explain why tears started falling on her cheeks. She wasn’t used to such overwhelming feelings, and she had never been loved in _that_ way by someone. It felt like an unstoppable wave and she couldn’t quite handle what she was feeling. And the awareness of the impossibility and distance which stood between the two of them, not only physical, contributed to that breakdown. To love also means being vulnerable, and she had never truly believed that until now.

“Hey, everything okay?” she heard him ask, and she was fast to catch her breath.

“Yes. Yes, of course. Is it...is it okay if we don’t hang up? If you want” she murmured, placing her phone on the pillow next to her.

“Sure, of course. I’ll be here if you need me” he sweetly replied.

“Thank you. Goodnight, then.”

“Goodnight, Anne” were his last words, before they both drifted off, mentally next to each other, under the same moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! Very short chapter, I know, but I've been super busy with uni and studying and I unfortunately have to spend 8 hours each day in front of the screen, so it's not easy to find the strength to write when I am so exhausted. But this story will obviously go on, and I can't wait for you to read the next chapters!
> 
> As always, let me know your thoughts.  
> Lots of love to you all <3


	13. Not today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Yes, I'm still here, not gone anywhere. I've been having some trouble updating because of uni and many more issues, but it's finally here! A new chapter of this story, which I'm just realizing now it's becoming quite unexpectedly long. 
> 
> However, I hope you enjoy this chapter and, as always, I'm looking forward to hearing your opinions.
> 
> I promise this time it won't take me another month to update again - hopefully.  
> Lots of love! x

Anne feels like she’s lying to the whole world every time she sees him. Oh, but what a sweet lie it is.

There are no more days far from the suffocating streets and neutral colours of Charlottetown, no more journeys to the place of her heart for the following weeks. She’s surrounded by a spinning halo of uncertainty and warmth and fear and she can’t quite grasp if she’s enjoying it or not.

She sees Gilbert now and then, sporadically, like that blue and silver butterfly which used to come to the window of her room at Green Gables for a couple of seconds, gifting Anne with a bliss for her eyes, before flying away again. He was a shifting presence, and she was the same for him. They barely touched, they barely spoke, as they were constantly surrounded by people, whether it was Eliza Barry, or Diana, or Winifred. So they politely greeted each other, asking circumstantial questions which none of them cared about, and that was it. It was the only nourishment that could be offered to them for now, and they grabbed it with all their hunger.

However, they did have small moments of bliss as well. When Anne went to help Minnie May with her homework, and the child insisted they called Gilbert to help them too, her heart felt shaky at his closeness, and she tried – and failed – to keep her composure and her seriousness, like a lady would do, but little did they both know their insides were burning and their lips stinging with a feverish desire. And when his hand casually brushed hers, aware of the absence of anyone who could potentially ruin their existence, Anne could swear she felt her fingers tingle and her cheeks becoming _very_ warm. If she had known that falling in love meant becoming even more of an emotional wreck – and she perfectly knew her emotions had always betrayed her with their great strength and intensity – she might have taken precautions.

But that was all. Sometimes she spent hours wondering if she had misunderstood, if maybe he didn’t really want to mess his life up with her after what had happened to his parents – and she understood. Doesn’t mean it made her feel just fine. When she travelled back to that day in Avonlea, her mind tricked her into thinking it might have all been an illusion, the reflection of a hope onto which she held herself, to avoid looking down at the muddy reality that she _still_ couldn’t seem to accept.

 _Really, Anne? You’re behaving like a spoiled child._

Was it true? Was she letting herself get overwhelmed by the hopes of an impossible something? Her own thoughts were messing with her, walking like a dark shadow everywhere she went, and whispering into her ear that she should have just grown up. At the age of almost twenty years old, she should have everything already sorted out. Like Josie Pye, for example. She was the perfect example of what any young woman should be in that society: she was wealthy, she had a partner which would have soon become her husband, and she didn’t complain. She accepted it, she liked it. Why couldn’t Anne? Was she the only one who constantly felt on the edge of a gorge, with people pushing her forward, towards the life which was prepared for her, until she couldn’t fight back anymore? Was _she_ the problem? It seemed like the most tangled conundrum she had ever faced, yet she didn’t have enough time to properly think of how to solve it.

“Anne? Are you listening to what I’m saying?” Ruby asked, an amused smile on her face.

“Oh. Yes, of course, you mentioned inviting Tillie to our next picnic” Anne replied, fixing her long skirt and sitting straightly on the tablecloth they were laying on. Diana had invited the two of them for a tea break in her garden, since the morning had begun with the loveliest warm sun, announcing the imminent arrival of spring. It was still quite chilly, though, and Anne crossed her arms around her middle.

“That was more or less…ten minutes ago, Anne. Here, eat some more cherries, you might need some fruit sugar to keep you up” Ruby said, golden hair shining against the rays of sunshine pouring on the garden. Diana chuckled sweetly, turning her face towards the natural source of warmth.

“It’s such a nice day, isn’t it? It feels like everything is fine today. It is such a blessing not to have boundaries for a moment. My parents hardly go out of town for affairs together, but…I’m enjoying every second of it, so far” she said, carefully biting a biscuit.

“It must have been an important affair, then” Anne replied, her usual curiosity suddenly tempted by Diana’s words. She decided to ignore it. “Regardless, you’re right. I feel like for once I’m not being watched like I’m a public danger.”

Both Diana and Ruby laughed, their faces filling up with brightness.

“Oh, Anne, that’s not true. Besides, as long as you’re my friend, I don’t care what my parents think of you. Gilbert is on my side too, you guys get along pretty well” Diana answered, unaware of the skipped heartbeat in Anne’s chest.

“I…I don’t quite know-” she tried to say, but a louder voice interrupted her. Moody came rushing in the garden, two letters into his hands. _Those_ letters. Gilbert followed right behind him, and for a moment, his eyes met Anne’s. He tried his best to keep himself and stop his mouth from telling her how angelic she looked surrounded by such a splendid light.

“What are those?” Diana asked, getting up at once, soon followed by Ruby and Anne. Moody was paler than usual, but what worried Anne the most was the fact that he didn’t glance at Ruby even _once_. Something felt off, and she looked for the answer in Gilbert’s warm eyes, but they seemed to be just as lost as Moody's.

“I-I received mine this morning and-and I couldn’t quite…I mean, Gilbert and I saw yours next to your bedroom door and I-I’m not sure, but…you should open it” Moody blurted out, his words confusing each of the people around him even more. Diana quickly opened her letter, and the agony of the ten seconds which followed was unbearable. Her eyes, though, didn’t change their shade, remaining neutral and calm.

“What is it, Diana?” Ruby said, and when Moody eventually looked at her with what seemed like an apology in his eyes, Anne got it. She got why Diana didn’t seem particularly shocked and she got why, instead, Moody was so shaken up.

“My parents chose Moody as my partner.”

A moment of silence followed. Diana didn’t know anything of Ruby and Moody’s growing _friendship_ , if it could be called so, and she never admitted to have someone else in her mind. That was why she couldn’t get why Moody seemed so tremendously nervous. However, when she pronounced those seven words, which to her seemed to weight like a feather, Anne noticed Ruby’s shoulders shaking, and she knew exactly what was about to happen.

Ruby ran away, her small figure disappearing inside the house, while Moody rubbed his eyes with his hand, unable to ran behind the girl he had grown fond of.

“What happened?” Diana’s unaware voice asked, quite worried for her friend.

“I…I’ll go look for her” Anne replied, heading inside the mansion and hearing Gilbert’s soothing voice murmuring something to his sister. Anne couldn’t understand how some people could believe that lies hurt more than the truth. The truth comes unwanted, undesired, because it brings reality with it, and reality is not something easy to accept.

She soon spotted her best friend sitting in a corner of the entrance hall, sobbing and hiding her face, as if she could forget everything she had just seen.

“Oh, sweet Ruby” Anne said, sitting next to her and letting the girl lean her head on her shoulder, holding her hand. “I’m so sorry.” It was all she could say. She couldn’t find an answer to that kind of pain, because she felt it too. She knew it was hard to bear, to avoid.

“I just…I don’t get it. Diana could have…anyone! Why did her parents chose… _him_ of all? Anyone would pay gold to be with her, while he…he was…” Ruby said between sobs, her whole body shaking with anger and refusal.

“I know. It’s so unfair. But have you seen his face? He was just as shocked as you are. That means he feels something for you too. Isn’t it a solace?” Anne asked, her hand brushing Ruby’s hair in the meantime. Ruby shaked her head, sniffling briefly.

“Anne, let’s stop lying. Feelings don’t matter when you live here. Now I get what you said about Gilbert. It’s pointless to fantasize about something which is unrealistic” Ruby answered, getting up all of a sudden. Anne quickly followed her.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Home” Ruby said, walking away.

“I’ll come with-”

“I’d rather be alone, if you don't mind. I need some time. I’ll call my dad to come pick me up at the train station” Ruby stated, before leaving the mansion behind. Anne held the fabric of her skirt between her hands, as if it were her way of thinking, of finding a solution. But how could she do that for someone else, when she couldn’t even sort her _own_ feelings out?

She let out a groan, her arms coming up against the wall, and her face hiding between them. She could handle being in pain, but she _hated_ seeing her loved ones suffering. She would have taken all their burdens and carried them herself, if that would have meant seeing them happy.

“Did she leave?” a voice asked behind her, and she didn’t have to turn to know who it was. 

“Yes. I wanted to go with her, but well…She might need some time for herself” Anne replied, sitting on the floor again, her arms circling her knees. “It’s certainly not what they needed.”

Gilbert stepped towards her and sat right beside.

“Not at all. I had to tell Diana about it. She isn’t interested in anyone at the moment, so…as much as she dislikes being paired up by someone else, she grew up knowing that it would have happened eventually. And honestly, we all know Moody is a good guy. That’s probably why my parents picked him. He’s always been polite and well-mannered towards my family. Yet…I had never seen him so distraught. He does have feelings for Ruby” Gilbert said, as words flowed out of his mouth without filters. If the topic hadn’t been so painful, Anne could have listened to his voice all day long, being the soundtrack of her life.

“Repressing feelings is harder than letting them out and get hurt” Anne said nonchalantly, until she felt his eyes on her, like burning lights, and she realized.

“Yes” he simply said, yet that one, innocent word carried more weight than a whole poem. Anne turned her face towards him, and she felt like she could melt under his stare, like the wax of a candle under a flame. Yet, there was sadness in his eyes, and she knew hers were a reflection of his. She wandered if someone else felt that way under the glance of the person they had feelings for. She felt like like her heart was a piano, and he was playing the sweetest melody with it, touching its keys with such delicacy and gentleness. Then why did it hurt so much?

Her lips were slightly parted, as if she were about to say something, but words were chocked in her throat and she didn’t seem to be able to let them out. She didn’t even know what she wanted to tell him. He glanced at her lips for a moment, before diverting his eyes from her and clenching his jaw, like he usually did – she had noticed a couple times – when he was nervous, or angry.

“How…How is Winifred?” Anne asked, before wishing to smash her own head against the wall for how stupid that question was. Gilbert chuckled bitterly, his eyes still switched off.

“Anne” he seriously said, but there was no arrogance in his voice. Just a lot of confusion, and disappointment. She had heard him saying her name in so many ways, so many shades of herself that she didn’t even know she had. He had mouthed it, said it while laughing, pronounced it slowly or quickly, but always with that intensity which seemed to be innate of him. It always warmed her heart, but not this time. This time it was cold, and it was unenthusiastic, and she felt a pang in her stomach she couldn’t explain.

“I’m sorry. But we never…your parents are constantly there, and when I come here there’s always someone else with you. Whether it’s Winifred or Moody or Diana, and _before you say anything_ ” she said, catching his intention to intervene in the conversation, “I know it’s not your fault. But I don’t…I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what I should do around you. It feels like that day at Green Gables is a distant memory frozen in time and as soon as we came back here, it was like nothing happened. Am I being nonsensical?” Anne genuinely asked, turning to him again. She watched him as he collected his thoughts, breathing in as if air was running out in the room.

“No. No, you’re not. Maybe we rushed a little” he murmured, and she felt her heart dropping down her stomach.

“ _Rushed_? Gilbert, I-I never rushed anything I didn’t want. Unless” Anne stopped, pulling back a little from him. “Unless _you_ want to forget about it?”

There was no accusation in her voice, no bitterness. Just the sound of that press on her chest which was making her lose her breath, and she suddenly felt the urge to leave that place which carried so many memories and so many tears. Gilbert didn’t say anything, and to Anne, that was the clearest answer she could ask for. Her vision got blurry with tears, but she refused to let them flow. She would have taken her bag of delusion, as she always did, and walked away with it, no matter how much she longed to stay.

She looked at him one last time, before getting up and beginning to walk away. But she stopped in her track, turning to him.

“I had asked you if you thought I had misunderstood. I don’t know what has changed, but I don’t intend to be treated like a fool from any of you. I’m so… _exhausted_ of being in the gunsight of this family. All I ever wanted was to meet a part of my parents’ life. I should have ignored everything that came with it. I have a family, I have a future ahead of me, and I’m tired of being a shoulder to cry on, only to be pushed away as soon as I show what _I_ feel. I hope you’ll find your parents again one day, Gilbert, and leave this _sick_ place because it’s unbearable” Anne blurted out, and this time tears came with truth. She quickly wiped them away with her hands, before leaving the mansion. For good, perhaps.

Gilbert doesn’t see her for weeks. He doesn’t know how many, he doesn’t keep count. He doesn’t know if it’s two weeks, if it’s a month, a year, but he does know that he’s not breathing fine anymore. He sometimes finds himself thinking about why he hadn’t said anything when she had asked him if he thought they had rushed things. Nothing had been rushed, he knew it. They had shared a couple kisses, so innocent and sweet and fulfilling, and they tasted like a beginning, definitely not like a rush. But, despite what people might have thought of him, he wasn’t good at controlling his emotions. Yes, he could keep his composure when things got rough, he could manage to fake enthusiasm for the things he despised, but he couldn’t stop his brain and feelings to mess each other up and lead him to make the worst decisions. Like he had done with Anne.

It didn’t feel right to begin something with her, when his own best friend had to repress his own emotions towards someone he was fond of because that’s what the law had stated. _His parents’ law._ Gilbert didn’t want to be privileged, and it just wasn’t okay to live a double life.

But oh, how did he miss her.

Nobody had ever left such a mark in his life. Living in his family meant knowing people who had a huge economical or political weight, but whose name was soon forgotten by him, because they didn’t leave him anything. That didn’t happen with Anne, though. When he first met her, he believed she would have been another vanishing and temporary presence, another cloud to pass through his sky and leave nothing.

But she had brought the brightest sun. She was the water which had raised his feelings, something he had buried in order to accept his new life after the exile of his parents, and she simultaneously took care of them with her caring soul and brought them to life with her sparkling halo. She changed his way of seeing the world and she walked alongside him as they shared their hopes for the future, their desires, their wishes. She knew about his past and he knew about hers, and he still couldn’t understand how such a painful background could allow a flower to bloom so astonishingly.

He did miss her from that day on. He missed her hair and the comforting scent which seemed to trail behind her all the time, and he missed her laughter and the way she had seemed so flawlessly free that day in Avonlea, surrounded by what she loved the most. He missed her smart words and her sarcastic remarks and everything in between. She had been the source of his rebirth, and he blamed himself for pushing her away thinking that it could have helped the both of them.

His parents were constantly mentioning his future marriage, and he always felt like his youth was over and he had to take every single fundamental decision now. How could he bring Anne with him, when all he would have had in his future was a ton of inherited riches and suffocating days? She deserved so much better. She deserved a bright career, and to be surrounded by the love she always cared to give instead, and she deserved so many possibilities. She deserved the stars, and his narrow world, built with golden bricks and expensive spikes, couldn’t afford them.

* * *

On the 23rd of March, Anne woke up and she was twenty.

She felt a pleasing fulfillment in her stomach, the one which comes with the idea of growth, of opportunity. She knew she didn’t have many opportunities, when her whole life had more or less already been decided, but nobody could have taken _growth_ away from her.

She adored growing. She adored learning, becoming aware of herself, taking a step forward, towards the person she wanted to become one day. She could taste the sweetness of her twentieth year of life, and for one day she would have ignored the sadness which came with it.

_Not today._

Cole and Ruby were the first ones to show up at her door that morning, with the most excited smiles on their faces and carrying tons of sacks with them, not allowing her to look inside them. Anne had talked to Ruby for hours on the phone the night after Diana and Moody received their letters, and she listened to her friend opening up her heart. Anne had grown to believe that Ruby was actually stronger than her many times: she had an immediate explosive reaction to triggering news, but she was quick to get up and restart again. Anne, unlikely, always felt like she was dragged into the mud of delusion each time she suffered.

_Not today._

Her best friends spent the day with her, drinking wine and eating chocolate covered strawberries, a combo which Anne had always adored. They gifted her with the most emotional birthday cards and a new camera, which she had been desiring for years. She called Matthew and Marilla, feeling tears in the corners of her eyes as soon as she noticed her parents getting emotional for her special day. She felt surrounded by gratitude, luck, and love.

“Oh no, we’re late” Cole stated, getting up from the couch in which they had laid during the morning and beginning to collect everything that had been so carelessly thrown on the floor.

“Late for what?” Anne asked, furrowing her brows.

“You didn’t think we would have stayed her all day long, right?” Ruby replied grinning, before taking Anne’s hand and helping her up. “We’re going somewhere.”

Anne tried to find out more details, but she barely had time to take the keys before she was led in the streets of Charlottetown. It was a lovely day, although a couple of clouds seemed to threaten the ambitious sun. When, after a while, she spotted the Barry’s household, she stopped walking.

“No. No, not there, please.”

Cole and Ruby turned to her, rolling their eyes and taking her hands again. Anne wasn’t ready to go back there again. She had forced herself – uselessly – to forget about every single thing that had happened inside that mansion, and she had tried – unsuccessfully – to bury her memories down the blooming field of her mind, determined to stop overthinking her choices. Clearly, she hadn’t reached her aim, yet she truly didn’t think seeing the Barry’s again could be a good idea.

Or better, only _one_ of them.

Of course she hadn’t forgotten about Gilbert. When she had mentioned what had happened to Cole, for once he hadn’t felt the need to tease her about it. He knew Anne like the palm of his hand, and he knew that each time she put up her walls, hiding her uncertainties behind fake carelessness, she needed time to process. Cole had the interesting ability of watching right through people’s external appearance, and every time he had noticed Gilbert staring at Anne in the past months, it was as clear as the sun to him that the boy floated through the galaxies of admiration. On the other hand, Anne had been more difficult to read, but when he watched her biting her nails or staring at the floor, lost in her thoughts, he knew she was thinking about him, and him alone. Because Gilbert had read through Anne, and he was one of the very few people who hadn’t ripped the pages of her life, but helped her write them better.

And truth be told, Anne had thought about Gilbert quite a lot. She had considered his words again, the perpetual melancholy in his eyes, as if he were chained and unable to release himself from the grip of a superior force. And she knew he suffered. She knew that wasn’t the life he wanted to live, but she also knew his heart was too pure to complain.

However, he had been clear to her. He felt like they had rushed things, so she would have stepped back.

When they reached the main entrance of the Barry’s household, they were led inside. Before she could realize where she was, Cole covered her eyes with his hands, walking her forwards.

“Cole, if I trip-”

“I’ll make sure to catch you. Now…here you go” Cole whispered, letting Anne scan the view in front of her. She had to wait a moment for her eyes to adjust to the intense light and colors of the room, and recognise everyone standing there, next to a table full of sweet scented flowers. There might have been a hundred species, from sunflowers to roses, up to peonies and jasmine. She spotted Diana’s warm smile, along with Jane, Josie, Caleb, Andrew and Adam.

“I-I don’t know what to say” Anne mumbled, her lips curving into a sincere and wide smile.

“Happy birthday, trouble” Cole said, kissing her best friend’s cheek, soon followed by the girls, who excitedly hugged her. Anne felt overwhelmed, a good and heartwarming kind of overwhelmed. After all, coming into the Barry’s life hadn’t brought only confusion, now hadn’t it?

“Anne!” she heard Adam’s voice behind her, and as soon as she turned to him, he stamped a kiss on her lips.

Of course Adam was still in her life. He was doomed to be. She had seen him more and more often after her trip to Green Gables, like a constant presence which was impossible to avoid. Whenever she forgot, for a split of a second, that she was already paired up with someone – and she always cringed at the idea of being _paired up_ , like socks – Adam popped up in her life, bringing the expensive fabric of his suits, his cigars and his ability to bore Anne with any kind of topic he managed to talk about. He must have probably sensed her distance after he had kissed her against her will, on that cold evening after the gala, because he hadn’t kissed her anymore.

Not that Anne complained, though. Her lips craved something else.

It felt weird, when she though of it, to be thrown all of a sudden into an unwanted relationship. After all, the government let people grow with the demand of demureness, respectability and an innocent aura around themselves, until they forced them to begin their life as wives or husbands without being prepared to know what love even means. Obviously, love didn’t matter in a society based on eugenics. Yet, it still did exist, and it was unavoidable.

Anne didn’t know if she truly knew what love was. She never got the chance to know the love of biological parents – regardless, the love given to her by Matthew and Marilla was the closest form of bliss she had received – and she was still trying to figure out if what she had felt for a certain someone was love, or just a moment of weakness.

 _Don’t be foolish_ , her inner consciousness often told her, but Anne couldn’t decipher its message.

However, Adam was still there, carrying his mother’s perfume each time he got closer to Anne, and it made her nauseous. She wondered if he pretended to be happy with the life he had, the overprotection of his mother and the passivity of his opinions, or if he truly liked it that way.

“Adam. Thanks” she replied to him, smiling politely, still trying to figure out why his kisses felt like the passing of a veil on her lips, and not an enchanting earthquake like the one her heart felt when she had kissed…

 _Not today_ , she told herself once again, before following his friends and joining them in the garden, when they kindly gave her their gifts for her. They included a journal from Josie and Andrew, with her initials carved on it, and a lovely necklace from Jane and Caleb – with a silver moon-shaped charm. Diana came next.

“This will never be as precious as a star, like the one you gave me, but I hope it brings you some joy and comfort. You better not show it to my parents, though, or it will be the end for us both” she said, handing her a package. When Anne opened it, she didn’t even try to hold back her happy tears.

“Oh, Diana. I cannot believe it” she whispered, her fingers shaking as they held a frame with a photo of a couple. The woman had long, red hair, and a nose which very much looked like Anne’s. The man was taller, with blonde curls and big blue eyes. Bertha and Walter Shirley must have been around their twenties when that photo got taken, and Anne couldn’t help but smile. “How did you find this?”

“It’s a secret. But I made the frame myself, it’s not the best, but-”

“This is more than I could wish for” Anne whispered, circling Diana with her arms. “I’ll hold onto their memory with even more strength now, my sweet Diana.”

They hugged for a little, before they stepped back and smiled warmly at each other, Diana’s hands wiping away Anne’s joyful tears from her cheeks.

“Now, my turn” Adam said, stealing Anne from her hug and turning her towards him. “Here you go” he added, a small box into his hands, of a blue velvet material. He opened it for her, only to reveal the shiniest ring Anne had ever had the chance to see in her whole life. It seemed to have _light_ inside itself. For a split of a moment – or a bit more than that – Anne felt her insides twisting, picturing the idea of Adam kneeling down and pronouncing the words she had refused to even _imagine_ in the nearest future.

However, he didn’t.

“It’s a preparation. For what will come next” Adam stated, sliding the ring down her finger and admiring it himself. “ _This_ will make you shine” he added, and she smiled and nodded confidently, yet she couldn’t help remembering other words, which had made her whole body shake with warmth and tenderness.

_You are incandescent, Anne._

But she shook her head, turning around to head outside, where her friends were.

_Not today._

“Miss Shirley, how nice to see you here” a female voice exclaimed, and Anne turned around, the afternoon amber light illuminating Winifred Rose’s flawless figure, as gorgeous as always, walking with Gilbert and her parents. “I’ve heard it’s your birthday. May your day be lovely, then” the blonde young woman said, but Anne’s eyes were locked somewhere else. She suddenly wondered if she looked miserable compared to Winifred, with tears in her eyes and messy hair.

“Ah, thank you” Anne said back, straigthening her spine before nodding in the direction of Mrs and Mr Rose, who made sure to chastise her with their fake polite eyes. Anne didn’t care though.

 _Not today_.

“Well, it was nice to see you again, Miss Rose. Hope your day is just as good” she added, glancing at Gilbert one last time. His expression was soft, but he looked tired. She politely said goodbye, before she was called back by his voice.

“Anne” Gilbert said, catching everyone’s attention in the hall, “Happy birthday”. His fists were closed, as if he was being held back from saying more, and she wanted to hear him. She _desperately_ did. But she smiled kindly, whispering a quick _thanks_ before turning her back to him and heading outside, in a sudden, desperate need of fresh air.

“I’m sorry my brother can’t join us today. My parents are being a little… _too_ apprehensive. They seem to worry more about his relationship with Winifred and its consequences, than mine with Moody” Diana casually said, walking arm in arm with Anne.

“Oh, it’s fine. I noticed he looked a bit tired” Anne replied, ignoring the unnamable desire to talk to him about it. “Speaking of Moody, have you guys talked?” she asked, trying to change topic. She was good at that, when things got too delicate to discuss.

“Well, kind of. It’s awkward, I must say, especially after Gil told me about Ruby. I feel guilty, honestly, and I tried to bring the topic up with my parents, but it wasn’t a successful attempt. They know Moody is kind and polite, and that he would never do harm to me or to the government. I love him, as a friend, but he never cared much about politics, and I think that’s why my parents want him to be my partner. How could they pick someone they don’t know flawlessly, with the possibility of putting their power at risk?” Diana answered, staring at the sky, as if she could find an answer to all her problems there. The sky said nothing, though. It stared and listened, without replying.

“Diana, when you’ll finally take your parents’ place at the government of the island, you could change the structure of it. You could erase the past and-and let people _choose-_ ”

“Anne, it’s not that easy” Diana said, turning to her friend. “It’s just not how it works. This form of government has been going on for _decades_ in my family, and I know how wrong is it, but changing it is not like switching it on or off. There’s a whole governing body which has gained more and more power through the years, and the members all come from families which helped building this kind of society. The governors’ decisions have to be voted by them, so even if I tried to change everything, I would just gain their disapproval and put the whole system in danger, involving you all in a potential crisis. I don’t want that to happen” she concluded, and for once, probably for the first time, Anne saw _fear_ in Diana’s ambitious eyes. She was afraid, and she was carrying a burden made of expectations and issues and future dangers. “Let’s not focus on this now, though. Besides, it’s your special day, and I want you to have fun!”

Anne nodded comprehesively, trying to forget how many ideas and possibilites where running through her mind. Trying to find a solution to sick politics wasn’t her job. Yet, she couldn’t help herself when she kept repeating Diana’s words in her head.

As soon as the last rays of sun covered themselves with a blanket of clouds and a deep, blue coat of darkness, the Barry’s garden became empty, the only remaining sounds being the leaves dancing with the wind and the bustling singing of crickets, filling the house with more words than the ones who were usually spoken by the humans living inside it.

Adam left Anne in front of her apartment, with a usual peck on the cheek and a poorly enthusiast _see you soon_ shared by both of them. She couldn’t get if he was realizing how boring she could be, or if he was intimidated, or fascinated, or simply forced to fake a feeling which was impalpable. What she knew, though, was that the day had brought so much content for her brain to chew on.

_Why had no one told her about the governing body standing beside the Barry’s?_

_Why couldn’t there be a possible solution?_

_Why did Gilbert look to exhausted?_

Just as her mind worked relentlessly, her tired body brought her to stumble on something placed right in front of her door. There was a purple flower on it, which Anne took it into her hands before analyzing the bigger object carefully.

_The Language of Flowers._

As she walked pass the threshold of her apartment, her eyes kept inspecting the book, which looked more like a thick volume rather than a simple novel. She closed the door behind her and looked through the pages of it: there were drawings, images and explanations of the most various species of plants and flowers, in bright and pastel colors which almost amused her sweetly.

As her fingers brushed gently through the pages, her eyes noticed written names and details which lit up her face. Bertha Shirley had been drawn with simple lines and bright colors, yet it looked like she could come back to life from the page itself. The memory of her parents seemed to burn inside Anne like a fuse, and it brought her eyes to be amazed of how much love she could perceive.

 _Our little Anne is the most precious angel we have ever seen_ was written on one page.

Anne chuckled out loud, tears twinkling in her eyes – just as if she hadn’t shed enough of them today. It was impossible to express the way she was missing someone she could hardly remember, yet she could feel their protection, and their unshakable adoration towards their daughter, and it made Anne even more determined to find a way to avenge them. They deserved to live, to breathe, to raise her – and the fact that they truly loved each other was so fulfilling, yet made her so mad. Marilla had told her that they came from Nova Scotia, where eugenics didn’t even exist. Their love was of the purest form, and Anne could perceive it. She could feel it.

A folded note fell from one of the pages, dropping on the ground in a slow movement. Anne was quick to catch it.

_Happy birthday, Hennessy._

_I found this book between Eliza’s documents, and I saw a redhead drawn inside. Of course it had to be your mom, who else could have such a splendid fire like her daughter?_

_I hope this brings you happiness._

_I found out from the book that purple hyacinth is used to tell someone you’re sorrowful over something. I’m sorrowful over a lot._

_I miss you. I’m sorry._

_Gilbert_

A knock at the door was enough to make her heart pound three times faster inside her chest, and not just for the fright. She opened it, and there he stood.

Gilbert Blythe, with dark circles under his eyes, and a hopeful spark inside them too.

They didn’t say anything for a little; they just looked at each other, signing a secret treaty to stop putting walls in front of one another for reasons which were nonsensical compared to what their hearts felt. Their souls agreed not to run away anymore, their minds to start working together, their bodies to find each other’s comfort again.

“Hi” he murmured, unable to divert his glance from her.

“Hi” she replied, blaming herself, or him, or both of them for making her lose her great knowledge of better words to say.

“I hope I’m not bothering. I just…I would like to talk” Gilbert said, swallowing down visibly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down quickly. “If you can” he added then, waiting for an answer.

And of course an answer came.


	14. Holding out my hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert and Anne have a sincere talking session, and Gilbert finds out something that might be plans-changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! Welcome back here - if you're still willing to walk down this rollercoaster of emotions with me despite how long it takes for me to update, hehe.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm already working on the following one, even though uni exams are in the next weeks so it's going to be hard to fit everything into my schedule. But for shirbert, this and more!  
> Lots of love x

Stepping into Anne’s apartment, Gilbert felt surrounded by her, completely, wholly.

Every inch of it carried her sweet and comforting scent, making anyone – or perhaps just _him_ – feel at home. There were pictures of her adoptive parents, printed memories of Ruby and Cole, and some photographs she must have taken when they went to The Valley.

When everything hurt a little less.

There were scattered clothes here and there, and he could tell she wasn’t the most organized person he knew – it made him laugh a little, as he watched her hurriedly tidying up the rooms as soon as he closed the door behind himself, excusing herself for the mess. It was just so _Anne_ , that he wouldn’t have changed a thing. And there were fresh and dry flowers on the shelves, along with some seashells and some books. _Of course_ there were books. She was so hungry of knowledge and daydreaming and escaping reality, and he could picture her sitting comfortably on her couch, curled up in the moonlight as her fingers anxiously trembled at the idea of turning to the next page and find out the most unexpected truth.

She was everywhere, but most of all, she was in front of him, hands linked between each other, pink lips and deep eyes, swaying on her feet as she looked at him, and he felt his words dying in his throat.

“Can I…offer you something?” Anne asked tentatively, the note she had found in the book still in her hands, as if she was holding onto it to keep her balance. Her eyes were still glassy, yet they had so much light in them Gilbert felt like he was sunbathing.

“Oh, no, thank you” he said at first, and his voice came out deep and hoarse. “Well, maybe some water?” he corrected himself, and he could swear he saw her lips curving a little as she led him to the small kitchen, pouring some water he swallowed down quite quickly. He hadn’t realized his throat was so sore.

There was a heavy silence in the room, and both of them wanted to fill it, but didn’t know how. They were afraid they would have said the wrong thing and messed everything up again, or maybe they would have let their hearts speak for them and it would have confused their minds even more. But they _had_ to talk, they wanted to, and there were so many topics to be faced that Anne decided to begin from the easiest one. The one that didn’t regard them _directly_ , at least.

“I found out about the governing body guiding your parents, today. Diana told me about it, and now I feel like everything is clearer and harder to understand at the same time…Did you know about it?” Anne asked, swallowing down the urge to break every wall which they had built up in a matter of weeks.

“I did, but I’ve never been told anything more about it. I know it’s called “the council”. Eliza and William insist that it’s just an advisory authority, without any more powers, but I’ve never been sure about it. I don’t even know who the members are” Gilbert said, and he could see that her mind was just as tormented as his was, trying to understand something bigger than the two of them.

“I just don’t get it. Isn’t the Barry’s family been at the power for _decades_? They should have created the council themselves, so how could they have less authority than the governing body?” Anne asked again, in need of an answer. How could it be that no one else had ever been interested in finding a solution to the shameful politics on the island? Was _she_ overreacting? For once, she hardly believed so.

“Sometimes things go round and round. Maybe the council took more power through the years, heaven only knows how much corruption and fraud there is in the system” Gilbert replied. “I managed to find your parents’ book accidentally, while I was looking for some documents about my parents, like you said…that time in Avonlea. So maybe I could try and look for information about the council too.”

Anne imperceptibly jolted when he mentioned _that_ day. She remembered the sun, and the sense of wholeness, the gentle wind and his lips on hers as if it was yesterday, yet it felt like a distant memory too. As though it belonged to another version of herself, one that wasn’t stuck inside the dark corners of her own mind, trying to find a way out of her inner conundrum.

“Be careful, though” Anne said, words slipping out of her tongue. She cleared her throat, trying not to look into his eyes – she knew she would have hardly been able to turn them away – and spoke again, walking towards her tiny bedroom to grab her laptop. “We can start by searching the members of the council on the internet, maybe we’ll find something” she stated, faking a confidence which in that very moment was pretty much lacking.

However, she stopped as soon as he took her hand, making her turn towards him. Her whole body was burning, inside as much as outside, and she didn’t know who to blame for feeling so utterly _weird_. But his hold was so gentle, his words so sweet and his eyes so tired her heart hurt for him.

“Anne, wait, I…I want to talk to you” he murmured, his thumb slowly brushing on her skin.

“Aren’t we doing that?” Anne replied, perfectly aware of what he meant, but she couldn’t help herself from being afraid. Not of him, of course, how could she ever be? She was afraid of what they had, so incredibly overwhelming and confusing, and of what they could have been. She certainly didn’t want him to risk his life and future because of _her_ and her extravagant ideas.

“No, we’re not” he murmured softly. “We’re discussing something which, unavoidably, regards us too. But I want to talk _to you_ , _with you_. I can’t stand being hated by you, out of all people. I know I said certain things, and-”

“ _Hate_ you? Why would I ever hate you?” Anne suddenly asked, and she wanted to cry because how could he ever think she would _hate him_ , when he had been the source of her life for months now?

“I pushed you away, and you have all the rights to keep your distance. But I blame myself for that, and it’s insufferable. Facing everything is easier when you’re around” Gilbert said, his voice slightly cracking. “You were right when you said that repressing feelings is hard, but not being able to see you, or talk to you, and the idea of you suffering because of me and my family is worse. And I feel like I’m suffocating, whenever William mentions the idea of me marrying Winifred, or when I see Moody not making his jokes anymore because there’s nothing to laugh about, or when I see you and I know that I don’t deserve to have you, and I don’t deserve to drag you into this hell and ask you to burn along with me. It all feels unreal, and I can’t find the good side about anything anymore” he blurted out, and tears were stinging in his eyes like acid, until she stood on her tiptoes and hugged him so tightly they couldn’t distinguish which heart belonged to whom.

Anne got it now. She got why he had been looking so exhausted, why he seemed so lost many times. He didn’t dare to ask for help, and he had kept everything inside since he was a child, since his parents were callously dragged away from him, leaving a scar in his heart no one would have ever been able to heal. But she would have tried to ease the pain, to take a little bit of his and give him some of hers, so that they could mend each others’ wounds and go through it all together.

“I’m so sorry, Anne, I really am” he cried, and the whole world stayed quiet in front of them.

“I know you are. Of course I do” she said back, and she meant it. She stepped back a little, her hands on his cheeks, and now she knew that looking into his eyes was everything _but_ scary. “You can’t carry everything on your own, and I won’t let you do that until I have air in my lungs” she soughed, and she didn’t stop him when his lips fell right on hers in an unhurried, thirsty, longing kiss, so slow it felt like time had stopped. There were long, sweet pecks, and noses brushing, and hums of bliss, and tears of relief in between them. Gilbert didn’t remember how to breathe anymore, he just followed her lead and let her carry him through the maze of wonder and healing and warmth she had built just for him. And he felt like he loved her so much.

They parted just as slowly as they had started, foreheads pressed against each other and her hands gently falling against his chest, palms open to feel his heartbeat. She pressed a kiss there, and there weren’t anymore words to be said. He wiped away the remaining traces of tears on her face, and she did the same with him, and they laughed because they were young and hurting and because they had so much love to give to each other.

“I’ll make some coffee, okay? If we need to search information up, we’ll need to be awake for a while, and at the moment I feel like I could fall asleep right here” Anne proposed, and he smiled.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Hennessy” he replied softly, nudging her a little just to see her smile and dimples and face light up again. Anne, in fact, blushed adorably and he asked himself if he was still alive because that very much looked like heaven.

“You can start switching on my laptop. The password is _angrycordelia_ and I swear if you say anything about it I’ll throw you out of here” she threatened, and he raised an eyebrow to tease her, only to be left with another peck on his lips and the world into his hands.

* * *

“Wait! You skipped a website.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did. That one, see?”

“It was the one that wasn’t working.”

“Try again, maybe it got fixed”

“I hardly think people fix a website called _Sherlockinfo.com_ , Gilbert. Or better, since it’s not working it might have been blocked by the government.”

“Yeah…you’re right”

“Of course I am” Anne said, smiling cheekily as she turned to him. They had been going on for what felt like hours now, and despite the three cups of dark coffee they had, tiredness was beginning to hit.

They were comfortably on her bed, and it felt unreal to have time by themselves for once, even if it was for a _practical_ reason. Anne was sitting cross-legged, her laptop right in front of her and her back slightly bent forward. Gilbert, on the other hand, had taken off his shoes and was leaning against the headboard, a little notepad Anne had given him between his arms. Words and websites name had been written and cancelled, and the final result very much felt like an accurate representation of how lost they were in their research.

“It’s midnight” Gilbert stated out of the blue, rhythmically tapping the pen against the notepad. “You were right about the moon. It lights up the room.”

Anne offered him a tender smile, sighing as she relaxed against the headboard next to him.

“It’s one of the best thing about this room. It is often hit by moonlight” she replied, yawning briefly. Gilbert diverted his eyes from the moon, shifting them on her, and he though that she shined definitely more. Her irids had a darker shade, as if they reflected the navy blue of the night sky, yet they were simultaneously as bright as stars. He soon yawned too, and Anne laughed.

“Aren’t we old souls inside?” she asked, bringing him to lay down next to her, leaning their heads on her pillows. She knew he was exhausted, he must have been for _weeks_. And if she could, she wanted to help him get out of his fears a little, for a while. He had his back pressed on the mattress, his face turned to her, while she was on her side facing him.

“That we are. Although sleeping feels more and more like an impossible aim” Gilbert replied, looking at the ceiling of her bedroom. “Hey, do you remember that time Eliza found us sleeping in the same room?”

“On the same _bed_ ” Anne corrected him, chuckling. “That was the beginning of the end. Who would have thought a little wine could lead me to be the ruin of your family?”

Gilbert smiled teasingly, shaking his head. “It was quite hilarious, though. You couldn’t stop laughing and you almost woke everyone up hitting something, I don’t quite remember what it was”.

Anne covered her face with her hands as her laughter followed his. It was quite weird to think of everything they had been through together in less than four months; yet, it was beginning to feel like they had always known each other. Gilbert remember Anne’s scent and eyes and freckles and voice by heart, and she knew his hands and warmth and laughter and brains. And they loved all of it.

“I’m just…It’s odd to think that I used to _not_ know you. Sometimes I think that if I hadn’t met you, everything would be totally different. And not a good different” she sincerely murmured, turning to him.

“There would have been less trouble for sure, at least with Adam” Gilbert replied.

“And with your parents” she added, but he shaked his head with determination.

“Not true. You are just opening everyone’s eyes, mine included. I don’t think I can imagine a life in which you don’t end up being in, somehow. The consequences don’t matter” he softly said, and Anne didn’t have to listen to another word to know that her heart was his. She ran her fingers through his hair, and his eyelids closed at her gentle touch, before opening once again. He brought his hand to hers, moving it from his hair to his chest, right where his heart beat. And Anne knew his heart was hers too.

“You need to sleep” she whispered, and he nodded, not leaving her head. “You can stay here, although it might be a bit dangerous, right?”

“It most certainly is dangerous” Gilbert whispered back, not moving though, before welcoming her head to rest on his chest, right next to where their intertwined hands were. Anne smiled, and closed her eyes, thinking that maybe, for once, dreams wouldn’t have been much better than reality.

* * *

_There was a cold wind, so strong he could feel his whole body struggling to make another movement. There was a pale light, sometimes more intense, which made his nauseous. He felt dizzy, yet he didn’t know how to let it stop, or where to find shelter._

_Then, in a matter of seconds, he was in a room. His old room, he imagined, from the few pictures hanging on the wall and some stuffed animals he used to collect. There was so much noise he almost had to cover his ears not to cry for how painful it was._

_“Gilbert!” a female voice exclaimed, and he turned towards her. The woman kneeled down in front of him, tears in her eyes and trembling lips. “Gilbert, they’re coming. Mom and dad will have to go, alright? You’ll be safe, but-I-I want you to know that you are loved. Do you understand?”_

_He wanted to ask her where were they going, why were they leaving him, but he had no voice. His words were chocked into his throat, making him suffocate, and suddenly the room twisted in a spiral. Gilbert saw his mother screaming, and his dad running towards her only to be held back by someone._

_“Listen to them, Gilbert! Don’t rebel!” John Blythe screamed._

_And then it was all dark._

_There was a hint of light his eyes could see, but it was far. No, it was getting closer and closer. It was lighting up the whole space, and it was making him breathe again. He was not a child anymore, he was himself now. Gentle fingers brushed his face before he looked up to see his redheaded angel smiling at him. There was only silence, he couldn’t even hear himself breathing in and out._

_And then he fell._

Gilbert jolted awake with a start, finding it hard to catch the oxygen in the room. He looked around himself, trying to understand where he was, and if he was still dreaming, until he recognized the photos on the wall and the familiar scent he adored so much. He turned to his right, face relaxing as soon as he saw her.

Anne was still peacefully asleep next to him, her hand – the one he had held on his chest – had now fallen on his stomach. He took another full and deep intake of air, laying down again and bringing her hand back to were it stood when they had fallen asleep. She unconsciously shifted a bit closer to him, and he smiled to himself, holding her tightly. He loved the way she had just been the only beautiful thing in his nightmare, and she didn’t even know it.

It wasn’t the first time he had had similar dreams. Sometimes they were worse, at the point of waking him up covered in swear and with an accelerated heartbeat. Other times it was not that bad, yet it always felt hard to fall asleep after them. However, it had never occured to him that having Anne in his dream could make him feel less scared than how he usually felt. And having her beside him made his heartbeat slow down and find a relaxed and continuous rhythm, because he wasn’t alone this time.

He looked outside the window, where the sun still hadn’t rised fully. There was something quite comforting and unusual in waking up in another place, with another view in front of his eyes rather than the monotonous walls of his room and the nauseous smell of vegetables and cakes at six in the morning. Anne’s apartment smelled like clean sheets, like toasted bread and like her.

Checking the clock, he realized three things: it was already quite bright to be only seven in the morning, Eliza would have probably cut off his head if she found out about his absence, and he had slept almost seven full hours. It was the most he had slept in weeks, probably, and he felt refreshed to say the least, even though he could have easily slept seven more hours – preferably with Anne next to him again. It almost shocked him, how sweet she was, in between her sudden changes of mood and anger explosions and smart comebacks. She was so caring his heart melted at her touch and, if they were to be a candle, he was sure he would be the wax and Anne could be the fire.

He gazed at her, her usual furrowed forehead and worried expression now turned into a serene sleep, her chest slightly moving up and down at the rhythm of her breath, and she looked so cozy curled up next to him he could easily say it was the best thing he had ever seen. He brushed his fingertips against her skin, and then up between her soft hair, planting a gentle kiss on her head and then on her temple. And he felt so whole.

He kept caressing her to sleep, until he felt a hint of movement and glanced down at her, a little smile on her lips as she snuggled closer to him.

“Did I wake you up?” he softly whispered, as she rubbed her sleepy eyes, shaking her head slowly before adjusting her eyes to the morning light, and only then turning to him.

“Hi” Anne murmured, and Gilbert could swear she was being a bit shy and it was driving him crazy.

“Hi. Slept well?” he asked, brushing his nose against hers.

“Um-hum. Very. Did you sleep?” she replied, and when he nodded, she unconsciously breathed out in relief. She was hoping she could be of comfort to him.

“I dreamt of you” Gilbert murmured, and Anne raised herself on her elbow, interested to hear more. “You were a little light at first. Then you got closer and closer, until you were…well, _you_ , but you were radiating brightness. And it was all so, so quiet.”

Anne smiled tenderly, biting her inner cheek and just staring at him, and she felt like they could have stayed like this for eternity. She wondered if he got that she cared about him _wholeheartedly_ , if he knew that what she was feeling was so incredibly overwhelming it got hard to bear sometimes, but she wouldn’t have traded that for anything in the world. Did he know that she felt lucky to have him by her side? Did he know that each time he looked at her she felt on fire, literally? Anne was so good with words, but not when it came to expressing what she felt for him. He was a silent melody that moves the heart, makes it tremble so much that it’s hard to say how that makes you feel with _words_.

She placed her fingers on his lips, and on the bridge of his nose, as if she wanted her fingertips to remember every single inch of Gilbert Blythe. Every time with time felt like the last too, and she wanted to make the best of each minute, and leave her print on his heart so that he could always carry her with him. Anne slowly kissed him, a kiss so innocent it felt like a butterfly on Gilbert’s lips, and then other two, three, ten pecks for each time he had made her feel something.

“I don’t want to leave” he said sincerely.

“I wish you didn’t have to. But if anything were to happen to you because of me, I couldn’t forgive myself” she replied, so full of the warm hazel shade of his eyes. “Will you call me when you get home safe, please?”

“Of course. We also have some research to finish, right?”

“So right. Be careful going home, okay?”

Gilbert smiled, circling her with a tight hug and whispering an _I will_ , before kissing her once again and getting up, a pang in his heart telling him to just ignore any responsibility and go back to her. She sent his a flying kiss from her bed, and she looked so much like a vision that he doubted for a minute if perhaps he was still dreaming. He caught the kiss, put it into his heart, and walked out of the apartment, carrying Anne Shirley-Cuthbert’s lips with him.

He walked to his house quite slowly, taking in the beauty of a spring morning, the silence of the streets, thinking that in another life he would have loved a city like Charlottetown, instead of despising it for being the cradle of his pain.

In another life, he would have been a normal young man, studying at college to save people’s life with medicine, without any more duties.

In another life, he would have fallen in love without restrictions, and he would have taken Anne out on the most unusual or basic or boring dates just to be with her.

In another life, he would have come home to find his mother’s pastries and his dad’s laughter, and he would have thanked them for existing, and for raising him with love, and love alone.

In another life, he would have kneeled down in front of Anne with a ring and a thousand hopes into his hands, and no one would have forbidden him to do so.

In another life, he would have been perfectly happy. But he had a life now, and it still had some good. It had Diana, and Minnie May, and his friends, and the morning breeze, and waking up with sweet kisses and a paradise of red hair and freckles, and it had the moon, the sound of Anne’s laughter, it had love too. And that was enough.

As soon as his view revealed the majestic mansion he felt to be so oppressing on him, his hands closed into fists as if he wanted to stop himself from being impulsive. He stepped inside the garden from the back door, and luckily enough no one seemed to be in the near closeness, probably because of the early hour of the day. Had anyone even _noticed_ his absence? He wouldn’t have been surprised if no one had, honestly.

He walked past the threshold and towards the stairs, exactly where he spotted Nigel Rose pacing hurriedly with a bunch of documents into his hands, trying to balance them all. The man soon noticed Gilbert’s presence, and despite his usual seriousness, he seemed startled by the sight of that young man already awake.

“Oh, Gilbert-” he exclaimed, just as his documents _tragically_ fell to the ground without even making a sound. Mr Rose sighed in despair, and quickly tried to collect everything with his own hands. Gilbert walked upstairs to help him, only to be suddenly pushed away by the man.

“No! I got this, thank you” Mr Rose stated, his threatening eyes providing Gilbert from making a single move.

Oh, but he did have eyes. And he knew what he read on one document.

_Movements of rebellion at the borders of Prince Edward Island_

_Buried information or State secret?_

“What, er, what are you doing up, Gilbert? Isn’t it…a bit early?” Mr Rose asked, trying to hide the documents into his briefcase.

“It is, sir, but I appear to enjoy early morning walks. They clear my mind” Gilbert replied, not precisely knowing why his voice was coming out quite defensive. Or maybe he _did_ know why. “What about you, Mr Rose?”

“Uh?”

“Isn’t it…a bit early to be here?” Gilbert asked, hands into his pockets and brows furrowed.

“Ah, yes, I had some, well, some topics to talk to your parents about” Mr Rose stammered. It was quite hilarious to see how this usually seraphic and confident man could be so easily shaped by an unexpected meeting, and with the person who should have one day become his son-in-law. “Good, now if you excuse me I’ll leave…Oh, Gilbert, Winifred is coming today, as we established. I can tell you two have become quite close” the man added, already walking down the stairs.

 _Have we really?_ was what Gilbert truly wanted to ask. He didn’t dislike Winifred, and despite the way she had spoken to Anne a couple of times – which had pretty much made anger build up into Gilbert’s throat – she was not a bad person. He had had the chance to meet many rich, young women in his life, and he could safely say that Winifred was the best of them. At least she didn’t complain about the weather each three minutes, or claimed she wasn’t spoiled at all after eating rich caviar from the Mediterranean sea. Winifred _knew_ that she was lucky and spoiled and rich, and she didn’t feel like hiding it made her less of any of that. But she didn’t brag about it, at least not always and not in front of him, and that was the least damage.

So Nigel Rose uselessly waited for a reply that never came, and he left with a quick nod and hurried steps. But Gilbert had something else into his mind, stuck like glue from the moment he saw it.

 _Movements of rebellion_.

What did it mean? Were people rebelling against the government, or for another cause? And _who_ were the rebels?

Questions soon filled up his whole brain, mixing and turning and spinning incessantly like a hurricane. He reached his room and closed the door behind himself, before taking his phone and finding the only person whose voice he wanted to hear.

“Hey, are you home already?” Anne immediately asked, and he didn’t know why he felt like he was breathing a little better.

“Yes, it was quite nice to walk here at such an early hour in the morning. Are you still in bed?”

“I made breakfast, and I was beginning to look up more pieces of information about-”

“Wait” Gilbert suddenly said, interrupting her out of the blue. “Sorry, I don’t want you to run any risk. Walls have ears in my house, if you…get what I mean.”

It wouldn’t have been a surprise if Eliza Barry traced his calls and listened to each of them to make sure he wasn’t doing anything _improper_.

“Oh, right, sorry” Anne quickly replied. “It’s not like I’ve really made progress, by the way.”

“I do have something to tell you, actually, but I can’t do that now. I’m not sure when we’ll be able to see each other again though” Gilbert said, bitterness burning like alcohol in his stomach because he couldn’t really accept the fact that he had to wait days just because of the pressure his parents put on Anne for anything she did.

“Diana invited me over on Wednesday, but I don’t think it’s a good thing to exchange…information there. So I think we must wait until you have your free day, right?” Anne asked, already knowing the answer, yet her voice coming out so sad hurt his heart.

“Right” he replied, nodding as if she could see him. “I miss you” he murmured into the phone, and he wasn’t making it up. No lies when it came to Anne. He felt desperate for her presence once again. He heard a chuckle coming from the other side of the call.

“You said walls in your house have ears, Gil” she softly said.

“Well, I’ll make sure they do not listen for now” he replied, and he could sense her smile without even seeing her. After a moment, though, she breathed in deeply, and whispered.

“I miss you too. I can’t wait to see you again.”

And that was enough for him to have his whole body on fire and his heart pounding into his chest.

“Soon” he said, and she replied with the same word.

 _Soon_ felt too late though.

When they hung up, Gilbert didn’t know where to focus his mind. He felt utterly confused, from external events as much as from certain internal feelings which were as hard to understand yet as clear as the sun. It didn’t even make sense to him, but he knew that he was _feeling_. Thinking about how his life was before he met Anne, he could only remember monotony, and loneliness, and a a grip bringing him down and down in the mud, and he screamed for help but no one believed him. No one believed Gilbert Blythe needed help.

Until he saw one hand there for him to hold onto, and he took it, until he was brought back to see the light. And as dirty as his clothes were, as heartbroken he was, as shaky his fingers could be, Anne had grown to become the water that cleaned him, the stitches that healed him, the heat to warm him.

He couldn’t just give her up. He wouldn't have.


	15. Slipping and falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert's bond tightens and breaks a little, Diana finds out a shocking truth, someone proposes and Gilbert makes a revelation which will turn his world upside down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! If you're still reading this, thank you, I admire you. I didn't know this story would have been so long, but I'm honestly enjoying each second of writing. I am so excited to hear your opinions on this chapter, I truly hope you'll like it. Also, I always try to depict the characters with flaws and perks, ups and downs. I want them to be realistic and human, and I hope I am being able to reach my aims.   
> Thanks for sticking with me!  
> As always, lots of love xx

They met each Saturday after that day.

Not that they didn’t see each other during the week as well. Anne was about to begin her college classes, and she wanted to spend as much time as she could with her friends before she was stuck inside her apartment with coffee cups displayed on her desk and a bunch of papers to finish within the night. Therefore, Diana invited her at least a couple times a week – with all due respect to Eliza Barry’s disappointment – and they simply talked, often bringing Cole, Ruby and the other girls along, chitchatting like normal young people would do. Although they had very _little_ normality in their lives.

Of course Anne and Gilbert met inside the Barry’s mansion. Sometimes he was with Winifred, discussing plans Anne honestly didn’t want to know anything about – avoiding potentially painful details in her life was what she was becoming used to doing, in spite of her own self judgement about the complete nonsense of it all – and Gilbert glanced at her, an almost imperceptible twinkle in his eyes each time she offered him a smile, to let him know that she _knew_. She knew he couldn’t escape that reality, and she knew he didn’t want to do practically anything he was pushed to do.

Some other times, though, Winifred wasn’t around, and Gilbert took the chance every time he spotted Anne alone, waiting for Diana to be ready and get downstairs, and he carefully brushed a hand on her waist, or gently took her hand in his and kissed the knuckles, covering with a common gallantry a thousand of unspoken words. And she rolled her eyes at him each time, scolding him with a simple glance, yet she could hardly contain her rosy cheeks and her amused chuckle, and it made him fly with the angels.

But Saturdays, _oh those awaited Saturdays_ , always felt so impossibly far. Gilbert longed for them like a glass of cold water in the dry air of a desert, and his brain sometimes made fun of himself too, asking him the reason why he got so utterly excited to see her when all they had to do was to look for information about politics. His heart was always quick to answer, though.

_Well, because it’s Anne._

However, the first Saturday they spent together at her apartment was completely focused on what they had just recently found out.

“ _Rebellions at the borders of the island?!_ ” Anne had asked when Gilbert told her about his accidental meeting with Mr Rose. “What could that possibly mean?”

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out. I don’t get if they’re rebellions _against_ or _in favour_ _of_ the government, and who are the authors of them” he replied, and then he paused for a moment, after pacing in front of her as she sat on her couch. “I know this may sound dumb, but…I mean, what if _perhaps_ the rebels are-”

“The exiled people” Anne completed for him, a serious look on her face.

“Yeah…It may have nothing to do with it, but it’s something which keeps popping up into my mind. Who else should rebel when no one has ever questioned this system apart from, well, us, probably?”

Anne nodded, but she couldn’t keep her feet still. She was thinking, her brain working incessantly, and in other circumstances Gilbert would have told her that he found it more than fascinating. _Tantalizing_.

“But if what you said were true…that would mean that the exiled people somehow made it back to Prince Edward Island. It’s all so complicated” she said, looking down at the floor. He sat right next to her, massaging his neck to release a bit of tension.

“That, and there’s more. Why did _Nigel Rose_ out of all people owned those documents? I mean, my parents mentioned the fact that they often collaborate, but he was there at such an early hour in the morning and it doesn’t really seem normal to me” Gilbert added.

“Oh, right, I think I might have an answer for that. That was what I wanted to tell you at the phone when you called some days ago” Anne replied, opening her laptop and looking for a PDF file she had saved. “After hours of research, I found something about the council. I found this in the website of the government, in the archives section. I find it odd that they never took this file off if they truly wanted to keep it a secret, but I also feel like no one apart from the government itself checks this website on a daily basis” she said, turning the screen for Gilbert to check. “I read it a bunch of times, and I feel like a lot of things made much more sense. Look here” she said, pointing at a specific portion of the document.

When Gilbert read out loud, he couldn’t quite believe his own voice.

_Members of the council (last update) – alphabetical order_

_Andrews, Harmon_

_Andrews, Elizabeth_

_Davidson, Robert_

_Glesby, Fiona_

_Haddison, Marie-Jean_

_Pye, John_

_Pye, Linda_

_Rose, Nigel_

_Rose, Fiona_

_Tredsor, Paul_

Gilbert shook his head vigorously, disbelief and realization hitting him.

“Winifred’s parents are in the council. _Of course_ they are, how could I be so naive?” he asked rhetorically, and he didn’t know what to think. It was true, everything made much more sense now, including why the Barry’s had chosen Winifred as Gilbert’s partner. Yet, it all felt much more difficult to solve now.

“And Josie’s parents, Jane’s, and…Adam’s mother too” Anne added. “I should have noticed, from the way she kept complaining about my constant attempt to…well, _avoid_ Adam, to say the least. She kept being so pressuring towards me, and now I get why. She must have made Eliza think that I could be a potential rebel towards the system, or that I could bring trouble anyway, and that may explain why she hates me so much.”

Gilbert turned his face towards her, as she tapped her fingers on her tights incessantly. He took her hands into his and smiled sadly, intertwining his own fingers with hers.

“Well, you _kind of_ brought trouble to her, but I must hold myself accountable for that. It’s not your fault I fell utterly in love with you” Gilbert said nonchalantly, his thumb gently brushing her skin, up and down, slowly.

Anne, though, believed she couldn’t feel her heart beating anymore. His words hit her with the force of a tsunami and the lightness of a butterfly, burning as intensely a burst of fire and comforting her like a delicate hug would, like an earthquake in her insides and a caress on her cheek. She knew what it meant to be loved by Matthew and Marilla, the love of someone who were like a father and a mother to her; she knew what it meant to be loved by Cole and Ruby, her best friends for life. But there was no way she had ever experienced what it meant to be loved by someone else. By someone who had never been into her life before that year, someone whom she hadn’t grown up with. It felt so incredibly overwhelming, so exquisitely shaking, that she, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, was at loss of words, her main source of power.

She must have been silent for quite a lot of time though, since Gilbert’s brows furrowed and he straightened his spine.

“Anne?” he called her, so softly she could cry right there.

“Yes?” she breathed out, suddenly feeling like she had forgotten how to create a proper sentence.

“What’s wrong? Did I…Did I say something you didn’t want to hear? Was I disrespectful?” he asked, a wave of guilt rushing through him, and he slowly left her hands. He certainly didn’t want to lose her once again, and he knew that maybe he had crossed the line. He just couldn’t help himself with her. There was something about her presence, so mesmerizing that it made him shamefully unable to think properly.

“No” Anne’s voice came out cracked, and she cleared it. “No, no, not at all. I just…I didn’t expect it. I am sorry, this was supposed to be so much more romantic, dear God why can’t I shut up for once” she muttered to herself, but she breathed out as soon as she saw a genuine smile on Gilbert’s face and she could feel her cheeks blushing in one millisecond.

“Are you sure it’s just that? You don’t…you don’t have to hold yourself back if you feel like I’m going too forward, okay?”

Anne now rolled her eyes. “I am barely able to hold myself back with your adoptive parents, Gil, let alone with _you_. I was just taken aback, I promise” she softly concluded, taking his hand again and watching his eyes as they relaxed into hers. “I just…I am not used to it. I don’t quite know how to handle this, that’s all. But what I feel for you is not something I could ever take for granted. You give me so much, Gilbert, and it’s quite astonishing to say the least. I often feel stupid when I think of your _chin_ while having breakfast and- _don’t laugh now!_ ” she interrupted him, as he chuckled. “I’m being serious. You just…well, your turned my world upside down and-and it’s not easy for me to openly accept my own feelings. I am often impulsive and I hardly think twice before doing something, and I try to hide my emotions when I feel like they might be scary for me. But when you’re around, you make me feel so…so _loved_ , Gilbert, and it truly shakes me. Completely” Anne concluded, and she thought she could see her own reflection into his glassy eyes.

Gilbert brought her hands to his lips, and held them there for a little, his voice stuck inside his throat. She snuggled closer to him, resting against his middle where she felt safe, and warm, and so at ease. He tapped his fingers on her arms, and then her nose, making her laugh, and he thought not even Chopin’s music was half as beautiful as that sound.

“So…you like my chin?” he murmured into her hair, a malicious smile plastered on his face just as soon as she turned her head up to look at him.

“No, shut up, I told you not to laugh!” Anne scolded him, slapping his chest gently.

“I’m not laughing!” Gilbert exclaimed, raising his hands up in defense, her deathly stare making him want to kiss her so badly.

“You _are_. Damn, I should have known better than to let words slip out of my mouth without filters” she replied, shaking her head amusedly.

“ _But you_ _like my chin_ ” he sang, and she got up to leave him right there and walk away, but he was quick to bring her back down on the couch, to him.

What a pleasing feeling it is, to love so wholeheartedly.

The following Saturdays, though, were the prelude to a quick, terrifying slope. They both felt like they should have expected it. It was nearly impossible to be completely, perfectly happy for more than those five minutes they spent with only each other, each and every problem long forgotten for those precious seconds, which felt very much like oxygen.

Anne saw Adam one Friday evening, four weeks after she began meeting Gilbert every Saturday, She hadn’t seen Adam for a while, as he repeated more or less fifty times that he had _business_ to tale care of with his mother, and now Anne perfectly knew in which kind of _business_ Mrs Glesby was involved. However, he asked to take her out on a date, claiming that they hadn’t _had a proper date in quite a while, and it’s time to do something about it, right?_ and she obviously took the chance as soon as she could. For once, she felt like she knew how to bring up a conversation with him, even though it certainly wasn’t in the circumstances she hoped. So, as soon as they sat at their dinner table in one of those expensive, fancy restaurants she had only ever _imagined_ in her mind, she avoided every courtesy and began to talk.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your mother being in the council?”

Adam raised his eyes from the breadstick he had been eyeing for quite a while, and his smile dropped. He looked around himself suspiciously, getting closer to the table to make sure he could hear her properly.

“You are not supposed to know about any of this, Anne” he whispered, clearing his throat as a waiter poured white wine into his stem glass.

“Well, apparently I do” she replied, her voice coming out as stingy as venom to his ears. “Do you, perhaps, think I am stupid, Adam?”

“I-It’s just stuff you shouldn’t focus on. Come on, Anne, what’s wrong with you? I’ve literally done everything I could since the first time we met-”

“You were talking about having _kids_ on our first dates” Anne said, raising her voice just a little, and she could feel rage slowly crawling up her stomach.

“-and all you did was finding a way to avoid me, or claiming I was _too_ forward, or being all heart eyes for Gilbert Blythe, like a three-year-old” Adam spitted out, and Anne could hardly hold herself still.

“Keep _him_ out of this conversation, if you are able to have one” she said between her teeth. “ _You_ are avoiding my first question. Your mother is in the council, which means that she collaborates with the Barry’s quite closely. Did you ever even think about the fact that _maybe_ you should have told me? Now I know why that family despises me so much, and you enjoyed taking part in this with your silence, right?”

Adam was tapping his foot furiously on the floor, and Anne was quite pleased to say he was clearly _panicking_.

“My mother has been in the council for years, I don’t get what’s wrong with it. What I ask myself, though, is why you care so much about this. Do you think I don’t know about that time you and Blythe fell asleep in the same room? Or about all the boundaries the Barry’s obliged you to respect and that you callously broke, thinking that you were _so smart_? Or about your getaway with Gilbert while I was out of time? I’m not dumb, Anne, as you can clearly see. Stop playing the heroine of this story. You can’t change this system, and you won’t, it’s just how it is. Love doesn’t have anything to do with this world, forget it, focus on your existence and your privileges. You are doomed to be with me for the rest of your life, and it’s _scientifically proven-_ ”

“ _Fuck you and your scientifically proven things!_ ” Anne exclaimed, getting up and catching everyone’s attention in the room. “I _pity_ you, Adam, and I used to be sorry for the way you so tightly hung onto your mother for a support which you probably have been lacking all your life. But truth is you’re just like _them all_. You spit sentences to claim your power, you think you have the world in your hands, when all you truly have is your _enormous_ ego and a pine cone instead of a brain. Now, if you’d excuse me” she furiously concluded, running out of the restaurant with bile rising from her stomach. She believed she had never been so angry in her whole existence, and she felt like she could literally explode. Her whole face felt too hot for her liking, and not even the evening breeze was able to soothe her. She walked and walked for miles, until she couldn’t quite remember what time it was and how to properly catch her breath back.

Anne took out her phone and tried to call Gilbert, one, two, five times before she realized that it was pointless. She began questioning her own mind and intentions, blaming herself for the way she dragged him into this mess, into her _foolish_ ideas, believing that there could be a chance to make things right.

She felt so utterly _dumb_ she let out a scream, making sure that no one was nearby to hear her.

She was thirsty to find a way out, but all she saw in front of her was a blocked tunnel.

She was tired of fighting for something which was clearly impossible.

She didn’t want to feel like the only one walking in the wrong direction.

She was _exhausted._

* * *

“This soup is just exquisite, Mrs Barry, you should congratulate your cook” Winifred pleasingly stated, a beautiful wide smile directed towards the people around her. “Isn’t it, Gilbert?”

The young man woke up from his own thoughts, a questioning look towards his future partner.

“Gilbert?” Eliza Barry asked, faking an amused smile which was, _as always_ , not mutual. Gilbert raised his eyes from the meal to the guests and family members around himself, as if awaken from a limbo.

“Oh, yes, the soup. Tillie is great, such a kindhearted and funny person to have around, if she only were allowed to leave the kitchen for more than half a minute” he replied, his eyes fixed into Mrs Barry incredulous one. However, she wasn’t the only one who, that evening, was receiving _unusual_ glances from the young man. Nigel Rose had been worriedly receiving Gilbert’s stinging stares since the beginning of the Barry-Rose dinner, and truth be told the whole atmosphere in the room wasn’t particularly pleasant.

Eliza Barry chuckled. “Gilbert is always in a mood lately, his studies are draining him, right dear? But after all, medicine requires a lot of mental preparation and hours spent on books” she said, and Mrs Rose nodded comprehensively, before turning towards Diana.

“What about you, Miss Barry? Any peculiar activity keeping you busy these days?”

Diana was only half focused, having noticed Gilbert’s change of approach. 

“Well, I do enjoy playing my piano, and spending time with my friends. Especially Miss Shirley-Cuthbert” Diana answered, smiling genuinly. “She has been my guest very often lately, and I do enjoy leisure time with her immensely. Moreover, she is a very smart girl and she has been helping my sister with her homework now and then.”

If the room was filled with a light tension before, now it could be cut with a knife.

“Miss Shirley-Cuthbert, huh? Isn’t she studying, though? It’s odd that a young woman of such… _high_ abilities and smartness keeps waisting her time coming here, now isn’t it?” Winifred asked, taking Gilbert’s hand in the meantime. However, he wasn’t having it. Not tonight.

“She will begin college soon, in a week or so. She studied on her own for all her life, as many other people living out of Charlottetown are _forced_ to do, and she has passed the required exam to begin her classes now. Literature and journalism” Gilbert said, pride flowing along with his words, yet his enthusiasm wasn’t really returned, if not from his sister. However, a humorless snort came from Eliza.

“Journalism, _that_ girl? I don’t think she will make big steps, if she keeps breaking the rules and being so…arrogant” the woman spitted, but before Gilbert could say anything – and trust him, he had quite _a lot_ to let out – she offered another smile, directed towards Winifred and her parents this time. “On the other hand, any career would suit Winifred. You will have many opportunities, my dear, especially from the moment you will marry Gilbert, which means very soon.”

At that, the whole room’s eyes were on Eliza Barry. It took to words for Winifred to smile proudly, for her parents to nod curiously, for Diana to lay her eyes on his brother and for Gilbert’s stomach to drop.

“Which leads us to discuss the reason why we’re having this dinner. As you know, Diana still needs to wait before marrying Mr Spurgeon, since my husband and I will be the ones to decide when it’s the right time for our daughter to take our place as governor of the island. However, this doesn’t count for Gilbert and Winifred. So, I believe it’s safe to say that a marriage will be done, as soon as Gilbert proposes. I do believe it will be _very_ soon” Mrs Barry stated, and Gilbert wanted to scream that _no_ , he wouldn’t have proposed to Winifred, he wouldn’t have held her hand, he wouldn’t have watched her walking down the aisle. But the air in the room was running out, and he felt hopeless.

“But mother, what about Gilbert’s studies? How will he manage to be a husband and study for his career at the same time?” Diana tried, but little did she knew it was nonsensical to even attempt to convince her mother differently.

“He will be an example for the whole island to follow. A great student _and_ a loving husband. I don’t see the conundrum. Now, a toast to new beginnings. And to family” Eliza Barry announced, getting up from her seat and raising her glass towards her guests.

But Gilbert had nothing to celebrate. He abruptly got up and walked away, not caring anymore. He reached his room and closed the door behind himself, pacing up and down and opening the windows, letting the cold air of the night be like a shower on his troubled mind. The moon was barely there, covered by colorless clouds, as if even _she_ didn’t want to see anything, anymore.

That’s when he checked his phone, and he saw a missed call from the only person he wanted to see, to talk to, to _feel_ next to him. In the past weeks, they had been more and more involved into trying to understand what was happening around them, and it felt like they were running out of time. To do what, it was hard to understand. But each kiss every time he left her apartment felt more painful than the previous, more nostalgic, more like a farewell.

Gilbert dialed her number, two, three, four times, but no answer came. No _Gil, are you okay?_ from her soft lips, no laughter from that melody which was her voice, no Anne. So he texted her.

**_Anne, did you call?_ **

**_I mean of course you did, I just saw it_ **

**_I’m sorry I couldn’t answer, I didn’t have my phone with me_ **

**_Anne?_ **

**_Are you safe, at least?_ **

**_Maybe you’re asleep_ **

**_Goodnight then, text me tomorrow_ **

**_I hope you are okay_ **

He ignored the pang in his heart, the feeling spreading in his insides, that there was something off.

* * *

“Good morning, I’m looking for Mr Blythe, I need to talk to him” Anne asked first, standing in front of the main entrance door of the Barry’s mansion. She had woken up with a dreadful and burning feeling in her heart after the event of the previous night, and when she had seen Gilbert’s texts that morning, she knew something was wrong. Not that it was the first time that they texted, at all, but she could just _perceive_ the anguish in his typed words, in the absence of enthusiasm she could feel. So she knew she had to talk to him, tell him about Adam’s reaction and listen to what he had to tell her. Why did it feel like she had to run, to be quick?

“I’m sorry, you cannot be let in. There’s a reunion taking place at the moment” the guard apathetically replied, not even bothering to look at the girl in front of him.

“ _Please_ , it’s urgent, the reunion taking place now is exactly why I need to see Gil- Mr Blythe before it ends. Would you be so kind as to let me see him? I swear I’ll be quick, I just-”

“Miss, you will _not_ be allowed in, even if you have to tell Mr Blythe a life-or-death piece of information.”

Anne swore she was about to punch him. It took all the self-control she had left into her body to stop herself, and she thanked the heavens as soon as she heard a voice behind the guard.

“Mr Dendim, please let my friend in, since when are _my friends_ pushed away without my consent?” Diana severely said, taking Anne’s hand and leading her out of the guard’s sight, after a humble _as you wish, Miss Barry_. The two girls reached the main hall, right at the beginning of the stairs.

“Anne, I’m sorry about that, when a reunion is taking place no one is allowed to leave the house or enter it. I had to make an exception, for you” Diana said smiling. “What brings you here?”

“I need to see Gilbert” Anne blurted out, before realization hit her. Diana didn’t know anything about the two of them, about the information they had, and Anne truly didn’t want her friend to think of her as a liar, or a family-ruiner, or a burden. And now she didn’t have a reasonable excuse to explain why she was looking for _Gilbert_ precisely. Diana knew that they were good friends, but good friends do not kiss on the lips or shiver just because of each other’s presence.

“Gilbert? How come?” Diana confusedly asked.

“I-I have something to tell him. About Adam and…well, some other things” Anne said, but even _she_ wouldn’t have believed herself.

“About Adam? He’s here, he joined the reunion with his parents and mine, i don’t quite know why honestly” Diana replied.

“Diana…You know about the council, do you?”

“The _council_? What is that?” the brunette girl asked, and Anne couldn’t believe the world around her anymore. Not even the heiress at the government knew about the council which stood behind her parents’ power, and it was so utterly confusing and unreal.

“There is a council of ten members which handles your parent’s government. I thought you knew, Gilbert and I found it out some time ago and we were sure-”

“Gilbert and you? How did you even manage to find anything out? Did you guys meet up secretly or something?” Diana asked, but it didn’t take long for her to understand how things stood. Diana had always been a very rational and pragmatic person, hardly needing people’s help as she grew up, and she had an amazing ability to organize information in her head and understand things quickly. That’s why as soon as she saw Anne cheeks blushing slightly at the mention of _secret meetings_ , she connected the dots. It had all happened under her unaware eyes, and she didn’t even have the doubt until now.

“Oh no” she murmured, slowly shaking her head. “Anne, please _do not_ tell me there’s something between you and Gilbert” Diana whispered, and when Anne didn’t reply, she knew. “How-how could it be? Do you know how incredibly dangerous it is?! If you get caught, it’s the _end_ for both of you, don’t you understand?”

Anne nodded, the shook her head, trying to find the right words to say, but she hardly could.

“It just _happened_ , I cannot control what I feel-”

“Well, you should have” Diana harshly interrupted her, and – in different ways – both of their hearts cracked. One for disappointment, the other for guilt.

Just as Anne was about to reply, the main door standing majestically at the top of the stairs swung open, revealing Mr and Mrs Barry along with the rest of the members of the council, and Adam. As soon as Eliza Barry saw her daughter and Anne, she stopped in her tracks.

“Diana! You know you should stay in your room during reunions, and what is _she_ doing here now?”

Diana’s eyes were full of tears and rage, and her fists were closed tightly, as to prevent her from doing something she would have later regretted.

“Is there anyone who didn’t lie to me inside this house?” she furiously said, wiping away her tears and straightening her spine, as to show her usual composure in front of people. She ran away towards her room, disappearing from under Anne’s hurtful eyes.

“Anne, you happen to be here in the right moment, even if formally not allowed” Mrs Glesby said, before turning towards Mrs Barry. “Eliza, I believe this can be the right moment” she added, and when she received a sure – and angry – nod, she turned to Adam. “Son, it’s your turn.”

Adam, elegantly dressed and with a confident smile on his face, reached the spot where Anne stood, unmoved, and stopped right in front of her.

“Anne, nice to see you again, I hope your nerves are calmer now” he said.

“Adam I swear-”

“After some discussions with the main authorities here, we reached to a conclusion which – apparently – seems inevitable, but I’m sure you’ll be _glad_ to hear” Adam said, before exposing a small, black box into his hands.

Anne wanted to disappear from Earth’s face. She knew this moment would have eventually come, but it couldn’t be _this_ soon. She felt like she could vomit right there.

Adam opened the box, revealing a shiny diamond ring, whose reflected light caused Anne’s eyes to divert from it. She didn’t want it. She didn’t want to wear it.

“You can’t. My adoptive parents’ approval is needed to propose” she tried to say, her voice coming out broken, but loud. However, she did not see a trace of doubt in Adam’s face.

“Oh, we did. Apparently your parents aren’t in the position to refuse” Mrs Barry said from the stairs, where she was admiring the scene in front of her like a lion does with a gazelle.

“What is going on here?” Anne heard, and she couldn’t explain why she wanted that voice to simultaneously _be_ there and disappear. She didn’t even turn towards Gilbert, because she would have started crying and she couldn’t, not in front of everyone. It would have been dangerous for him, and if one life had to be ruined, she wanted it to be hers, not his.

“Mr Glesby and Mrs Shirley are getting married!” Mrs Rose exclaimed, and Anne wanted to scream because _how dared_ they all? How could they so calloulsy intrude into other people’s lives when they had _nothing_ to do with them?

Anne’s hands were shaking, her chest was burning and she was stuck, frozen, unable to do anything if not to shake her head. Adam slid the ring into her finger, despite her resistance, before kissing her hand and accepting the applause all around them. “I’ll wait for you in the dining room” he murmured, and Anne felt _disgusted_.

“Gilbert, go and check on your sister, she seemed a bit shaken” Eliza stated, ignoring Anne’s figure as she walked past her, followed by the rest of the members of the council and Adam too, leaving her like a stone sculpture, doomed to be consumed by others’ carelessness.

Only then did she turn to Gilbert, and tears flowed. He stood still too, and she didn’t want to look at him in the eyes. But when she did, she saw the feeling of betrayal, of heartbreak.

“You said yes” he murmured.

“No, I didn’t say anything” Anne answered, desperately wanting him to understand. “I-I couldn’t do anything, my parents gave their permission and” she sobbed, unable to breathe properly, “they did it on purpose, Gilbert! Last night I told Adam I knew about the council, and he must have revealed everything to your parents. How could I stop him?!”

“You could refuse” Gilbert replied, but he knew he was just trying to avoid a pain which was, in fact, very much there. He didn’t know why he felt anger towards Anne, when he knew she had done what was right, what _he_ would have told her to do in order to be safe. But it was easier to be accepted as an hypothetical possibility, rather than watching it happen.

“ _Refuse?_ He didn’t even wait for an answer, how could-Why are you blaming me?! You know how much it disgusts me, how much I hate this” Anne cried, raising her voice. Here yes were so full of tears it pained Gilbert to see her in such a state, and he knew he was being selfish. He had a habit of being impulsive too, though, and he couldn’t help himself now.

“I will marry Winifred soon, too” he said, and Anne walked towards him, fury and sadness and pain covering her face just like those clouds had done with the moon the previous night.

“This is not a contest to see whose life sucks the most, Gilbert. Congratulations for your future, and for not understanding a thing of what I told you since we’ve first met. You _know_ I don’t love Adam, how could I possibly? Yet your eyes clearly show me what you’re thinking of me, and I’m sorry I let myself get involved with you. From now on, you can forget me, and so will I. I thought you understood, I-I thought we could have figured this out together. But all that… _foolery_ you said about loving me was a huge lie, and I was dumb enough to believe it” Anne concluded, her lips trembling before she turned her back to him and walked away, leaving Gilbert, his broken heart and the last pieces of hers.

Gilbert didn’t move for a while, unable to think straight. He had just let her go, and he didn’t know who to blame, if not himself. He had been selfish enough to made her feel guilty for something not even a determined, strong woman like she was could control; it was a stupid, nonsensical reaction, but he hadn’t been able to stop it. He had to make up for it, and lead her to trust him – again, perhaps – and apologize, because if she left, then the colors she had brought into his life would have become another canvas of grey, just like at the beginning. He had been a coward, after all he had told her to make her understand that she had changed his life, that he would have fought for them, for her.

So he ran.

He left his mansion behind himself, despite the guards asking him where he was going, and he ran between the streets, wondering how far and to where Anne could have walked, calling her name and catching people’s attention. However, once he turned to the small sideroad underpass which led towards her house, it didn’t take long for him to spot her red hair.

“Anne” he said, but she didn’t turn. He walked closer, until he noticed her figure in front of a bunch of people, stuck in the middle of the way. His immediate reaction brought him to walk right next to her, afraid that those people might have had bad intentions, but he stopped in his tracks as soon as he realized in front of whom Anne was.

There were three adults, and a baby. Two of them were holding hands, the baby in the men’s arms, while the other one was a woman. Their clothes were dirty, their faces exhausted and their legs shaky.

“What’s going on?” Gilbert asked in a low voice, more to Anne than to the rest of the people there.

“I found them here, in such a state, and I couldn’t just leave” Anne answered, her eyes full of sympathy for the sight displayed right under her eyes. “How can we help you?” she asked to the group. Gilbert felt one of the two women’s eyes on him, as if she was analyzing his figure.

“I am afraid you can’t. We are escaping” the man said, in a thick voice with an exotic accent, and that’s when realization hit both Anne and Gilbert, who looked at each other for a split of a second.

“Escaping from the exile?” Gilbert asked, and when no answer came, he knew he was right. Right before he could say anything, the woman staring at him made a step towards him.

“Gilbert?” she asked, her voice so small it was almost inaudible.

He furrowed his brows, barely nodding as he took in the teary eyes of that woman. She must have been around her fourties, even though she looked quite older from the dark circles under her eyes and the tiny wrinkles on her skin. She had curly hair, quite messy to say the least, but her eyes had the color of chestnuts and chocolate, so deep Gilbert could hav easily exchanged them for two black pearls. It took him a moment to look at her better, asking himself why was that woman crying as she watched him when, in fact, they had never met. Or at least, that’s what Gilbert was thinking before he understood. He was afraid he might have been wrong, but there was no other explanation. Those traits so similar to his, those glassy eyes and her trembling voice as she said his name, almost like she couldn’t believe her own words. But when Gilbert pronounced that one, short, common word, and a smile appeared on the woman’s face, his world was turned upside down once again.

“Mom?”

Lily Blythe’s smile was exquisitely tender, so heartwarming it could have been contagious in normal circumstances. She nodded vigorously, bringing her hands to her face as if she couldn’t hold back her emotions anymore. However, she didn’t hug him, she didn’t kiss his cheeks or approached him out of the blue. She simply walked closer to him, slowly taking her son’s hands and tightening her grip just a little, just for him to know that it was _really_ her.

“My grown up boy” she said, and Gilbert was sure that he might have been having hallucinations at this point. When they heard cries coming from the infant, it was Anne who spoke, tears in her eyes and her mouth slightly parted.

“I-I think they need some help, we can’t leave them here. I can take them to my apartment, while you go and tell Diana about this” she planned.

“I won’t leave you alone when-”

“Please, Gilbert, the quicker we are the merrier. These people need food and warm clothes. Make sure to bring some too, I don’t have male clothes” Anne replied, before she got closer to him. “I’ll be okay, I swear. I’ll wait for you” she whispered, locking her eyes into his, trying to push away every obstacle between them, every discussion they had to finish. So Gilbert nodded, glancing at her and his mother, before running back to his house, his heart almost pounding out of his chest.

When he reached his mansion, he didn’t care about Adam Glesby standing in his way, he didn’t care to hear what he had to tell him – he didn’t have time to lose, not today – so he walked to Diana’s room as fast as he could, knocking a bunch of times before his sister opened the door.

“Diana, I need your help now. Make sure to-”

“You lied to me” the girl told him, making him furrow his brows. “About you and Anne. Why didn’t you tell me anything? Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do, Di, I always did. But I thought it was better for you not to know, to preserve your reputation and your position. Plus, I don’t…” he said, trying to catch his breath, “I don’t think Anne really wants to have a lot to do with me in this very moment.”

Diana took a deep breath, unable to be mad at his brother when all he had ever done in his life was protecting her and making sure at least _she_ and Minnie May could be a little less unhappy.

“What do you need?” she eventually asked, and Gilbert told her everything, not leaving any detail this time. He knew it might have been dangerous for Diana too, but she knew how to defend herself, and they were honestly both tired of liars and lies. As always, Diana kept her composure, listening carefully to his brother as he told her about his mom, and about the fact that he had to go for now.

“We need to keep in touch though. I’ll make sure mother and father won’t suspect anything, but you know it won’t last for long. Please, be safe Gilbert. Don’t play the hero, just…come back as soon as you’ve found a solution for those people and for…for your mother” Diana told him, hugging him tightly as he nodded.

“Thank you, Di. Be safe too, I’ll call you to keep you updated” Gilbert replied, before sprinting away to grab some clothes from his room and running away from the back door, which now held more stories any book in the house kept.

He arrived at Anne’s place after a while, and she was the one to open the door for him.

“Everything okay?” she asked him, taking the clothes from his hands.

“I told Diana, she’ll cover us until she can” he answered, glancing at her kitchen where the runaways stood. “It’s not safe to keep them here. We were right about what _rebellions_ meant on that document, at the end.” Anne nodded worriedly.

“I was thinking we could bring them to Green Gables, for tonight at least. They are probably already wanted, and they certainly can’t be seen around Charlottetown. Plus the woman needs medical

help, she has a cut in her leg. Green Gables is much bigger than my apartment, and we would have more time to think of what to do and let them rest a bit. They told me they escaped _two months ago_ from where they were being kept, with some other exiled people, and it took them _weeks_ to find a way to get to Prince Edward Island without being caught, and with a baby to take care of” she said, but Gilbert shook his head.

“If they find them, Matthew and Marilla could be in danger too” he stated.

“Well, do you have any other solution? Plus it would be for a night, just to keep them safe while we try and figure this mess out. Please, Gil, I won’t leave them until I know we did all we could to help them” Anne concluded. Gilbert looked at her. His fierce, determined, kindhearted Anne. And he nodded, mentally praying the heavens to keep her safe too. He could have never forgiven himself if something happened to her.

They walked into the kitchen, and Gilbert left some of his warm clothes to the man, who left the room to get changed.

“This is Mary” Anne told him, introducing the other woman to him. “See her leg?”

Gilbert kneeled down in front of her, asking for some alcohol and a wet cloth, before turning to Mary.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not as much as it did at the beginning. I just hope it didn’t get infected in the meantime. I know how to clean a wound, but I had nothing to do that” Mary said. Anne thought she looked lovely, with that amazing skin she admired and those big, dark eyes which seemed to be full of love and determination. As Gilbert cleaned Mary’s wound, Anne tried to find out more about them.

“How did you manage to get here?”

Gilbert’s mother talked first. “I still don’t know, to be honest. I was exiled with Mary and a bunch of other women, and we all managed to escape during a general rebellion. We got on the only ship which could bring us here without getting caught, and we’re lucky we made it. When we reached the borders of the island, the rebellion was still going on, so we tried to get to where other people had arrived from other places. There, we met Sebastian.”

“He’s my love” Mary said with a sweet smile, gently rocking the baby in her arms. “Of course he wasn’t the one I was supposed to be with, but the authorities caught us before we could escape together, while I was pregnant. So Bash was led far from me, and I still don’t know why they let me keep the baby. I was…I was so scared they could harm her once she was born” she said, her voice shaking just a little. “She’s Delphine, by the way. Delly for the close friends” she added, chuckling when the baby emitted a little whimper.

Anne smiled sincerely. “Can I hold her?” she asked, while Gilbert finished bandaging Mary’s leg.

“Of course, you’d do a favor to my sore arms too” Mary replied, smiling kindly, before continuing her narration. “However, even though we managed to find Bash for some sort of miracle, we couldn’t find John.”

Gilbert placed the cloth in the sink, before walking next to where Anne stood so that he could properly look at his mother and Mary. “Dad” he said, and Lily Blythe nodded sadly.

“Sebastian told us he was with him. But they lost each other after the crossing, so…well, I don’t know where he might be. I’m just praying he is safe” she murmured, before turning to her son. “Do you remember him?”

Gilbert gulped, trying to find comfort in the way Anne smiled at Delphine as she cuddled her into her arms.

“Just like I remembered you. Confusedly, not clearly. I do remember some events of my…of _our_ life before we were separated, and I remember the day in which they led me to the Barry’s. But it’s not a lot, and that’s why it took a little for me to recognize you” he answered.

“You were just a child” Lily Blythe whispered, shaking her head. “I understand. I didn’t want to show up in your life like this either, out of the blue, putting you all in danger. I can tell that you still have that good heart you used to have when you were a kid. How did Eliza treat you?” she asked then.

“Well, it’s debatable” Gilbert replied, unable to give another proper answer to describe Eliza Barry which didn’t include some kind of insult.

“But it’s clear to me that you haven’t been influence by their mentality at all. You wouldn’t have helped us, if you had. Plus, you knew about the rebellions and you’re still trying to protect us. It’s impressive” Mary said, right when Sebastian entered the kitchen, a warm sweater now on.

“Well, I should thank someone else for teaching me how to be a good person when life isn’t good with you” he murmured, not loud enough for anyone to hear, if not for Anne, who raised her eyes towards him. She was still _so incredibly mad_ , yet she didn’t know why each time their gazes met, she couldn’t feel her legs anymore and she hardly knew what to say. They were woken up from their own little staring moment by Sebastian voice, which made both Anne and Gilbert turn towards him.

“I am Sebastian, you can call me Bash. Thank you for your kindness. Both of you” he said, holding out his hand for both Anne and Gilbert to shake.

“It’s the least we can do. Now, we need to leave my apartment before you are all more in danger. We’ll take you to my adoptive parents house, out of town, at least for tonight. You will be safe there for now” Anne said, giving Delphine back to her mom and grabbing the last few things she knew they could have needed.

“Anne, we can take the Barry’s private train. I know Mr Rocher, who registers all the journeys made by train. I’ll try and ask him to cover us, hopefully” Gilbert said, before Anne led them outside and they walked their way to Bright River Station.


	16. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert finally confront each other, displaying their hearts in the night before things may change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT: this chapter mentions some slightly explicit details, nothing too specific, but still, be mindful of this story's warnings. And check the notes at the end please! love you all xx

Anne and Gilbert had both travelled by train many times in their lives. For different purposes, that’s for sure, at least until they met each other. From that moment, almost each train journey was made to reach each other, or to head somewhere together.

Anne had travelled by train the first time she visited the Barry’s mansion, when she met him.

Gilbert had travelled by train out of worry, when she had found out that her parents had died because they had been left without a job and sustenance after being fired by Eliza Barry herself. Anne and Gilbert had travelled by train to reach Green Gables, where they had shared their first kiss, an uncertain one, a scary one, but what a lift to their hearts had it been.

Now, they were traveling together again. This time, though, they weren’t looking for each other, they weren’t even heading to somewhere special. They were running out of time and they were totally, completely, fully confused and unable to figure out a proper solution. They were also highly potential traitors of the government, since they were helping exiled people, and it was making them more than anxious. However, none of them displayed it with words.

Actually, the whole ride was pretty much silent, with only Delphine’s giggles or cries in the background. Sebastian had fallen asleep almost as soon as he felt a comfortable seat under his body, and so did Lily Blythe, after some time spent asking Gilbert the most various questions about himself. Not that she believed she could make up for all the lost time in one simple train ride, but it could have been a beginning, right?

Anne, on the other hand, didn’t say a word – which was very unusual to anyone who knew her at least a tiny bit. However, she couldn’t stay still either. She tapped her feet on the floor, bit her nails, pinched the skin of her arms so much she ended up with a couple of small, red bruises. Gilbert noticed it – _of course_ he did – but each time he tried to talk to her, she dismissed him quickly, with a one-word answer and no trace of smile in her face. Gilbert knew that there were a lot of unfinished conversations between them, and he knew it was mainly his fault if she wasn’t showing him any of her overwhelming, heart-warming emotions. Yet, he wished she would. He _so desperately_ wished she would.

They got to Bright River Station sooner than they all thought, and they got on the first available taxi they could find, which took them directly to Green Gables. They didn’t know if someone had noticed them, they just hoped no one had. Hope was all they were hanging onto, at this point.

Anne reached the porch of her beloved house first, knocking twice after she spotted Marilla in the kitchen. Needless to say, the woman’s expression changed from happy, to surprised, to shocked. When she opened the door, she took in the scene in front of her, before turning her eyes to Anne herself.

“I think some explanations need to be given” she said, before adding, “Good afternoon, Mr Blythe” and receiving a polite nod in return.

“Can we go inside, at least? There is a baby here, and I wouldn’t want her to get sick” Anne replied, making her way into the house without waiting for an answer, soon followed by the rest of the people, who politely tried to offer a smile to Marilla. The smile was barely returned.

“Anne, this is unacceptable. Who are these people?”

“These are Mary Hanford and Sebastian Lacroix, little Delphine, and” Anne started, only to turn towards Gilbert, uncertain if he wanted his mother’s identity to be revealed.

“And my mother, Lily Blythe” Gilbert concluded for her, hands in his jeans pockets. Marilla looked at each of her _unexpected_ guests, with an expression which seemed to display all the confusion buzzing into her brain.

“Your…mother?”

“I think it’s better if we all sit down and let them eat and drink something, they must be starving. Can we make some warm milk for Delphine, Marilla? And maybe some butter and bread, and jam too, for some sugar. They certainly need it. Okay, I’ll do this, you can sit down. We should call Matthew too” Anne babbled, pacing between the kitchen and the dining room nervously, grabbing everything she believed she needed. For once, though, Marilla sat down, almost dropping her whole body on the chair in disbelief. Gilbert was the one who told her – and Matthew, as soon as he arrived – everything: how they found them, why they wanted to help them, and why they had all gone to Green Gables. Meanwhile, Anne let her guests eat everything they could fit into those stomachs which, she knew, had been unfairly empty for too long.

“This is just… _insane_. Do you know how dangerous it is for, well, us all?!” Marilla blurted out once Gilbert finished his explanation.

“We do, but what were we supposed to do? Plus, apparently more rebels are getting to Charlottetown day by day, and it would have been dangerous nonetheless, maybe there more than here. It’s just for a night, maybe two, while we try and find a way of helping them” Anne said, but Marilla shook her head.

“No, this is unacceptable. You _cannot_ help these people, Anne! Mr Blythe, I’m glad you managed to reunite with your mother after so much time, but I don’t know why my family should be involved into this” Marilla replied, tense face and steady voice. Anne, however, didn’t let Gilbert reply.

“We are _already_ involved, Marilla! The whole island is involved, because no one ever did _anything_ to change this system, don’t you understand?! If eugenics didn’t exist, if there were freedom, Mary and Bash would be together, and so would Gilbert’s parents, and mine too perhaps! But no, let’s keep things the way they are as long as our lives are safe, right?” Anne raised her voice, her cheeks getting a red shade each minute more intense. No one knew what to say, not even Delphine was making noises anymore.

“You had _one_ job, Anne, and it was to marry Adam, and you couldn’t!”

“Oh, so now we’re talking about how _you_ gave me to that family for free, as if I were a…a piece of bread. You didn’t ask me for permission, you didn’t wait for me to have a say in this!” Anne cried, her fingers pointed towards her adoptive mother.

“This…This is something which would have happened nonetheless, right? But it’s not the point, Anne. You can’t possibly expect to save the island! You are not a heroine, you are just a-”

“What? What am I? A burden, a dead weight in your life? It’s no news. That’s what I am to you, to Adam, to Eliza Barry, to each person I have around me. But at least I try to help. I’m no heroine, I’m _human_ , and I wish you could be too” Anne replied, her eyes filling with shiny, salted tears. Just in that moment, Delphine started crying, and Anne took the opportunity as soon as she could.

“Can I take her? So you can finish your meal” she asked Mary, with a rasp voice and teardrops running down her cheeks. Mary smiled sympathethically, gently moving the baby from her arms to Anne’s, who walked away upstairs, and into her room. Once reached, she closed the door and let those tears flow, without making any noise, without letting out any desperate sob. It was a cry of surrender. She didn’t know where her life was going, or whom she should have trusted, or if someone truly loved her.

She held Delphine into her arms, and she wished that baby could never grow up. She wished she could be as careless and innocent as she was now, surrounded by the love of two caring parents who would have given their lives for her, and always kept safe by warm and steady arms. She wished Delphine could be unaware of her emotions for her whole life, so that she could avoid feeling hopeless, and lonely, and lost. She wished she could only cry for the need of food or sleep. She wished her everything she would have wanted now, even if it meant not being the Anne everyone claimed to want around them.

She heard a knock at the door, which slowly creaked open to reveal Gilbert and the usual warmth he seemed to carry along with him just by looking at him. Anne, however, snorted apathetically.

“I don’t need your pity” she said, Delphine’s small fingers closing around hers.

“I’m not here to pity you” Gilbert answered, sitting right beside her on the small bed. “This was your old room” he added, and Anne nodded.

“Yes, it was. I will let your mom sleep here tonight, and I’ll give Mary and Sebastian the guest rooms. If Marilla will allow it” she replied, more talking to herself than to Gilbert.

“She agreed to let them stay for tonight. Matthew was the only one who could properly talk her through it” he said, his hand gently squeezing Delphine’s tiny feet and making her giggle. He didn’t miss Anne’s brief smile, though.

“Matthew” she murmured, staring in front of herself. “I don’t…I don’t get why Marilla hates me so much. Before I received the letter, she wasn’t like this. She was strict, and cold many times, but…but she was _Marilla_ , she’s just made like that, and it was just fine. But now she’s all about the impression I have to make, and my _oh-so-necessary_ marriage, and it’s like I’m just a drudge for her. I don’t know” Anne let out, her eyes on the baby.

“She doesn’t hate you, Anne” Gilbert said, but was quick to continue as soon as her deathly stare turned to him. “I know that you think I don’t know anything about it, and I should stay out of it. But I have noticed the way Marilla looked at you each time you left Green Gables, and the tears in her eyes she had earlier when you walked away. She tried not to show anything, but it was as clear as the sun. What I think” he paused for a second, carefully taking Delphine from Anne’s hold when he noticed her arms getting a little weaker, “What I think is that she is incredibly _scared_. She strictly wants to follow the rules because she wants your future to be ordinary, and normal, and safe. Even if _safe_ means stuck to the system this island offers. Now feel free to ignore my thesis, but I know one Cuthbert very well, and it’s pretty evident to me that, just like Marilla, she wants her loved ones to be okay” he concluded, the baby’s head in the crook of his neck and his eyes stuck into Anne’s.

Anne didn’t know how to reply, so she didn’t. Instead, she let her head slowly lean against his shoulder, closing her eyes. She had so much to yell at him for, but right now she just loved him so much she could cry. Silence filled the room like the most delicious sunrise of gold and orange, and it was a pleasing feeling Anne didn’t know she needed. Quietness and a shoulder to lean on. Gilbert’s shoulder to lean on.

“Anne” he softly whispered, as to gently call her out of that immaculate moment. “I wanted to-”

“Oh, there you go” Mary interrupted, entering the bedroom with a warm smile. “Thank you for holding her for a little, at least I managed to have a proper meal” she amusedly said, just as Gilbert let her take Delphine. “I can tell you’d make great parents.”

If Mary noticed Anne and Gilbert’s _crimson_ cheeks, she didn’t let it show. Instead, she walked close to Anne and looked at her.

“Thank you, Anne. You’re doing so much for us without asking for anything in return. You are such a kindhearted young woman, and this makes you special. Don’t ever lose it” she said, offering another of her lovely smiles. “Oh, and I think your parents want you downstairs” she added, before walking out of the room, leaving Anne and Gilbert by themselves.

Gilbert had _so much_ he wanted to talk about with her, so many things he wanted to say, but he knew it wasn’t the right moment. So he got up from the bed and held out his hand for her to take.

“Ready?” he asked, as she looked up at him with big eyes, before sighing and nodding. And she took his hand.

The hours passed so swiftly, yet each minute felt like they were being pushed closer and closer to a gorge. They didn’t know what was going on in Charlottetown, if some more rebels had reached the city, if someone was aware of Gilbert’s absence. They just knew they had to think of something, and that’s what Anne, Gilbert and Sebastian did all afternoon long, until there wasn’t a natural light coming from outside anymore, and the comfort of the sun left their souls to freeze. Mary and Lily had decided to help Marilla with some practical chores inside the house, to thank her for the hospitality, but also to inform her a little more of what was going on, considered the quite… _interesting_ reaction she had had at first. It was alright, though, it’s not like any of them expected to be welcomed with open arms. They were bringing danger, after all, and Marilla had been raised to stay away from anything which could have potentially brought any kind of risk into her life. At least, until Anne came.

When Bertha and Walter Shirley begged them to take their child with her they were already sick, and so extremely poor. They had been left with nothing by the Barry’s, by the government, but that wouldn’t have affected the life of their only child, with short red hair and a big, wide smile on her freckled face. Anne couldn’t remember the moment when she met Matthew and Marilla, but Marilla did. And now, as she watched her grown up girl taking decisions, discussing about politics, and trying to help people she didn’t even know, wanting to bring a light into such a dark world, her heart ache. It ached with worry, fear, uncertainty.

With love.

Marilla wasn’t one to express her emotions, or let any kind of weakness openly show. She was used to keeping everything to herself, and face it directly, with bare hands. It was how she had grown, and she certainly couldn’t have changed that now. Yet, the way her heart twisted each time Anne left for Charlottetown, or the way she felt tears prickling whenever she visited her and Matthew, clearly showed that she cared so much, so infinitely, that she didn’t know what to do. Marilla knew she had hurt Anne, she knew it from the look on her daughter’s face when she went upstairs just a few hours before. She knew Anne would have been _furious_ knowing that her adoptive parents had allowed a proposal without letting her know before. But, for once, Marilla didn’t have the situation under control. She just wanted a normal life for her girl, with a husband and stability and a house.

But little did she know Anne deserved so much more than that. She deserved love, not just a husband to treat her with superiority. She deserved adventures, not just stability. And she deserved _choice_ , something which was hard to gain, maybe even impossible.

“Mrs Cuthbert are you alright?” a voice startled Marilla from her thoughts, making her turn with a jolt towards Lily Blythe, who was washing the dishes right next to her.

“Y-yes, of course I am” Marilla answered quickly, straightening her spine and turning back to her baking.

However, Lily Blythe wasn’t an easy woman to convince, despite her sweet eyes which very much looked like her son’s to anyone. So, she started to speak, a nostalgic smile on her face.

“You know, when Eliza Barry decided to ruin my family, on that exact day, it was Gilbert’s birthday” she said, her hand holding the soap-covered yellow sponge. “John and I had prepared everything for him. It was hard to live undercover, far from anyone, but we had all we needed. We had food, a roof and we had each other. We had made him his favorite breakfast, and we had organized a little scavenger hunt inside the house. When he woke up, his eyes _shined_ with expectation, but he didn’t ask for anything. He was always so humble, and a little shy too.”

Marilla had slowed down her movements as she prepared the dinner, caught up into the memories of someone whom she didn’t know, but whom she felt so close to.

“We had breakfast together, but it wasn’t long until John and I heard noise coming from outside. We were in a little apartment under a building, practically impossible to see if you didn’t live there. That’s what worried us the most. They knocked at the door once, twice, and then incessantly. And when I heard Eliza’s voice, my…my _best friend_ ’s voice, I knew. I knew she had found out we had broken the rules, for years, and she had taken action. We tried to protect Gilbert, to make him hide somewhere, but if they had taken us, Gilbert would have been completely alone, and I couldn’t allow that. And when they entered the apartment, everything happened so incredibly quickly. The way his eyes were full of tears as they took him away from me, I couldn’t even-” Lily stopped, unable to talk more. Marilla felt a pang in her heart, as if she could perceive that woman’s pain.

“I don’t want to be pitied, I really don’t, but…It’s to say that life is what it is. It’s precarious. You wake up one day with hopes and apple strudels on your table, and the next second you’re taken away from your child and you have bruises on your arms for how much you’ve tried to rebel. And, Mrs Cuthbert, you cannot lose the chance to be with your daughter now. I can tell that there are misunderstandings, incomprehension, but…but it’s not to moment to face them. You need to be next to her as she grows and learns how the world works, and I don’t mean to say that you haven’t done a good job at raising her, actually quite the opposite. But now, in this very moment, you can’t let this society lead you away from your Anne. Not now, not ever. Anne seems such a kind-hearted, charismatic girl, but she needs her parents by her side. I don’t want this to sound selfish, because I know that if Anne is here now is because she decided to help me, and my friends. But…don’t you want to change things too, Mrs Cuthbert? Don’t you want to see Anne grow as she desires, making mistakes, learning from them, but with _freedom_ , instead of fear?”

Marilla was astonished, to say the least. At first, she wanted to reply, telling her that she didn’t know _anything_ about Anne, but then…Lily Blythe knew much more than Marilla on how the society worked, how much of a pain-giver it can be. And she had watched her son being taken away from her, and the man she loved, too. So, Marilla stayed silent, her gaze switching from the woman next to her to the kitchen table, where Anne sat, thinking and writing down what needed to be done, not just for herself, but for the whole island. For the people she loved and cared about.

“So, we’ll leave Delphine here, and we’ll go to Charlottetown to discuss with the government. If other rebels are there, we must convince them to proceed with caution, without attacking” Anne said meanwhile, fidgeting with the pen in her hands.

“Yes, I don’t want any of my sisters to risk their lives in any way. It’s the best we can do, though. Maybe a whole mass of people will be able to appease the council” Gilbert added, uncertainty in his voice, but hope too.

“That’s what I think too. But you both need to stay behind us all the time, alright? If something happens, I don’t want people on my conscience. You are both very kind to help us” Sebastian replied, a small, sad smile on his face. Both Anne and Gilbert replied, feet bobbing up and down with nervousness and…well, fear. Mary arrived just then, holding her baby.

“What happens if the government attacks us, instead? There could be a whole mass of rebels there, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the council decided to act without any kind of caution” she said, eyes worriedly scanning the people in front of her. Gilbert took a deep intake of breath, massaging the bridge of his nose as he did so, yet no one answered Mary’s question. Because no one knew how.

“We just have to hope that doesn’t happen, love” Bash replied, taking an asleep Delphine into his arms. Marilla entered the kitchen in that very moment, her apron still on and glassy, grey eyes.

“Dinner is almost ready. I…I guess you all need to have food in your stomachs for tomorrow” she murmured, dubious of about her own words.

“I won’t join tonight” Anne said, getting up from her chair. Marilla imperceptibly frowned, waiting for an explanation. “I don’t feel very hungry, and it would be impolite to sit without eating, right? Plus, there would be more food for our guests. But, before I go” she stopped, turning towards Mary and Sebastian – and away from Marilla’s glance – “You can sleep in our guest bedroom, I think it has the biggest bed, so you should be able to take Delphine with you. And, Mrs Blythe, if you are okay with it, I’d leave you my own bedroom. The bed is not huge, but it’s quite comfortable.”

“And where do you intend to sleep? And what about Gilbert?” Marilla intervened, stepping forward.

“In the barn. There should still be that mattress I put years ago with Cole and Ruby, right? It’s more than perfect for me. Gilbert can…he can sleep there too, it’s made for two, actually. There’s still a little stove, it shouldn’t be too cold” Anne answered, not looking at the person she had just mentioned because she was sure as ever her cheeks were on fire. “Unless Gilbert would rather sleep here and-”

“No” he immediately barged into the conversation, before realizing that _perhaps_ he had said that a little too loudly. So, he cleared his throat. “Er, I mean, it’s absolutely okay. I’d rather leave some more heat and comfort to the people who really need it now. Really, Mrs Cuthbert, it’s totally fine.”

Marilla skeptically nodded, and she would have spoken again if she hadn’t been stopped by Anne’s voice again.

“I’ll go have a walk; I need some fresh air. I already brought my stuff to the barn earlier, so I will probably head directly there. Have a good dinner, and a lovely night. You know where to find me” she concluded, with one foot already out of the house, leaving two broken hearts – a mother’s and a lover’s.

Anne walked past the threshold and down to where she knew she could find silence. She felt like it was what she needed the most right now, with all the matters and voices and problems rushing through her head and making her restless. Her head was spinning and she knew she needed sleep, but her lungs craved air and so did her heart. However, before she could find herself in the immensity of nature, she saw Matthew still bringing some last utensils to the barn before dinner.

“Dinner is ready” Anne notified, slowing down her steps until she stood a couple of meters from him.

“Ah, yes, we can go” Matthew replied, beginning to tread with the usual swaying on his feet, but she stopped him immediately.

“No, you go, I wanted… I needed some time. By myself” she said, hands tied behind her back. “Gilbert and I will sleep in the barn tonight. I mean, not together, but just… well, to let our guests be more comfortable since they haven’t been sleeping in a proper bed in ages, probably” Anne added, not missing Matthew’s worried glance for a second.

“Er, yes, sure. Do you need me to bring some… more covers, or sheets? It’s a little cold in there” Matthew asked uncertainly, but Anne shook her head, turning to leave. “Anne” he called, before walking right in front of her once again.

“Yes?”

Matthew opened his mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out at first, while he looked around himself almost as if it could help him find the right words.

“We didn’t… We didn’t mean to say yes, to the proposal idea. We were worried, and… and we just want you to be okay, Anne. I know that you have ambitions, and aspirations, desires, and that’s what makes you… our Anne. We truly did not have a choice, the government threatened us, saying that they could have easily exiled you, if we said no. And I couldn’t let that happen, although I know it means making you… _unhappy_ with someone you do not love. But at least… you would be here” he concluded, teary eyes and a soft, sad smile on his wrinkled face. Anne didn’t know if she was crying too – she was – but, what she knew was that she loved Matthew wholeheartedly, as she always had. She hugged him tightly, a silent sob escaping her lips before she could help it, and he gently patted her back, his usual way to tell her that he was there, for her.

“Oh, Anne, and… talk to Marilla, tomorrow. She, er, looks quite desperate, I could see it earlier. She loves you so” he concluded, and Anne simply nodded before smiling one last time and walking away, wiping her tears.

She ambled through the green and dark yellow colors of the earth and trees, glancing a bit at her feet and a bit up to the sky, the shade of it being of a tender powder blue, beginning to shift into a deep electric blue sprinkled with a few stars. She had always been grateful to have had the chance to grow up in the countryside, where the view of the celestial sky was never obstructed by buildings, as it was in Charlottetown. She had been raised along with blooming flowers around Green Gables, and the smooth leaves of the oaks and poplars of the nearby forest. She used to spend hours and hours with her hands in the soil, almost connecting with the roots of the plants around her and becoming some sort of natural element too, maybe a laurel tree, like the naiad Daphne in the famous Greek myth. She used to wake up with the smell of fresh apple blossoms and the sweet essence of lilies, pushing her to get out of her comfortable bed to enjoy the beauty around her.

 _That_ was a time Anne remembered with nostalgia, as her lungs filled up with the cold air of the afterglow. _That_ was a time she wished she could replay forever, despite everything. And now that things were so different, she wondered how much of that old Anne was still inside her. Had she lost the heart-warming adoration she had for life? Was she ungrateful now, or worse, overly ambitious? Was she too susceptible to change and morphing into someone she didn’t want to be? Was she forgetting about her own self, as she let the world around her spin incessantly while she stood still, unable to move? A thousand of questions chewed her brain, making her heart speed up its beat, and not in a pleasing way.

She reached the old fence, where she used to run each time she got angry, and she placed her hands on its rough wood, trying to sense everything around her once again. She had got caught up into trouble and she had forgotten to _feel_ and _think_ properly, without rushing or running or being forced to make immediate decisions.

She hadn’t spent time with Ruby and Cole anymore, if not by texting – which, as much as Anne enjoyed the development of technology, could have _never_ taken the place of a good sleepover all together, sharing cookies and talking face to face – and she was afraid she might have let them down, letting practical decisions turn her into someone she had always despised and pushed away.

She had lied to Diana and lost her trust, and despite the fact that she truly couldn’t blame herself for feeling things when a certain dark-haired young man was around, she was still sorry she hadn’t been able to solve things with her before having to run away. After all, Diana had welcomed her into her house with open arms, just because Anne wanted more pieces of information about her parents. She had been the first person inside that household to care for her, to be a friend with no prejudices.

She had been away from Matthew and Marilla – distance playing its part, and Anne couldn’t be blamed for that – and she was scared she had forgotten how much she owed to them. For taking her when they could have easily slammed the door in front of her parents and left her to grow in a dark, grey, lonely orphanage, where she would probably still be. Instead, they took her, fed her, raised her with discipline, that’s for sure, but so much love.

Loving Matthew was probably the easiest thing ever, if you asked Anne: he was the epitome of tenderness, with his big hugs and shy, clever eyes, and he had been there for Anne through thick and thin, supporting her even in those times where _she_ couldn’t support herself.

Loving Marilla was a more complex process, and it took time. She had walls, and fears, but instead of closing up, she let them out in the form of strictness and a bit of coldness. Oh, but Anne could never forget those times when Marilla openly told her she loved her, and that she was proud; or those times when her eyes filled up with tears when she left Green Gables to go to Charlottetown, far away from the two siblings. They were small moments, but they owned such a special place in her heart that she had learnt to understand that Marilla was just as easy to love as Matthew was, she simply required more fire to melt the bricks she had had to build around herself not to get hurt as she grew up.

And then there was Gilbert. Of course there was Gilbert.

Anne sometimes found herself thinking of _how_ and _why_ he was still there alongside her, in spite of her doubts and… unusualness. He had become such a momentous part of her life, but she still felt like his hand could easily slip away from hers every single time they held, as if what they had wasn’t meant to have a future. She did love him – she had learnt to know it, by now – and she craved for his touch, for the warmth of his eyes and the comfort of his voice, for his gentle kisses and the way he had danced with her that night at the gala, swaying with her so slowly and allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder, just to ignore the bad words people spitted about her. She felt like they had lost that genuineness too, both letting politics and affairs and secrets take the lead of what they had. She knew he hadn’t meant the words he had said that morning, when he found out about Adam’s proposal. He was mad and she was too, but she could sense from the look in his eyes and his soothing voice that afternoon, that he wanted to talk to her, and tell her he didn’t mean to behave as he had done. She honestly couldn’t blame him. He was one of the strongest people she knew, growing up in such a sick environment and yet managing to have the most caring, loving heart she knew. However, she wanted him to know that she loved him, now more than ever. She was afraid that if the following day’s plan hadn’t worked, then it would have been the definite end for the two of them. She would have been exiled, for sure, and he would have married Winifred, as planned, and that would have been the death of her heart and the burial of Gilbert’s.

She had so many things she had to clarify with him, starting from their nonsensical arguments. However, time was slipping from her fingers, like wind. It was impalpably running away from them, and each time Anne took a breath in, she realized another second of the time she had left with him was leaving, and she wasn’t doing anything about it. She stared at the infinite view in front of her, until her eyes couldn’t distinguish the shapes of the trees anymore, and she asked herself what in the world she was doing there, escaping from a reality she would have eventually had to face.

So, unaware of how much she had stayed there, she turned her back to the horizon and she left.

* * *

The air was crisp and gentle when Gilbert closed the door of Green Gables behind himself, trying to make as little noise as he could. Truth be told, he had been kind of desperate to finally get out of the house. Not because there was something wrong with it, quite the opposite actually: he had been treated exquisitely, and Marilla had prepared a delicious meal for him and her guests. He had helped cleaning up, and he had the chance to spend some time with his mother – it was still hard for him to recognize her as _his mother_ , it all still felt like some sort of unreal mind trick.

However, there was a single needle stinging inside his heart and making him distracted and restless. A needle with beautiful red hair and a laughter which he would have easily liked to have carved into his ears for eternity.

Anne, as announced, didn’t join the dinner. She had vanished like dust, and he was beginning to think that maybe she was taking time to reflect, and that she would have eventually realized that she wanted to forget about him and just bury the memory she had of him forever, after the way he had talked to her when he had found out about Adam’s proposal. Honestly, he didn’t know what had got into him.

Well, he knew, actually. Jealousy and anger and frustration because he couldn’t give her what she deserved and because he didn’t want her to be in danger, but at the same time wanted her beside him. Was he wrong? Was he being selfish? Honestly, he felt like there were so many unsaid things between them, but he didn’t want to push her to do or say anything she didn’t want. He was scared that, if the following day the Barry’s and the council decided to take action against the rebels, Anne would have been considered one of them, and therefore she would have been taken away from him, forever. He wanted her to know that he was ready to watch her marry Adam, if it meant that he would have been able to see her again every day. He wouldn’t have been able to be okay, knowing that she was in exile and in danger, far away from everyone and everything.

Yet, he didn’t know how to tell her without making it sound like he was giving their love up. It was the last thing he wanted, truly, and he tried to find the proper words as he walked towards the barn, a plate into his hand and his arms shivering. As soon as he entered, he reached the ladder Matthew had indicated to him after dinner, letting him now that he had to climb up. So, he did as told, trying to balance the hand holding the plate, until he reached a small space, surrounded by hay and some fairy lights he was sure Anne must have put up when she was younger. The little stove she had mentioned was there too, right next to the mattress covered in all sorts of thick blankets.

And on the mattress, stood Anne. She was laying down, face turned towards the only small window there, as the moonshine caressed her cheekbones, and the stars tried to compete with the adorable freckles scattered all over her face. She looked _divine_ , in a soft, thick grey sweater which he soon recognised as belonging to him, and he blessed the heavens for keeping him on his legs because he could swear he felt like he could have easily passed out there and then.

He placed the plate on the floor, while finally leaving the ladder behind, and that’s when she felt his presence, turning to him with a short intake of breath.

“Hey. Sorry if I frightened you” he managed to say, noticing the fact that the backpack he had brought from Charlottetown was already there.

“Hi” she replied, immediately sitting up, hair falling right in front of her eyes. She must have sensed the awkwardness – so had he – because she soon spoke again. “Er, I found your backpack outside the door of the house when I came back, so I thought of bringing it here in case you… you know, in case you forgot or something. And I hope you don’t mind if I took one of the sweaters you brought, I was freezing and I forgot to bring mine from my room, and I didn’t want to bother in case your mom was already there. But you know what, I think you can have it back, you might be feeling cold too and I _certainly_ don’t want you to catch a cold right now, and it was selfish of me in the first place to steal this when I could have easily taken mine” Anne ranted, beginning to take the sweater off, until his hand came up to bring it down on her again, making her stop her movements.

“I brought three of them, Anne, keep it. I don’t mind” Gilbert said, taking off his shoes. “Plus, that little stove there radiates quite the right heat” he added.

“Okay” she murmured, shaking her head as if she was scolding herself in her mind. She raised her eyes to him when she saw him standing still at the edge of the mattress, unsure about what to do. “You can come here” she suggested, shifting a little so that there could be enough space for him. It wasn’t a small mattress, but it wasn’t necessarily big either. Anne used to have sleepovers with Ruby there, and at that time the bed seemed bigger than how it was now. But still, there was quite enough space for two people. So, Gilbert nodded, but he didn’t move yet.

“I-um, I brought you something to eat. Marilla made these” he said, reaching to grab the plate and lifting the napkin he had put on it, revealing small spheres of pure deliciousness. “She said they’re your favorite. Plum puffs, I think.”

Anne looked at them for a moment, and for the first time that day, she felt her stomach grumbling.

“Ah, thanks, I… I’m not sure I want one now” she said, turning her gaze away from them.

“Want to share one?” she heard him suggest, and she couldn’t help but smile a little when she looked at him. “Come on Anne, just a small bite. I’ve been hoping to taste them since I saw them, but I couldn’t callously do that alone in front of you. Plus, I am quite sure I heard your stomach calling for food just a second ago.”

Anne laughed this time, and it was so pretty Gilbert wanted to hear that sound forever.

“Fine, doctor. Just one bite though, I don’t like to lay down with food in my stomach” she said, taking the piece of plum puff he had offered her, and finally enjoying the sweet taste of sugar, which somehow immediately comforted her. “What do you think?”

“Of these?” Gilbert asked, pointing at his mouth, “They’re heavenly, really”. He put the plate down again, and this time he moved towards the centre of the mattress, laying on one side so that his arm supported his head and he could look properly at Anne. She showed a small, sad smile, and that’s when he knew they had to start talking. “How did your walk go?”

“It was… revealing. Although I hope it didn’t come out as impolite, I apparently can’t seem to be able to face problems with people and I prefer to walk away” she answered, a bitter tone into her voice, as to blame herself. However, Gilbert shook his head.

“Not true. It seems to me that, so far, you have pretty much made both the Barry’s and the Glesby’s elders quite uncomfortable by _facing_ them instead of sticking to the usual, unfair rules. It’s not a flaw, you know.”

“Oh, but isn’t it?” Anne asked rhetorically, not once looking into Gilbert’s eyes. “I’ve only created trouble around me. I messed everything up with Diana, Marilla basically hates me, and you _should_ hate me too, because I keep dragging you into problems that even _I_ am not able to fix. And in the meantime, seconds and minutes and hours pass and if…” she stopped for a second, crossing her legs and hiding her face between her hands, “If tomorrow’s plan doesn’t work, I will most certainly be punished, and I am pretty sure Eliza Barry and the council won’t be magnanimous with me. They’ll exile me, and I will be taken away from the people I love most forever just because I can’t mind my own business” she concluded, voice shaking but ever so sure of the words she was pronouncing.

Gilbert raised himself up a little, worried eyes scanning her face and noticing her quivering hands. He immediately reached out to take them.

“Woah, hey, where does this all come from?” he asked softly, but her eyes still looked down, at their hands. “You have only brought revelation and illumination to the people around you, me included. Tomorrow’s plan _will_ work, we are not alone in this, for once. And…even if it doesn’t, I won’t let anything happen to your family, or to you.”

“Gilbert, you can’t-”

“Yes, I can, and I will” he said, getting properly in front of her, so that they were face to face. “Listen to me, Anne. There is…There has not been a day, from the moment I met you, in which you haven’t given me something. Whether is laughter, or… nervousness, or beauty, strength, comfort, silence, words, life. Even _trouble_ , but who cares? I know you feel like we’re running out of time, because I feel that too, and that’s exactly why we need to be clear now. I will not let you go until I have air in my lungs, and until you want me around. What I said this morning, after Adam’s proposal…”

“You don’t have to apologize, Gil, I know you didn’t mean it” Anne said, tears forming into her eyes.

“I _do_ have to apologize, because I let something get the worst of me and it led me away from you, and I can’t and won’t let it happen anymore. You said that I should have forgotten you, but it’s quite the most impossible thing I’ve been asked to do. Anne… I love you, wholeheartedly, and I can’t seem to be able to avoid it. So, if you want me to stay away, I will. But if you’ll let me, I’ll try my best to be worthy of your love, and I-” Gilbert tried to finish, but he was cut off by Anne throwing herself at him and circling him with her arms, her own hair all over his face.

“You’re such a dummy” she murmured, but she was crying, and it made his heart swollen.

“Why, thank you, and here I was thinking that I was opening my heart to you” he joked, holding her figure a little more tightly.

“How can you think you’re unworthy of my love?” Anne genuinely asked, voice muffled. “If anything, the opposite. It is just so unfair that I… that I can’t be with you normally. I hate it, I hate it so much it makes me do and say things I do not mean” she cried, now positioning herself properly so that she was straddling him, his hands resting on her waist to hold her there, with him. This time, her eyes met his. “I’ve always preferred originality and… unusualness, rather than the ordinary, yet now _the ordinary_ is exactly what I’m longing for. There is so much rage inside of me and I don’t want it anymore, Gil. I want to be able to listen to you talking about the nervous system or-or anything that has to do with medicine and the things you’re passionate about. I even want you to convince me to eat those stupid lemon tarts you adore so much for no reason, and I want to spend time with you at the Valley again, or at the Waterfalls, or anywhere really. I want to live _experiences_ with you, from the funniest to the scariest, and I can’t assure either myself or you of the fact that we would work well together all the time, but I want, I _need_ to try. I need to try and see if I could make you happy or not, if I could be the person for you or not. I want to love you in the purest form, and I can’t swallow the fact that I just _can’t_ ” she concluded, her own fingers brushing his cheekbones, teary eyes stuck into his, while big, salty tears traced their path down her cheeks.

Gilbert felt his heart twisting, bursting, crumbling and shaking at the same time. The love he was feeling for her, in that very moment, was so special, so never-felt-before, so overwhelming that he could actually perceive a big knot into his throat, making it impossible to speak or do anything. However, he brought her just a little closer, and left a kiss right onto her forehead.

“I want so many things with you too, I could write an infinite list. But if there’s one thing I know we can do, is being right here. Loving each other _now_ and keeping it in our hearts forever. If tomorrow things don’t change for the better, and we are forced to marry different people, I want you to know that my heart is yours for years to come. No matter what happens, or whom we end up with. I love _you_ and you alone, Anne, and I can promise you that it will never change” Gilbert told her in a low voice, almost as if he wanted those words to be their own little secret, to keep forever inside of them. Anne chuckled briefly, yet her lower lip was trembling.

“How can you be so sure of that?” she asked, her fingertips hanging on his chin and then up to his cheeks again. Gilbert smiled.

“ _You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love, I love you. And wish from this day forth never to be parted from you_ ” he whispered into her ear, and she laughed this time, that angelic sound he loved so much filling his ears.

“You added an extra _I love_ ” she whispered back to him, before looking into his eyes again.

“I did it on purpose. Three times didn’t feel right.”

“You’re too weird to be a Mr Darcy, though” she said, wiping away her tears and sniffling a little. Gilbert laughed openly, in an exquisite hearty laugh.

“Excuse me? Mr Darcy is the weird one here, always so still and serious!” he exclaimed.

“Well, to be honest, you were a little like that too when we first met. Such an angry pout all the time” Anne joked, brushing her nose with his.

“And you were just as fierce and hot-headed as Elizabeth. But she doesn’t have your beautiful hair, which, well… makes her lose quite a lot of points” Gilbert replied, his hands leaving her waist to entangle themselves with her tresses. Anne shivered at his touch, and before any of them could say anything else, she bent forward for her lips to meet his in their most desired kiss. Her hands came to rest on his neck and shoulders, while his brushed her back, then her chin and, lastly, her face.

It was a slow kiss, so tender and shamelessly passionate, at the point that Anne could feel her whole body getting pleasingly warm, while her skin still felt goosebumps. They parted now and then only briefly, just to catch some air, but it barely lasted a second before their mouths met again in their full, eternal waltz. And then, when Gilbert’s fingers started touching the skin of her torso, right under her sweater – well, _his_ sweater, actually – she felt impossibly fervent, almost feverish. His fingers travelled up and down her sides and her back, bringing her closer and closer, while their lips kept swaying together. Anne stopped for a moment, and before Gilbert could question anything, she lifted her sweater – _his_ sweater – up and took it off, and from the look on his face she couldn’t get if her burst of courage and boldness had been appreciated or not.

“Anne” he said, his voice chocked. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I know. But if you want it, I want it too. I don’t… I always believed some things should only be done with someone you truly love. And you’re the only person I can think of. I want you to be my first, and possibly last” Anne said, a soft blush creeping up her cheeks at the realization of what she had told him. “If you want me to be your first too, of course.”

Gilbert was struck for a moment, her perfume making his head spin and her soft skin begging to be touched. She had just revealed herself to him, telling him that she wanted _him_ to be the first and only person to give her body and heart to. He noticed the uncertainty and doubt in her eyes as she waited for an answer, and the sweet peach color of her jowls. So, instead of saying anything, he brought her lips on his again, finally able to explore her body and her freckled, soft skin. Her hair felt like a halo of fire, and it made sense because he was totally burning. He brushed her shoulder blades, as the astonishing warmth of their kiss kept radiating.

“Aren’t you cold?” he whispered in between their pecks, and she shook her head, a small, shy smile on her face making Gilbert believe he was totally dreaming. However, she felt _too_ real to be all a product of his imagination. He kissed the spot where her right dimple popped, making her burst into nonsensical giggles which completely blown his heart away. Then, she reached the hem of the blue garment he was wearing, her eyes asking for permission to take it off. He helped her with it, and so there they were, bare upper bodies touching for the very first time, getting to know the texture of each other’s skin, the vulnerability of their hearts. Anne let her hands explore Gilbert’s body, the structure and the softness of him, and she noticed he had some very light freckles too, almost invisible, but of course they caught her eyes.

Gilbert gently left her lips, to place a kiss on her cheek, and then her jaw, her neck and a thousand on her collarbone. His kisses felt like butterflies, colorful, tiny butterflies resting on her body. He soon reached her breasts, and he looked at her.

“May I? You can stop me whenever you don’t feel at ease, okay?” he asked, and Anne’s heart melted as she nodded with certainty. With her permission, Gilbert unhooked her bra and slowly took it off of her, an intense warmth spreading on his face. He left another long kiss on her lips, as to thank her for trusting him, before beginning to leave other pecks on her chest, his hands brushing the sides of her breasts as Anne tried to catch the air which she was positive she was losing. She had never felt this way before, so shamelessly in love and wonderfully aching for someone’s touch, and she unconsciously desired not to feel that way with anyone else, if not with Gilbert.

They both decided to change their position, which was becoming quite uncomfortable, and she brought him to lay down on her. Gilbert accompanied her body with his own, careful not to crush her with his weight, and now that the moonlight drizzled on her features, she looked like a nocturnal dryad, her eyes sparkling with yearning and innocence.

“You are so gorgeous” he said, planting a kiss on her nose as he caressed her hair.

“You are” she replied, smiling genuinely. “Remember I told you I’ve always had a thing for your chin?”

Gilbert chuckled, raising one eyebrow. “Now I want to know what catches your attention about my chin, let's see”.

“It’s very… proportionate. Also, exquisitely pretty. I don’t know, just appreciate the fact that you have the most beautiful chin I’ve ever seen” Anne said, tapping lightly on his chin.

“Okay Miss, I will” he answered, peppering her whole face with quick pecks. “Do you know one of the billions of things I adore about you? Your nose.”

“Now this is rich. My nose is the most… ordinary thing I have, and it’s the one that caught your attention the most?” Anne asked, looking up at him amusingly.

“Well, technically it was your hair first. But you already know it, whereas I never mentioned anything about your nose. It’s very cute.” Anne laughed out loud, covering her face with her hands.

“My nose. Only you, Gilbert Blythe, can notice such a thing.”

“What can I say, I like details” he replied, and he was so extremely happy of the fact that she was being completely and sincerely herself around him, not showing signs of fear or discomfort. It made him feel privileged. While she still smiled, he continued where they had stopped, kissing her joyous lips again and getting to know her better each second that passed.

And that’s how the moon protected them under her sapphire light, as they blended together like melted golden. They were trembling fingers and tangled legs, silent whispers and pleasing wheezes, locked eyes and nervous laughs. Anne, for once, didn’t have time to overthink, or to imagine anything better than what she was living in that exact moment. She let her soul seep through his own, and it brought her body to do the same. She didn’t think about the light ache she felt when they became one, she just let herself flow with him and his atrociously deep eyes, which held so much love they were almost dripping with it. Gilbert must have asked her if she was okay about ten times, and each time she said yes, because she was much more than okay. She was floating between the myriad of stars in the sky, and she was bringing him along with her. She could see a bit of worry into his eyes, knowing that it was his first experience too, and that he was trying to read her mind and see if he was doing the right things or not. However, Anne didn’t have to say anything to reassure him. Instead, she brought his lips on hers in a continuous, heart-warming kiss, as their bodies linked together. Their bones trembled with pleasure, as they sunk into each other more and more, drowning into the ocean of infinite which that moment held.

And, while they made love, they knew that no matter what would have happened, now he was hers, and she was his. Not as properties – _never_ as properties – but as hearts beating together and giving each other strength when it got too hard, or love when it was lacking. Gilbert locked his heart into Anne’s ribcage so that she could take care of it, because he knew that only _she_ could do that. And Anne gave her own to him, so that whenever he felt hopeless, or alone, he could have another heart to beat for him, filling him with courage and life.

And they would have had each other, until their last breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I hope you are all doing okay. I personally survived another uni exam and I feel BLESSED haha! Anyways, this chapter was probably the hardest to write so far, but also one of my favorites. Also, be mindful of the warnings in this story - not that I went peculiarly into details in the most intimate scene, but well... Let me know your thoughts about this! Can't wait to update again soon.  
> Lots of love!! <3


	17. Our lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert share the last glimpses of their night together, before heading towards where everything will either raise or fall completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi darlings! Yes, I'm still here, never backing from this fic hehe! At this point is has the length of a novel, which certainly wasn't in my plans. But well...I got transported. Anyway, this chapter is more transient and necessary for what's coming. My original idea was to make it longer, but I didn't want to leave you (and me) waiting to post again. So here's it! As always, let me know your thoughts. I'll be back soon with another chapter (now that I finally finished my exams). Lots of love xx

“I once stopped a fire from spreading into Ruby’s house.”

“Of course you did.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I know you are not.”

“Then why are you wiggling your eyebrows?”

“I am- what?” Gilbert asked laughing into the pillow.

“I am serious! You were wiggling your eyebrows, as to say _I don’t believe you_ ” Anne replied, his laughter so contagious she was smiling too, despite her attempt to stay serious.

“I _do_ believe you, I swear! You’re the most skilled person I know, _of course_ you’d know how to stop a fire.”

They had been talking about the most random topics for heavens know how many hours, not losing their bodies’ contact once. They had unanimously decided to put their clothes on again, for two practical reasons: cold and Matthew. The first one was easy to guess, the second one was more of a precaution; Matthew was always the first one to wake up in the morning, to head exactly to the stable, and they certainly didn’t want him to find them in… well, compromising conditions.

However, once they got dressed and went back under the thick blankets, their bodies kept being connected, one way or another. It was their hands intertwining first, and then Anne’s head resting on Gilbert’s chest – or vice versa – or even just their pinkies linked together as they faced each other. Now, they were both laying on their stomachs, heads turned towards one another, as Gilbert’s hand brushed back and forth under the sweater Anne was wearing, up and down her spine, a movement which she found very soothing and comforting, if you asked her. Her own hands were playing with Gilbert’s locks, twirling them around her fingers, or simply caressing the bridge of his nose, or his eyebrows – the ones that were wiggling, yes – or his lips.

It was their own special way of saying that they could have easily spent the rest of their lives with bare bodies intertwined together, if they could have.

“I was more or less thirteen, I think. I had read something about fires randomly, somewhere, but I guess I’m glad I did. Rescue takes hours to get to the countryside, usually” Anne explained, getting more comfortable on her pillow. “I felt very much like some kind of heroine, if I have to be honest.”

“You could be a fire fighter. Plus, your hair-”

“Don’t you dare” Anne admonished, a finger pointed at him, still smiling though. Gilbert propped himself on one elbow and held the other hand up in surrender.

“It was a compliment!” he exclaimed, smiling too and kissing her wrist in a swift movement. He stared at her big eyes for a moment, as she showed her most genuine, loving grin, and he slowed his movements and his breathing. A rush of thoughts started twirling around his brain, and he couldn’t properly process what they were saying; he just knew that his heart was so full of love for the woman in front of him.

“What’s wrong?” she softly asked, her smile vanishing and replaced by a worried glance. Gilbert shook his head quickly, interlacing his free hand with hers and pulling her just a bit closer.

“Nothing, don’t worry. I was just admiring your beauty” he answered, and Anne blushed a little, pressing her lips together. She propped herself up a little to kiss him on the lips, briefly but surely. She secretly hoped she was doing everything right: she had never loved someone _that_ way, and she certainly wasn’t an expert in what had to be or not be done. She just wanted him to know she loved him wholly, and she tried to show him, in her own, very Anne- _ish_ way.

“How did it feel to talk with your mother again, after all this time?” she softly asked, while he circled her waist with his arms to bring her impossibly close.

“It was… weird. She seemed a little nervous at first, and so was I, to be honest. However, while she remembers me, I remember very little about her” Gilbert started, his eyes locked with hers as he spoke.

“You remembered her apple strudels, you told me about it that day we stayed at Green Gables” Anne said with a smile, remembering the strong, overwhelming, _beautiful_ memories of that day.

“Yes, that is true. I have very feeble flashes of how she was, that is way it took me a little to recognize her. When we talked earlier, she asked many questions about how I was raised and everything. Needless to say, she wasn’t very happy with my answers.”

“Predictable. I wouldn’t be happy either” Anne replied, tracing the sides of his jaw with her fingertips.

“I think I still have to get used to… _having_ her again. It feels a little estranging, right now. But I don’t want her to think that I’m mad whatsoever” Gilbert added, bittersweetly. He knew he wasn’t as good as Anne at displaying his real emotions, and the idea of his mother thinking that he didn’t want her back into his life had been tormenting him for _hours_.

“She surely understands it, Gil. I don’t know her, but I can tell she’s got brains _and_ a loving heart. She was so incredulous when she recognized you, yet she didn’t… _throw_ herself at you or anything. She is being quite cautious, yet the love she has for you is crystal clear. You don’t have to push yourself to do or say anything you don’t want to, until you’re ready. She has been waiting to see you all this time, she must be so relieved only by knowing that she has you again” Anne said, as she fidgeted with the neck of the sweater he was wearing, eyes looking down, but her voice was the most exquisite melody to Gilbert’s ears.

She was so concentrated that she almost screamed when, all of a sudden, he peppered her whole face with quick pecks and softly tickled her ribcage, making her laugh so loudly she had to bring a hand to her mouth to prevent herself from making too much noise.

“ _Excuse me_ , what was that for?!” she exclaimed in a whisper, her whole face flushed from laughter. Gilbert grinned teasingly, hugging her again as he had done before.

“It was to thank you. I mean, the kisses where to thank you, the tickling was just because I wanted to” he replied, and when she wore a fake angry pout – which he thought was _adorable_ – he kissed it off and that was it for Anne’s heart to fly right out of her chest.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked after a while.

“It depends. Does it have to do with Adam showing off his _impressive_ gentleman skills?”

Anne laughed, gently slapping him on the arm.

“You’re _so_ mean, Gilbert Blythe” she joked. “No, I’m serious. I’m going to ask it to you anyway. If everything were fine, safe, and our life was the most ordinary kind of ordinariness… What would you do? I mean, what would _we_ do?” she asked, just slightly nervous.

Gilbert turned on his back to face the ceiling, still holding her hand between his.

“Well… I certainly wouldn’t regret anything we have done so far. However, I’d certainly want to take you to a bunch of dates. There are some lovely places I’d like you to see, and many others I’d like to see _with_ you. We could travel together, in and out of Canada, and swim in the ocean or visit museums. I would love for you to spend Christmas with me and my parents – and Diana and Minnie May too – because I just know it would be another kind of wonder. I would love to see your face as the first thing in the morning and the last thing in the night” he said, turning to look at her again. Her eyes were filled with tenderness and emotion, and if he could have listened to her heartbeat, he would have heard a quick, full, pulsing rhythm. She was full of him in every single positive meaning she could think of.

Anne stared into his eyes for a minute more than she thought, while Gilbert’s thumb created small circles on the skin of her hand, and then she displayed a sweet smile, which made his heart melt right there.

“You’re a very romantic Mr Darcy, if you ask me” she whispered, getting closer to him and laying her head on his shoulder. He chuckled, circling her figure with his arm so that she could snuggle properly. Anne breathed in, deeply, almost as a sigh, and his perfume filled her lungs. “I don’t want to sleep tonight. I don’t want time to pass without me realizing, again. Because it would mean waking up and having to leave _this_ , and I – as far as I can – refuse to do it” she said, her fingers dancing with his as she spoke.

“I don’t either. We can stay awake as much as you want, my love. But hey” Gilbert replied, freeing his hand from hers for a moment to gently tilt her head up towards him, “This will _not_ be the last time we do this. It’s just the first” he placed a kiss on her forehead, “of many, many, many” three kisses on her lips, “ _many_ others” and a final kiss on the tip of her nose, as he adored to do. And when she laughed, he knew he had reached his aim.

“I trust you” she stated then, kissing his knuckles.

“And so do I” he replied, looking down at her and brushing her hair, like strands of gold between his fingers. “I love you, Anne, truly” he concluded, and it always made her sob because of how soft yet sure his voice sounded.

“I love you, too, Gil” Anne whispered back, and they remained silent for a while, just their breaths and touches as their soundtrack. Then, after a little, they managed to bring up a thousand topics they could talk about, so many experiences they still had to share, and they talked and talked and talked, until the moon left with a nostalgic glance at the two lovers whom she had protected in her light, praying she could see them together like this once again.

* * *

As she had mentioned, Anne didn’t sleep. At all. Not even for a couple of minutes.

Not that she hadn’t felt the pulling force of sleep being heavy on her eyelids, begging her to let herself go for a little bit. However, she fought back, because there was no way she was missing a second of that extraordinary night, and everyone knows that when Anne decides to be determined to do something, it’ll be quite impossible to change her mind.

So, she stayed awake, even when an exhausted Gilbert dozed off, whispering an apology for not being able to be as tough as she was against the god of slumber. Anne chuckled, shushing him softly and letting him get the rest he very much deserved.

And that’s how she spent the following hours, curled up into her lover’s embrace and trying to memorize every single inch of his features. It was perhaps the first time she could take _hours and hours_ to look at him, and it was delightful, to say the least. She knew Gilbert loved details, _her_ details, but she just loved his as much.

While he was sleeping, it seemed like peace was all over his face; his jaw was not tense anymore, for anger or sorrow, but it was relaxed. He had long, dark eyelashes, that created a shadow right under his eyes, and it took her all the strength she had not to brush them with her fingers.

His lips were pink and smooth, not a trace of dryness or biting compared to Anne’s, which had developed the bad habit of picking her lips, or biting them, each time she got nervous. She wondered if he thought she was a good kisser, because she certainly thought he was the most magnificent – she didn’t have many comparisons, that’s true, but she honestly didn’t even want any.

What made her heart shake and twist was the sky of freckles scattered all over his cheeks and nose. She had noticed them before – obviously – yet she knew they were barely visible compared to hers: they almost had the color of his skin, which made them almost imperceptible, and that’s what she loved the most about them. She had the privilege of knowing that Gilbert Blythe had freckles, and she wasn’t sure many other people knew about it.

His nose was so beautifully ordinary she truly didn’t have anything to say about it – although, if asked, she could have probably written a poem about it, too.

And then there was his chin, the one she adored so much for no logical reason, but truth be told she had abandoned logic quite long before that moment. She sometimes felt quite stupid, knowing that she had fallen in love most with a _chin_ , yet she felt like she couldn’t blame herself for that. After all, _he_ was the one with stupidly gorgeous traits, he was guilty of his own Aphrodite’s touch.

It was a shame she couldn’t properly look at his eyes, but after all she already knew them by heart. She had gotten lost into them more or less a billion of times, and she hadn’t missed the splashes of golden his iris held. They looked like precious gems, of a rare kind, with shades of hazel, green and brown, and a peculiar blue shadow if seen in a certain light. His eyes were like canvas painted by some unknown, yet brilliant artist who put his whole life inside a painting, creating beauty with some drops of oil color.

Anne laughed a little when she took a look at his dark eyebrows, now so still and ordinary, yet she knew them to be all wiggly and wriggling when he was awake. It made her smile to see, and she was actually curious to see if it was a habit he had developed unconsciously during the years, or if maybe his father had it too. She loved it, nevertheless.

Her eyes soon reached his hair, quite tousled, but with the color of the most delicious dark chocolate she could think of. It was all curls and softness, and Anne could have easily spent days with her hands between it, had she had the time. For a moment, she thought if _maybe_ , _perhaps_ , red and dark brown mixed well together, like cinnamon and coffee do, or like red leaves and chestnuts in autumn.

After spending she didn’t know how much time gazing at him, she placed a quick kiss on his hand, entwined with hers like two branches of the same tree, secretly praying Gilbert Blythe could always be so peaceful.

* * *

When Gilbert opened his eyes, there wasn’t much light. It was dim and weak, almost blue. No trace of sun seemed to be present, until his eyes fell on the muse right next to him and he saw the most beautiful dawn. She was laying on her stomach, her eyes focused on some book she had with her, hair cascading and framing her face like a waterfall of fire. The hand which wasn’t holding the book was still intertwined with his, and he assumed they had never left each other once during that short, but passionate night.

Gilbert was waiting for her to raise her eyes towards him, so that he could finally dive deep into those heart-shaking irises of hers, made of blue and green and grey and light and every single shade in between. So, he squeezed her hand gently, before bringing it to his lips, and Anne immediately left the book and turned her head up, welcoming him with her sweetest smile.

“Good early morning, sleeping beauty” she said, closing the book and finally sliding close to him.

“G’morning, Hennessy” he said in a drowsy voice, bringing her right next to him into a bear hug. Anne laughed, before looking up at him.

“How did you sleep?”

“I didn’t want to fall asleep, truly, but well… my brain thought otherwise” he replied, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Did you stay awake all night long?”

“Yup. Oh, but I did entertain myself. I texted Cole, asking him to come here today to help Matthew and Marilla, and I read a little. I _might_ also have spent quite a lot of time gazing at a certain someone, no big deal. I’ve always been pretty good when it comes to enjoying my own company” Anne answered, and she certainly didn’t miss the soft blush on his cheeks.

“Now I wish I had been awake” Gilbert murmured, but Anne chuckled and kissed his jaw in a swift movement.

“You needed to sleep. I wouldn’t have wanted you to fall asleep in the middle of our endeavor” she said, yet her tongue tasted that bitter flavor she, for a night, had almost forgotten. It was the taste of awareness of what they had to do, of fear of what could have happened. Gilbert must have perceived the change in her tone, because he turned to lay on his side and one hand came up to caress her cheek.

“Hey, it’s going to be fine” he whispered, and Anne looked at him with big, frightened eyes, yet they held the flame of courage and the sparks of lightning in them. She nodded, before she bent over to finally kiss him, slowly and sweetly, as if she wanted to mark his lips with her own one last time. Gilbert followed her, wishing they could just liquefy right there together and create a mixture of the love they were. When they parted, Gilbert smiled sadly, heart beating along with hers.

“I love you with each bone of my body, each string of my heart and each inch of my soul” he whispered, and it took one second for Anne’s eyes to fill with tears. Yet, she chuckled a little.

“That’s a very doctor- _ish_ thing to say. Even though I must let you know that, as far as I believe, the soul is not measurable in inches because it expands infinitely.”

Gilbert stared at her for a moment, eyes switching between hers, before speaking again.

“That’s why I love you with each inch of it.”

They stayed there for what felt like too little time, before they reluctantly forced themselves to get up and leave the nest of their own little world. It took all the strength they had not to go back under the covers and just forget about every plan they had made, but they knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. They kept telling themselves that one it was all over, they would have had the time and space to be together, without any more barriers between them.

They got out of the barn just as the sun started making its appearance, timid yet exquisitely bright for such a scary day. Anne’s hand had to slip out of Gilbert’s before they entered Green Gables, and she wished it didn’t hurt as much as it actually did.

Everyone was already awake, apart from Delphine, who was still curled up in her dad’s embrace, peacefully unaware of everything going on around her.

“Good morning” Gilbert politely said before her, and she was thankful for his presence and initiative, because she apparently had lost all the words she had to say.

“Good morning, Gilbert. Anne” Marilla replied, her voice softer than usual, but Anne didn’t pay much attention to it, sure that it must have been just politeness in front of a member of the Barry’s family. Yet, Marilla wasn’t finished. “Gilbert, will you please have some breakfast while I talk to Anne? I won’t be long, I know you want to reach Charlottetown early” the woman said, and no one noticed Lily Blythe’s smile as she sat in the dining room.

Anne stood still for a moment, glancing up at Gilbert while her eyes pleaded for something, she didn’t even know what exactly. However, he quickly squeezed her hand comfortingly, before nodding and joining Sebastian, Mary and his mother. Anne, on the other hand, followed Marilla in the kitchen, where tons of bread had apparently been prepared – Anne wondered _when_ exactly – and she waited for her mother to say something.

“I made you some food to bring with you today. God knows how long you’ll be staying there doing… well, you always forget to eat, and you mustn’t. So, I packed everything. It should be enough for you all. And I also noticed that your coat had a missing button, so I sewed it earlier.”

“Earlier?” Anne finally asked, her voice a bit hoarse.

“Earlier. Yes. So, everything should be alright. Please keep your phone with you and let it be charged, or else I won’t be able to keep in touch with you. Make sure to stay with Gilbert-”

“I can handle myself” Anne replied. Marilla finally turned to her, eyes filled with tears and her lips forming a thin line.

“I know you can, Anne. You could handle yourself since you were four years old, despite all the trouble you tend to make. But… But I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you. And I know I can’t stop you from doing this today, because you have principles and rights you want to be valued. Yet, I also want my girl to be safe, and it’s… quite challenging to let you go without having any idea of how and when and _if_ you’ll come back” Marilla blurted out, tears now falling freely down her wrinkled cheeks, and Anne’s heart melted.

“Oh, Marilla” she murmured, and she stepped forward to hug her, and this time Marilla reciprocated with even more strength.

“I am sorry for what I’ve done and said. I’m sorry for Adam and for you have gone through because of me. I just wanted you to have a normal life, but it was my idea of normality that was distorted. Now I know that if I want one thing, is for you to be happy, and so I have to trust you and let you go. For today” Marilla concluded, and Anne chuckled into the hug, before stepping back to look at her mother.

“I will be okay. I can take care of myself, and if that makes you feel safer, than just know that Gilbert is going to be with be through it all. He is… He will take care of me too, and I will take care of him back. We will be just fine” Anne murmured, and Marilla raised an eyebrow.

“I feel like there’s something I still don’t know about, right?”

“Maybe” Anne answered, smiling a little. “I love you, Marilla. I promise I’ll be back, and our lives won’t be the same. Hopefully in a positive way.”

“I know. I love you, too” Marilla concluded, her hands coming up to brush her daughter’s cheeks. “Now, it’s time for you to go. Be careful, okay? Don’t forget to keep in touch. And… let them see what you’re made of.”

Anne smiled cheekily, her insides shaking but her heart and determination stronger than ever. She saw Bash, Mary, Lily and Gilbert packing their things to leave, and it hurt to see how sad the Lacroix’s were to leave their baby Delphine. Anne approached them, smiling sympathetically at the couple.

“Matthew and Marilla will take good care of her. And my friend Cole is coming in a couple of hours, he’s an angel, don’t worry.”

Mary nodded kindly, squeezing the tiny body of her beloved daughter one last time, before letting Marilla take her between her arms. “Okay, if you’re ready I am ready. We can go, arriving early may catch them off guard and it’ll be easier to get in.”

It took Anne all the determination she had not to turn her eyes towards her adoptive parents when she walked away. She knew they were worried and scared, because she was too. But she also knew it was something that _had_ to be done. Change doesn’t begin by itself.

* * *

Charlottetown had never been such a mess.

It was bustling crowds and people yelling in front of the Barry’s mansion, and it was almost impossible to walk between the crowd of rebels occupying the streets and forcing the citizens of Charlottetown to lock themselves into their houses for safety.

“How can all these people be here so early?” Gilbert questioned, worry beginning to hit. Not for the faith of Eliza and William, but for that of his sister. Biological or not, he loved them wholeheartedly and he certainly didn’t want to put their lives in danger.

“I figure they’re all tired of waiting for something which isn’t going to happen. We should be careful though, not all of them intend to proceed with caution like us. Blythe, do you know any side entrance or something?” Bash asked, raising his voice in order to be heard.

“The one which leads to the yard” Gilbert replied, “It’s the only one without guards, but we must be quick. With this situation, they may have strengthened the protections. Come on” he said, taking Anne’s hand and leading them all through the mass of mad, exhausted people who had come to the solution of _screaming_ their rights in order for the government to respect them. It wasn’t how things were supposed to work, people shouldn’t have felt the need to fight for their rights. They should have been respected from the very beginning, that’s what Anne thought as she was led to the side entrance of the mansion. Luckily enough, there weren’t many people around, and they could easily sneak into the garden without getting caught.

“We must get to the main office, they’re either there or in the main room” Gilbert said, but he couldn’t even finish his sentence when they heard a loud thump coming from inside the house. “I feel like things may not go as smoothly as we planned.”  
  


“I’ll go see if they’re in their office. You go ahead in the main hall and we’ll meet there, so we can save some time” Anne proposed, but Gilbert immediately turned to her.

“Not at all. Splitting is never the right thing to do. I suggest we all go check in their office, and then go back to the main hall. It’s the-”

“Yes, and what if in the meantime the other exiled people get into the mansion – which I’m very soon just happened – and threaten Diana or Minnie May? They need you there, Gilbert, if that’s where they are. If you don’t find them, then hurry in the office” Anne concluded. Gilbert reluctantly nodded and watched his fire-headed muse rapidly walk away. He had a feeling, right at the pit of his stomach, but he couldn’t properly put into words. He just knew he was pretty much terrified, but he swallowed down the fear like the most bitter pill and headed towards the hall.

* * *

The hallways of the house had never been so silent. The smell of fresh flowers was still there, hanging like sparkling clouds trying to hide a dark, stormy sky. Anne tightened her grip around the fabric of her sweater and kept walking. She was unsure of how she had learnt to make her way through the vastity of that house, considered that she hadn’t been the most welcomed person inside it.

Yet, the Barry’s office wasn’t particularly hard to find. It had a big, thick wood door, and in shiny letters their names were carved into it. It was ajar, which brought Anne to think that they either were inside – unlikely, considering that they usually shared secret pieces of information inside that room – or that they had left it in a rush, after hearing about the rebels standing outside of their mansion. So, she made sure to be alone before quickly taking a look inside the office.

“Hello?”

When no one replied, she swiftly got in and closed the door behind herself. She knew she was supposed to reach Gilbert and the rest of the group, but she couldn’t bring herself to ignore the fact that she was right inside a room full of documents and files which could have possibly revealed momentous things about the Barry’s, the council and the government in general. Anne glanced at the tons of folders tidily placed in the many marble shelves, looking for something, anything that could be of help.

“These are all copies of the letters they sent, it’s not really what I’m looking for” she said to herself, standing on her tiptoes to reach the higher folders. And that’s when she saw it. A grey, small block of documents inside a pale envelope, right between two folders. She slid it out and read out loud.

“ _Top secret information._ Now this is what I meant” she said, opening the thin folder. The first document inside was teared into two parts, and only one of them was there. “ _-rebellions at the borders of the island, the council can’t seem to find a proper solution. Two blocks of exiled people have been…_ Oh my God” Anne whispered. “ _Two blocks of exiled people have been killed just yesterday. Apparently, the finances of the government are beginning to lack, and even the citizens are refusing to pay taxes. The costs to sustain the necessities of the exiled people are too many, so they are letting them die or killing them, no middle way. And moreover, the government is trying to cover everything and keep people away from the truth. Who knows what could they do if they found out about all the corruption standing behind their innocent façade. But now that I know all of this, I believe this letter will reach you, and you’ll know what to do. You’ve always been a very smart boy, Gilbert_ ” Anne read, her voice shaky and unsteady. She had to swallow down her own disbelief before continuing. “ _We will see each other soon, son. Believe me_. This must be Gilbert’s dad” she murmured, placing the folder on the nearby table to take a look at the other documents. They were all proves of the corrupted finances of the government, or handwritten notes about other pieces of news about the Barry’s. Anne was pretty sure it must have all belonged to John Blythe, and now that she had all of it in her hands, she felt them quivering. Yet, she didn’t have much time to think, because she heard noise coming from outside and she knew time wasn’t in her favor this time. So she put the folder inside her small backpack and left the office, her heart beating out of her chest.


End file.
